VENT: In regards to # of children

  • Thread starter Thread starter Debora123
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Debora123

Guest
People need to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business in regards to how many children other families decide to have.

I’m so tired of seeing couples who have a large family being labeled as irresponsible, and seeing couples who have a small family being labeled as selfish. Why the obsession with how many kids OTHER people are having?? Such is between the married couple’s sacramental bond, and GOD.

There is no room for any third parties to make their judgement and throw labels. It is none of their business, and not to mention, it’s impossible to judge a family from the outside… especially regarding something as petty, personal, and superficial as # of children.

Whether you call someone irresponsible for having what YOU consider too many kids, or call them selfish for having what YOU consider not enough kids… it is opposite sides to the same coin and is equally as rude regardless of which way you go.

I see it happen here, and I see it happen in the outside world as well… and I honestly don’t understand the obsession. People need to keep their noses in their own place in regards to this issue.
 
I see we have a trend going here. 🙂

I think somebody needs to start a couple more threads.

Vent: immodest clothing.

Vent: NFP vs. ABC

Vent: sexual history

That should cover about 90% of what is talked about here.
 
KostyaJMJ said:
I see we have a trend going here. 🙂

I think somebody needs to start a couple more threads.

Vent: immodest clothing.

Vent: NFP vs. ABC

Vent: sexual history

That should cover about 90% of what is talked about here.
Click to expand...
😃

Certain things go on style… even in CAF.
 
I agree with you Debora. The fact of the matter is that every families situations are different and because of those differences coupled with their best judgement, prayer, and discernment, you will have families of many sizes. People judge way too quickly and think that their standard should be everyone’s.
 
Debora123 said:
People need to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business in regards to how many children other families decide to have.

I’m so tired of seeing couples who have a large family being labeled as irresponsible, and seeing couples who have a small family being labeled as selfish. Why the obsession with how many kids OTHER people are having?? Such is between the married couple’s sacramental bond, and GOD.

There is no room for any third parties to make their judgement and throw labels. It is none of their business, and not to mention, it’s impossible to judge a family from the outside… especially regarding something as petty, personal, and superficial as # of children.

Whether you call someone irresponsible for having what YOU consider too many kids, or call them selfish for having what YOU consider not enough kids… it is opposite sides to the same coin and is equally as rude regardless of which way you go.

I see it happen here, and I see it happen in the outside world as well… and I honestly don’t understand the obsession. People need to keep their noses in their own place in regards to this issue.
Click to expand...
I actually have not observed people being criticized for having a family that is too small, except when the couple has no children. The reverse, however, I have seen, especially when the family is exceptionally large. I agree with you, Debora, that it is definitely nobody else’s business.
 
meltzerboy said:
I actually have not observed people being criticized for having a family that is too small, except when the couple has no children. The reverse, however, I have seen, especially when the family is exceptionally large. I agree with you, Debora, that it is definitely nobody else’s business.
Click to expand...
Speaking as an only child, I’ve had people tell me to my face that my parents should have (or have had) more children. I calmly told one co-worker who did this, that my mother was post-menopause, so there weren’t going to be any more kids. This only incited the person to tell me my parents should have had more kids while they were able to. I looked the person in the eye, told them that the size of my family was between my parents and God, and that my mother has health problems which made it hard for her to take care of herself and me when I was a kid, let alone more kids, plus, given my own disabilities, that only added to her load. Then I walked away and refused to continue the discussion.

It really hurts, since it made me feel like I as a individual, don’t matter, that somehow, in this person’s eyes, I’m valuable only if I’m part of that proverbial pewful of kids.
 
meltzerboy said:
I actually have not observed people being criticized for having a family that is too small, except when the couple has no children. The reverse, however, I have seen, especially when the family is exceptionally large. I agree with you, Debora, that it is definitely nobody else’s business.
Click to expand...
LOOOLLLLLL try and go to a TLM where you have 3 or less and the youngest is 10+. Also in many homeschooling circles…even years ago families with 1 or 2 children are looked down upon.

It really depends on where you are.

That being said…parents should work hard not to fall into sterotypes…the shy only child, the 2-3 sibs who are bitter rivals, the 6+ who are not getting ther needs met, the 9+ who act and look like some sort of button down army.
 
You are of course correct. I have found that most families with a large number of children tend to be much less judgmental about small families than small families are of large families.

It baffles me.
 
I agree with the previous two posters. What I meant was I haven’t personally observed criticism of small families. If I were a member of a Hasidic Jewish denomination or a traditional Irish or Italian Catholic, for example, probably this would come up.
 
SeaShoreGirl said:
LOOOLLLLLL try and go to a TLM where you have 3 or less and the youngest is 10+. Also in many homeschooling circles…even years ago families with 1 or 2 children are looked down upon.

It really depends on where you are.
Click to expand...
That was us when we were homeschooling and we joined a support group in the area: there was only one other family with just one kid, so we kind of ended up sticking together a lot, since we drew some dings from the rest of the families which tended to have at least four if not more.
That being said…parents should work hard not to fall into sterotypes…the shy only child, the 2-3 sibs who are bitter rivals, the 6+ who are not getting ther needs met, the 9+ who act and look like some sort of button down army.
Click to expand...
:: raises hand partway as the “shy only child”:: I’m kind of an introverted extrovert: I’m friendly and chatty with people, but if I need my space, I need my space. And yeaaah, I’ve known the “bitter rivals”, the “6+ not getting their needs met” and “the button-down army”. Won’t say where I’ve seen the latter two, but it prompted me to once say to my father, “Someone could do a sitcom about this parish…”
 
Debora123 said:
People need to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business in regards to how many children other families decide to have.

I’m so tired of seeing couples who have a large family being labeled as irresponsible, and seeing couples who have a small family being labeled as selfish. Why the obsession with how many kids OTHER people are having?? Such is between the married couple’s sacramental bond, and GOD.
Click to expand...
:clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

I wish we could all just get off each others’ backs! Whether a couple has ten children or zero is between them and God and no one else has any reason to weigh in! Maybe Mr. & Mrs. Jones don’t have the size of family you think is best, but you know what? They probably have the size of family that God says is perfect for them.
 
Debora123 said:
People need to keep their mouths shut and mind their own business in regards to how many children other families decide to have.

I’m so tired of seeing couples who have a large family being labeled as irresponsible, and seeing couples who have a small family being labeled as selfish. Why the obsession with how many kids OTHER people are having?? Such is between the married couple’s sacramental bond, and GOD.

There is no room for any third parties to make their judgement and throw labels. It is none of their business, and not to mention, it’s impossible to judge a family from the outside… especially regarding something as petty, personal, and superficial as # of children.

Whether you call someone irresponsible for having what YOU consider too many kids, or call them selfish for having what YOU consider not enough kids… it is opposite sides to the same coin and is equally as rude regardless of which way you go.

I see it happen here, and I see it happen in the outside world as well… and I honestly don’t understand the obsession. People need to keep their noses in their own place in regards to this issue.
Click to expand...
Amen sista.
 
I agree with you. Many people confuse the notion of ‘open to life’ with the number of children a family has. Those are two completely separate entities. The number of children is between the husband, the wife and God.
 
I agree with you. I can personally say though, as an only child, no one has ever said anything to me about my parents not having enough kids…
 

of children required=​

(Age of Husband + Age of Wife)/GDP*.0314. If you live in San Francisco, you multiply the result by 0.

Or you can just do what you think is right.
 
Nec5 said:

of children required=​

(Age of Husband + Age of Mother)/GDP*.0314. If you live in San Francisco, you multiply the result by 0.

Or you can just do what you think is right.
Click to expand...
Best possible answer!👍
 
LOL. Everyone has their reasons, it is not for outsiders to judge. The only rule the Church gives us is to not use contraception and to practice responsible parenthood. How we space our children and how many children we have depends on each individual family and what God calls them to be.
 
meltzerboy said:
I agree with the previous two posters. What I meant was I haven’t personally observed criticism of small families. If I were a member of a Hasidic Jewish denomination or a traditional Irish or Italian Catholic, for example, probably this would come up.
Click to expand...
AS a mother of an only child I trust me especially in orthodox Catholic circles you are wrong.
 
My mom takes issue with comments regarding “small” families.
She had to deal with uncomfortable comments her entire life while growing up in a town with a fairly small but very devote Catholic community.

Why was my mom an only child? My Grandmother couldn’t have children of her own so my mom was adopted.

Why were my sister and I the only two children? Because my mother had severe complications with my sister, was lucky to have her and physically couldn’t have anymore children then that. Despite the fact that my parents wanted more then two.

There is always a reason and people shouldn’t be so nosey! 😉
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top