Victims say they felt hurt by fellow Catholics' lack of compassion

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From Catholic News:

Victims say they felt hurt by fellow Catholics’ lack of compassion​

WASHINGTON (CNS) – Sexual assault victims say they were hurt not only by individual priests, but by church officials and ordinary Catholics who treated them with intolerance and indifference.

Four survivors of sexual assaults by priests shared their stories with Catholic News Service. They are: Jim VanSickle and Mike McDonnell of Pennsylvania, Michael Norris of Houston and Judy Larson of Utah.

Many of them have not been to a Catholic church in years. They say the hardhearted attitudes of diocesan officials, staff and ordinary churchgoers and an atmosphere at their parishes allowed the abuse.

“Being raised Catholic, I remember – you don’t speak out against your own church,” said VanSickle. “Nobody’s going to listen to you.”

Most of them belonged to what they described as extremely traditional parishes and said they were attacked as vulnerable children. Their view of Catholicism changed when fellow believers showed them no compassion and acted to protect selfish interests.

“I’ve known others that came forward. They were ridiculed and ostracized – even by their own family members,” said VanSickle, 55. He stood next to Attorney General Josh Shapiro when grand jury findings were released to the public Aug. 14. He had suffered silently for 37 years after being sexually abused by a priest at age 16.

 
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This is so true. A dear friend’s son was a victim of a former priest’s sexual abuse. When she confided to what she thought was a close group of friends, she was told she was a liar and she needed to get ‘the hell out’. The bishop of our diocese at the time asked the teen ‘what did you do to provoke him?’. The teen’s dad blamed his own son and accused the kid of trying to embarrass the family. BTW - the dad has always acted like a jerk and still does.

The teen is now grown and has a family of his own. He physically is unable to go to Mass without standing by a door. He was barely able to witness his children’s 1st communions and confirmations. His parents ended up attending a different parish and then found the opportunity to move out of the area.

Saint Maria Goretti - pray for us!
 
I can imagine. It’s upsetting for me even as a non-victim to see such lack of compassion here on these forums.
 
I have never seen anyone who stated here they had been molested, by anyone, much less a priest, who received anything other than compassion. (During the changeover, I had to change accounts, but I have been a member over 10 years.)

Commenting negatively on the reporting of the allegations does not indicate a lack of compassion for the victims.
 
I have friends who were abused and who have spoken of it publicly. They have received very sympathetic responses.
One of the problems with sexual abuse is that the victim is often ashamed to speak out and the topic itself is very uncomfortable. There is also the presumption of innocence on the part of the accused until proven guilty in our society which may discourage supportive communication until after a trial is held. This may lead some victims to perceive a lack of sympathy on the part of others.
May God bless those who have suffered abuse with healing and peace.
Amen.
 
The allegations alone shatter everyone’s sense of well being. Obviously the actual abuse victims suffer the most. People don’t want to believe it just like they don’t want to believe any bad news. Anyone who has had a friend or family member die unexpectedly knows the surreal feeling you get when you hear about it.
 
Just because you don’t see it yourself doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. I have witnessed unreal lack in compassion by some members on this forum for the victims.
 
I am sorry to hear that and hope the mods eliminated the posts that were so far beyond uncharitable.
 
I know that abuse victims in past decades, such as before 2000, often did not get a sympathetic response. People didn’t believe them, or people just didn’t want to hear about it because they were uncomfortable with the topic or were afraid of being somehow involved in a court case.

However, I have not seen any victim of church sexual abuse in recent years who has not received sympathy in general. Sure, there are going to be isolated cases of people who are unsupportive. There are also legal and liability concerns which can inhibit some conversations, as someone above said.

Unfortunately, there are some victims of abuse (as with all other crimes) who take it a step further and claim you are being unsupportive if you disagree in any way with their positions regarding law, politics, how such cases are handled for a process standpoint. I can certainly agree with any victim that what happened to them is awful and should not have occurred. I do not necessarily agree with whatever legal or political strategy they are proposing or advocating as a “solution”, such as extending a statute of limitations, or withholding all my money from the Church, or removing the privilege for confessional communications, etc. I have run into many cases where if you disagree with an abuse victim on any such issue then you are automatically called unsupportive and un-compassionate and “part of the problem”. It is a real difficulty in dealing with some victims and does not foster discussion. Victims deserve compassion, but there are good reasons for statutes of limitations, attorney-client privilege, and other legal processes, that victims are often not in an emotional position to dispassionately understand.
 
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