Virginity and marriage.

[Lea101]

Thank you all for the extremely elaborate reply.

I didn’t write it in my first post but obviously widowed, divorced and sexually assaulted girls do not count, no one choose to be sexually assaulted, and I will add to that list porn stars and girls forced into prostitution, I was thinking about the more cool, “hot” girls that have no problem doing it and the “modern” ladies who consider having premarital sex is a right, it might be true in their perspective and on the opposite end, the same rule applies to men.

I really thought about why I want that, and it came to me that it is the very reason I started viewing nudity and later porn, what do girls have down there, what it looks like before and after, and will I regret it if I don’t find that answer because more than a decade of porn hasn’t brought me an answer.

So you mean you want a chaste girl, not a virgin! You want someone that has made a commitment to God to ne chaste, to dump the worldy views of sex she might have had in the past/or someone who has got out of forced prostitution etc. That’s what we should all look for

Virgin=someone who didn’t have sex at all, so i guess you know why we gave certain replies

You do have a history of sexual sin, and likewise, your future spouse should not let that affect her choice of picking you, if you have repented to God and stopped watching porn.

So to answer you original question: date women and ask about their faith. You’ll hardly come across a devout Catholic who sleeps around! Plus it’s not intrusive too

 

[Lea101]

I have no idea what you mean by the end of your post though…like whether our genitals look different…or? Sorry, i am so confused LOL but nope, nothing magically changes after the wedding night!

 

[oldrover]

it is the very reason I started viewing nudity and later porn, what do girls have down there, what it looks like before and after, and will I regret it if I don’t find that answer because more than a decade of porn hasn’t brought me an answer.

If you’ve been looking at porn for over a decade, you have some issues that a woman who has saved herself for marriage might find tough to overcome. I speak from experience, sadly. Perhaps the takeaway from this thread is that in sexual matters, as all others, do not focus on the speck in someone else’s eye, but the mote in your own.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

So basically what other posters are saying that someone’s virginity status should not be the dealbreaker if she is perfect in the other aspects you look for in a wife.

You wouldn’t feel great if someone didn’t want you because of a sin you have done in the past.

I guess many posters and I included, feel a bit uneasy because this way of thinking was kind of responsible for girls who aren’t virgins feeling like they are no longer pure, that they are damaged goods etc. Maybe it was not your intention, but yeah, kind of explains why not everyone agrees with you

I don’t get why anyone would take someone’s else standards personally. For all we know, any random poster could be a saint, or a complete lunatic. I am comfortable with my good qualities, and recognize my flaws. If someone else sees my past as a greater flaw than I, big deal. Who cares?

Everyone has different standards, and his are his. As long as a person doesn’t complain about the limitations their standards imbue on eligible dates, everyone is going to be different.

 

[Xantippe]

If you’ve been looking at porn for over a decade, you have some issues that a woman who has saved herself for marriage might find tough to overcome. I speak from experience, sadly. Perhaps the takeaway from this thread is that in sexual matters, as all others, do not focus on the speck in someone else’s eye, but the mote in your own.

Right.

 

[AdamP88]

If you’ve been looking at porn for over a decade, you have some issues that a woman who has saved herself for marriage might find tough to overcome. I speak from experience, sadly. Perhaps the takeaway from this thread is that in sexual matters, as all others, do not focus on the speck in someone else’s eye, but the mote in your own.

Or anyone, regardless of sexual past.

I’d rather date a chaste non-virgin than a virgin with a porn (or any) addiction.

 

[AdamP88]

I don’t get why anyone would take someone’s else standards personally. For all we know, any random poster could be a saint, or a complete lunatic. I am comfortable with my good qualities, and recognize my flaws. If someone else sees my past as a greater flaw than I, big deal. Who cares?

Everyone has different standards, and his are his. As long as a person doesn’t complain about the limitations their standards imbue on eligible dates, everyone is going to be different.

Maybe for some people it hurts to think that people could be so shallow as to not consider them for who they are but rather what they did in the past. In any case it’s no harm to discuss the issue or explore the motivations behind this particular desire.

I also don’t really understand the OP’s latest post in which he seems to suggest that he’s been looking at porn to figure something out about women?
Perhaps he could clarify.

 

[Catholic1954]

Thank you all for the extremely elaborate reply.

I didn’t write it in my first post but obviously widowed, divorced and sexually assaulted girls do not count, no one choose to be sexually assaulted, and I will add to that list porn stars and girls forced into prostitution, I was thinking about the more cool, “hot” girls that have no problem doing it and the “modern” ladies who consider having premarital sex is a right, it might be true in their perspective and on the opposite end, the same rule applies to men.

I really thought about why I want that, and it came to me that it is the very reason I started viewing nudity and later porn, what do girls have down there, what it looks like before and after, and will I regret it if I don’t find that answer because more than a decade of porn hasn’t brought me an answer.

Are you telling us that you are addicted to porn, but expect that the girl you marry to be a virgin, because if she is not she might cheat on you?? You would be cheating on HER EVERY TIME you looked at porn during your marriage. You need to seek the advice of a wise and holy priest to discuss the real meaning of marriage and ways you can stop your addiction to porn and heal as a man and as a human being.

 

[JosephHope]

I also don’t really understand the OP’s latest post in which he seems to suggest that he’s been looking at porn to figure something out about women?
Perhaps he could clarify.

Like all teenage boys, I asked questions about the opposite sex, especially what girls have and boys don’t, the main differences are breasts and the genital area, i figured out the first one, the second was a little trickier and the best way (for me) was looking at nudity and later porn and I still do not know about its anatomy until this very moment.
Elaborating more will be inappropriate for this kind of threads, I said too much, please forgive me especially those who feel offended by my post.

 

[pensmama87]

Like all teenage boys, I asked questions about the opposite sex, especially what girls have and boys don’t, the main differences are breasts and the genital area, i figured out the first one, the second was a little trickier and the best way (for me) was looking at nudity and later porn and I still do not know about its anatomy until this very moment.
Elaborating more will be inappropriate for this kind of threads, I said too much, please forgive me especially those who feel offended by my post.

Looking at pornography is not the “best way” to do anything.

Is there a language or other barrier going on here?

 

[AClaire11]

I am entirely confused now.

 

[AdamP88]

Either a language barrier or trolling is going on.

 

[AdamP88]

Like all teenage boys, I asked questions about the opposite sex, especially what girls have and boys don’t, the main differences are breasts and the genital area, i figured out the first one, the second was a little trickier and the best way (for me) was looking at nudity and later porn and I still do not know about its anatomy until this very moment.
Elaborating more will be inappropriate for this kind of threads, I said too much, please forgive me especially those who feel offended by my post.

I honestly am a bit confused. I really don’t know what you mean by this. Are you saying pornography was the only way you could find out about women?
You don’t have to elaborate about pornography. I’d just like to know what you mean?

To go back to your first post…I would say again that you can have whatever criteria you like for a spouse. But it would be unreasonable to expect your potential wife to be a virgin and to dump her if she isn’t if you yourself are addicted to pornography.

I would venture that a porn addiction in the present is more harmful to a marriage than sexual sins, perhaps consigned to the distant past.

If you think you would have an issue trusting a repentant woman who slept with her boyfriend once, how do you think she would trust you if you were cheating on her by viewing pornography?

I don’t really understand your logic. Perhaps you could clarify.

 

[LethalMouse]

Ok I’ll bite. I did have what the OP wants with regard to virginity prior to my marriage.

And yet I agree with everyone on this thread who is stating that if you’re not willing to look past a sin from the past forgiven by God, to see current chastity, then you’re frankly letting the notion of physical virginity cloud your judgement.

Well there in all things is ordered and disordered.

I have met few people who are not happily married to someone who possesses at least one “disqualifer” that they once held.

The seeming thought is “the perfect girl” and he casts her aside.

Well then he is probably dumb.

However, it is likely any such “perfect girl” will make the disqualifer go away for her, and anyone who does not is not “the perfect girl” for him.

Assuming he has a serious angle toward the disqualifer and not a super mental issue.

But I didn’t get the psycho vibe lol

I once held the virgin only rule.

I married a non virgin rules, made to be broken…
Of course… that non virgin turned out to be… very non virginy… and the virgin I am dating seems to be wayyyy more awesome than the exwife lol… so idk…

 

[DeniseNY]

…
Of course… that non virgin turned out to be… very non virginy… …

What does that mean?

 

[AdamP88]

What does that mean?

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[Lea101]

Well there in all things is ordered and disordered.

I have met few people who are not happily married to someone who possesses at least one “disqualifer” that they once held.

The seeming thought is “the perfect girl” and he casts her aside.

Well then he is probably dumb.

However, it is likely any such “perfect girl” will make the disqualifer go away for her, and anyone who does not is not “the perfect girl” for him.

Assuming he has a serious angle toward the disqualifer and not a super mental issue.

But I didn’t get the psycho vibe lol

I once held the virgin only rule.

I married a non virgin rules, made to be broken…
Of course… that non virgin turned out to be… very non virginy… and the virgin I am dating seems to be wayyyy more awesome than the exwife lol… so idk…

Your ex wife seems like a huge tragic mess (if you don’t mind be saying).

However, she’s not that way because she had sex before. The girl you are dating will still be awesome if she had sex before, regret it, went to confession and made a promise to be chaste. Idk if your wife did that but still ended up that way, though. I thought you and her used to sleep around before marriage (forgive me if I’m wrong, I can only remember some stuff you posted) so you guys/she didn’t have the right idea of sex when she married you, which is a problem

And to the other posters…he probably meant she slept with other people/used sex to get what she wanted

 

[LethalMouse]

Your ex wife seems like a huge tragic mess (if you don’t mind be saying).

However, she’s not that way because she had sex before. The girl you are dating will still be awesome if she had sex before, regret it, went to confession and made a promise to be chaste. Idk if your wife did that but still ended up that way, though. I thought you and her used to sleep around before marriage (forgive me if I’m wrong, I can only remember some stuff you posted) so you guys/she didn’t have the right idea of sex when she married you, which is a problem

And to the other posters…he probably meant she slept with other people/used sex to get what she wanted

I wasn’t particularly religious but liked the idea of two one and onlies. I did not sleep around until after her. She supposedly had a story that involved minimal and in terms of available women a particularly low number and then stopped for change of heart… though me and her did prior to marriage lol like all idiots I thought it more “us” than just her. Thought we’d be forever and all that jazz because stupid lol.

But then the details changed and the numbers changed and etc etc…

Not to say this means that is what always happens but I have seen many a man/woman fall to this. Again I still do believe that it is not a factor that won’t fade away. If she is right give it a try. My last gf was a non virgin who is largely responsible for my looking back into religion. Though she too was a liar and did everything she said she wouldn’t lol…

But I for now like to think of finding an actual virgin in this world as a sweet gift for much heartache.

It boils down to the fact that with the non virgin you do need to pay closer attention to if she really did “change” or not etc. It is always totally possible she did, but I do like statistics and statistically more are full of bologna.

Alot of people arent just lying to you, they want to be “good” for pretend to themselves

 

[Rau]

What does that mean?

Would it not mean that the woman had “fallen” not just once, but many times?

 

[chero23]

It would depend on the circumstances.

If someone had 100 sexual partners and eventually saw that they were wrong and repented (and perhaps converted/reverted to Catholicism), that’s one thing.

If someone has had many recent sexual partners and is continuously living a life of sin without any sign of repentance, that’s something completely different.

I feel like it would be pretty easy to tell those two situations apart.

I wouldn’t trust either one though.