VERY pushy family member

[styrgwillidar]

Well, you can’t converse with someone who wants to talk at you vice with you. I could provide a bunch of Biblical references but if she just wants to talk at you then it’s useless. (Christ directed us to settle our disputes by ultimately going to the Church. Has to be a physical Church an earth with authority to do that).

What I would recommend you do is read a few introductory books on apologetics and the history of the Church. Many groups misrepresent Church history. Books like,

“Catholicism and Fundamentalism” Keating
“What Catholics Really Believe” Keating
“Suprised by Truth” Madrid
“Where is That in the Bible” Madrid

“Faith of the Early Fathers” translated and edited by Jurgens (3 volume set, first is most useful in understanding that the practises/doctrine of the early Church are consistent with the Church today)

I lived in the South for a couple of years and used to get approached in lines waiting for movies, outside stores etc. Many of these folks were earnest and sincerely interested in the good of my soul. I would engage them in conversation but not allow them to quote scripture at me until they could defend why I should accept the Bible as scripture. What was their authority for declaring the Bible as scripture vice the Koran, or Book of Mormon. Similarly, I would point out that many different folks/groups of christians interpreted the Bible differently- how could I be assured, even if they could convince me of it’s authority, that their interpretation was the correct one?

I would state that I accepted the Bible as scripture because I accepted the authority of the Catholic Church. Therefore, I also accepted their authority to interpret it correctly and settle disputes in accordance with what they say Christ said:

'If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

How can we settle religious disputes if Christ didn’t in fact institute a Church with authority, with the ability to hold bound things on earth that will be held bound in heaven, and with the assurance that even the gates of the netherworld will not prevail against it?

But, again the above is pointless other than in deepening your own faith since this woman seems to be in a transmit only mode.

 

[Bill_7154]

What are your goals as they relate to her? If it is to ‘change her’ that is pretty difficult as we really can’t change other people.
Is it to keep her from rantiing in your house?
To keep her from preaching what she preaches?
To keep her out of your house?

I work with mentally ill adults and this type of behavior sounds pretty extreme and like something some of our clients might do. What was she like before this? Did she have stable, mutually rewarding relationships with others (family, friends, etc) without drama?

 

[maltmom]

I will keep your family in my prayers. Her behavior sounds histrionic.

 

[Jay417]

What are your goals as they relate to her? If it is to ‘change her’ that is pretty difficult as we really can’t change other people.
Is it to keep her from rantiing in your house?
To keep her from preaching what she preaches?
To keep her out of your house?

I work with mentally ill adults and this type of behavior sounds pretty extreme and like something some of our clients might do. What was she like before this? Did she have stable, mutually rewarding relationships with others (family, friends, etc) without drama?

My goal is to have the ability to gather as a family from time to time without her preaching against my church and making a scene. I do not want to cause hardships in my family. As for mental status, I know that she battled depression about 5 yrs ago and takes meds for it. Also, I don’t know if it matters or not, but she had multiple affairs in 2 of her 3 marriages. She has a good relationship with her daughter and grandson, and just recently retired from being a nurse’s assistant. She used to attend a baptist church and did not behave in this manner.

 

[JRKH]

My goal is to have the ability to gather as a family from time to time without her preaching against my church and making a scene. I do not want to cause hardships in my family. As for mental status, I know that she battled depression about 5 yrs ago and takes meds for it. Also, I don’t know if it matters or not, but she had multiple affairs in 2 of her 3 marriages. She has a good relationship with her daughter and grandson, and just recently retired from being a nurse’s assistant. She used to attend a baptist church and did not behave in this manner.

You knows she takes meds - or you know she is (or was) prescribed meds…

People with mental problems can be notorious for not taking meds properly…They start to feel better and then think that they don’t need them anymore…Very common…
(My wife use to be a psych nurse)

Peace
James

 

[acadiANNA]

DEAR JAY417: Glad to hear that there are signs of improvement. I have a friend who visits every summer. She was Catholic, went to Divinity School, and now is an evangelist/missionary. When going to eat out, she passes out tracts to the cashiers and everyone she can. Anticipating her visit, I asked my Priest how could I best handle this friend. I told Father that she is always asking me to say The Sinners Prayer with her and I respond by saying, “Would you say a Rosary with me?” to which she answers “No”. Father suggested that I tell her that there will be no discussion of religion while she is here. So
that is what I was planning to do. However, she had been invited to stay with someone else and went there. But in the past, she has taken people one by one and brought them into another room and asked them if they are saved, and try to coerce them into becoming one more soul won. I told her that Jesus did not force his beliefs on anyone. That the best way to evangelize is through example by being faithful to God, living out the Ten Commandments, asking for forgiveness and absolution through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and receiving the Eucharist. I told her when I first spoke to her after this change that I was praying for her to become Catholic again which I can tell you did not go over big with her. I agree with your posters, that in time she will be less severe about spreading her faith in this way. She must have had an emotional crisis and the other church came to her aid at the right time. I will join the other posters and keep her in my prayers for healing; and, you and your family as well, that you will find peace with this situation. God bless you all.

 

[vera_dicere]

Not to be overly dramatic, but your family member sounds like maybe she is a bit emotionally or mentally unwell?
To suddenly be so consumed and aggressive as she is, to “rant and scream”, to run screaming from the house for no good reason…make me think this is not about religion at all, but that she needs some kind of emotional support or help?

Just something to keep in mind, in case what is happening here is a cry for help.

I second this ^

Its one thing to be a “pushy protestant”, Lord knows I’ve met my fair share, but the running and screaming out of a house thing, my first thought isn’t evangalical brain washing or some heightened sense of spiritual discernment, its mental illness!

HOwever, even with the menally unhinged, I’m a big fan of turning it around. Perhaps a kindly worded letter where you point out that Christ started the Catholic CHurch and Protestantism is a filthy heresy that needs to be called out. And that in fact, according to Christ’s commands, she is endangering her soul.

 

[Bill_7154]

My goal is to have the ability to gather as a family from time to time without her preaching against my church and making a scene. I do not want to cause hardships in my family. As for mental status, I know that she battled depression about 5 yrs ago and takes meds for it. Also, I don’t know if it matters or not, but she had multiple affairs in 2 of her 3 marriages. She has a good relationship with her daughter and grandson, and just recently retired from being a nurse’s assistant. She used to attend a baptist church and did not behave in this manner.

Is the able to have a rational dialogue with you if you were to approach her about your concerns about her behavior? Would she be able to listen as you talked without interrupting you? Could she have a 15 min back and forth calm convo with you about your concerns while you both politely listened as the other spoke?

If so, I suggest you have such a convo with her. I suggest you start off by telling her how much she means to you, I would also throw in specific examples of things she has done for you/your family/others that you appreciated her for or her internal feelings of warmth towards one or more family members, etc if she has not done a lot of good deeds. You might even have to go back to youth to find examples of why you love her and appreicate and value her.

Basically I"m suggesting you have a 1 on 1 intervention.

Then you express how you value family time. How you respect her right to have her own opinions aobut things and your wishes (to have calm family gatherings where she does not preach what she preaches- as sensitively as you can). And ask if she can, out of respect for you and your family, commit to such a thing.

You might want to tell her she can express what she wants to you at other times, like privately after the dinner is over, or whatever- I’m suggesting this because I dont’ know how much something bordering on mental illness is driving this compared to her being perfectly sane and just mouthy and disrespectful.

You might have to set the limit ahead of time that if she can’t contain herself at family gatherings it’s too upsetting to you, so despite how much you love and value her, you’ll be unable to have her for family gatherings if this continues.

Just some thoughts.
God Bless,
Bill

 

[Allegra]

Keep a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary prominantly displayed in your yard and your relative might be a self-correcting nuisance. If you’re hoping for a way to get your relative to come into your home and act civilized though, I don’t think there is much you can do.

 

[acadiANNA]

Please try Bill’s approach. May the Holy Spirit guide you in the right words to say. God Bless.

 

[styrgwillidar]

… When going to eat out, she passes out tracts to the cashiers and everyone she can…

Used to work at a restaurant and every waiter/waitress detested folks like that. Mostly, because they were demanding customers and very few of them tipped. Just gave/left tracts. They seemed to think their missionary effort towards the staff was sufficient in the tip department.

Single Moms trying to raise their kids didn’t see this kind of example of emulating Christ’s generosity favorably.

 

[Zerg]

Her intolerance will get her nowhere. She is harassing your family.

It seems it is causing your family great heartache.

Don’t be afraid to “put a lawyer on her” so that she may not visit certain family members.

You also might also want to get your priest’s email addresss so you can get support.

Pray the Rosary daily for her.

I hope and pray your situation will be resolved.

Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee,
Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of hour death.
Amen +

 

[90Domer]

Hi all,

for the past few months a family member has been pushing her denomination on everyone. She is going as far coming to the homes of the catholic members of out family and preaching about our hell-bound status. She is involved in a charismatic church but I do not know the denomination and she will not tell anyone. She will not even talk about the possibility that catholics are also christian. I am at a loss, because I try to be polite and just tell her that as catholics we are christian and worship the same God. But she will rant and scream over me. It bothers my mother greatly. She constantly writes letters to all the family either telling them to turn to God (though most are christian just not of her denomination) or telling them to turn from the catholic side of the family. My wife informed me that she entered our new home a few days ago, but ran out screaming it was unholy because she saw the crucifix by the door and the statue of Our Lady of Grace on the mantle! I just wish she would talk with me, and give us a chance to calm her fears. I do think she is doing this mostly from a sense of fear and ignorance rather than hate. I am open to advice!

2 things priests taught me:

1. Catholicism is the only religion whose founder’s tomb is empty.
2. She is doing the work of Satan, not Christ, by tearing people down as opposed to building them up.

Good luck. Having lived in a very Baptist part of the south, I used these tactics to she’d light.

 

[90Domer]

Just as hard as a child having to cut off a parent, as was the case for me. But it was affecting my health and beginning to drain my husband and children.

We are in the same position. My catholic (note lower case c) tried to convince hubby and I that we should adjust our views on SSA and fully embrace another child’s lifestyle (which did not include living chastely). They used all types of tactics–anger, guilt-tripping, name-calling, etc.–to get us to bend. We did not. However, it put a terrible strain on our relationship to the extent that we are no longer in contact with said family members.

As well, the health and emotional stability of our family was being affected to the extent that I felt the devil was working through these family members to weaken our faith. The best thing we did was to distance ourselves. While sad, the stress of these family members has been alleviated. I felt guilty at first for “abandoning” them, but then I realized that they didn’t care about us enough to respect our differences.

If your family member loved you as Chris loves His Church, this behavior would not be taking place, period.