Very confused about differences in Mass

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I have been visiting a couple of parishes that are close and trying to decide which is a better fit. The differences are notable, and because I am new to the Catholic Church I don’t know what is the “norm” so I need help!

Mass A: joins hands to sing the Our Father, prays the Hail Mary,and when the two older children got baptized today(and were annointed with the oil) we held our hands out towards them and recited a prayer at the Priest’s promptings.

Mass B: does not hold hands and just recites the Our Father, does not (at least in the few visits I’ve been) say the Hail Mary, and when I went to the Easter Vigil there were several baptisms but no extending of the hands by the congregation.

I realize, based on personal experience, that in Protestant denominations there are vast differences between churches even within the same denominations. Boy did I experience that in the Episcopal church! But I guess I just expected more of a unified Mass. I’m sure that is quite an unrealistic expectation but it is what it is. I need some serious guidance here. I’ve found my way to the Catholic Church and now I’m experiencing a twist that I did not expect. I’m especially sensitive to my “choice” of churches because I have not only myself but my two children to consider as well. (my husband is supportive but not a church goer) Thank you so much in advance for any advice!
 
Mass B is what it should be, to see how the Mas should be watch it as it is said on EWTN.

We are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father or hold out our hands over people in baptism and bless them, baptism is done by the priest not the congregation. These are innovations of these individual parishes inspired by non catholic sources which are not a normal part of the Latin rite.

We are also meant to kneel after the Holy, Holy, Holy, do people kneel at this point for the consecration in Mass A? I ask because the one parish were I have experienced things like hand holding etc also do not even kneel for the consecration.
 
I so agree with Brendan Mc Cabe. We are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father and we are not supposed to shake hands with the peace be with you. It is so annoying.
 
Irish_Kathleen said:
I so agree with Brendan Mc Cabe. We are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father and we are not supposed to shake hands with the peace be with you. It is so annoying.
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If the sign of peace is extended to the congregation, then shaking hands with those around you is an appropriate expression. Admittedly, sometimes people express themselves inappropriately during the Sign of Peace, but the sign itself or the shaking of hands in itself is not problematic. Here are all the relevant sections of the GIRM:
  1. The Rite of Peace follows, by which the Church asks for peace and unity for herself and for the whole human family, and the faithful express to each other their ecclesial communion and mutual charity before communicating in the Sacrament.
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As for the sign of peace to be given, the manner is to be established by Conferences of Bishops in accordance with the culture and customs of the peoples. It is, however, appropriate that each person offer the sign of peace only to those who are nearest and in a sober manner.
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  1. Then the priest, with hands extended, says aloud the prayer, Domine Iesu Christe, qui dixisti (Lord Jesus Christ, you said). After this prayer is concluded, extending and then joining his hands, he gives the greeting of peace while facing the people and saying, Pax Domini sit simper vobiscum (The peace of the Lord be with you always). The people answer, Et cum spiritu tuo (And also with you). Afterwards, when appropriate, the priest adds, Offerte vobis pacem (Let us offer each other the sign of peace).
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The priest may give the sign of peace to the ministers but always remains within the sanctuary, so as not to disturb the celebration. In the dioceses of the United States of America, for a good reason, on special occasions (for example, in the case of a funeral, a wedding, or when civic leaders are present) the priest may offer the sign of peace to a few of the faithful near the sanctuary. At the same time, in accord with the decisions of the Conference of Bishops, all offer one another a sign that expresses peace, communion, and charity. While the sign of peace is being given, one may say, Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum (The peace of the Lord be with you always), to which the response is Amen.
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  1. After the priest has said the prayer at the Rite of Peace and the greeting Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum (The peace of the Lord be with you always) and the people have responded, Et cum spiritu tuo (And also with you), the deacon, if it is appropriate, invites all to exchange the sign of peace. He faces the people and, with hands joined, says, Offerte vobis pacem pacem (Let us offer each other the sign of peace). Then he himself receives the sign of peace from the priest and may offer it to those other ministers who are closer to him.
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  1. After the deacon or, when no deacon is present, one of the concelebrants has said the invitation Offerte vobis pacem pacem (Let us offer each other the sign of peace), all exchange the sign of peace with one another. The concelebrants who are nearer the principal celebrant receive the sign of peace from him before the deacon does.
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Nothing in the rubrics suggests shaking hands is an inappropriate expression of the sign of peace.
 
The sign of peace among the laity is only an option it should be pointed out here, a valid option at the moment granted.
 
My opinion is that these Masses are the same, except for some annoying differences.

On a scale of 0 (no problem) to 100 (death), these differences rate at about 4. Just annoying differences. Yes, technically, the hand-holding is not defined in the Mass.

Nonetheless, you should be where you are comfortable. I happen to hate holding hands like that, for hygienic reasons, if nothing else. No one can force you to participate, except by being very rude, which you should ignore.

I would just smile at the people holding out a hand, pleasantly, to be civil to them. Maybe a “God bless you” would be OK too.

You can sit anywhere you want to, as a rule, unless there is an organized event, when some pews are reserved for a group (which should be obvious when you get there). so, I often sit in the first pew, which limits the contact with people wanting to shake hands.

I am a diabetic, and I have to pick my fingers to get a sample of blood to test my blood sugar level. I especially don’t like having a lot of contact by shaking hands. There are always needle picks on my fingers which are healing. I have to test a number of times a day, and I am always worried about getting an infection through the skin.
 
The_Professor said:
If the sign of peace is extended to the congregation, then shaking hands with those around you is an appropriate expression. Admittedly, sometimes people express themselves inappropriately during the Sign of Peace, but the sign itself or the shaking of hands in itself is not problematic. Here are all the relevant sections of the GIRM:

Nothing in the rubrics suggests shaking hands is an inappropriate expression of the sign of peace.
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No, but PDA is :mad:.
 
The Mass Order should be something like this (Ordinary Form sunday mass, because it is the ordinary form?):

(stand)
Introit / Entrance Hymn
"In the name of the father… I confess … "
Kyrie / Lord have mercy
Gloria
Congregational prayer (“Let us pray”)

Liturgy of the word:
(sit)
First Reading
Responsal Psalm
Second Reading
(stand)
Proclaimation (optional / occasional ?)
Alleluia
Gospel Reading
(sit)
Homily

(stand)
Credo / Creed
Prayer of the faithful

Liturgy of the Eucharist:
(sit)
Offetory
(stand)
“The Lord be with you … Lift up your hearts…”
Sanctus / Holy Holy Holy Lord
Benedictus
(kneel)
consecration of the bread and wine
(stand)
Mystery of faith …
“Through him with him…”
Our Father (holding hands is probably not preferred)
Sign of Peace (shaking hands optional as stated above?)
Agnus Dei / Lamb of God
(kneel)
“This is the lamb of God who …”
(sit/kneel/stand)
Holy communion
Thanksgiving
(stand)
Congregational prayer
Annoucements (optional)
“Mass has ended…”

TheMc should be able to do a better job than I do 🙂
 
Thanks so much for all the feedback! I could live with the holding hands during the Our Father, although I don’t prefer it and I do think that the Hail Mary must have been because it’s May. But what REALLY bothered me yesterday was the extending of hands. I’ve seen that in my former church and wasn’t comfortable with it there so I was surprised to experience it yesterday. Any more opinions would be welcome, thanks!
 
What about baptisms durning Mass? There were two this week and two last week. Is this normal?
 
There are a couple of other things you should consider too.

Every Catholic belongs to a “home” parish. The home parish is usually the closest one to you geographically. The pastor of your home parish is technically responsible for your “well-being.” This doesn’t mean that you have to attend Mass at your home parish, but there is some organization involved. I found this out when I went through RCIA a couple of years ago. I went to a parish that was not my home parish, and when I first learned of home parish boundaries, I called my own to discuss things with the Pastor. He told me that I was technically supposed to go through RCIA at his parish, but he was giving me permission to finish at the current one. In my diocese (Arlington), many parishes will not let you register at their parish unless you live within the boundaries. In fact, most of the parish websites in my diocese have the parish boundaries listed on the website, so maybe the two parishes you mentioned do too.

Something else you may want to consider…you belong to the community at your home parish whether you participate in any activities there or not. Just as your home parish priest is responsible for your spiritual well-being, I personally believe that we all have a certain level of responsibility at our home parish. If the parish is not your cup of tea, attend Mass at a different one, but pray for your home parish community. Especially if you are avoiding it because of liturgical abuses, heresies etc. Those people need someone to pray for them.

I happen to love my home parish, but I love the Traditional Latin Mass. During the week, I will go to my home parish for Adoration, Confession etc. I just go to a parish that offers the TLM every Sunday. This way I can still be a part of my parish community and pray for those that need it. Hopefully they’re praying for me too.
 
damooster said:
There are a couple of other things you should consider too.

Every Catholic belongs to a “home” parish. The home parish is usually the closest one to you geographically. The pastor of your home parish is technically responsible for your “well-being.” This doesn’t mean that you have to attend Mass at your home parish, but there is some organization involved. I found this out when I went through RCIA a couple of years ago. I went to a parish that was not my home parish, and when I first learned of home parish boundaries, I called my own to discuss things with the Pastor. He told me that I was technically supposed to go through RCIA at his parish, but he was giving me permission to finish at the current one. In my diocese (Arlington), many parishes will not let you register at their parish unless you live within the boundaries. In fact, most of the parish websites in my diocese have the parish boundaries listed on the website, so maybe the two parishes you mentioned do too.
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Really? I had no idea. The churches I attend are nowhere near my home. I don’t like the ones near my house. I hope that’s not going to be a problem.
 
TrueLight said:
Really? I had no idea. The churches I attend are nowhere near my home. I don’t like the ones near my house. I hope that’s not going to be a problem.
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The only time that it may be a problem is if you decide to get married, have your children baptized, or have to make funeral arrangements. One of my friends goes to one parish and has never stepped foot in his home parish. He’s not registered at either. He approached the Pastor of the parish he attends for marriage counseling and the Pastor told him that there was no registration on record for him. When my friend explained the situation to the Pastor, he was told to ask his home parish Pastor for a letter giving him permission to seek marriage counseling with him as a sign of respect and courtesy to the home parish (his home parish Pastor wrote the letter immediately).

It’s also happened with funerals in the area too.

Some dioceses don’t really pay attention to the boundary thing. Mine does, so that’s why I try to tell people about it. 🤷
 
damooster said:
The only time that it may be a problem is if you decide to get married, have your children baptized, or have to make funeral arrangements. One of my friends goes to one parish and has never stepped foot in his home parish. He’s not registered at either. He approached the Pastor of the parish he attends for marriage counseling and the Pastor told him that there was no registration on record for him. When my friend explained the situation to the Pastor, he was told to ask his home parish Pastor for a letter giving him permission to seek marriage counseling with him as a sign of respect and courtesy to the home parish (his home parish Pastor wrote the letter immediately).

It’s also happened with funerals in the area too.

Some dioceses don’t really pay attention to the boundary thing. Mine does, so that’s why I try to tell people about it. 🤷
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Oh okay. But if the only parish I register with is the one I attend, I should be fine right?
 
I was under the impression that the Rosary was not supposed to be said during Mass?
 
TrueLight said:
Oh okay. But if the only parish I register with is the one I attend, I should be fine right?
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If they let you register, there should be no problem. But like I said before, they can deny your registration based on your parish boundaries.
 
There are 3 large Catholic churches within a 5 mile radius of my home (I live in a Chicago suburb). I have attended mass at all 3 and find that I prefer my home parish. Our pastor follows a more tradittional “format” and it just feels more Catholic to me. The other two churches are more “modern” in their approach and I’m not comfortable with them. One has actually changed / modernized the words to the Lord’s Prayer! :eek:
I would say, go where the Holy Spirit leads you. You’ll know when you’re there.
 
Go where you feel most comfortable. The actual Mass is the exact same. Hand holding or extension of hands is merely the way some people feel more comfortable praying. Don’t be fearful of it…as some on this forum are; but if you don’t feel comfortable watching it, then go elsewhere.
 
rabby(name removed by moderator) said:
I have been visiting a couple of parishes that are close and trying to decide which is a better fit. The differences are notable, and because I am new to the Catholic Church I don’t know what is the “norm” so I need help!

Mass A: joins hands to sing the Our Father, prays the Hail Mary,and when the two older children got baptized today(and were annointed with the oil) we held our hands out towards them and recited a prayer at the Priest’s promptings.

Mass B: does not hold hands and just recites the Our Father, does not (at least in the few visits I’ve been) say the Hail Mary, and when I went to the Easter Vigil there were several baptisms but no extending of the hands by the congregation.

I realize, based on personal experience, that in Protestant denominations there are vast differences between churches even within the same denominations. Boy did I experience that in the Episcopal church! But I guess I just expected more of a unified Mass. I’m sure that is quite an unrealistic expectation but it is what it is. I need some serious guidance here. I’ve found my way to the Catholic Church and now I’m experiencing a twist that I did not expect. I’m especially sensitive to my “choice” of churches because I have not only myself but my two children to consider as well. (my husband is supportive but not a church goer) Thank you so much in advance for any advice!
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Mass B is the correct one.

The Hail Mary should not normally recited during Mass. Here, in England & Wales, we have permission to recite it during the Prayer of the Faithful: after the last intention and before the concluding prayer.
 
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