K
KaraGordon
Guest
Yep. My bad.
- Status
I
Inquiringperson
Guest
Kara, I think the reason why the guy told you that you should have therapy said it only because you admitted you had an anxiety attack. I think he was just trying to help.
Now with that said, you said you were an idiot. You said you were stupid. Let me tell you something, I don’t think you’re stupid. I don’t think you’re an idiot. If you were an idiot, then you wouldn’t even be posting here!
X
Xantippe
Guest
“Only person I’ve responded to is you and the guy who told me I need therapy.”
“Xantippe” is actually a feminine name–that’s the name of Socrates’ wife.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xanthippe
dictionary.reference.com/browse/xantippe
I had a look at your old posts–I see that you are in the Assemblies of God. I grew up there, as a matter of fact, and my parents and many older relatives are still there.
“Xantippe” is actually a feminine name–that’s the name of Socrates’ wife.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xanthippe
dictionary.reference.com/browse/xantippe
I had a look at your old posts–I see that you are in the Assemblies of God. I grew up there, as a matter of fact, and my parents and many older relatives are still there.
T
TRH1292
Guest
Now, in reply to the question, what would happen if your possible future husband promised to raise your children as Catholics but didn’t? He would have lied to God, failed in his responsibility, and put his soul in danger. That is what would happen if he didn’t.
K
KaraGordon
Guest
Thank you.
I just didn’t know if there were any kind of congregational repercussions, like in his standing with the Church or our marriage being recognized. I’m still trying to figure out the specifics of Catholicism and what it means to me and my significant other.
Like I said, I would definitely raise our children Catholic.
I just didn’t know if there were any kind of congregational repercussions, like in his standing with the Church or our marriage being recognized. I’m still trying to figure out the specifics of Catholicism and what it means to me and my significant other.
Like I said, I would definitely raise our children Catholic.
R
robwar
Guest
Kara, I didn’t accuse you of mental illness at all. I think you are trying but when people are trying to reach back to you, you are lashing out at them and are displaying a rather nasty attitude. Unfortunately, the advise given here is not going to be probably something that is easy to hear which is if you don’t want your children being raised as Catholics, then don’t date or plan on marrying a Catholic. At 19 years old, there is still a lot of growing up to do. I ought to know, I have one myself. He thinks he knows it all too. that is pretty typical of all 19 years old. Mixed faith marriages are not for the immature, faint of heart and most people that enter them have pie in the sky ideas that everything will work out. Sometimes they do, especially if one of the spouses captitulates to the other’s faith or converts. But and as pointed out in the book I mentioned in my earlier post and I would recommend you to read, they are often marked by conflict and unhappiness. If you can be honest with yourself and really do not want your children in a Catholic church then don’t date a Catholic and stay with AoG. It’s truly not worth it to end up in a marriage and then have a holy war over the practice of your faiths and the raising of your children. Marriage is challenging enough for anyone and starting it out with a major different in faiths only adds to the problems. There are some big differences betwe AoG and the Catholic church If you are getting this upset over interent posts, I am wondering what will happen in a marriage.
M
Mary777_S777
Guest
Kara, you said you only replied to two people, actually you replied to me too but that doesn’t matter. You are clearly very confused and reaching out for help. Everyone here is trying to help you. You are too young and immature to even consider getting married and having children at this point in your life. You said you are in college. That is good. Concentrate on your education and getting your emotions under control. You have plenty of time to think about marriage and children. No one is trying to be mean to you. Telling someone to " Shut the hell up" is very disrespectful. He was just trying to help you because you said you were having an anxiety attack. We all care about you and are trying to answer your questions the best way we know. What you really need to do is discuss this with your future husband, your parents,therapist, priest and take your time. Getting married and having children is very serious and not something to rush into. I am praying for you and I wish all the best for you.
X
Xantippe
Guest
KaraGordon said:
“I’m still trying to figure out the specifics of Catholicism and what it means to me and my significant other.”
The good/bad news is that you can go to a particular Catholic church for YEARS and never get to know anybody or know anything about the people sitting around you. That can be lonely, but the positive flip side of that is that practically nobody is paying attention to you, so for good or ill there’s rarely any of the sort of peer pressure/mutual surveillance that is so common in the more community-minded Protestant churches–being a parishioner of a Catholic church is often less like going to a family reunion and more like going to the grocery store. We live in a very Baptist area, and I get the feeling that Baptists are very big on keeping each other in line.
“I’m still trying to figure out the specifics of Catholicism and what it means to me and my significant other.”
The good/bad news is that you can go to a particular Catholic church for YEARS and never get to know anybody or know anything about the people sitting around you. That can be lonely, but the positive flip side of that is that practically nobody is paying attention to you, so for good or ill there’s rarely any of the sort of peer pressure/mutual surveillance that is so common in the more community-minded Protestant churches–being a parishioner of a Catholic church is often less like going to a family reunion and more like going to the grocery store. We live in a very Baptist area, and I get the feeling that Baptists are very big on keeping each other in line.
V
VivienneJ
Guest
This is the total answer to your hypothetical and real questioning about what would happen to your hypothetical husband if he promised God he would do his best to raise hia children Catholic while not intending to even try to honour that promise - he would have lied to God - this is something very seriously wrong. Do you agree on that?
As long as your marriage took place with the necessary dispensations for your husband the marriage would be recognised in the Catholic church. So he would need a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic, and if the wedding did not take place in a Catholic church, a dispensation for that as well.
His standing in the Catholic church would not be affected, in the sense of being thrown out of the church or forbidden to take part in certain activities, by not keeping his promise to God. The consequence to his relationship with God is a much more seriois matter.
The lady who suggested that you needed therapy was most probably responding to your statement that you had posted during a panic attack. A perfectly appropriate suggestion to make - my daughter suffered from them for years and was in therapy.
K
Kaninchen
Guest
Over the years I’ve come across these sorts of threads here on CAF a number of times and have often thought about how difficult it must be for a mother to raise children in a religion she doesn’t believe in.
I’d have thought that doing so might be a pretty effective ingredient in encouraging religious rebellion.
D
dedo
Guest
D
dedo
Guest
Nevertheless, this article seems to answer the O.P.'s original question:
catholicexchange.com/do-catho…n-as-catholics
catholicexchange.com/do-catho…n-as-catholics
T
TRH1292
Guest
Well he wouldn’t be excommunicated, if that’s what you are asking. Or prohibited from going to Church. I don’t know about after the fact, but to have a marriage between a Catholic and a Non-Catholic recognized by the Church, there has to be an agreement to raise the children Catholic.
But if he continues to refuse his responsibility in this, it could make it difficult for him to receive the Eucharist in a worthy and acceptable manner and put his soul in danger, which is much worse than anything else.
X
Xantippe
Guest
I was reflecting on this thread and realizing one weird element of the OP’s postings.
OP, you have in the course of this one thread played two very different cards:
OP, you have in the course of this one thread played two very different cards:
- I am all grown up and I know what I’m doing and if you give me advice that I don’t like, you’re being disrespectful and talking down to me.
- I am just 19, I’m just a confused teenager, and if you give me advice that I don’t like, you’re being mean to me.
P
pensmama87
Guest
I agree, but also think that saying this is not going to win you any points with the OP. I remember being 19 and would not have liked this one bit.
M
maryjk
Guest
K
KaraGordon
Guest
My apologies; I thought I’d only replied to the two.
First bolded - that is exactly what I am doing right now. I didn’t mean to imply I’m currently planning on marriage and children. I am not, and if that’s the assumption everyone is operating under, it’s no wonder I’m coming across so terribly.
I am not rushing into getting married. I was asking a question. Granted I’m thinking along those lines but who doesn’t worry about their potential future? I think about a lot of things. doesn’t mean any of them are relevant at the present moment.
Have you ever been a teenager and thought about, oh, what is my wedding going to look like? Or what am I going to name my children? This is also the age when a lot of us try to figure out what kind of parent we might plan to be, based on our own upbringing.
None of those things imply I think I’m ready for marriage or children. I know I’m not.
Yes. I never implied I would not.
All I was asking. I understand the latter and would never purposely suggest he compromise his relationship with God. That’s always been a focus of mine and it always will be.
I never said I was all grown up or ready for marriage. I know I’m still a teenager and have next to nothing figured out. I apologize that that assertion came out somewhere but I never meant to imply that, so it’s clear some assumptions about my character have been brought up based on my belligerence yesterday (and really I suspect I was manic but I’m not sure.)
It’s not that you were "giving me advice I don’t like:. Your tone is one of superiority, even if you didn’t mean it, and that doesn’t help you get anything across except “I’m older than you, smarter than you; you’re immature and you should listen to me because you’re immature and confused.”
I have seen the advice given on this post and a lot of it comes from people who really are just trying to help, and I totally appreciate that.
S
Sonas
Guest
I’ve just read through this thread quickly and wanted to make one small point. You seem to be quite concerned about raising a teenager in matters of faith. At 19 it is nearly impossible for you to imagine raising a teenager as you still are one and so you’re looking at things from the point of view of a teenager. It’s very difficult for you to put yourself in the position of a parent of one. Even if you were to have a child in the next year it would still be another 14 years before you have a teenager on your hands. Your ideas on what’s best for them will change drastically in that time. You may well decide that continuing to have an influence on their faith is the correct thing to do, or you may not. Either way, just focus on your life at the moment and don’t stress too much about things that are a long way off. Hope everything works out for you. God bless 
X
Xantippe
Guest
KaraGordon said:
"It’s not that you were “giving me advice I don’t like:. Your tone is one of superiority, even if you didn’t mean it, and that doesn’t help you get anything across except “I’m older than you, smarter than you; you’re immature and you should listen to me because you’re immature and confused.””
There is really only one person on this thread who is calling you names and running you down (calling you an idiot and stupid and belligerent and so forth), and that person is you. You’re going to find this superior coming from me, but that is probably the worst thing you are doing here. Stop calling yourself names and stop running yourself down.
I’m sorry you find my tone superior. I don’t think that my stories of dragging my autistic 7-year-old to the car for school or me shirking dishes as a teenager sounded superior, but I wouldn’t be the best judge. Just a few months ago, I was wrestling my autistic 11-year-old (who is around 110 pounds now) so the nurses could get her her shots. It was hard and there was a lot of crying and yelling and complaining afterward, but it was the right thing to do. I’m just not your best audience for floating the idea that kids know what’s best for them.
"It’s not that you were “giving me advice I don’t like:. Your tone is one of superiority, even if you didn’t mean it, and that doesn’t help you get anything across except “I’m older than you, smarter than you; you’re immature and you should listen to me because you’re immature and confused.””
There is really only one person on this thread who is calling you names and running you down (calling you an idiot and stupid and belligerent and so forth), and that person is you. You’re going to find this superior coming from me, but that is probably the worst thing you are doing here. Stop calling yourself names and stop running yourself down.
I’m sorry you find my tone superior. I don’t think that my stories of dragging my autistic 7-year-old to the car for school or me shirking dishes as a teenager sounded superior, but I wouldn’t be the best judge. Just a few months ago, I was wrestling my autistic 11-year-old (who is around 110 pounds now) so the nurses could get her her shots. It was hard and there was a lot of crying and yelling and complaining afterward, but it was the right thing to do. I’m just not your best audience for floating the idea that kids know what’s best for them.
K
KaraGordon
Guest
Your stories about your children had nothing to do with your tone.
Listen, I’m sure you know what you’re doing as a parent, and I’m sure you’re this awesome person to look up to in your church and community. But, at this moment, your assumptions about me and the airs you’re taking on are not helping the situation at hand.
If you’d called me a stupid teenager and outright said I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’d be less upset with your replies to this thread.
Because I agree. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m asking questions to better know what I’m talking about and to keep things in mind for a potential future.
I ask questions to calm my mind down so I CAN focus on things that concern me right now. Do you know how anxiety works? Worries do not go away because you will them to. For me, they go away with assurance of facts. Which I’m trying to facilitate. (On a side note, I’m painfully aware I’m my own worst enemy. So…you’re really not telling me anything new.)
Listen, I’m sure you know what you’re doing as a parent, and I’m sure you’re this awesome person to look up to in your church and community. But, at this moment, your assumptions about me and the airs you’re taking on are not helping the situation at hand.
If you’d called me a stupid teenager and outright said I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’d be less upset with your replies to this thread.
Because I agree. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m asking questions to better know what I’m talking about and to keep things in mind for a potential future.
I ask questions to calm my mind down so I CAN focus on things that concern me right now. Do you know how anxiety works? Worries do not go away because you will them to. For me, they go away with assurance of facts. Which I’m trying to facilitate. (On a side note, I’m painfully aware I’m my own worst enemy. So…you’re really not telling me anything new.)
- Status