Very concerned for daughter

[ginamaria]

My 21 year old daughter has recently moved out of our home to live with my 87 year old mother. She has met and fallen head over heels in love with a man who is 20 years older than her. He is Agnostic. She has always seemed to have a deep faith, but her actions around this relationship are not congruent with such. This is only a couple month old relationship and she is spending all of her time, including nights, with this man. I am sick at heart, but her recent position is that Catholics are so judgmental. I am praying and praying, and I have talked to her earnestly about my concerns, but it doesn’t appear to be changing at all. Her relationship with her own father is very strained and our marriage is dysfunctional, so I am feeling guilty for that.

 

[Beryllos]

I join you in prayer for your daughter, and for you as well.

 

[tawny]

Praying for your daughter & your family.

 

[Gilrod7]

Let go of the guilt, and whatever occurs, let it be; be strong, courageous, loving, and forgiving if your daughter ever comes to you. Leave the situation in the hands of the Lord without having any doubts. I’ll keep you and your daughter in prayers.

 

[1990Domer]

I will certainly keep your daughter in my prayers. Is there any chance grandma can talk to her?

 

[pocaracas]

If I may…
It is common for girls to aim for older men… but 20 years older?.. that’s not so common, but it happens.
People have made it happen in the past.

Besides being agnostic, is this man the source of some other problem?
Does he have a decent job? Can he pay the bills? Is he a nice person? Does he do drugs? Does he keep guns around the house?
Is he a good friend to your daughter? Or does he treat her like a spoiled brat?
Do they work as a couple - are both elements on equal footing, or is he dominating or controlling her?
Would he make a nice father?

(the usual questions a mother should ask of her daughter’s potential husband! )

The greatest problem I see with this sort of arrangement is that there’s a high chance that, if they do partner up for life, she’ll be a widow some 30 years before her time…

 

[Dorothy]

ginamaria,

Keep praying and place her in the Hearts of Jesus and His Mother. Pray for him also.

I, too, have family members who are not in a good place. Prayer changes things, and purifies us as well.

Prayers for you,

Dorothy

 

[littlestsouls2]

My 21 year old daughter has recently moved out of our home to live with my 87 year old mother. She has met and fallen head over heels in love with a man who is 20 years older than her. He is Agnostic. She has always seemed to have a deep faith, but her actions around this relationship are not congruent with such. This is only a couple month old relationship and she is spending all of her time, including nights, with this man. I am sick at heart, but her recent position is that Catholics are so judgmental. I am praying and praying, and I have talked to her earnestly about my concerns, but it doesn’t appear to be changing at all. Her relationship with her own father is very strained and our marriage is dysfunctional, so I am feeling guilty for that.

Turn to your spiritual family: Jesus, Mary, the Saints. They will help you. They are present at every Mass, consoling you, praying for you. Don’t be discouraged. God’s will is perfect. If you seek Him first, everyone will benefit in some way.

“I desire you not to abandon these three souls, those of your husband and your two children, because I wish them to be saved by your means.”
– Jesus to Bl. Elizabeth Canori–Mora

“And if she devotes herself to the good pleasure of My heart, I feel it necessary to conform Myself to the desire of hers.”
– Jesus to St. Gertrude

 

[Dorothy]

Turn to your spiritual family: Jesus, Mary, the Saints. They will help you. They are present at every Mass, consoling you, praying for you. Don’t be discouraged. God’s will is perfect. If you seek Him first, everyone will benefit in some way.

“I desire you not to abandon these three souls, those of your husband and your two children, because I wish them to be saved by your means.”
– Jesus to Bl. Elizabeth Canori–Mora

“And if she devotes herself to the good pleasure of My heart, I feel it necessary to conform Myself to the desire of hers.”
– Jesus to St. Gertrude

Beautiful! Thank you.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My 21 year old daughter has recently moved out of our home to live with my 87 year old mother. She has met and fallen head over heels in love with a man who is 20 years older than her. He is Agnostic. She has always seemed to have a deep faith, but her actions around this relationship are not congruent with such. This is only a couple month old relationship and she is spending all of her time, including nights, with this man. I am sick at heart, but her recent position is that Catholics are so judgmental. I am praying and praying, and I have talked to her earnestly about my concerns, but it doesn’t appear to be changing at all. Her relationship with her own father is very strained and our marriage is dysfunctional, so I am feeling guilty for that.

I’m no therapist but it would seem these actions are directed squarely at her father. Perhaps someone could point that out to the older gentleman…

 

[Dorothy]

I’m no therapist but it would seem these actions are directed squarely at her father. Perhaps someone could point that out to the older gentleman…

In other words it may be that she is looking for a loving father figure. That is the exact same impression I got.

I will put that circumstance on my prayer list.

 

[PaulineMargaret]

May God carry you though your painful disappointment and unhappiness regarding your daughter.
May God open her eyes to see the spiritual and practical implications of her choices.
May God protect her.

 

[Anglewannabe]

My first though was why would a 21 year old move in with her 87 year old grandma. My mom is 87 and she would NEVER tolerate a 21 year old under her roof.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she is just plainly bored at Grandma’s and this 41 year old man is the only guy who is willing to come over.