Very rude lady at our prayer centre

[suezette]

We have this church in my area; we call it a prayer centre since it is open daily except on Sunday, from 09:00am-07:00pm. Most of the lay people who help with work around are volunteers, and among them is this lady who according to me is friendly only to fellow volunteers or to people she notices have some “status”. Some of the volunteers do not have any other work/employment, so they spend every day at the prayer centre (so does this lady), and so they assume they know it all.
I had, a not very pleasant experience with this particular lady one evening during Mass, when she started distributing prayer leaflets which were to be used after the Mass. She started distributing them during time for consecration, and instead of placing them on the seats I would think; she would expect one to receive the leaflet in their hands so she could warn you not to fold it. Now the leaflet she handed over to me had been folded previously; and when she noticed the fold, she came back and started telling “take that one home with you” she repeated this over and over. When I tried to explain myself after Mass, she was even louder; saying take it home for your personal prayers.
Now , yesterday as we waited for confession, she kept talking to people so rudely, destructing those of us who were on the line. She was also waiting for confession, holding her Rosary, moving beads as thought praying, but her facial expression was that of a person ready to fight. I informed the concerned persons about my experience, but they say she has improved a great deal. How do you think this lady can be helped without being discouraged from coming to church?

 

[suezette]

EXACTLY, but that was some time back. Actually this lady defeats me…

 

[adgloriam]

but they say she has improved a great deal.

And its probably true!..

she kept talking to people so rudely

Repeating her experiences (in society, or family, or both) this was what she witnessed. This is what is normal in her living experience. That is how estranged she became to meek socializing. In sociology it would be called “habitus”…

but her facial expression was that of a person ready to fight

Non verbal expression says a ton about how she interacts and feels the world. (This is quite common with bullying victims that have been taken over the edge.) It also tends to reflect a lifetime of social isolation and awkwardness, a certain eccentricity more than a consciousness of the actions. It is not true aggressiveness or violence, those tend to be unannounced. It is simply wounds showing.

How do you think this lady can be helped without being discouraged from coming to church?

Be loving, and sweet and kind, and calm, and patient - only way is interacting by way of example. Saint Teresa of Lisieux recounted the story of “sister saint Peter” in this light.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

She’s your sister in Christ.
She might have a diagnosis you know nothing about.
Uplift her in prayer

Be at peace!!!

 

[suezette]

’ll remark that those in process of conversion many times don’t have the slightest “feel” for timing or right posture at Eucharistic celebration - or within the space of the church.

I think so, what worries me is that her habit may make others who don’t understand her problem not return to the prayers center. I personally always pray that she doesn’t walk in my direction when am there. That time when I tried to explain myself to her, and shouted ,I told her it was not good to shout at people, cause we are adults. she shouted back asking she had shouted at me,I replied"even now". Again, I think you are right; she didn’t seem to notice or bothered. I promised to keep her in prayer, and try to be understanding next time.

 

[brian_custer]

the “lady” sounds like a lunatic…

 

[Reuben_J]

Does not look like much of a lady. Hehe…

Try taking her to lunch.

God bless.

 

[Lara]

Very likely. But how can you help her? It’s easy to dismiss lunatics, but perhaps we aren’t allowed to as Catholics.

 

[PetraG]

In my experience, this starts happening when someone is losing their buttons. Usually people around them realize they’re dealing with someone who is clearly “off” and those in a position to know them well are asked to figure out how to make inquiries and perhaps a call to the person’s family.
This can take some time, but if things don’t seem to be clearing up you can ask around. (Keep in mind that when someone has gotten old enough they can have a treatable case of mental status change from something as simple as a urinary tract infection or dehydration.)
The main thing is to handle things the way you’d want them handled if it were your mom. Assume it is a decent older person with some kind of mental status change until it is proven it is someone with deliberate ill will.
You can ask around about her well-being if she does anything that “off” in the future. Parishes do make accommodations to the extent they can, but sometimes it isn’t realized what is going on if no one says anything. If she never does anything like that again, write it off as a temporary malady that everyone politely ignored.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think it would be fair to see if the priest could speak to her about how to behave during consecration.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

We have a group home for high functioning neuro-diverse adults near our church. They are free to come and go from the home. Some of them show up to Mass. and some of them do the stuff like you describe.
But our parish is used to them, and we just ignore behaviors.
No ones ever done anything too outrageous.

 

[Seagull]

I informed the concerned persons about my experience,
but they say - she has improved a great deal.

I know it’s not a funny situation that’s happening - but that’s - a great line

handle things the way you’d want them handled if it were your mom.

 

[jjje1995]

handle things the way you’d want them handled if it were your mom.

I think that’s one of the best lines I’ve ever come across for dealing with those who aren’t as easy to manage with as others! I’ll remember that!