Venting...

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whatevergirl

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*I would just like to vent…
I recently joined an athletic group…running mainly…and am getting to know everyone. We all started talking about kids having sex, and birth control, one day…and I was like the ONLY one who had any moral view at all. I don’t know if these people were afraid to discuss that, but they all thought it that sex ed is the sum total of the mechanics of it. I don’t know what to do now…I was called naive, and so on. I’m naive because I think kids can actually muster up the guts to say no to premarital sex??? :mad:

I love the group from a motivational standpoint…but having a hard time deciding if I should remain in it, after this. I don’t want to abandon a group because we think differently on issues, but it always seems that Christians are put in their place with these types of things…and if we defend ourselves, we are viewed as judgemental. I know myself. I wasn’t judging their views, but they were judging mine…and now, I can’t help but wonder if it will be awkward whenever we get together now. :(*
 
whatevergirl said:
*I would just like to vent…
I recently joined an athletic group…running mainly…and am getting to know everyone. We all started talking about kids having sex, and birth control, one day…and I was like the ONLY one who had any moral view at all. I don’t know if these people were afraid to discuss that, but they all thought it that sex ed is the sum total of the mechanics of it. I don’t know what to do now…I was called naive, and so on. I’m naive because I think kids can actually muster up the guts to say no to premarital sex??? :mad:
*
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First off, that is great you joined a running group. They can be a great way to stay in shape and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Based on similar types of discussions I have had with friends and others about this, most people feel that kids (teens) will eventually have sex and if they didn’t by the time they graduate high school, they definitely will by the time they leave college. I honestly can count on one hand how many people I know that are 18-35 that waited for marriage. Myself and two of my guy friends are the only ones I know abstaining until marriage (one of them isn’t religious either). Continuous Peer pressure and the ever changing views of society don’t make it easy to remain a virgin until marriage.

That being said, it is important that you voiced your opinion, even if you were the only one who felt that way. It probably reminded them that some people can abstain, even if they can’t understand how or why.
whatevergirl said:
I love the group from a motivational standpoint…but having a hard time deciding if I should remain in it, after this. I don’t want to abandon a group because we think differently on issues, but it always seems that Christians are put in their place with these types of things…and if we defend ourselves, we are viewed as judgemental. I know myself. I wasn’t judging their views, but they were judging mine…and now, I can’t help but wonder if it will be awkward whenever we get together now. :(*
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I say remain in it. It isn’t like you will all be discussing sensitive topics at all times (or at least I wouldn’t think so). I am involved in many different things with people that have wide ranging views…they are all good people, nice, considerate, fun to be with, etc. We rarely discuss the divisive subjects and if we do, when the conversation is over and done with, everyone moves on and things continue as normal. Frienships are more important.

I’m sure over the next meeting or two things will go back to how they were prior to this discussion. Don’t worry too much. If you feel you are being treated differently after a couple weeks then maybe you should consider finding a new group, but I would be surprised if you were treated differently.
 
I would say stay in the running group and talk to the members about neutral topics. How did that conversation get started anyway? It seems like a strange thing for adults to discuss teenagers having sex.
 
And don’t think that maybe one person in the group listening didn’t think about it and someday you may be asked quietly while alone to talk more about your view. You planted a seed maybe. You’ll never know. Now your job is to show them that your way of doing things and your moral code produces a happy, healthy person.

With a happy healthy marriage.

Hang with them long enough and the cracks in their life and outlook may show. And you may become a valued friend because you have something different to offer. Real wisdom. 👍
 
whatevergirl said:
*I would just like to vent…
I recently joined an athletic group…running mainly…and am getting to know everyone. We all started talking about kids having sex, and birth control, one day…and I was like the ONLY one who had any moral view at all. I don’t know if these people were afraid to discuss that, but they all thought it that sex ed is the sum total of the mechanics of it. I don’t know what to do now…I was called naive, and so on. I’m naive because I think kids can actually muster up the guts to say no to premarital sex??? :mad:

I love the group from a motivational standpoint…but having a hard time deciding if I should remain in it, after this. I don’t want to abandon a group because we think differently on issues, but it always seems that Christians are put in their place with these types of things…and if we defend ourselves, we are viewed as judgemental. I know myself. I wasn’t judging their views, but they were judging mine…and now, I can’t help but wonder if it will be awkward whenever we get together now. :(*
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I’m so sorry your having a rough time out there Whatevergirl.

I’d say chalk it up to a awkward moment, give it another shot-if it’s still awkward, than split. I’ve had my share of really awkward moments in life…believe me!!

I don’t think it will be awkward though. They’ve probably forgot about it

Hang in there!
 
*kage, that’s a great idea…I just might. The thought crossed my mind.

I don’t know why this rattled me…perhaps, because I’m venturing out, trying to enjoy more of Florida…I’m going to enter a few 5k’s this year, and thought I could use the push from others. I was so saddened to hear their views.

flyingfish…it came up because one of the people in the group was talking about a case in another state, where a teacher is being sued for teaching sex ed in a very demonstrative way.

My stance was…’‘well kids shouldn’t be having sex…why is a teacher demonstrating the variable birth control forms out there?’’ And then they were off…and I was called naive…and on and on. I said…I’m naive for believing that kids can say no to sex? They’re not animals…they CAN say no…if you teach them how to…then, that went in to the whole say no to drugs thing…I mean…do these parents also buy their kids clean needles ‘‘just in case’’ their kids end up experimenting with drugs?

I will take your advice and see how things go…if I’m treated differently, ignored…I’m out. *
 
whatevergirl said:
My stance was…’‘well kids shouldn’t be having sex…why is a teacher demonstrating the variable birth control forms out there?’’ And then they were off…and I was called naive…and on and on. I said…I’m naive for believing that kids can say no to sex? They’re not animals…they CAN say no…if you teach them how to…then, that went in to the whole say no to drugs thing…I mean…do these parents also buy their kids clean needles ‘‘just in case’’ their kids end up experimenting with drugs? *
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I know people with views very different from my own, and I have good friendships and fun interaction with them unless any controversial issue is touched. Any time religion/politics are discussed it devolves into unpleasant argument. I pretty much don’t talk about these types of issues in real life anymore unless it’s someone I know agrees with me, or someone who I know can have a civil conversation despite disagreement (seems to be rare).
 
Hi Whatevergirl,

Ah heck, it’s great to be naive and see through “rose colored glasses” and being accused of being a “helicopter mom” because I won’t let my kids “grow up” (ie. have sex) or believe they won’t.

But, to demonstrate that (so far, knock on wood) teen boys can say NO to sex in high school: when recently discussing the trials and tribulations of sex, drugs, and sexting, my 15 yr old piped up and said, “What’s the matter with everyone. Don’t they have any self-control?!!” Notice how everyone else had a problem, not him.

So, just tell the ladys they are jaded if they say you are naive! Then laugh and move on… have fun with them!
 
Be a light in the darkness! Stay with it, but also find a like minded group to share time with or you will get too lonely. Try a Bilble study at church or something like that, where you can be reinforced in your religious beliefs. Try to do both. You never know when one of them will turn to you if they need to talk about something like that. Yes, they think we are naive, and yet we are proud to raise our kids on those beliefs.
 
:hug1:
So sorry dear! I hope things go better the next time. Sometimes these moral issues are knee jerk reactions from others, that die down quickly…but let us hope not completely forgotten. Who knows, mayhaps you planted a seed of questioning in their minds…🙂

I wonder what they would say to a family of eight so called “naive” children 27 to 13, none of whom have had sex…? 😉 I LOVE my family…🙂
 
LilyElain said:
I wonder what they would say to a family of eight so called “naive” children 27 to 13, none of whom have had sex…? 😉 I LOVE my family…🙂
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LilyElain, your family are role models. They rock!
 
Hey WG, that stinks! Maybe God put you there for a reason. Hopefully it doesn’t get more abrasive but glosses over and you can enjoy your new running companions. 🙂
Good luck!
 
You could, I don’t know, suggest that they try raising their kids to value morality rather than rely on the culture of the street. Of course if you say that, the flakes won’t like you very much.

I recommend not confronting them. If they start to continuously circulate their progressive views, then bail.
 
*It might sound naive…lol no pun, from being called that…but…I guess I was shocked to hear PARENTS of teens speaking this way. I was naive maybe to think that parents would assumingly not want their kids to be having sex…not just…welp yep…they’re gonna have sex so I’m glad the schools are handing out condoms…I’m glad I have you here to talk with about this. I will have to see how it continues…

Thanks for your replies…Lily, see that? Yeah…what deeply saddens me is that don’t these people know ANYONE living a chaste life? That is astonishingly sad to me. They literally think that kids can’t say no…I’m not kidding. *
 
flyingfish said:
I know people with views very different from my own, and I have good friendships and fun interaction with them unless any controversial issue is touched. Any time religion/politics are discussed it devolves into unpleasant argument. I pretty much don’t talk about these types of issues in real life anymore unless it’s someone I know agrees with me, or someone who I know can have a civil conversation despite disagreement (seems to be rare).
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Good advice…I can’t help but wonder though…if Christians don’t speak up…then, how will they be a witness for Christ? I guess there’s a balance to be had.
 
See, this is so sad to me. Why don’t parents set their kids up for success? Why do so many automatically assume they will have sex? Do we do that in other areas of kid’s lives? Saying that they won’t graduate, will drink alcohol all the time etc? No? Well, then why do it for sex? We’re not setting them up to a high standard.

Something similar to this happened to me not that long ago. I go out to eat with my mom and her work friends on Fridays. They’re all old enough to be my mom, me being 23. Well the topic of sex came up (not of my choosing) and one lady goes “Well, I bet even Allison is doing it” (why she felt comfortable talking about me in that way I’ll never know) To which both I and my mom replied “No, she’s waiting for marriage”

I mean, why do they all assume everyone is? I haven’t, and won’t until I’m married. There are people out there like me.

Your statement about handing out needles in case they want to do drugs is a good metaphor. I will have to remember that.

I mean really, if we all stop talking about waiting for marriage and all just assume that kids will do it, then they will. Because they don’t have parents with high expectations of them.
 
BrokenFortress said:
See, this is so sad to me. Why don’t parents set their kids up for success? Why do so many automatically assume they will have sex? Do we do that in other areas of kid’s lives? Saying that they won’t graduate, will drink alcohol all the time etc? No? Well, then why do it for sex? We’re not setting them up to a high standard.

Something similar to this happened to me not that long ago. I go out to eat with my mom and her work friends on Fridays. They’re all old enough to be my mom, me being 23. Well the topic of sex came up (not of my choosing) and one lady goes “Well, I bet even Allison is doing it” (why she felt comfortable talking about me in that way I’ll never know) To which both I and my mom replied “No, she’s waiting for marriage”

I mean, why do they all assume everyone is? I haven’t, and won’t until I’m married. There are people out there like me.

Your statement about handing out needles in case they want to do drugs is a good metaphor. I will have to remember that.

I mean really, if we all stop talking about waiting for marriage and all just assume that kids will do it, then they will. Because they don’t have parents with high expectations of them.
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*Exactly…that’s a great way of putting it. Good for you!! (Why didn’t I know you were 23?) You are wise beyond your years!

I know that in life, we will encounter all kinds of people with all kinds of philosophies on life…but as you say…why is it so ‘‘automatic’’ to think all teens are having sex 24/7…so we mind as well just accept that. You’re a wonderful young woman…who will make a young man very lucky some day. 🙂

I thought about this more tonight, and truly, if they treat me differently, I’ll leave the group. I can’t explain it…they just made me feel bad for standing up for morality. I’m reminded of Christ’s words…’‘the world hated Me, so it will hate you, too.’’ You read those words out of the Bible and you don’t think you’re personally going to experience such anger over defendning morality…especially for kids. SO SAD! *
 
Haha, thanks 😊

I’ve found my young man and we’re getting married in September, I can’t wait!

I think I’d be like you, if they treat you any differently, then try and find another group to join. But like other posters said, perhaps you planted that seed. I do wonder if some of them agreed with you but weren’t brave enough to say so? Some people aren’t brave enough to voice their morals unfortunately.

I think the parents like these are why kids are maturing so much quicker now than they did when I was little. I mean, when I was 12 I wasn’t thinking about boys, but now I have cousins that age and they’re all worried about boys! I keep trying to tell them not to think about them at such a young age, but it doesn’t work. It’s the parents letting their kids mature way to quickly. And I say letting them because they allow them to watch certain tv shows, to listen to hip hop and pop music (which I know is not moral at all) etc. So kids are turning into little adults. They don’t have the age or wisdom to see the consequences of their actions. Like hooking up with someone, they don’t see how that will affect them and their relationships in the future. They’re just focusing on the now. Because for most kids, they don’t start thinking about the real future until later on.

I know I kind of went off on a tangent, but it’s all related in my view.

Like I said, we don’t do this in other areas of their lives, why with sex? You don’t tell your kids, well, you’ll only make it through 8th grade might as well start working at (insert minimum wage job here). No, you want them to go to college to succeed! Why not tell kids that they can say no. That there are benefits to waiting.

Okay, I’ll stop ranting now haha. I just feel very strongly about this. I was very fortunate. God really saved me from myself when I was younger, and I am so thankful that I didn’t do anything I’d regret.
 
whatevergirl said:
Good advice…I can’t help but wonder though…if Christians don’t speak up…then, how will they be a witness for Christ? I guess there’s a balance to be had.
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Maybe the balance is in speaking out online? You could write articles, or make a blog, or frequent forums where people debate Christianity.

Also, you are a witness for Christ by simply living out the Christian lifestyle, even if you don’t proclaim it.

Personally I am very paranoid about saying anything about religion nowadays. People have such varying views, and some people can also have very extreme religious views and can make very negative conclusions about you if you say something they find “offensive.”

Maybe it’s cowardice on my part.
 
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