Victorian Ball Agony - Advice Please?

[monicatholic]

the tickets are paid… the hairpiece is finished… your dress is ready…

so this is the price of you being manipulated, cajoled and insulted? please don’t set this precedent for yourself.

 

[chevalier]

It is bizarre that this woman expects a strange man that this girl doesn’t know to be her escort. There’s nothing wrong with having an escort per say, but the woman’s demands are over the top. Traditionally, this wasn’t a job of complete strangers, so yes I would imagine this scenario would be uncomfortable even back before the 20th century.

Not normally, yeah. You’ve got a point there.

Maybe I am being overly sensitive…I have always thought that I was not very attractive, so perhaps I am being silly for feeling this way. But the way it was said made me feel kind of bad.

I’d say you might be a bit too sensitive, while the other lady seems to be too little so.

At any rate, don’t allow them to just cajole you. You don’t owe it to them.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Not normally, yeah. You’ve got a point there.

I’d say you might be a bit too sensitive, while the other lady seems to be too little so.

At any rate, don’t allow them to just cajole you. You don’t owe it to them.

I don’t think the OP is overly sensitive. I think she is good-hearted :curtsey: and sometimes people get away with things they do to good-hearted people more than to people who would be inclined to tell them to take a long walk off a short pier, and in no uncertain terms! :nunchuk: :blackeye: :stretcher:

But if this woman used to be more even-tempered, it’s possible she’s going through a rough menopause or some other life stressor and isn’t thinking clearly, and is snappish and controlling. It would be best to steer clear of her (and pray for her) until perhaps she gets through whatever it is, and hope that she will be nicer afterward.

 

[lovedance4ever]

Hello all,

Thank you all so much for your prayers and advice. You all were so very thoughtful in your responses, and I truly appreciate it. I also wanted to tell you how the ball went.

Unfortunately, it was pretty bad…I’m not going to lie. On the morning of the ball (Saturday), I got a text saying that John was sick and would be unable to attend. My friend said that her father would be going instead. I was furious, because yet again, no one bothered to ask me if this would be an okay thing to do. It was supposed to be an event for the two of us to attend, but they kept on expanding on it without even asking how I felt.

My saint of a father (and I mean every word of it) offered to go as my escort so I would not feel awkward with my friend and her father. That aspect of the ball was fabulous; I got to dance with the most wonderful, loving man in the world who I am blessed to call my dad. He has had so many physical problems, but he still made sure to participate to the best of his ability.

My friend’s father is incredibly arrogant; this was something that I always suspected, and my suspicions were confirmed this weekend. He would not engage my father in conversation at all as much as my dad tried. I think this is what bothered me the most, because my father is such a good person and I know he felt terrible.

At about 11:00pm, my father’s back started to really hurt and he asked if we could leave (the ball was almost over anyway). They said that would be fine (mind you, WE were their ride) and they would be out in the car in a minute. Well, they weren’t. They stayed inside and mingled and continued to dance. I had to go in a second time and remind them of my father’s pain.

When my friend’s dad got in the car, he slammed the door. The conversation on the way home was solely between his daughter and himself…they did not bother to ask if we had a good time. I could not believe how rude they were!

To top it off, the ball was at a venue that is attached to a bar, and my friend and I were approached by a guy and his wife who were interested in our event. The guy looks at us and says, “You two look great.” And then turns to my friend and said, “Especially you.” There goes all the self-esteem my family has been trying to build up in me over the past several months. I already feel as ugly as sin, and have been treated terribly by so many guys…I did not need that on top of everything else that happened that evening. Talk about wanting to crawl in a hole and die.

Then his wife walked over to me (she was completely plastered) and lifted up my skirt, trying to illustrate something about how it is difficult to sit down in a hoop. I wanted to haul off and sock her in the jaw so badly, but I was thankfully able to contain myself.

And to end the evening with a final bang (quite literally), I slammed my head really hard on the coat hook of the bathroom stall door and had a splitting headache for the rest of the night.

It was a great evening.

 

[Baelor]

Please, for your own sake, stay away from toxic individuals in the future. You do not owe anyone your company or presence and it has only made you miserable, which you clearly do not deserve!

Set clear boundaries and do not cave!

 

[Evania]

I’m so sorry, dear. That was such a sweet gesture from your dad. He sounds like such a great man. Is this a close friend of yours? I would suggest that you approach her on how rude her behavior was, but it might not do any good. You’ve jumped through enough hoops as it is. Sometimes in life it is better to separate yourself from people like this, especially when they treat your family members as dirt.

 

[3DOCTORS]

Please, for your own sake, stay away from toxic individuals in the future. You do not owe anyone your company or presence and it has only made you miserable, which you clearly do not deserve!

Set clear boundaries and do not cave!

I second. Find ways to get together with your friend someplace, like at a restaurant or coffeehouse or for a movie, whatever stuff you two like to do, and avoid her mom. Your friend may feel embarrassed over how her parents acted so make sure she knows you don’t think less of her on account of them.

 

[Bill_Martin]

I second. Find ways to get together with your friend someplace, like at a restaurant or coffeehouse or for a movie, whatever stuff you two like to do, and avoid her mom. Your friend may feel embarrassed over how her parents acted so make sure she knows you don’t think less of her on account of them.

And I’ll third it.

The world has many great people in it; there’s no reason to put up with the ones who constantly try to tear you down.

 

[bsf]

lovedance4ever,

Do not judge yourself so much by human standards. Do not place so much emphasis on others’ perception of you, especially when they are not heeding the call of love for neighbor. Try not to let their unGodly criticisms and comments disturb your inner peace. Reflect on other’s perception of you when it helps you become the person God wants you to be. Be most concerned with how God sees you, though. If you struggle with seeing yourself through God’s love and wisdom, pray that He give you clarity in this.

As far as all the other drama, sorry things did not go well.

 

[Irishmom2]

And I’ll third it.

The world has many great people in it; there’s no reason to put up with the ones who constantly try to tear you down.

Your father was the hero of the day! Years from now, you will look back and forget the jerks of the day, and only remember your good and loving father.

I agree that if you want to remain friends with this girl, do so only from a distance, away from her toxic, intrusive parents. Her father sounds like a real jerk. You should have left them there and said to take a taxi home.

Please, do not listen to words of two drunken people and take it to heart. They are clearly not worth listening to. You are a beautiful young woman, and I really think that you need to believe that too. My daughter had a similar experience when someone announced AT MY HOME, that my daughter is pretty but her friend is just beautiful! Luckily, my daughter knows that lots of people think she is very attractive, but it still was a stupid thing for this woman to say.

May God bless you and guide you.