Vasectomy

[littleone]

. I have an appointment to have a vasectomy April 8. Now I can’t stop thinking about what the repercussions will be.
I’m really struggling with this. Now, I’m not a model Catholic. My wife and I had premarital sex. We also use birth control. If I decide not to go ahead with this vasectomy, my wife will probably just have her tubes tied. Shouldn’t I just go ahead with the vasectomy since its safer and easier than what my wife would have to endure? Or am I just justifying? I don’t know what to do. I think I may approach the Pastor at my church. I’m already having second thoughts and I just made the appointment yesterday!
Help!/

Hi I hope this helps. i tried the rhythmn method and think that it is good. In time though my wife and I were having our 4th child and the Dr told my wife not to have any more children because it could kill her. Along came our 5th child and my wife told me that it was the best and easiest birth she had had.
My wife wanted her tubes tied since in no whay would I have it done to me. i prayed and cried much with the thought that I might be doing wrong. i had one thought that “lord my wife is a very bad bleader and this could help her if she had her tubes tied”. But Lord you show me because I don;t want this if it isn’t your will.
My wife and I had her tubes tied, and latter some weeks latter my wife came to me and said, The Lord told her off for having her tubes tied. i asked her what her reason for having them tied was and she told me it was so we could have better or more sexual contact. She told me that I would be told off to, but this never came. I told my wife that what she had done was evil and not of God. Can you see the reasoning with the two people’s thoughts.
God will forgive because He is a God of love and His mercy lives on for ever, but His chastisement hurts sometimse.

God bless you my friend.

 

[fspencer]

I was raised in the Methodist Church. I was talking to my admin today and she was complaining about having to use NFP. I believe that the catholic church is way behind in this matter. If you wait to have sex to avoid getting pregnant than you are making a conciouse effort not too perpetuate human life. If a man masturbates it’s the same idea. Is masturbation a mortal sin. Am I going to hell for masturbating? Im not trying to be a jerk here, but we have to look at the old testimate very carefuly. We cant just pick and choose what rules to follow and what not too. The old testimate is full of some very dark and scsary stuff. The catholic church needs to seriously update its stance on birth control. I had a vasectomy. My wife and I only make so much money and it would be irresponsible of us to bring more children into this world that we could not care for. What is the bigger sin? Birth control or bringing a child into this wrold with no way of taking care of it. I am not for abortion. That is a life already made. But birth control should not be a sin as the world is not new, and it doesnt need to be populated any more than it is now.

 

[tmeier45]

I was raised in the Methodist Church. I was talking to my admin today and she was complaining about having to use NFP. I believe that the catholic church is way behind in this matter.

Way behind? If you mean way behind in secular non-Christian morality, then yes. But the church is not of this world and nor does it dumb-down it’s teachings of faith and morality to it. Some of it’s members (actually many, if not most…since we are sinners) do turn away from these teachings. But the church will never change it’s position on this issue, homosexuality, or abortion, regardless of the secular norms of today.

If you wait to have sex to avoid getting pregnant than you are making a conciouse effort not too perpetuate human life. If a man masturbates it’s the same idea. Is masturbation a mortal sin.

Yes, it is a mortal sin. If there ever was a more selfish act, this is it. It’s all about you and getting your jollies off…nothing more. You can rationalize it all you want (my wife won’t put out, I’m really in the mood but I don’t want to wake up my wife, etc.) but it is a selfish act, plain and simple. It is also committing adultery. Christ said he who even looks at a woman lustfully commits adultery. I would say masturbating about a woman is taking that looking and putting some action to it…a sinful, selfish action.

Am I going to hell for masturbating?

If you die in the state of mortal sin, which masturbating is, what do you think? Satan has done a great job in helping us rationalize our sins into helping us feel better about them. If you are masturbating, cheating on your wife, whatever sin out there, then you are not turning towards God but away from Him. So can you go to heaven when you are turning your back on God?

Im not trying to be a jerk here, but we have to look at the old testimate very carefuly. We cant just pick and choose what rules to follow and what not too.

Exactly, the Catholic Church isn’t a cafeteria where you can pick and choose what you want because it fits your lifestyle, wants and lack of self control.

The old testimate is full of some very dark and scsary stuff.

Please provide some references and what you are referring to.

The catholic church needs to seriously update its stance on birth control.

Good luck with that, cause it’ll never happen. That’s why we have protestant churches, because people didn’t agree with Christ’s church. So they decided to make their own with their own ideas. Then someone in their church disagreed, so they started something else. Now we have over 35 thousand different protestant churches. They can’t all be right can they? How do we know who is right?
The problem with the church today is that we have too many protestants in the Catholic Church. They are Catholic in name only. Same with Martin Luther or Henry VIII. They were baptized Catholics but had their own personal ideas, but at least they had the decency to leave. Now they just hang around and try to change a church that will never change, because God will not change either.

I had a vasectomy. My wife and I only make so much money and it would be irresponsible of us to bring more children into this world that we could not care for.

I hear you on the money front brother. We have one income and it’s not that good. We live paycheck to paycheck, but we have always had faith that God will take care of us and he has.

What is the bigger sin? Birth control or bringing a child into this wrold with no way of taking care of it.

Birth control is the only sin in your scenario. How is bringing a child into this world a sin? What commandment is that breaking? Our Blessed Mother said yes to becoming pregnant with no way of taking care of Our Lord. Was her ‘yes’ as sin?

I am not for abortion. That is a life already made. But birth control should not be a sin as the world is not new, and it doesnt need to be populated any more than it is now.

Uh, yes you are for abortion if you are for birth control. Most forms of birth control destroy human life. They aren’t 100% effective at preventing the conception of the child. If the woman becomes pregnant, many of these birth controls destroy the embryo at it’s earliest stage.

Sorry fspencer for being so blunt in my comments, but I once thought like you do. I wish someone had smacked me in the face and said “WAKE UP” to the truth. I implore you to pray and ask our Lord for guidance. Ask our holy mother Mary to pray for you as you seek the truth. The hardest thing to do when we don’t know the truth is to accept the fact that we may be wrong. Then there’s the choice we need to make to either change our lifestyle or continue down the wrong path.

 

[kvj888]

since you said that you already had confessed it theres no need to worry… as long as you had repented it and had received the absolution of priest your sin was forgiven… AMEN…AMEN…AMEN…

“GOD WILLS IT”
-ST.CANDIDA MA. DE JESUS

 

[wild_thing]

Jeff-

Yes, vasectomy is a mortal sin. So is presumption. And that’s the sin you would be committing if you went ahead with the vasectomy with the idea that you can just confess it later.

DON"T DO IT.

That nagging little doubt? That panic feeling after you already scheduled the appointment? Your post on a forum for advice from Catholics? That is all from the Holy Spirit. Do you remember the story from the Old Testament about the prophet Balaam? (It is in Numbers, chapter 22 if you need to brush up on it). Balaam had to beat that donkey three times because it refused to go forward. Balaam didn’t know what the problem was until the Lord allowed the donkey to talk, and it said “Why have you beaten me these three times? Haven’t I been a good work animal for you up until now?” And Balaam conceded that it had. Then Balaam’s eyes were opened and he saw the Angel of the Lord standing in the road with a sword in his hand. He was going to kill Balaam so that he could not go and curse the Israelites.

God is putting an angel in the road in an attempt to warn you from what you are about to do. Your ‘donkey’ is your three warnings that you have received.

God has given you the greatest gift He could ever give you- and that is the Catholic Church. I know that on the face of it, it does not seem like such a great gift-especially from what I can read of you in your post between the lines. You are a Catholic pretty much in name only. So was I, at one point.

My husband had a vasectomy after our second child. We weren’t practicing Catholics back then and we thought we had very valid reasons for doing it. We had financial reasons, medical reasons, psychological reasons. I was more uncomfortable with the idea of such a permanent solution, but this was four months after giving birth to a baby who ended up having colic all night long for eight months, so I was too tired to put up much of an argument. Our doctor was all for it and it was a quick and (fairly) painless process.

Fast forward a few years later. I had my own ‘Road to Damascus’ moment and came fully and completely back to the Catholic Church with all my heart. My husband did not. He went with me to mass grudgingly and even went to confession a few times, but his heart was never in it like mine was. However, two years ago, he began to be nagged within his soul about that vasectomy. We had both repented of the sin and confessed it. He brought it up with some priests again, since that nagging kept coming back. The priests told him that he had repented of it, he had done his penance, and it was okay. But it wasn’t. That nagging little voice just would not go away.

We went out to dinner one night for his birthday and talked about it over the meal. He kept saying how uncomfortable he felt with the decision. Did I think God was telling us both that we needed to adopt children, maybe? Should it be ‘spiritual children’. Or was He asking for him to get a vasectomy reversal?

We pretty much dismissed the vasectomy reversal idea. Hadn’t the priests told us that our sin was forgiven? Besides, reversals cost like, $7,000 at least- all out of pocket. We could not afford that on our current budget. It might as well have been 7 million.

My husband suddenly said to me, “Isn’t there the cathedral nearby? Maybe there is a mass or confessions going on. Let’s go and ask the first priest we see what we should do about this problem. We’ll take his word as God’s will for us.”

So we left the restaurant and drove to the cathedral. Mass was just finishing up there. We waited for the priest to process back down the aisle and my husband approached him. He told us to wait for him by the sacristy while he changed out of his vestments. While he was in the sacristy, my husband actually knelt down beside me and we prayed one decade of the rosary together and asked God to please tell us His will through the priest.

When the priest came out, we told him the story. We asked him if we should consider adopting a child, having spiritual children, or having a vasectomy. He pondered this for only a moment, and then said to us, “While the first two are laudable, the third is God’s will.” We stood there, kind of speechless for a moment. He told us many other things that we did not hear from our parish priests, including some information on NFP and how we should practice it, even if my husband was sterile, because otherwise it was as if we were committing that sin over and over. It was a real eye opener to look at it from that perspective.

We went home bemused. Okay, so God wanted us to have a vasectomy reversal. But we couldn’t afford it. So we basically said to Him that He would have to come up with the money if this is what He really wanted from us. Lo and behold, within two months, my husband got two bonuses for various jobs, and their total was exactly $7,000- the cost of the vasectomy reversal.

(continued in the next post)

 

[wild_thing]

(continued)

My husband went through with the procedure and it was very, very hard on him. He certainly paid his temporal penance for that sin. A year and a half later, I still had not conceived and we both felt a little frustrated. Had not God wanted this for us? Why didn’t we have a child? Still, I personally resolved to take everything as God’s will. My husband thought we should try one more thing before we simply let it go altogether. We went to the shrine of St. Jude in Chicago where they have a relic of St. Jude’s forearm. It’s the biggest relic I’ve ever seen, actually. I knelt there and prayed to St. Jude for a child, if it was God’s will. That night (and we know exactly when, thanks to NFP) I conceived.

Nine months later, we have a little boy named Jude. I am looking at him right now and I can tell you honestly- he is the LIGHT OF MY LIFE. I cannot believe that he almost never existed, because my husband and I had selfishly thought that we had a right to decide on his existence.

I feel like I am making this post incredibly long with too personal of details, but I just wanted you to have a real life example. Please, please, PLEASE don’t make the same mistake my husband and I did. Leave a little room in your heart for the possibility of life.
God bless.

 

[fspencer]

I very much appreciate the responses that I have seen on this subject. First let me say that masturbating to other women was never suggested so no I dont cheat on my wife. Second I am not selfish. To want to provide and take care of three kids I already have is good enough. There are so many children in this world that need parents that if my wife ever wanted more kids we have already talked about how it would be selfish for us to have another child of our own and not adopt a baby or child that is in need of parents. I know the church will not change it’s views and that is too bad. I work with young parents and so many of them have told me that they were pregnant before marraige. Why? Becuase the church says not to use contraception. Yet they overlooked the pre marital sex. And to just say that they were forgiven doesnt fix a situation with a child that is not wanted, or parents that cant afford a child. I already know what some of you are going to write back. But it doesnt matter, because the world is not what is was, there are seriouse problems out there and sitting quoting bible verse doesnt fix any of them.

 

[BrotherJ]

I had a previous marriage that failed in part because of the toll of miscarriages. During the marriage I lived in fear of the dreaded words “I’m Pregnant” knowing the other shoe would fall and the miscarriage would come. With each and every miscarriage my soul and my faith died a little. I am still to this day struggling with my faith because of this and some other events in my life.

After going thru 13 miscarriages… THIRTEEN failed pregnancies I made the decision not to go thru that TORTURE anymore. I had a vasectomy. I was single at the time with no marriage prospects.

A few years later I married a devout Catholic woman and I started on a path back to the church. I was completely open and honest with her about the vasectomy and that I have no intention of reversing it. At this point in my life I have had 2 heart attacks and I have no intention of dealing with another miscarriage or leaving a new born orphan if another heart attack takes me. At 45 I felt this was a responsible decision.

Now 2 years into a new marriage I am being told my marriage is invalid because I have no interest in procreation. Apparently the Church (in the person of this one Nun) believes some people are not allowed happiness. That the only reason for marriage is procreation… so if a 70 year old couple marry they are EXPECTED to have kids?? an 80 year old couple?? If a woman past menopause marries that marriage is also seen as invalid??

How do I maintain faith when I am told I can’t have a marriage and a life in the Church because there is something in me that has caused THIRTEEN miscarriages and I fear a FOURTEENTH??

Where is the love and compassion of the Church?? This is not a woman who got drunk and aborted the consequences of a one night stand. This is a man who has over the course of 20 years has repeatedly dealt with miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage.

I guess my compassion is with my 13 time damned soul. How much death is one supposed to endure before enough is enough??? DOn’t get me wrong… life is precious. I do not support abortion. I simply feel there has to be a limit to torture.

 

[littleone]

I had a previous marriage that failed in part because of the toll of miscarriages. During the marriage I lived in fear of the dreaded words “I’m Pregnant” knowing the other shoe would fall and the miscarriage would come. With each and every miscarriage my soul and my faith died a little. I am still to this day struggling with my faith because of this and some other events in my life.

After going thru 13 miscarriages… THIRTEEN failed pregnancies I made the decision not to go thru that TORTURE anymore. I had a vasectomy. I was single at the time with no marriage prospects.

A few years later I married a devout Catholic woman and I started on a path back to the church. I was completely open and honest with her about the vasectomy and that I have no intention of reversing it. At this point in my life I have had 2 heart attacks and I have no intention of dealing with another miscarriage or leaving a new born orphan if another heart attack takes me. At 45 I felt this was a responsible decision.Now 2 years into a new marriage I am being told my marriage is invalid because I have no interest in procreation. Apparently the Church (in the person of this one Nun) believes some people are not allowed happiness. That the only reason for marriage is procreation… so if a 70 year old couple marry they are EXPECTED to have kids?? an 80 year old couple?? If a woman past menopause marries that marriage is also seen as invalid??

How do I maintain faith when I am told I can’t have a marriage and a life in the Church because there is something in me that has caused THIRTEEN miscarriages and I fear a FOURTEENTH??

Where is the love and compassion of the Church?? This is not a woman who got drunk and aborted the consequences of a one night stand. This is a man who has over the course of 20 years has repeatedly dealt with miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage.

I guess my compassion is with my 13 time damned soul. How much death is one supposed to endure before enough is enough??? DOn’t get me wrong… life is precious. I do not support abortion. I simply feel there has to be a limit to torture.

…

**Brother there is NO limit to the person who goes through a certain amount of torture, the same as there is NO limit to faith that one person has over another.
There is no limit to how much we can offer our torture over to Jesus on the cross, knowing that some where some one is being helped comming out of purgatory because someone took all ALL the pain theyu have gone through in life and offered it to God for the pain or sins of others.

I know brother I am 63 and if I were to mention All of what I still go through since I was 12yrs. Alter being hit by a drunk and thrown over the road and having my skull smashed. Drs said pray that he will die, if he lives he will be a cabbage, lets take the life chords off, only dads insistance stopped them, and after 3 week comma and 3 weeks coming out, 8 months latter meninggitus, Drs again saying this time he will die he can’t be like others, all this negativity. After marrage and 5 children, the eldest a daughter became involved with a man she loved, but he was violent. She ran away at one time hid under my parents bed, he brought the police and they pulled her out of the bed and gave her back to her. They had 5 children, still he beat her up threttening to kill my two young boys if she didn’t come back to him, so as a marter she went back.
He hid her and I waited ten years for my daughter to die because the police never came when I repetedly were called about his bashing her, as he forced her into druggs and then to pay for his druggs, prostitution. In the end i got the call that he had murderderd her in front of three of their children eldest 9,

Even then my wife of the time said she saw no reason why she chould payfor any of the funneral. There were three plain clothed police at this young ordinary 25yr old womans funeral.

then in front again of these three children he hung himself telling them he was going to join mum. and all the ploice could say was he wont be doing that again. I wanted to take the children but my wife (who I left to get myself back together after she telling me I was a useless father lover and the children hated me, i started getting migrains a week long,
My wife didn’t want the children and would not allow me to have any of them.

They were brought up by the boys family to which every two weeks I would go to pick them up in between my 9 subjects of Uni. I found in time that the other family were sexually molesting them,
I told my wife and she would have nothing to do with it. That is only a part of it and it goes on for some 10 years after that. Each time i wnet into this hell i told the Lord that my life is His to give it is His to take and as Jobe The Lord Gives and the Lord takes , praise be the Lord. I forgave my wife, because it is the right thing to do. God bless brother, keep your strength in the Lord, you can CAN go to mass if you truly want, God will not stop you. I was able to have my former marrage annulled and have since remarried under the church, and with the blessing of the church. **

 

[clem456]

I have not had time to read every post here so pardon me if I am redundant.

NFP does differ from contraception.I will defer to John Paul 2 here and Theology of the Body. Jesus is asked about marital realations and refers to “in the beginning”.

In the beginning man and woman are perfectly in harmony with one another and each other’s bodies. They have the gift of original innocence (which does not carry the simple definition we now have). They are a unity of body and soul, set apart from the rest of creation in God’s image, reciprocally giving and receiving according to God’s grace. One of the problems with contraception is simply this:::it is artificial. It has no place “in the beginning”. JP2 makes it clear that these beginning qualities are not simply dead historical facts, but the basis for the relationship consciousness (JP2 speak) for all people of all time. NFP retains original innocence because it is two persons dealing with one another as God has specifically created them.

JP2 scholars forgive me if I have butchered a couple of the terms, but I believe that is the teaching in a nutshell.

 

[gmhester]

My husband is not Catholic, does him getting a vasectomy then cause me to have sinned?

 

[littleone]

My husband is not Catholic, does him getting a vasectomy then cause me to have sinned?

Not unless you are part of his having the operation. eg; my wife and I were told by the Dr that it was dangerous for her to not have the operation because she bled so much. I went along with it since I thought it would help her. But I cried because I never want any person to go against God’s plans. My wife had the operation and God told her that He was anoid with her because she was wrong. She came and told me of this and said that I would be told off to, so I asked her why she wanted the operation and she said it was because of better sex!!!. I told her she was foolish thinking that way, and that i only wanted her to have it because of the bleeding she went through.
I never got the repremand and got on my knees and asked God to forgive her.
Peace God bless
littleone

 

[Hiromu]

After much prayer and research, I have had a vasectomy reversal. Although I know God forgives all sins, I felt He was calling me back to fatherhood. I had mine done at Midwest Vasectomy Reversals in Missouri by Dr. Sommers. He does these as an apostolate. He is a family practitioner who does these during the week. I was skeptical at the price, but after talking with his wife and he through email, I went through with it.

 

[littleone]

After much prayer and research, I have had a vasectomy reversal. Although I know God forgives all sins, I felt He was calling me back to fatherhood. I had mine done at Midwest Vasectomy Reversals in Missouri by Dr. Sommers. He does these as an apostolate. He is a family practitioner who does these during the week. I was skeptical at the price, but after talking with his wife and he through email, I went through with it.

Brother I am one who never believes in man or women having the right to change what God has given us. BUT, but… then again I know that i make many mistakes in life (as we all do) and this is where the MERCY of God comes in. Withont the mercy of God we could not live. It is in receiving our acceptance that we realise our mistakes and do something about it (positively) that God’s mercy turnes into grace to become empowered and better people. God sees not the word or works but the HEART of the person and God has seen yours so don’t feel that God has pushed you away because he LOVES you so be at peace.

Godbless
littleone

 

[stephaniechuck]

I have been married to my husband for five years . We were married by a catholic priest, my husband has just returned to the church after many years and I have never seen him more happy. I’m starting the RCIA program tomorrow and I’m so excited. My husband had a vasectomy before we were married. We want to get the Vasectomy reversed because this was a Sin and we want to have a family. This will be my first child and my husbands second. We know the reversal is expensive but we want to have a child so bad. I wanted to know if there was financial funding or assistance for Catholics to reverse the Vasectomy. Any information would help us very much ?

Thank you Stephanie

 

[run262]

Stephanie,

See post #71

Good luck I hope things turn out well for the both of you.

Ed

 

[stephaniechuck]

Thank you so much. We have such a wonderful faith and so many blessed prayers

God Bless your family
The Cushings

 

[run262]

I had mine done about 20yrs ago, I’m 55 now. My wife, not catholic had a hysterectomy earlier this year. I returned to the church early this year and went to confession but forgot to mention this sin and was absolved of all my sins. So where do I stand?

 

[silicasandra]

I had mine done about 20yrs ago, I’m 55 now. My wife, not catholic had a hysterectomy earlier this year. I returned to the church early this year and went to confession but forgot to mention this sin and was absolved of all my sins. So where do I stand?

If your wife had a hysterectomy for medical reasons, then it is not considered an act of sterilization.

I would return to confession and mention the vasectomy and that you forgot to confess it when you returned to the Church. You won’t be required to get a reversal, but some people do.

 

[tsering]

I’m glad to see others who have decided to make reparation for their sin. I had my vasectomy while working as a Protestant missionary in China. My wife, kids, and I became Catholic not to long ago. Confessed and forgiven, we felt a desire to make reparation knowing what Christ had done for us (newadvent.org/cathen/12775a.htm).

I flew down to Texas and got the reversal by Dr. Hickman (micro-vas-reversals.com) for $3000. I saved up in a flexible spending account for the last year to cover the cost. He is Catholic as well and sees this as his apostolate (osv.com/tabid/7621/itemid/9841/Catholic-men-heed-call-to-reverse-male-sterilizati.aspx). He did an excellent job, with minimal swelling and pain afterwards. Plus, I got to spend time at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Little Flower and then headed on over to the San Antonio River Walk.

Listen, it is minimally required that you go to confession at least once a year. But I sure hope you go as often as needed, and as quickly as possible when you know it’s necessary, and then go out and repair any damage that has been caused while avoiding even coming close to doing the same thing again. It’s not required to get a reversal, but I highly encourage it as long as it does not cause an undo burden to you and your family. A little restraint from buying the latest technology for a couple years and you might just have enough money to get one. It depends on how important you think it is. No it’s not a sin to continue to have sexual relations with your wife, but wouldn’t it be nice to make the effort to restore it to it’s fullest meaning? God’s love is creative and He designed marital love to be both unitive and pro-creative. I can’t think of a more awesome way to share in His life and work!