Very troubling experience at confession

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michaeldaniels

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I went to confession today. I have never had a priest treat me the way the priest did today. I like to go to confession often. During my confession, the priest acted like he was irritated that I was there yet again…and basically told me not to come so often…In addition, every time I stated a sin, he would interrupt me before I could finish and offer no real advice…just criticism. I was rushed the entire time and while I believe I stated all of my mortal sins…I know I was not able to state the number of times or other sins like questionable ones or venial sins…Then he gave me absolution. Now I am picking my brain wondering if my confession and absolution was valid…I really, really tried to make an excellent confession…however, the priest made it nearly impossible. I don’t know if I should go again or what…what do you all think? Also…shouldn’t a priest be more concerned with finding Catholics who don’t go to Mass or confession…or do not ever receive the Sacraments and try to bring them back to Church instead of criticizing those who want to frequently partake in the Sacraments…to be honest, it really made me angry and disappointed. Even if I wanted to go to confession daily, I don’t feel a priest should criticize me for that…I am just trying to live the best life I can live. Are we not supposed to have unrestricted access to the Sacrament of penance and the Holy Eucharist (assuming you are a practicing Catholic in full communion with the Church)? Also, he told me there is no need for me to go to confession as often as I do…We then talked about The Pope and how he goes often…then he went on to say he has a reason, that it is ok for him to go as often as he does because of all the responsibilities he has as Pope and he needs the graces afforded by the Sacrament…Well, I told him I am discerning the Priesthood and I honestly believe that I need all the graces I can get as well…so why is it not ok for someone discerning the priesthood to frequently go to confession? Anyone else ever encounter this problem?
 
Michael,

No, can’t say I’ve ever had this problem. I must say, you are absolutely right to go to the sacraments as often as you want to for the great graces they provide. You are not wrong and I am truly sorry you had this experience.

Let’s give the priest the benefit of the doubt that something else was bothering him and that’s why he treated you so poorly.

Maybe find a priest you can go to as sort of a spiritual adviser or that at least you feel comfortable going to.

God Bless
 
michaeldaniels said:
Are we not supposed to have unrestricted access to the Sacrament of penance and the Holy Eucharist (assuming you are a practicing Catholic in full communion with the Church)?
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Well, unrestricted access is not always possible. Now, in my parish confessions are available daily, but that is not the case everywhere. And in some parts of the world a Catholic might go months without access to confessions.

Your post does make you sound rather scrupulous. Remember that doubtful sins are not mortal sins.

And certainly, your confession was valid.
 
I think you would benefit greatly from having a spiritual director, especially since you are discerning priesthood. This SD can advise you on things that you are looking for in the confessional and maybe this SD can advise you on what to take to confession as well.

Sounds like you will make a good Priest someday. I will say a prayer for you!
 
Well, how frequently do you go? To me, every two weeks would not be unreasonable if you feel the need.
 
Our priest encourages us to come as often as we feel the need. He begs the parishoners to come to confession more often. Sounds like you need to find another confessor.

God Bless,
Pam
 
michaeldaniels said:
I went to confession today. I have never had a priest treat me the way the priest did today. I like to go to confession often. During my confession, the priest acted like he was irritated that I was there yet again…and basically told me not to come so often…In addition, every time I stated a sin, he would interrupt me before I could finish and offer no real advice…just criticism. I was rushed the entire time
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I’ve been laughed at by a priest during confession, yelled out, as well as criticized.

Considering what I’d confessed however, these, in retrospect, were understandable reactions.

In another thread about Confession someone shared with me about how the Pope suggests people go to confession weekly. That to me is not excessive and considering how weak I am morally without God I really try to get there every week.

I’ve noticed the quality of my life is better and things just happen for the good unexpectedly when I go to Confession every week.

I say do what the church teaches and go to a priest who does also.

I think I would have been scared to go to Confession to someone like Padre Pio. Scared I 'd be one of the ones he’d throw out of the confessional.
 
crenfro said:
I’ve been laughed at by a priest during confession, yelled out, as well as criticized.

Considering what I’d confessed however, these, in retrospect, were understandable reactions.

In another thread about Confession someone shared with me about how the Pope suggests people go to confession weekly. That to me is not excessive and considering how weak I am morally without God I really try to get there every week.

I’ve noticed the quality of my life is better and things just happen for the good unexpectedly when I go to Confession every week.

I say do what the church teaches and go to a priest who does also.

I think I would have been scared to go to Confession to someone like Padre Pio. Scared I 'd be one of the ones he’d throw out of the confessional.
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My sentiments, exactly!
 
Claire_from_DE said:
Well, how frequently do you go? To me, every two weeks would not be unreasonable if you feel the need.
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I agree. If you have enough serious sin in your life to warrant that frequent confession to receive Communion, perhaps the problem isn’t in the confessional.

🤷
 
Confession is not only for serious sins. Pope Benedict seems to see weekly confession to be a good measure in keeping our souls in order.

CATECHESES OF HIS HOLINESS BENEDICT XVI
Oct. 15, 2005

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/speeches/2005/october/documents/hf_ben_xvi_spe_20051015_meeting-children_en.html
  1. Livia
Holy Father, before the day of my First Communion I went to confession. I have also been to confession on other occasions. I wanted to ask you: do I have to go to confession every time I receive Communion, even when I have committed the same sins? Because I realize that they are always the same.

I will tell you two things. The first, of course, is that you do not always have to go to confession before you receive Communion unless you have committed such serious sins that they need to be confessed. Therefore, it is not necessary to make one’s confession before every Eucharistic Communion. This is the first point. It is only necessary when you have committed a really serious sin, when you have deeply offended Jesus, so that your friendship is destroyed and you have to start again. Only in that case, when you are in a state of “mortal” sin, in other words, grave (sin), is it necessary to go to confession before Communion. This is my first point.

My second point: even if, as I said, it is not necessary to go to confession before each Communion, it is very helpful to confess with a certain regularity. **It is true: our sins are always the same, but we clean our homes, our rooms, at least once a week, even if the dirt is always the same; in order to live in cleanliness, in order to start again. Otherwise, the dirt might not be seen but it builds up. Something similar can be said about the soul, **for me myself: if I never go to confession, my soul is neglected and in the end I am always pleased with myself and no longer understand that I must always work hard to improve, that I must make progress. And this cleansing of the soul which Jesus gives us in the Sacrament of Confession helps us to make our consciences more alert, more open, and hence, it also helps us to mature spiritually and as human persons. Therefore, two things: confession is only necessary in the case of a serious sin, but it is very helpful to confess regularly in order to foster the cleanliness and beauty of the soul and to mature day by day in life.
 
crenfro said:
I think I would have been scared to go to Confession to someone like Padre Pio. Scared I 'd be one of the ones he’d throw out of the confessional.
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Yes, I would have been really hesitant to go to him.

I’m conjecturing that maybe what bothers some priests about some penitents is an attitude of “spiritual narcissism,” or “spiritual greed.” In other words, it’s all about me and my needs. But it isn’t. It’s about God.
 
michaeldaniels said:
I went to confession today. I have never had a priest treat me the way the priest did today. I like to go to confession often. During my confession, the priest acted like he was irritated that I was there yet again…and basically told me not to come so often…In addition, every time I stated a sin, he would interrupt me before I could finish and offer no real advice…just criticism. I was rushed the entire time and while I believe I stated all of my mortal sins…I know I was not able to state the number of times or other sins like questionable ones or venial sins…Then he gave me absolution. Now I am picking my brain wondering if my confession and absolution was valid…I really, really tried to make an excellent confession…however, the priest made it nearly impossible. I don’t know if I should go again or what…what do you all think? Also…shouldn’t a priest be more concerned with finding Catholics who don’t go to Mass or confession…or do not ever receive the Sacraments and try to bring them back to Church instead of criticizing those who want to frequently partake in the Sacraments…to be honest, it really made me angry and disappointed. Even if I wanted to go to confession daily, I don’t feel a priest should criticize me for that…I am just trying to live the best life I can live. Are we not supposed to have unrestricted access to the Sacrament of penance and the Holy Eucharist (assuming you are a practicing Catholic in full communion with the Church)? Also, he told me there is no need for me to go to confession as often as I do…We then talked about The Pope and how he goes often…then he went on to say he has a reason, that it is ok for him to go as often as he does because of all the responsibilities he has as Pope and he needs the graces afforded by the Sacrament…Well, I told him I am discerning the Priesthood and I honestly believe that I need all the graces I can get as well…so why is it not ok for someone discerning the priesthood to frequently go to confession? Anyone else ever encounter this problem?
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I haven’t encountered this problem. This is very troubling indeed.

And one more thing about his complaining about you going to confession frequently. In a way it sounds like he’s bringing up past confessions with you. I don’t think he’s supposed to do that, even with you unless you request it.

You might want to find a different priest to confess to, unless this particular priest is the only one in your area or at your parish. Don’t let him drive you away from the sacrament.
 
I’m sorry you had a bad experience with confession. I’ve recently gotten back on track with confession on a regular basis and the first one i had wasn’t ‘ideal’ and when i shared, was told by a much wiser person that it’s difficult to find good confessors these days with priests having many other administrative matters at hand, they can some times have a bad day and just be ‘out of it’. They’re only human.

Maybe if possible, find another confessor and it’d go better, or just pray about it and God knows your heart 🙂

The next time i had confession with the ‘non-ideal’ priest, it was still ‘non-ideal’ with no advice no nothing, it was pretty automated and every one that went to him went in, closed the door, spent about 1 min and came out, as if by clockwork. But it’s how sincere you are about making your confession… if it really bothers you, find another confessor.

Sorry for rambling.
 
JimG said:
Yes, I would have been really hesitant to go to him.

I’m conjecturing that maybe what bothers some priests about some penitents is an attitude of “spiritual narcissism,” or “spiritual greed.” In other words, it’s all about me and my needs. But it isn’t. It’s about God.
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I have read several other threads of this nature here at CAF. I see two different themes.

One, that over-frequent confession can become a form of self-abuse. Surely those devout enough to frequently attend Mass can make it from one Mass to another without needing confession? Or do they bereate themselves to the point that they feel the need?

Two, the possibility that we have another example of a clergy-laity authority issue. If my priest says I’m overdoing it, then perhaps I should listen to him. After all, he is a trained clergyman, yes?
 
The OP doesn’t indicate how ‘often’ he likes to go to confession but from the priest’s reaction it appears it’s often enough for the priest to be concerned about the frequency and what he’s confessing. There can be an unhealthy need to keep going to confession.
 
Well, there are of course, several types of people. There are those who hardly ever go to confession and rarely see sin in themselves.

But there are also those who see sin in themselves all the time, and go to confession too often. This is rather like an obsessive-compulsive who must wash his hands ten times a day to make sure all the germs are gone.

I recall a conversation with a priest once with regard to the rules about how often communion can be received.

He said that ideally, one should be able to receive at each Eucharist. But the twice a day rule was intended to somewhat discourage those who would literally go from one Mass to another with intent of “scooping up” all the grace they could. That sort of thing puts the emphasis on the individual when it should be on Christ. I think that scrupulosity can sometimes be a form of narcissism.

I have no knowledge of the OP’s spiritual situation; but these are two extremes to be guarded against.
 
ethelzguy said:
I have read several other threads of this nature here at CAF. I see two different themes.

One, that over-frequent confession can become a form of self-abuse. Surely those devout enough to frequently attend Mass can make it from one Mass to another without needing confession? Or do they bereate themselves to the point that they feel the need?

Two, the possibility that we have another example of a clergy-laity authority issue. If my priest says I’m overdoing it, then perhaps I should listen to him. After all, he is a trained clergyman, yes?
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Sacramentally annointed to stand in place of Christ! Yes - I agree.
 
Phemie said:
The OP doesn’t indicate how ‘often’ he likes to go to confession but from the priest’s reaction it appears it’s often enough for the priest to be concerned about the frequency and what he’s confessing. There can be an unhealthy need to keep going to confession.
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Again, in complete deference to the priest - I agree.
 
dessert said:
Who does the Pope confess to? I have wondered that for a long time
And priests don’t confess to bishops at a regular confession, do they?
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Just made me realize that my pastor doesn’t get to confess very often as there is no other priest in the area. Might explain why he puts no emphasis whatsoever on confession for anyone else either.
 
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