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a catholic boy proposing to a non religious girl

engagement before age 18

thanks guys 🙂
 
You might have better luck with this question in the Family Life forum.

forums.catholic-questions.org/forumdisplay.php?f=12

My answer for both questions is that it depends on the couple. I do not believe that a Catholic-atheist (or whatever you mean by non-religious) marriage is a good idea. Are you prepared to live as a Catholic?
 
i dont believe in religion, i believe in science, thats what i mean by none religious…although i fully respect all religions, and would never try and force someone to follow my beliefs…it’s just how ive grown up
 
JLRgirl said:
views please on…

a catholic boy proposing to a non religious girl

engagement before age 18

thanks guys 🙂
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You should seek counseling from the Catholic party’s pastor.

Any marriage to a Catholic requires marriage preparation through the Catholic Church and compliance with all Catholic laws on marriage. The Catholic party must promise to raise all children in the Catholic faith.

In general, a couple of teenagers are much too young to be seriously dating, let alone “engaged”, and most especially to someone who has a very different background and who is an obstacle to the faith.
 
Science and religion are not comparable in the way you suggest. Religion is the worship of God. Science is a method of testing hypotheses about the physical world by empirical observation. Even if you are a pure naturalist, you know that empirical methods do not define the limit of truth. For example, the scientific method itself was created a priori rather than as a result of empirical observation.

What I mean by living as a Catholic is even if you are not Catholic yourself, you will have to permit your spouse to bring them up in the Catholic faith. Practically speaking, you will probably need to take an active role in their religious upbringing. You can’t leave them to figure things out for themselves anymore than you can leave them to determine their diet, manners or hygeine for themselves. Do you think that raising children in relgion is “forcing your beliefs on them?” If so, then a marriage would be impossible.

I do not think that it is impossible for teenagers to discern marriage. It really depends on the maturity of the individuals. By all means, if the teenagers have been raised properly, they should possess a sufficient degree of maturity. The bigger issue is whether they are financially prepared to pursue marriage.
 
JLRgirl said:
is it a ‘sin’ for a catholic to marry a non catholic ?
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Someone on the forum can correct me, but it seems to be tolerated but not advised.

I think in order for a marriage to be accepted in the Catholic Church, a Catholic with a non-Catholic, the non-Catholic would need to agree to allow any children to be raised Catholic, one thing.

However, there are a lot of difficulties with these marriages. Well, if the person is truly practicing his faith, it will mean he will need to go to mass, weekly and on Holy Days of Obligation. If you’re not Catholic, would that mean you stay at home while he goes?

When you have children, would your husband go to Church, with your children, without you? Do you see how it tends to split a family up?

Further, a lot of issues aren’t really raised so much before marriage which come into play after marriage. Like, I say, raising children in the faith.

There might come a point in your relationship where he might say he would like to consider Natural Family Planning, and that is the woman’s responsibility to do all that…to chart and see when your fertile times are, not have relations during those.

A lot of non-religious just prefer to use contraception, which Catholics are against.

Catholics also believe in allowing an openness to life, in which God has a much greater degree in procreation.

Within sexuality, there are a lot of differences between a Catholic, and some non-Catholic, perspectives. For example, Catholics believe in waiting until marriage to consumate the union. We don’t believe in masturbation, pornography, or abortion.

We are opposed to euthanasia, and believe in the sanctity of life from conception until natural death.

If you were of another faith, we non-Catholics are discouraged from participating, except perhaps if it’s something like a wedding or funeral.

It’s a good idea for marriage partners to be “on the same page” about their faith and pray together. If you were, say, an atheist, you wouldn’t be able to do that, ever.

Before marriage, there is Precana marriage preparation, you would be expected to participate in that, fully.

A Catholic will help the Church in its needs. That’s part of what believe, so he might want to donate a portion of his, and your, money to the Church, weekly. Some non-Catholics come to resent this, because they can view it as a waste of money.

Further, I don’t know what his family is like. Are they, also, Catholic?

Catholics might want a crucifix in the house, statues, possibly holy water, rosaries, religious pictures.

As a Catholic, he would want his children to also receive all the sacraments from baptism, reconciliation, Communion, Confirmation, and Marriage (in the Church).

Catholics aren’t to believe in divorce, accept same-sex marriage, and many other prevalent liberal views.

How long have you dated? It’s generally recommended to date long enough to really know each other and have the maturity to make that kind of decision.

He really should be in a position to take care of you, provide for you and the family, financially in the event of pregnancy.
 
ClearWater said:
Someone on the forum can correct me, but it seems to be tolerated but not advised.

I think in order for a marriage to be accepted in the Catholic Church, a Catholic with a non-Catholic, the non-Catholic would need to agree to allow any children to be raised Catholic, one thing.

However, there are a lot of difficulties with these marriages. Well, if the person is truly practicing his faith, it will mean he will need to go to mass, weekly and on Holy Days of Obligation. If you’re not Catholic, would that mean you stay at home while he goes?

When you have children, would your husband go to Church, with your children, without you? Do you see how it tends to split a family up?

Further, a lot of issues aren’t really raised so much before marriage which come into play after marriage. Like, I say, raising children in the faith.

There might come a point in your relationship where he might say he would like to consider Natural Family Planning, and that is the woman’s responsibility to do all that…to chart and see when your fertile times are, not have relations during those.

A lot of non-religious just prefer to use contraception, which Catholics are against.

Catholics also believe in allowing an openness to life, in which God has a much greater degree in procreation.

Within sexuality, there are a lot of differences between a Catholic, and some non-Catholic, perspectives. For example, Catholics believe in waiting until marriage to consumate the union. We don’t believe in masturbation, pornography, or abortion.

We are opposed to euthanasia, and believe in the sanctity of life from conception until natural death.

If you were of another faith, we non-Catholics are discouraged from participating, except perhaps if it’s something like a wedding or funeral.

It’s a good idea for marriage partners to be “on the same page” about their faith and pray together. If you were, say, an atheist, you wouldn’t be able to do that, ever.

Before marriage, there is Precana marriage preparation, you would be expected to participate in that, fully.

A Catholic will help the Church in its needs. That’s part of what believe, so he might want to donate a portion of his, and your, money to the Church, weekly. Some non-Catholics come to resent this, because they can view it as a waste of money.

Further, I don’t know what his family is like. Are they, also, Catholic?

Catholics might want a crucifix in the house, statues, possibly holy water, rosaries, religious pictures.

As a Catholic, he would want his children to also receive all the sacraments from baptism, reconciliation, Communion, Confirmation, and Marriage (in the Church).

Catholics aren’t to believe in divorce, accept same-sex marriage, and many other prevalent liberal views.

How long have you dated? It’s generally recommended to date long enough to really know each other and have the maturity to make that kind of decision.

He really should be in a position to take care of you, provide for you and the family, financially in the event of pregnancy.
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we have been together for almost a year, 11months…why is it that they are against the use of contraception ?
 
JLRgirl said:
is it a ‘sin’ for a catholic to marry a non catholic ?
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It is a sin for a Catholic to marry outside the structures of the Church (for example, before a judge or a Protestant minister). I believe that marriage incurs the penalty of excommunication. Otherwise, if done according to the rules of the Church, it is not a sin if there is a reasonable it will not be an obstacle to the Catholic upbringing of the children. I believe since you are not Catholic that you’ll need a dispensation from the bishop before you can marry.
 
QNDNNDQDCE said:
It is a sin for a Catholic to marry outside the structures of the Church (for example, before a judge or a Protestant minister).
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If the Catholic does not receive a dispensation from form, this is accurate. However, a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic may be granted a dispensation and marry validly.
QNDNNDQDCE said:
I believe that marriage incurs the penalty of excommunication.
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This is not correct.
QNDNNDQDCE said:
I believe since you are not Catholic that you’ll need a dispensation from the bishop before you can marry.
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The Catholic needs permission for a mixed marriage if the non-Catholic is baptized. The Catholic needs a dispensation from disparity of cult if the non-Catholic is unbaptized.
 
JLRgirl said:
i dont believe in religion, i believe in science, thats what i mean by none religious…although i fully respect all religions, and would never try and force someone to follow my beliefs…it’s just how ive grown up
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I would also like to point out that the major world religions have nothing against science. Both Catholicism and Islam hold the stance that since God created the world, and science observes the world, science can only prove God, not disprove Him. The Dalai Lama from what I have heard also quite likes science.

The Big Bang was theorized by a Catholic priest, and we have no objections to evolution. Religion and science are not opposites as many think.
 
JLRgirl said:
views please on…

a catholic boy proposing to a non religious girl

engagement before age 18

thanks guys 🙂
Click to expand...
As far as your age- you’re young, only been dating a year. You can surely be in love, and want to get married, but wait another year or two until you’re engaged. I quite like the use of promise-rings, pre-engagement for young adults that are serious and such.

There are several things the Catholic must do, and you must be informed of, for a Catholic to be married to you. There are certain rules that the Catholic cannot break. Premarital sex is a sin, the use of contraceptives in marriage is not allowed.

Though you should be interested to know of NFP, it’s becoming popular in secular circles as well. Using a variety of biological signs to determine when the wife is fertile and abstaining on those days. See, we’re very sciencey.
 
Catholics ought to be in every way pro-life. Pro-life in regards to the family means that a marriage is open to life in its most intimate setting. The purpose of marriage is to create a family: two people form a family bond where there was none before, but closing this to children puts up barriers between the spouses in relation to each other (physical and emotional) as well as within the family. Contraception denies the life giving nature of marriage, or it thwarts our nature.

As far as science, NFP is the healthiest method to address family and spouse needs. No artificial hormones, allergens, toxins and long lasting emotional bonds from working together towards a family. It is a win win!
 
JLRgirl said:
we have been together for almost a year, 11months…why is it that they are against the use of contraception ?
Click to expand...
Well, for one thing, there are some forms of contraception which are what we call “abortafacients”. They effectively do an abortion. They abort a fertilized egg.

However, even the other forms of contraception which don’t, are preventing conception.

The Catholic Church believes that sex was designed with the intention of procreation. To say, “Let’s have sex”, but we don’t want to have any chance of procreating is going agains its intent.

Catholics believe in being “open to life”. Now, in certain situations, it is permissible to use Natural Family Planning (NFP). This is a natural method that through temperatures and other means, it can be determined when the woman is fertile. When she is fertile, she …they…abstain.

(Incidentally, this same method can actually be used in reverse for couples trying to conceive).

Indeed, we Catholics, believe it is a serious sin to use contraception, one serious enough to prevent one from being able to receive communion. A serious enough sin to go to hell for…we call that a “mortal sin”.

Further, while we are on the topic of sexuality, Catholics have, or are supposed to have, a different view on how to approach the entire topic of marriage, sexuality, and everything, really.

What is widely promoted in the rest of society is often not in Catholicism. For example, in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the Bible, we also believe in such things as modesty.

We believe it’s not okay, for ourselves or others, to go to, say…nude beaches, Catholics would have to pass on that.

If you were to have some gay friends who were to get “married”, the Catholic Church would tell you NOT to go. I think it’d be the same with some other scenarios. A Catholic would be expected not to go to certain kinds of weddings that were…not kosher…so to speak…

We Catholics do not accept remarriage, for example. We don’t accept divorce.

We accept annulments, though.

We can only marry once in the Catholic Church.

Now, abortion is a serious sin, for example. We believe it is so serious that it incurs automatic excommunication from the Church.

In the Church, we are NOT to say to someone who is going to abort, “Do what you like. It’s your life”, for example. We would be obligated to say, “This is not okay…it’s a sin”…same with contraception, masturbation, premarital sex, divorce, etc., etc.

Once we commit a sin, especially a mortal sin, we are expected to go to confession and tell this to a priest. Who, will normally absolve us, providing we are repentant.

We are NOT to condone anything which goes against the Church.

If someone says a remark against the Church, Pope, priests, we have an obligation to try to stop that person and defend the faith.
 
Think of it this way, “If I died, would that person raise my children as I would want them raised?” This should help with choosing someone to marry. You may be very in love, but marriage is about a lot more than that. If you cannot be 100% assured that the person you marry would raise your children as you would want them raised in your absence, then you really shouldn’t marry them.
 
well, just to say, i don’t look at religion in the way most others do…i see it through science, in my mind the bible and religious stories are all explainable through science and that’s how i see it. Years ago it couldn’t be explained but now it can, im not like ‘it’s all stupid’ and ‘it’s fake’ and ‘it’s all made up’, i can see it happening, just, from a different perspective (which in my mind it the right one). I watch documentaries that talk about religion but from what i believe. I believe in ‘other beings’ (aliens) in different galaxies. And link it to ‘magical’ beings seen in the past that are named in the holy books. THAT’S how i see it all and is why i respect religion. But, to be honest, me and my boyfriend are actually in a 200 mile distance relationship. He’s the one thinking of proposing (his mother told me), and I actually think he is ‘the one’ for me there’s nothing i can see that objects to it. But not using contraceptives is something i can’t agree with as I will not want children for quite a while, I’ll be going to university soon for one, until I’m in a permanent job and earning a decent wage etc will be when I would consider it and he thinks the same…
 
The other matter here is long distance relationships, especially ones that lead to marriage, are of concern. I would just encourage you to get to know him very well before marrying and take things slowly.
 
Oh believe me, at first we hadn’t seen each other for 7 months of our relationship and over that time period we both knew that getting to know each other through what we say and how we talk and getting to know each others personalities was a good thing really because that way, we fell in love without judgment of looks and other factors that shouldn’t matter in ‘true love’. When we met again it was just perfect. There was no worrying over how we looked and that because to both of us it never mattered and during this month we got to know each others family’s and mine and his, both approve of us being together. It was meant to be…
 
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