Very difficult situation of conscience

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Let’s say that a friend at my parish admitted something to me, and told me not to tell the pastor. Let’s say that the more I thought about it, the more I thought that it had the potential to do future spiritual harm to others in the parish. This creates a difficult situation of conscience. If I told this person that I wouldn’t tell the pastor, not realizing the potential implications of their admition at the time, only realizing it afterward, should I tell the pastor anyway, even though I told this person I wouldn’t tell? Should I also lose a friend over this?
 
You could bring the matter to another good priest in confession…and ask his advice.
 
TBolt1000T said:
Let’s say that a friend at my parish admitted something to me, and told me not to tell the pastor. Let’s say that the more I thought about it, the more I thought that it had the potential to do future spiritual harm to others in the parish. This creates a difficult situation of conscience. If I told this person that I wouldn’t tell the pastor, not realizing the potential implications of their admition at the time, only realizing it afterward, should I tell the pastor anyway, even though I told this person I wouldn’t tell? Should I also lose a friend over this?
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Do what they do in the military and tell this person they have 24 hours to tell the priest or you will, and explain all your reasons why you think that they have to tell the priest.

Yes you may lose a friend, but admonishing the sinner, which this sounds like it would be, is a spiritual act of mercy.
 
Bookcat said:
You could bring the matter to another good priest in confession…and ask his advice.
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Someone else told me the same thing. The problem is, that I have an appointment with my pastor today for Confession. I don’t think I want to tell him today, but I need to get to the other priest ASAP, since the matter could cause problems in the near future. Also, this person told me not to tell anyone, so would I be sinning by going to the other priest?
 
I was going on the first post of " don’t tell the pastor"…

It would come down perhaps to ‘what it was’ Are we talking about grave harm?

Then it may be that your Pastor has a right to know…and that the grave harm overrides you being told not to say anything.

If someone comes to me and tells me …what I am going to tell you --you can not tell anyone…and I agree…but then they proceed to tell me (not being a priest under seal of confession) that they are going to blow up the Church…well that negates that obligation not to say something!!
 
First go back to your friend and explain why you think you need to tell. Give your friend the opportunity to make it right.

Going behind your friend’s back is two faced IMO. I would still tell the Priest - if that’s what is necessary. But I would let my friend know in advance that’s what I intended to do - and why.
 
yellowbird said:
First go back to your friend and explain why you think you need to tell. Give your friend the opportunity to make it right.

Going behind your friend’s back is two faced IMO. I would still tell the Priest - if that’s what is necessary. But I would let my friend know in advance that’s what I intended to do - and why.
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My friend has implied that I would be in big trouble if I told, so if I tell him that I’m going to tell our pastor, then I could suffer at least emotional, if not spiritual harm. I’m between a rock and a hard place. It seems that my only two choices are to just stand back and let him do spiritual harm to people in the parish, or suffer some sort of spiritual or emotional trouble myself if I don’t do something to stop it. It’s a living nightmare. My heart is screaming at me to tell our pastor, but I don’t want to sin, and I don’t want to suffer the consequences of telling on him.
 
TBolt1000T said:
My friend has implied that I would be in big trouble if I told, so if I tell him that I’m going to tell our pastor, then I could suffer at least emotional, if not spiritual harm. I’m between a rock and a hard place. It seems that my only two choices are to just stand back and let him do spiritual harm to people in the parish, or suffer some sort of spiritual or emotional trouble myself if I don’t do something to stop it. It’s a living nightmare. My heart is screaming at me to tell our pastor, but I don’t want to sin, and I don’t want to suffer the consequences of telling on him.
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Why can’t you tell your friend that after much prayer and consideration the seriousness of what he plans to do is not something that you can remain quiet about? You are not under obligation - nor would you be sinning - to tell your pastor or another priest about what you know to be a most spiritually dangerous matter the your friend is contemplating. Think of the harm his action might cause others, not what it might cost you in trying to stop it.
 
TBolt1000T said:
My friend has implied that I would be in big trouble if I told, so if I tell him that I’m going to tell our pastor, then I could suffer at least emotional, if not spiritual harm. I’m between a rock and a hard place. It seems that my only two choices are to just stand back and let him do spiritual harm to people in the parish, or suffer some sort of spiritual or emotional trouble myself if I don’t do something to stop it. It’s a living nightmare. My heart is screaming at me to tell our pastor, but I don’t want to sin, and I don’t want to suffer the consequences of telling on him.
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You have to follow your conscience. If you feel you have to tell the pastor, let your friend know that and give him the opportunity to do it himself (assuming its a guy).

You are NOT responsible for how this person reacts to you following your conscience. Some of the best friends I have ever had have done or said what seems like horrible things that hurt me a lot. But they did it either to follow their conscience or to help me correct a problem I was dealing with and I love them more for that courage (I have an anger problem to say the least). Do not concern yourself with what your friend may or may not do, but only with your conscience and making sure you do what you know to be right.

FSC
 
you do tell the pastor, but you inform your friend first that you are withdrawing your promise, and unless she goes to the pastor herself, you will. If this involves wrongdoing on the part of a parish member, paid staff, or pastoral staff you are required to report, there is no wiggle room. If it is a matter requiring report to civil law authority there is also no wiggle room. You don’t indicate that it is but I am covering bases for inevitable side issues that will be introduced here.

The next obvious question is what happens after you speak to the pastor. You leave it to him. You have no further knowledge or interest. You do not discuss it either with your friend or any 3rd party. period. If it was something that law required you to report, you keep quiet as well unless or until some authority contacts you.

The damage in these situations is not usually done by reporting a potentially harmful situation to those in charge, but in the 3rd party gossip and ad hoc discussion that inevitably ensues as people take sides on an issue of which they know nothing but rumor.
 
TBolt1000T said:
Someone else told me the same thing. The problem is, that I have an appointment with my pastor today for Confession. I don’t think I want to tell him today, but I need to get to the other priest ASAP, since the matter could cause problems in the near future. Also, this person told me not to tell anyone, so would I be sinning by going to the other priest?
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When you talk to the pastor in confession the subject is going to be covered by the seal of confession and the pastor cannot use and he will not use the information at all unless later you talk to him outside confession. My suggestion is to bring up the topic during confession and then decide how to proceed.
 
If you do judge to speak with the Pastor…you can tell him your concerns regarding your “telling him” as well…in regards to your friend and you…

You can even start in general “Father a friend told me not to tell…but I am thinking I should tell you…it concerns some spiritual harm…etc”…and say what you said here perhaps and see what he says there too…
 
TBolt1000T said:
My friend has implied that I would be in big trouble if I told, so if I tell him that I’m going to tell our pastor, then I could suffer at least emotional, if not spiritual harm…
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Is that a threat? Because if that is a threat the person is not your friend, and you can ignore her.

You also have to realize that if it is not a threat but just a concern from your friend for your spiritual and emotional well being then you must also realize that there is not better spiritual protection than the Church herself.
 
Thanks for all of your responses. I’ve taken care of the problem, which ended up being me making a mountain out of a molehill…Again.
 
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