Vicious Cycle of Lust and Remorse

[stanthonyprayfu]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust. At least once a week and a few hours ago I look at pornography and masturbate. I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days. Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute. Most people where I live are Atheists, so I feel like I must choose between being single for life and hell. What can I do?

 

[Nelka]

Masturbation makes the whole thing worse.

I used to have a picture of the Divine Mercy on my desktop so I had to see Him before I could load a page of something like that.

I also placed His picture on the wall so I would see it even in the corner of my eye whilst I was on the computer.

You get to a point where you try to hide your face whilst you are on the computer and end up not looking.

I never looked at hard porn or would ever think of a prostitute.

Come to think of it I had His picture on the wall in the bathroom so I couldn’t even go beyond washing in the shower.

If you went to a prostitute, how long would that help you for? A few days? What’s the point!

 

[PietroPaolo]

Even if you fall again, even if you know you will very likely fall again, you can still repent. Repentance is an act of the will, one you can choose to make. I’ve written a bit, drawing from the wisdom of the saints, on struggling with recurring sin HERE. I also recommend Matt Fradd’s book Delivered.

I’ll offer an Ave for you in your struggle.

 

[PietroPaolo]

You might also read and meditate on Dante’s Inferno. The real possibility of an eternity in Hell is not something to take lightly. Remember all things are possible with and in Christ. You can be freed from your addiction. It just takes time. Don’t be too discouraged with your recent falls. God bless.

 

[Loving_disciple]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust. At least once a week and a few hours ago I look at pornography and masturbate. I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days. Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute. Most people where I live are Atheists, so I feel like I must choose between being single for life and hell. What can I do?

Yes you can be forgiven Gods mercy is infinitely greater tbs. your sin. Confess your sin and took to a priest confession helps in the battle of chastity. I know I have struggled with the same thing for five years now

 

[Mike_Dye]

First I am assuming that you are Catholic. If that is the case you have the opportunity of confessing. If when you confess you set your mind not to commit the sin again and are willing to really try, a few things will happen over time. Don’t despair if you do fall back into the same sin, just keep trying to the best of your ability to do better. In the old Baltimore Catechism the definition of a sacrament was “an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace”. Not only does the sacrament of Confession absolve you of your sin but you also receive “actual grace”. With that grace, little by little your resolve will strengthened to avoid this sin.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Be strong , brother! You sound like me. First of all, find new friends! Now, I know the cycle seems endless. I am happily reaching a stage of repentance that will allow me to confess soon. And when I do I’ll need to ask the priest to be gentle. Pray, pray, pray.

Let me give you some thoughts that have helped me begin to gain control. Recently, before each time I sinned sins of the flesh, I would actually whimper, “God, I dont want to do this again.” I would still end up committing sin, but I realized I was a slave. At this point, I imagined God would lock me in final impenitance. Praise God, I was not there yet. And neither are you. You come asking for help meaning the Spirit of God still calls. This is the realization I had. Why does God call me? Does He do so under threat of Hell? Yes and no. Hell is a real posibility if you do not repent, and the threat serves as a Mercy to correct behavior, yet He desires our Salvation SO much. It is now, now while you are so deep on sin, while your soul is covered in grime and filth He looks most tenderly upon you. He sees all you could be and wants to help. Know that now is when He weeps for you. Now it is, He steps off His thrown, and plunges headlong to catch you. Now, unafraid of your misery, His arms wrap around you. He summons His mother and His angels ti surround you. The Saints cry out for your vindication. All Heaven is screaming and hollering for your deliverence. Join them in this loud cry to Christ, the Spirit and the Father of lights. Call a priest, go see him. If you cannot bring yourself to confess ask the priest to pray with you and give you a blessing, that God smash the chains of the evil one, the one whom He will on the Day of Justice, should you choose God’s Mercy, pour His wrath upon like so much molten lead for having tempted and tormented you, you who are to be so bright jewel in His Crown of Glory. Then, infused with that blessing, confess yor sins. Courage, brother! My prayers are with you!
youtube.com/watch?v=FB0TWvag_Ic&feature=youtube_gdata_player

 

[tawny]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust. At least once a week and a few hours ago I look at pornography and masturbate. I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days. Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute. Most people where I live are Atheists, so I feel like I must choose between being single for life and hell. What can I do?

Praying to the Holy Spirit for you to overcome this vice.

 

[RosyAnne]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust.

When you say “unwinnable” you are saying “hopeless”. Never. Get back up and keep trying. A Saint isn’t a perfect, sinless human being. A Saint keeps getting back up, brushing themselves off and trying again.

I I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days.

You can repent even though you believe chances are that in your weakness you will do it again. Please spend time in confession and speak to a good priest about this. He will guide you through it.

Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute.

Do not make your woundedness more serious by pursuing this grave sin. It will only cause you more pain, more woundedness and a tighter grip on your soul.

stanthonyprayfu, you will be ok and get through this but you must never give up. Keep trying. God loves you very much and is cheering you on. Do your best today. Don’t worry about tomorrow or next week or next year. Just focus on doing your best today (do that each day, start fresh with good intentions). Stay close to Jesus and keep praying, He can heal all wounds.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection,
implored your help or sought your intercession,
was left unaided.

Inspired with this confidence,
I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother;
to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful.

O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

 

[doglover2]

Well I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t see the problem with masturbating and looking at porn - you are single after all. You will not go to hell. Even if it WAS wrong in God’s eyes (which I don’t know if it is, I don’t think it is wrong to masturbate though) you can still say God I am struggling with this, you can still repent even if you know you won’t be able to resist it right away, do you see what I’m saying, God loves you and he understands that it’s difficult, so please don’t ever think you will go to hell for that *big hugs

 

[PhiloFides]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust. At least once a week and a few hours ago I look at pornography and masturbate. I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days. Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute. Most people where I live are Atheists, so I feel like I must choose between being single for life and hell. What can I do?

You are obviously sorry and desire to change. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be posting here. Therefore, of course you can be forgiven. Hopelessness is a tactic of the devil. Everyone is human, so everyone knows they will sin again after they go to confession. Don’t let that be a reason to stop you from going.

Get a St. Benedict medal, or better yet a crucifix with a St. Benedict medal. Have it blessed. Wear it all the time. Go to confession as often as you can. I will pray for you.

 

[crystal_waters]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust. At least once a week and a few hours ago I look at pornography and masturbate. I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days. Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute. Most people where I live are Atheists, so I feel like I must choose between being single for life and hell. What can I do?

Put a block on your computer to block porn…

If you have any porn magazines/ videos/ dvds/pictures etc…destroy them and then toss them in the bin

You can control yourself…if you say you cant then thats like saying you shouldnt be let out in public because you cant control sexual urges.

Lastly dont go and see a prostitute…thats beyond disgusting…and drop any friends who are leading you towards porn and prostitutes…they arent real friends to encourage that kind of thing

 

[tominrichmondva]

As a long-term help, consider finding and attending Sexaholics Anonymous, which could help you find support for your struggle.

Frequent recourse to the sacraments of confession and the Eucharist can be powerful supernatural tools to combat this vice.

Since grace builds on nature, the practical tips and support of an SA group can lay a good foundation for the graces of the sacraments to bear fruit in your soul.

 

[InNomineDomini]

I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days.

Don’t doubt the mercy of God, and most certainly, don’t simply give up! There is a difference between intending to commit a sin again in utter apathy and* failing again due to a weak will.*

I’ve never heard of anyone who was addicted to pornography who didn’t fail now and again, but this should not imply that it was their will to continue their viewing. On the other hand, an utter lack of remorse and a strong intention to sin again is very problematic, as those are symptoms of a lack of repentance.

The advice to see a prostitute is, simply put, demonic in origin.

 

[InNomineDomini]

Well I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t see the problem with masturbating and looking at porn - you are single after all.

Then please educate yourself: catholicnewsagency.com/resources/life-and-family/pornography/the-harmful-effects-of-pornography/

 

[EasterJoy]

Well I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t see the problem with masturbating and looking at porn - you are single after all. You will not go to hell. Even if it WAS wrong in God’s eyes (which I don’t know if it is, I don’t think it is wrong to masturbate though) you can still say God I am struggling with this, you can still repent even if you know you won’t be able to resist it right away, do you see what I’m saying, God loves you and he understands that it’s difficult, so please don’t ever think you will go to hell for that *big hugs

How is this guy’s wife going to feel about this, when he isn’t single any more? Do you think this habit just drops away at marriage? It does not. How do you think the fathers of those women he is looking at would feel about this guy’s habit? Their brothers? Do you want to send him a picture of yourself, so he can use you that way? Guys actually used to tell Carrie Fisher that they indulged in this habit while contemplating Princess Leia. It gave her the creeps, and it would give me the creep, too!

It is wrong because he is reducing those women to objects. He doesn’t know them, he doesn’t care about them, he looks at them as if they were livestock put on this earth to feed his appetites. That is why it is wrong, even if they welcome this kind of “attention.”

I would suggest that it is very hard to break a habit with a “don’t.” The way to break a habit is to replace the bad behavior with a good behavior. One thing this fellow might do is to start looking at these women not as objects of lust, but as persons with an unfortunate thirst for inappropriate attention. Let him cover the whole picture, except their faces. He can ask himself how he sees them differently when he does that. He can start thinking of them as someone he might befriend, someone he could tell, “Put your clothes on. I want to respect you, and I want you to respect yourself. That part of yourself is meant for your husband alone. You don’t have to do that in order to get people to like you.” If he starts training himself to look at the pictures in a way that says “You” and not “It”, that might help him turn away from it completely.

In the meantime, he should not despair. Many people confess the exact same sins at every confession, because the worst sins are usually a break-down at our weakest spot. If he keeps wanting to change, then gradually he may be able to do that. If all he does is fight, even though he loses every time, God will still be pleased by his willingness to keep asking for grace and help.

 

[Pat_Payne]

I am single and fighting an increasingly unwinable battle with lust.

Unwinable is partially correct. It’s unwinable by us alone because we are powerless over lust. That’s the first thnig you have to realize. No human strength or act of your own will can save you from lust. Often, it makes things much worse, because by fighting it, you just give it more and more power, until it becomes an invincible slave master. Fighting is the last thing you should be doing, in my opinion.

Does this mean that you should just give in and abandon yourself to porn and masturbation? Absolutely not. Just because you or I are powerless does not mean we are helpless. God, even in our brokenness, looks upon us with love and wants to do everything he can to help us. All you have to do is trust him. And surrender to him.

At least once a week and a few hours ago I look at pornography and masturbate. I can’t be forgiven because I can’t repent and I can’t repent because I will definitely do it again in a few days.

There’s a difference between repenting and falling again, and falling and not bothering to repent. You sound like you’re in the former camp – that you want to please God, but you keep falling to a habitual sin. These words from St. Maximilian Kolbe may be of comfort
"St. Maximilian Kolbe:

“Most beloved sons… when you feel yourself to be at fault, even if it is a sin that is fully conscious, grave and repeated many, many, many times, do not let yourselves be fooled by the Devil into consenting to discouragement… With regard to our personal weaknesses, they must not discourage us at all, but, on the contrary, the more an instrument is wretched, so much more it is fit to manifest the goodness and the power of the Immaculate.”

Maximilian Kolbe, Let Yourself Be Led By the Immaculate: True Devotion to Mary According to St. Maximilian Kolbe In His Very Own Words, trans. unknown (Kansas City: Angelus Press, 2013).

Nobody can guarantee you won’t fall again. All you can do is trust yourself to God every day, just for that day. Don’t even consider whether or not you’ll fall tomorrow. Tomorrow doesn’t exist yet. It took me a long time to realize that myself. I am tempted every day. I may yet fall again tomorrow, just as I fell on so many yesterdays past. But if I fall, as long as I get up again from the mire, and even if just for this day trust in God and repent, and make frequent use of the sacraments (confession first, and after that, Eucharist), God strengthens me. There is a saying in the 12-step community (and I wholeheartedly endorse another poster’s suggestion of joining SA) that goes “Without God, I can’t. Without me, God won’t.”

Furthermore, my friends, all of them unbelievers, are urging me to see a prostitute.

Don’t listen to them. Ignore their “helpful” suggestions. Not only would it compound your problems internally, you’d also be using a woman as a sexual plaything, and opening yourself up to issues of STDs. That would be the absolute worst thing you could do.

And please, please, don’t beat yourself up over a fall. Be good to yourself. Go to God, ask his forgiveness and grace, and try again, trusting in his goodness and power and not your own. He loves you. He loves you so much as to have sent his only begotten Son to bleed out every drop of his precious blood to ransom you from the grip of sin. Go to him. He’ll understand. :console:

I’ll remember you in my prayers

 

[EasterJoy]

Unwinable is partially correct. It’s unwinable by us alone because we are powerless over lust. That’s the first thnig you have to realize…

I have often thought that if one takes the 12 Steps of AA and substitutes “sin” for “alcohol”, the program describes the Catholic program for spiritual growth rather well, including the need for regular confession:

1.We admitted we were powerless over sin—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.Came to believe that the saving power of Jesus Christ could restore us to sanity.

3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sinners like ourselves, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

 

[Pat_Payne]

I have often thought that if one takes the 12 Steps of AA and substitutes “sin” for “alcohol”, the program describes the Catholic program for spiritual growth rather well, including the need for regular confession:

1.We admitted we were powerless over sin—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.Came to believe that the saving power of Jesus Christ could restore us to sanity.

3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other sinners like ourselves, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Exactly. It should be no surprise that one of the early influences in Bill W’s life were the Oxford Groups. Also that a Jesuit father gave invaluable advice to him while he was transitioning AA from a private epiphany that saved him into a workable program that has saved so many.

 

[EasterJoy]

Don’t listen to them. Ignore their “helpful” suggestions. Not only would it compound your problems internally, you’d also be using a woman as a sexual plaything, and opening yourself up to issues of STDs. That would be the absolute worst thing you could do…

Giving a prostitute to a porn addict would be like giving heroin to an alcoholic.

The OP needs to avoid these friends like an alcoholic has to avoid the company of those who drink to excess. It will be hard, but it is necessary. It is not meant as a rejection of them as persons, but a recognition of how they leave him even more tempted than he is when he is alone. As today’s Gospel said:

*If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off.
It is better for you to enter into life maimed
than with two hands to go into Gehenna,
into the unquenchable fire.

And if your foot causes you to sin, cut if off.
It is better for you to enter into life crippled
than with two feet to be thrown into Gehenna.

And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out.
Better for you to enter into the Kingdom of God with one eye
than with two eyes to be thrown into Gehenna,
where their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.*

usccb.org/bible/readings/022714.cfm

or from Henry IV, Part 2:

FALSTAFF
My king! my Jove! I speak to thee, my heart!

KING HENRY V
(who had been until just recently Prince Hal,
infamous as Falstaff’s young drinking buddy):
I know thee not, old man: fall to thy prayers;
How ill white hairs become a fool and jester!
I have long dream’d of such a kind of man,
So surfeit-swell’d, so old and so profane;
But, being awaked, I do despise my dream.
Make less thy body hence, and more thy grace;
Leave gormandizing; know the grave doth gape
For thee thrice wider than for other men.
Reply not to me with a fool-born jest:
Presume not that I am the thing I was;
For God doth know, so shall the world perceive,
That I have turn’d away my former self;
So will I those that kept me company.
When thou dost hear I am as I have been,
Approach me, and thou shalt be as thou wast,
The tutor and the feeder of my riots:
Till then, I banish thee, on pain of death,
As I have done the rest of my misleaders,
Not to come near our person by ten mile.
For competence of life I will allow you,
That lack of means enforce you not to evil:
And, as we hear you do reform yourselves,
We will, according to your strengths and qualities,
Give you advancement. *(speaking to the Lord Chief-Justice) *Be it your charge, my lord,
To see perform’d the tenor of our word. Set on.