Veiling challenge

[porthos11]

porthos11:

I’ll bet that if she wears a stylish beret, no one will raise a stink about it. And yet, it will still fit her desire to cover her head.

Just do this, or a nice headscarf, or something that doesn’t look like a veil per se. That’s what I would do. I think it’s ridiculous that people get so worked up over women wanting to wear a headcovering, but this would be a good compromise.

Or, even worse, that “it must be a veil” (not saying this is the case with the OP’s post) when a hat would do just fine.

 

[OraLabora]

The Eucharist is our sign of unity; anything else pales in comparison.

Then explain that to a monk who has to wear a habit.

It is fairly customary to have a dress code for the choir. Liturgy is experienced with all the senses. I sing in an all-men Gregorian schola and we have a dress code of black trousers and a black shirt. In chant, we are supposed to have our voices so uniform that no one chorister stands out. This is made even more congruent when the choir adopts a common dress code. It is simply so that liturgically, no single individual stands out, that the choir is una voce, one voice. It’s actually a pretty basic principle of liturgical music.

Otherwise the impression is given that one chorister or the choirmaster is trying to stand out. That should never be the case. Even our choirmaster adopts the same dress code as his choristers.

I’m with the priest on this. He regulates the liturgy in his parish and how it is conducted. He is not imposing uniformity on all his parishioners, he is asking that his liturgical choir not only sounds like a liturgical choir but looks like one two,

 

[EnglishTeacher]

Or, even worse, that “it must be a veil” (not saying this is the case with the OP’s post) when a hat would do just fine.

Hmm, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that.

Veils are popular because they are portable and easier than other headcoverings. Hats are often difficult to find because they are no longer everyday wear for women as they once were a few decades ago. You can buy them online, but then you don’t know until you get them whether they will fit. They also crush your hair and you can’t fold them up and carry them in your purse like a veil. Veils are easy to slip on and off, and you can easily carry them with you or keep one in your glove compartment, etc. I think their ease and practicality are the main reason for their resurgence as the most popular option among women who cover their heads in church, although of course many women also like them because they find them pretty (nothing wrong with that).

I tend to choose options other than a veil, especially if I am attending a different parish where there aren’t any other women wearing headcoverings/veils/etc., but I completely understand why veils are popular.

 

[1ke]

If it were me, I would decide what was most important: veil or choir director.

If I chose veil, I would then tell my priest that after prayerful discernment I felt I need to continue veiling and whether he wanted me to remain in the choir position knowing this was up to him. If this is a volunteer position he can ask you to step aside. If this is a PAID position, that’s a horse of a different color and he likely can’t make you stop veiling nor fire you for wearing a veil. If it’s paid I would be polite but firm in my decision to continue wearing a veil.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Obedience to your Priest.

I am in a choir and our Bishop likes us to wear black.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

I’m sorry your wife is going through this. I wear a veil at a parish that is not mostly veils. Despite this, I’ve seen lectors, cantors and EMHCs wear veils.

If it were me( it wouldn’t be. we would all be in trouble if I were leading the choir) I’d respectfully talk to the priest again and see about alternate headcoverings and/or if she needs to be uncovered the whole time or just when standing up in front of everyone. I see some women whose devotion isn’t wearing it the entire mass and they seem to cover their heads at the consecration. Or maybe it just slipped off and thats when they remember to check and pop it back on.

 

[LisaB]

I think your wife should reflect on why she wears a veil. If she feels that it’s a personal call from the Lord and pleases Him, I would recommend choosing the veil over the music ministry. While something may not be required, if the Lord calls you to something, it’s better for your spiritual life to follow the Lord than a priest’s dress code, in my opinion. A spiritual director might be good to help discern this perhaps.

On the other hand, if she does it because it makes her feel humble or feminine or helps her focus at church, perhaps she’ll be more willing to forego these feelings for the sake of doing what she loves with music.

I don’t think this is a matter of obeying your priest in the same sense that saints obeyed their spiritual directors, as someone mentioned above. In this case it seems more like obedience to your boss. You are free to comply or quit, depending on where you draw the line. Personally I think what he is asking is unreasonable and would not take the position.

 

[FollowChrist34]

He may want her to resign (?). I cannot see a traditional minded priest (especially) doing this under any circumstances. I find it odd for any priest, but I don’t have much experience along these lines. I would take it as a deliberate tactic, or more likely just inexperience, micromanaging. (Has he thought through the impact of this request on her? Emotionally, spiritually? Does he empathize at all with her motives, commitment?) I think the proper position for the priest would be stay out of it, whether women veil or not, whatever position they assume in the Church. I really don’t see how it affects him or anyone else;. I think I would resign, unless the OP can handle giving it up. I would have a tough time seeing that in any sort of ‘obedience to community’ light. Obedience is about reasonable justified obedience, not blind obedience to vaguely anti traditional whims.

 

[ConstantLearner]

I have nothing new to add.

She should speak to the pastor privately, but it is his church, and he makes the rules. If he stll insists on uniformity, then she will have to make a choice between what she wears and the choir director position.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’ve had pastors impose dress codes on liturgical ministers. One prohibited shorts, t-shirts, (and similar clothing) and veils, and encouraged business casual or more formal clothing. His view was that when you were involved in a ministry you were representing the parish so he had a say in what you wore. If you were a person in the pews he didn’t comment on clothing.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I think it’s ridiculous that people get so worked up over women wanting to wear a headcovering…

Same. Coming from an African American Baptist tradition, half the women wore hats on Sunday, and a handful wore small veils on communion Sunday (the really small ones you pin to your hair).

 

[Ann_Stanton]

Many years ago when our parish church was first built, the pastor had fencing around the choir loft. The priest felt it was better than seeing a choir that was not uniform. After some time and several priests the pastor of that time had the fencing cut down so the parish could see the choir from the neck up. Our music directors and organists are paid because they are not Catholic. None of them worry about covering their heads. Have your wife do what she wants.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

Sad but true

 

[Margaret_Ann]

Keep veiling. I sang in the choir and wore my veil. No one said anything.

 

[NuclearReceptor]

Unless it’s sin, maybe Jesus would accept obeying the priest…perhaps even grant greater merit for it.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

His church, his rules.

The church is NOT his - it belongs to God. The pastor is entrusted with the care of a parish.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I think you may have misunderstood what I meant. What is the sign of unity between for that monk and me at Mass? It’s going to be the Eucharist.

 

[SeriousQuestion]

Obedience pleases God more than external appearances. It is a good mortification.

 

[DignumEtJustum]

Bottom line is the priest simply has no right to make such a request, especially over something that was a requirement in Canon Law until 1983 (whether practiced or not) and is now optional. The OP can do what she wants in this regard. If he won’t accept a veiled music director, that’s his problem. It doesn’t exactly sound as if the position is no longer available to her if she refuses to not veil and any pastor would be a fool for making an issue out of such a thing. We’re not here to cater to liberal Catholics. They can be the ones to leave the parish if the personal devotions of other parishioners that are traditionally Catholic bother them.

 

[phoage]

My wife and I want to thank everyone for their responses. My wife has read them all and has much food for thought. She is praying about this and will talk to the pastor in the near future.

God bless all of you.

Patrick
AMDG