O
OLofMtCarmel
Guest
Specifically American veterans: I’ve been reading a lot about PTSD and Major Depression. I was wondering if there are any brother or sister soldiers on here that have been diagnosed with it as I have finally received a diagnosis. In the past, I was diagnosed with PTSD and/or Major Depression - Severe with major anxieties as a result of a military injury, non-combat but training or else.
The source of my PTSD and major depression and anxieties stem from a serious accident involving 2 heavy military vehicles. I was hanging from the back of a big truck, dangling like a Christmas ornament. It’s by fare the most scared in my life I’ve ever been after having lost a fellow soldier in AIT and later witnessed an Abrams tank kill 2 men driving on the tank trail in Graf, Germany. Human flesh does make a good cushion for the military vehicles.
I have the ugliest scar from belly button wrapped around to back side over kidney area I have the most disgusting scar. i never thought of myself as vain, but after this I wonder. I didn’t know that such a massive scar could push me in a very dark place. It destroyed my self-esteem, confidence, self-image, and made me so anxious and overly alert about my surroundings, not to mention a bit OCD about everything I do now. I have to concentrate really hard just to do what I could do normal. Fortunately, some of that worked for me for a while, but every job I’ve had I’ve chewed someone out excessively and have been accused of being angry ever since the accident. I didn’t know what PTSD really was until recently and never identified myself with it as a result. But now that I’ve done my research, it explains everything that I experience. After 26 years of trying to live with this I finally submitted a claim in to the VA because I’ve been unemployed for over 2 years now as the result of blowing up at my last boss, even though it was justified, it wasn’t appropriate and not typical of me prior to the accident.
I’m also extremely protective of my wife and children and think it’s probably symptomatic of PTSD. I mean extremely protective to the point I’ve jumped on quite a number of people I felt were unfair or harsh to my children and wife when they were simply doing their job. I’ve strained my relationship with my own family members, even though there is good reason to stay away. But I didn’t prior to the injury. Pulling back and looking back I see it now. But in the middle of it all without guidance or anyone willing to help me I felt lost and lonely, all by myself and distrusting of even my wife.
I knew I was going to die that night and during the crushing i blacked out and recall an experience of my life passing before me. We were driving at night in pitch black and the driver made a wrong turn. Both of us were new to the Army and the guy that should have been in my seat was sleeping in the back of the truck. I avoided blaming him and the driver back then but felt let down. I had no business with that little experience doing what I was doing in that environment. That’s why I knew I was going to die when I got caught on the back of the truck… Making things worst after the accident was the abuse I received from my 1st Sergeant that eventually got relieved for calling me and several others “Holy Rollers” because the Chaplain put us on a list to go to Lourdes without us knowing it. He even tried to make me show up to formation like that and do PT when it should have been obvious I couldn’t do anything. I recall simply choosing not to go to formation for a month on my own and said I don’t care what happens to me until I’m healed enough to get out.
I have weekly headaches with frequent migraines now and all sorts of aches and pains that I didn’t have prior to the accident. I was taught by my family that receiving benefits like that was basically equivalent to charity. So in order to avoid the stigma of being weak in my own family, I didn’t pursue it. Everyone that knew me prior to the Army accident described me as happy and easy going. Now I’m a crank. I couldn’t stand up straight without severe pain for a month. I try to joke about it to minimize its effects on me, but that really just triggers my anxiety even more with flashbacks and really bad dreams.I’ve tried talking about it off and on for years and even joined the Guard trying to “get over it” on my own but found ways to get out of it each time. I have nearly all of the symptoms of PTSD. And last month I was officially diagnosed with Chronic PTSD at the VA clinic. I assume that means I’m stuck with it like the Major Depression that appears to stem from it.
I chose to get covered by the VA clinic for medical treatment after a University school nurse did something that triggered and embarrassed me in front of 15 people, staff and patients. She even called my therapist in on it. What a manipulative person, all because I described a doctor treating me like an “As@?#*le”. She went off on this “Church Lady” routine as if she’d never heard the use of the term. I was very polite up until the 5th time she persisted that I speak to that doctor. I finally snapped at her and tried to wall out of the buiding before I snapped. But she called my therapist from upstairs and other people got involved and eventually I just said, I’m leaving after telling her that we all need to put on our big boys and girls pants. That was nice compared to what I wanted to do and what I did in other places. I see a raltion to the injury now because it heightened my senses and make me very vigilant and protective. Noises make me jumpy. I never let my children, though older, walk across the parking lot without me being overly cuasious. I feel that I haven’t been able to live my life. I want my life back and now feel like the best years of my life are over. It’s all down hill now and I’ll be lucky to live another 10 to 20 years. I failed my family.
The source of my PTSD and major depression and anxieties stem from a serious accident involving 2 heavy military vehicles. I was hanging from the back of a big truck, dangling like a Christmas ornament. It’s by fare the most scared in my life I’ve ever been after having lost a fellow soldier in AIT and later witnessed an Abrams tank kill 2 men driving on the tank trail in Graf, Germany. Human flesh does make a good cushion for the military vehicles.
I have the ugliest scar from belly button wrapped around to back side over kidney area I have the most disgusting scar. i never thought of myself as vain, but after this I wonder. I didn’t know that such a massive scar could push me in a very dark place. It destroyed my self-esteem, confidence, self-image, and made me so anxious and overly alert about my surroundings, not to mention a bit OCD about everything I do now. I have to concentrate really hard just to do what I could do normal. Fortunately, some of that worked for me for a while, but every job I’ve had I’ve chewed someone out excessively and have been accused of being angry ever since the accident. I didn’t know what PTSD really was until recently and never identified myself with it as a result. But now that I’ve done my research, it explains everything that I experience. After 26 years of trying to live with this I finally submitted a claim in to the VA because I’ve been unemployed for over 2 years now as the result of blowing up at my last boss, even though it was justified, it wasn’t appropriate and not typical of me prior to the accident.
I’m also extremely protective of my wife and children and think it’s probably symptomatic of PTSD. I mean extremely protective to the point I’ve jumped on quite a number of people I felt were unfair or harsh to my children and wife when they were simply doing their job. I’ve strained my relationship with my own family members, even though there is good reason to stay away. But I didn’t prior to the injury. Pulling back and looking back I see it now. But in the middle of it all without guidance or anyone willing to help me I felt lost and lonely, all by myself and distrusting of even my wife.
I knew I was going to die that night and during the crushing i blacked out and recall an experience of my life passing before me. We were driving at night in pitch black and the driver made a wrong turn. Both of us were new to the Army and the guy that should have been in my seat was sleeping in the back of the truck. I avoided blaming him and the driver back then but felt let down. I had no business with that little experience doing what I was doing in that environment. That’s why I knew I was going to die when I got caught on the back of the truck… Making things worst after the accident was the abuse I received from my 1st Sergeant that eventually got relieved for calling me and several others “Holy Rollers” because the Chaplain put us on a list to go to Lourdes without us knowing it. He even tried to make me show up to formation like that and do PT when it should have been obvious I couldn’t do anything. I recall simply choosing not to go to formation for a month on my own and said I don’t care what happens to me until I’m healed enough to get out.
I have weekly headaches with frequent migraines now and all sorts of aches and pains that I didn’t have prior to the accident. I was taught by my family that receiving benefits like that was basically equivalent to charity. So in order to avoid the stigma of being weak in my own family, I didn’t pursue it. Everyone that knew me prior to the Army accident described me as happy and easy going. Now I’m a crank. I couldn’t stand up straight without severe pain for a month. I try to joke about it to minimize its effects on me, but that really just triggers my anxiety even more with flashbacks and really bad dreams.I’ve tried talking about it off and on for years and even joined the Guard trying to “get over it” on my own but found ways to get out of it each time. I have nearly all of the symptoms of PTSD. And last month I was officially diagnosed with Chronic PTSD at the VA clinic. I assume that means I’m stuck with it like the Major Depression that appears to stem from it.
I chose to get covered by the VA clinic for medical treatment after a University school nurse did something that triggered and embarrassed me in front of 15 people, staff and patients. She even called my therapist in on it. What a manipulative person, all because I described a doctor treating me like an “As@?#*le”. She went off on this “Church Lady” routine as if she’d never heard the use of the term. I was very polite up until the 5th time she persisted that I speak to that doctor. I finally snapped at her and tried to wall out of the buiding before I snapped. But she called my therapist from upstairs and other people got involved and eventually I just said, I’m leaving after telling her that we all need to put on our big boys and girls pants. That was nice compared to what I wanted to do and what I did in other places. I see a raltion to the injury now because it heightened my senses and make me very vigilant and protective. Noises make me jumpy. I never let my children, though older, walk across the parking lot without me being overly cuasious. I feel that I haven’t been able to live my life. I want my life back and now feel like the best years of my life are over. It’s all down hill now and I’ll be lucky to live another 10 to 20 years. I failed my family.
Kidding aside, if your symptoms are not improving, I suggest you go to the VA simply to get into one of their many programs to help. I’m trying to get the nerve to go get help now. I don’t like being the “mentally ill guy”.
That’s what we called it. Yes, I can make much more money, however, if the symptoms interfere with social norms, then getting and keeping a job presents a problem. I worked as an engineer. But I realize that I spent more time daydreaming, not out of laziness, but like a drone incapable of thought at the time. It was this event that triggered the wider array of other events that occurred on active duty, including nearly being court martialed over a lie some lame lieutenant made up. I think I mentioned that already. That had a profound effect on my along with the many other abuse scenarios. I was naive and young and frankly should have not joined for 4 years. I spent my time protecting my soldiers, contrary to many NCOs I knew.