Very troubling experience at confession

[LilyM]

Who does the Pope confess to? I have wondered that for a long time
And priests don’t confess to bishops at a regular confession, do they?

The Pope would probably have his own confessor - the same priest/bishop/cardinal that he goes to each time (not that they necessarily only hear his confessions, of course). This can, of course, be any priest at all - high rank does not necessarily a good confessor make, and why wouldn’t the Pope choose the best he can?

Priests can and do, however, confess to other priests. I’ve been blessed to occasionally see priests or brothers lining up alongside lay penitents for the confession - it reminds me how important the sacrament is to all of us :yup:

 

[dessert]

Just made me realize that my pastor doesn’t get to confess very often as there is no other priest in the area. Might explain why he puts no emphasis whatsoever on confession for anyone else either.

We have a cluster of parishes so they meet once a week. I suppose they hash out mistakes at that.
I would suggest you act like a sounding board for him, ask him about his ideas etc. maybe this will help?

 

[dessert]

Any of the above can confess to any other priest. I’ve been blessed to occasionlly see priests or brothers lining up alongside lay penitents for the confession - it reminds me how important the sacrament is to all of us :yup:

Wow I never heard of that, that is a wonderful idea. Our priest will on occasion confess right out at Mass if he has done a mistake. He is a very holy and humble example.

 

[Phemie]

We have a cluster of parishes so they meet once a week. I suppose they hash out mistakes at that.
I would suggest you act like a sounding board for him, ask him about his ideas etc. maybe this will help?

Not at all sure what you mean by acting as a sounding board.

Besides, I hardly see him.

 

[Padua_Minded]

Anyone else ever encounter this problem?

Yes, it’s called scrupulosity. Arrest this obsessive behavior promptly, otherwise it will destroy your spiritual life. You have no need to going to confession more than once a week, unless you are absolutely confident that you have committed mortal sin.

Frequent confession is very harmful for someone with scrupulosity. Not infrequently it leads to despair or even apostasy from the faith.

Furthermore a scrupulous person is not bound by the same discipline in the confessional that would be incumbent on a Catholic of sound moral reasoning.

From the Original Catholic Encyclopedia:

Among these [characteristics] is a certain rooted attachment to their own opinion which makes them unwilling to abide by the judgment of those whom they consult, even though these latter have every title to deference. In consequence, they go from one confessor to another, change their convictions with hardly a shadow of motive, and are tortured by an overshadowing dread that sin lurks in everything they do, and say, and think.

In the various perplexities as to the lawfulness of their actions they are not bound to employ any such scrutiny as would be incumbent upon persons in a normal condition. They are not bound to repeat anything of former confessions unless they are sure, without protracted examination, that it is a mortal sin and has never been properly confessed.*

“Scruple,” JOSEPH F. DELANY, The Catholic Encyclopedia, 1914 (San Diego, Catholic Answers, 2007)

Also, some wise advice from the saints on this subject is to be found in The Wisdom of the Saints: An Anthology by Jill Haak Adels

Saint Joseph Cafasso:

"Uneasy about your prayers? I forbid you to repeat even small parts of them.

Troubled over the examination of conscience? Omit the daily examen.

You want to go to confession everyday? No, once a week is enough. It is useless to make long confessions; just answer my questions, nothing more.

You are afraid you did not have contrition for your sins? That regret indicates you were sorry.

You went to confession to someone else last week after making your confession to me? I refuse you absolution today. Come again in a week.

You did not go to Communion as often as I told you to do so? I refuse to authorize you to receive at all this week; you are not worthy; when you learn to be more obedient, I’ll tell you when you may go again.

You are troubled about your preparation for Communion? Don’t make any. You should always be ready to cmmunicate. Just see if you have any venal sins, make an act of contrition, kiss a crucifx and receive without fear".

Bl. Julian of Norwich

“When they begin to hate sin and amend themselves to the laws of Holy Church, still there persists a fear that moves them to look at themselvesand their sins committed in the past. And they take this fear for humility, but it is a reprehensible blindness and weakness”.

 

[Padua_Minded]

I was rushed the entire time and while I believe I stated all of my mortal sins…I know I was not able to state the number of times or other sins like questionable ones or venial sins…Then he gave me absolution. Now I am picking my brain wondering if my confession and absolution was valid

Nonsense!

A confession is invalid when the penitent deliberately withholds a mortal sin in the confessional. You clearly did not do that, even if you think you “may have”.

We are not under an obligation to confess venial sins or doubtful sins, only sins that we clearly remember consenting to when we fully aware at the time that such sins were grave matter.

If you a scrupulous person, you should not be confessing venial or doubtful sins. Try to stay away from the confessional unless you are absolutely certain (without studiously examining your conscience) that you committed a mortal sin. Scrupulosity poses a very serious danger to your eternal soul, and it is a condition the Devil will surely attempt to take advantage of.

 

[musicmantg11]

Im positive that the confession and absolution counted and you are forgiven of your sins. Your priest might have been having a bad day. Priests are the same as any other person they have their good and bad days. You are correct about having no restrictions on these two sacraments, we can go anytime we feel the need to the sacrament of reconciliation. Try to go once or twice a month and if you really feel the need then go more often, just follow what your heart tells you to. Do not be upset at all over that confession. You’re sins are trully forgiven I’m sure, and keep going and receiving the holy sacraments. As Pope John Paul II’s most famous words are: “Do Not Be Afraid!”

God Bless! +

 

[Brian_Millar]

I know this may not sound very Catholic, but in this case, I’d confess directly to God in prayer, then what ever you are concerned about, repent from. I tend to think priests are being subjected to much they should not have to in the confessional, kind of like if you are surrounded by negative people and situations, it will eventually affect your mindset.

 

[michaeldaniels]

I am broken like everyone else…I sin, however, I go frequently to confess my venial sins, with the occasional mortal sins. Like I stated, I enjoy the graces received from the Sacrament. I find it enables me to live a better life and keeps me away from graver sins.

I agree. If you have enough serious sin in your life to warrant that frequent confession to receive Communion, perhaps the problem isn’t in the confessional.

 

[ethelzguy]

Yes, it’s called scrupulosity. Arrest this obsessive behavior promptly, otherwise it will destroy your spiritual life. You have no need to going to confession more than once a week, unless you are absolutely confident that you have committed mortal sin.

Frequent confession is very harmful for someone with scrupulosity. Not infrequently it leads to despair or even apostasy from the faith.

Ironically, part of today’s sermon was on the scrupulous. The priest put it as “those who have been forgiven by God, but refuse to believe that they have”.

Apparently he has had some experience with this. He gave examples, and one that stood out in my mind was the one about the person who sneezed while saying the Act of Contrition feeling that their confession and absolution had been invalidated.

 

[MarieVeronica]

Hi Michael. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. The closest I’ve come to what you described… “priest’s attitude” about the Sacrament of Reconciliation… was this past Divine Mercy Sunday. On the Saturday before… 30 people showed up for the Sacrament of Reconciliation… and 30 people were turned away.

When the Pastor was contacted by phone, and asked politely if he was going to be hearing Confessions… he said “No… because we were still in the Easter season”… whatever that meant (I wasn’t aware that no Confessions were to be heard, during the Easter Season). He then suggested that we all say an “Act of Contrition” and come back another time.

I walked away from that with the feeling that he couldn’t be bothered. It both hurt and scandalized me, greatly. I wrote to the Bishop, concerning the matter… and received a polite answer… telling me to talk directly to the Pastor about it. Again, I had the feeling “I can’t be bothered”.

It worries me greatly, that some of our middle age priests… seem to have this lax “attitude” about the Sacrament of Reconciliation. But I have great hope for the newer, upcoming priests (Possibly you? I will pray for you). I would very much like to see a great “revival” of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Because it is SO important. God bless, and don’t get discouraged!

 

[danonwaveland]

Who does the Pope confess to? I have wondered that for a long time
And priests don’t confess to bishops at a regular confession, do they?

I heard this story from a reliable source – probably someone on Relevant Radio – although I can’t remember all the exact details. Maybe someone out there has heard it and can fill in the details. Anyway. . .

A young priest was heading to Rome and, because of some “connections,” was scheduled to be part of an audience with JPII. On the way, he met a beggar near the Vatican and, coincidentally – God-incidentally, struck up a conversation with him. Turns out the beggar was a priest who had “hit the skids.” The young priest went on and, in meeting JPII, mentioned the priest/beggar and asked for prayers for him. JPII asked the young priest to have dinner with him that evening and to bring the priest/beggar. The young priest went back to the priest/beggar, who, of course, did not believe the story but, after much cajoling, agreed to go with the young priest, clean up and have dinner with JPII. Dinner went well and at the conclusion of the evening, JPII asked the young priest to allow him and the beggar/priest some private time. The young priest bid JPII goodnight, left the room and waited in another room for the other priest. In a little while, the beggar/priest came out with an astonished look on his face. On the way home, the two talked and the beggar/priest told the young priest that JPII had asked him to hear his confession. In the end, the beggar/priest was brought back “into the fold” and assigned work minstering to the other beggars in his area.

Please fill in or correct any of the details. However, I believe this is an accurate story, even if I’ve muffed some of the details.

God bless!
Dan

 

[Simon_X]

I heard this story from a reliable source – probably someone on Relevant Radio – although I can’t remember all the exact details. Maybe someone out there has heard it and can fill in the details. Anyway. . .

A young priest was heading to Rome and, because of some “connections,” was scheduled to be part of an audience with JPII. On the way, he met a beggar near the Vatican and, coincidentally – God-incidentally, struck up a conversation with him. Turns out the beggar was a priest who had “hit the skids.” The young priest went on and, in meeting JPII, mentioned the priest/beggar and asked for prayers for him. JPII asked the young priest to have dinner with him that evening and to bring the priest/beggar. The young priest went back to the priest/beggar, who, of course, did not believe the story but, after much cajoling, agreed to go with the young priest, clean up and have dinner with JPII. Dinner went well and at the conclusion of the evening, JPII asked the young priest to allow him and the beggar/priest some private time. The young priest bid JPII goodnight, left the room and waited in another room for the other priest. In a little while, the beggar/priest came out with an astonished look on his face. On the way home, the two talked and the beggar/priest told the young priest that JPII had asked him to hear his confession. In the end, the beggar/priest was brought back “into the fold” and assigned work minstering to the other beggars in his area.

Please fill in or correct any of the details. However, I believe this is an accurate story, even if I’ve muffed some of the details.

God bless!
Dan

Heard this story too, very inspirational…

 

[wina]

I think you would benefit greatly from having a spiritual director, especially since you are discerning priesthood. This SD can advise you on things that you are looking for in the confessional and maybe this SD can advise you on what to take to confession as well.

Sounds like you will make a good Priest someday. I will say a prayer for you!

Well I agree with DJ to find a spiritual director for you Michael as it’s a good step for your discernment but what I can say that pray hard to get a good spiritual director because I had bad experience to get one too and it has made me traumatic to get one again.So I just put God as my spiritual director at this moment.
God bless

 

[LaLucia]

My adult son who teaches Catechism to high school kids said to me one day out of the blue…He said, “Mom, if any priest during comfession becomes verbally abusive towards you… just walk out”.
I just said, “Okay”.
My adult son was busy fixing my computer so I didn’t ask him why he said that to me all of a sudden. He is a man of few words.
He doesn’t like to talk much so I just understood what he meant.

Our Parish priests are great at confession time. They like for us to confess often. They say that Pope John Paul II confessed his sins often. They like for us to confess our sins often even if they are minor ones.

There are some people that have VICES and they committ those sins over and over. I guess some priest keep hearing those same problems over and over. They wish people would improve and let go of their vices. If a person keeps committing the same mortal sin over and over I think they need to talk to a therapist about it.

If I was to confess to Padre Pio… I would say to him…“Padre…you already know what my sins are”… please ask God to forgive me for my sins. I love Padre Pio. Eventhough Padre Pio is in Heaven I talk to him at times. I have a beautiful statue of him that was made in Italy.

 

[mdgspencer]

Some months ago I went to confession to a priest that was irritable. I have simply gone to another priest after that. That took care of the problem immediately. You can go to any priest you want for confession.

 

[whatevergirl]

I went to confession today. I have never had a priest treat me the way the priest did today. I like to go to confession often. During my confession, the priest acted like he was irritated that I was there yet again…and basically told me not to come so often…In addition, every time I stated a sin, he would interrupt me before I could finish and offer no real advice…just criticism. I was rushed the entire time and while I believe I stated all of my mortal sins…I know I was not able to state the number of times or other sins like questionable ones or venial sins…Then he gave me absolution. Now I am picking my brain wondering if my confession and absolution was valid…I really, really tried to make an excellent confession…however, the priest made it nearly impossible. I don’t know if I should go again or what…what do you all think? Also…shouldn’t a priest be more concerned with finding Catholics who don’t go to Mass or confession…or do not ever receive the Sacraments and try to bring them back to Church instead of criticizing those who want to frequently partake in the Sacraments…to be honest, it really made me angry and disappointed. Even if I wanted to go to confession daily, I don’t feel a priest should criticize me for that…I am just trying to live the best life I can live. Are we not supposed to have unrestricted access to the Sacrament of penance and the Holy Eucharist (assuming you are a practicing Catholic in full communion with the Church)? Also, he told me there is no need for me to go to confession as often as I do…We then talked about The Pope and how he goes often…then he went on to say he has a reason, that it is ok for him to go as often as he does because of all the responsibilities he has as Pope and he needs the graces afforded by the Sacrament…Well, I told him I am discerning the Priesthood and I honestly believe that I need all the graces I can get as well…so why is it not ok for someone discerning the priesthood to frequently go to confession? Anyone else ever encounter this problem?

I feel so sad reading this…there is nothing wrong with going to confession frequently…I go every other week, if I am able…I go every week, if possible, during Lent…many great saints teach to go to confession often. It is a great way to keep our consciences cleansed.

I am hopeful that this priest was just having an off or bad day. It happens. A priest though should not be admonishing someone for going to confession frequently. That surprises me in a sad kind of way.

 

[whatevergirl]

Some months ago I went to confession to a priest that was irritable. I have simply gone to another priest after that. That took care of the problem immediately. You can go to any priest you want for confession.

I second this. While it’s possible the priest was having a bad day, it probably has caused the OP to feel some discomfort with going back to him. I go to a different parish for confession, as the timing is better than the parish we attend for mass. They have a few priests who ‘rotate,’ and at times, my dd, who comes with me a lot, tells me she feels she is being rushed.

Priests are human beings…and subject to bad days like the rest of us…But, they are acting in the persona of Christ…it’s hard to imagine Christ arguing with someone, over coming to confession on a frequent basis.

 

[Jennifer_G]

It is true: our sins are always the same, but we clean our homes, our rooms, at least once a week, …

It has to be a German thing linking cleaning rooms and religion. My mom (part German - German side came not too far from where Pope Benedict comes from) always says something along those lines too!

Maybe I shouldn’t tell her what the Pope said so it doesn’t get to her head.

Anyway, personally, I go to confession every week, but I haven’t had any bad experiences. My Italian great-grandmother would go almost every other day.

 

[CapaxDei]

Hi Michael. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. The closest I’ve come to what you described… “priest’s attitude” about the Sacrament of Reconciliation… was this past Divine Mercy Sunday. On the Saturday before… 30 people showed up for the Sacrament of Reconciliation… and 30 people were turned away.

Declining to offer the Sacrament of Mercy on the eve of the Feast of Divine Mercy…