Virginity and marriage.

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Barring a sincere religious conversion, that would be a very churlish thing to do. I’m not convinced that wouldn’t be awful to do that even if I did convert.

I don’t make huge decisions like that and then expect him to just find a way to live with it.
That is generally sensible.

You do however have to remember the crowd here in general.

It would be like saying “how would I stop stealing stuff with my husband, it is our main hobby”

In a wapred sense the same logic would apply that you would create a grave imbalance to your relationship.

I am saying that in the mind of the crowd here in a sense what you guys are doing is akin to what stealing is to a secualr person.

I am sure your advice on the topic might look a bit different than what you think in terms of BC. Bc you dont really view them as “wrong”.

Also fyi not casting stones about it 🙂
 
That is generally sensible.

You do however have to remember the crowd here in general.

It would be like saying “how would I stop stealing stuff with my husband, it is our main hobby”

In a wapred sense the same logic would apply that you would create a grave imbalance to your relationship.

I am saying that in the mind of the crowd here in a sense what you guys are doing is akin to what stealing is to a secualr person.

I am sure your advice on the topic might look a bit different than what you think in terms of BC. Bc you dont really view them as “wrong”.

Also fyi not casting stones about it 🙂
Stealing is a crime in the legal sense. Deciding when to be parents is quite the opposite, as there is nothing illegal about it. That’s really a poor and offensive analogy.
 
Barring a sincere religious conversion, that would be a very churlish thing to do. I’m not convinced that wouldn’t be awful to do that even if I did convert.

I don’t make huge decisions like that and then expect him to just find a way to live with it.
It would be neither churlish nor huge. Some people (my wife is an example) have decided they don’t want to take drugs unless necessary. Fair enough. Nothing churlish in coming to that view. No religious conversion involved.

How can it be awful to decide to ingesting a non-essential drug? Why would it be a “huge decision” when you and hubby have so many alternatives? Your response is predicated on your personal views about the pill, rather than an objective assessment of options and personal freedoms.

Your original dichotomy was false.
 
Stealing is a crime in the legal sense. Deciding when to be parents is quite the opposite, as there is nothing illegal about it. That’s really a poor and offensive analogy.
Actually theologically sin is sin.

Birth control is a sin

She is NOT talking NFP.

Even if stealing were totally legal it would still be a sin to a catholic.

Actually your suggestion that human law overrides God is a bit offensive
 
Stealing is a crime in the legal sense. Deciding when to be parents is quite the opposite, as there is nothing illegal about it. That’s really a poor and offensive analogy.
The proposition to decide when to be parents is itself fine. But a woman is entirely free to decide that she will not exercise that choice by taking a pill. And husband has no right to require that she does. This is as true for atheists as it is for Catholics. There is no dichotomy of “take the pill” vs “unilateral decision to be parents” as was asserted earlier.
 
The proposition to decide when to be parents is itself fine. But a woman is entirely free to decide that she will not exercise that choice by taking a pill. And husband has no right to require that she does. This is as true for atheists as it is for Catholics. There is no dichotomy of “take the pill” vs “have no control over timing of baby” as was asserted earlier.
Dude, dude… you just out “woman’s rights” a feminist atheist lawyer.

You made my week lol 😃

👍
 
Oh andnit os interesting that in feminism a man has choices about asserting opinion about certain things like BC and abortions in the do them category.

As in a man under modern feminism is allowed to advocate sin or be respected in a want of sin.

But anything non sinful makes him mean…
 
Actually theologically sin is sin.

Birth control is a sin

She is NOT talking NFP.

Even if stealing were totally legal it would still be a sin to a catholic.

Actually your suggestion that human law overrides God is a bit offensive
Something that is a “crime and a sin” is worse than something that is not a crime.
 
Something that is a “crime and a sin” is worse than something that is not a crime.
Theologically no, that is literally not a thing.

It is for example totally legal fir me to break every form of the first commandment.

It would also be the worst sin.
 
Something that is a “crime and a sin” is worse than something that is not a crime.
You literally just made up your own random theology unsupported by anything.

Abortion is legal and would be a worse sin then stealing… so again fail on yiur new theology
 
Something that is a “crime and a sin” is worse than something that is not a crime.
Not objectively speaking, no.

Abortion is murder but legal. That’s worse than stealing which is both immoral and illegal.
 
Oh andnit os interesting that in feminism a man has choices about asserting opinion about certain things like BC and abortions in the do them category.

As in a man under modern feminism is allowed to advocate sin or be respected in a want of sin.

But anything non sinful makes him mean…
Well…this applies to women too…

I would say that I’m a feminist, I believe that women deserve equal respect and should have the opportunity to succeed. But I believe that contraception and abortion are lazy ways to achieve this and it won’t bring about any good in the future and would stunt their cause (eg contraception=no fear of pregnancy=hookup culture=women being objectified)

Feminists in the US or feminists who are influenced by the US would call me a fake feminist

Feminists in like, India or in other parts of the world where women desperately need help would agree with me.

Sure, sure, Catholicism says we are all equal etc (I’m not that point in my faith where i believe that the Church is 100% on this but I’ll assume I am), but until catholics start fighting for rights under the name of Catholicism and successfully achieving it like feminism, you can’t expect people like BEL to think Catholicism>feminism. Especially since feminists were the reason why we have education, the right to vote, the right to have jobs that in the past, were only seen as 'men’s jobs" etc.

While it’s lovely for people to support it based on principles (for example, what the catechism says), the whole “action speaks louder than words” mentality exists and is relevant in the world we live in today
 
The proposition to decide when to be parents is itself fine. But a woman is entirely free to decide that she will not exercise that choice by taking a pill. And husband has no right to require that she does. This is as true for atheists as it is for Catholics. There is no dichotomy of “take the pill” vs “unilateral decision to be parents” as was asserted earlier.
No, my husband can’t (and wouldn’t) require that I take the pill or any form of birth control.

But it would be pretty low of me to all at once spring on him that all of the discussions and agreements we’ve had over the course of our relationship/marriage are suddenly out the window - and not for any medical reason. To refuse all forms of birth control out of nowhere given the lack of birth control options for men? That’s just a scummy thing to do. No one likes condoms and it’s nutty to tell your spouse (regardless of gender) that from now on, it’s either risk pregnancy or be abstinent. He would rightfully feel hurt, confused, and cast aside.

If suddenly my whole worldview shifted and I truly believed in God, natural law, and/or the teachings of the Catholic church, I’m sure my husband would sacrifice to spare me from believing I committed a mortal sin. But even in that case, I’m not sure I’d even bring it up. To do it now, with no belief in even a higher power would just be cruel and unfair. And also, not something I want either.

By the way, the above is why I think even casual Catholics should really try to marry within the faith. My own life choices aside, the Catholic view of sex is beautiful. But it doesn’t reconcile with any other view and there’s really no way to compromise.
 
If this is indeed the case and not simply the views of the present applied to the past, I may reconsider my impressions of the situation.

But I am probably way more lenient about corporal punishment and as I commented on a thread on that subject, received quite a bit of it myself. And it wasn’t the physical that hurt, not nearly so much as the emotional that went with it. A scorching scolding hurt me worse than any paddling could.
My mom also occasionally used a quirt on my sister and me. (It had been purchased for a horse, but somehow never made it to the barn.) Something like this:

dmtack.com/pcategory/training/quirts/

When I was a kid, CPS was a big bogeyman in my extended family. It’s only been the last few years that I’ve realized—heck yeah people who break kitchen implements on their kids ought to sweat it out talking to CPS, and they ought to feel bad.

This didn’t happen** all **the time, but it happened often enough that I remember my mom breaking several items on us. My sis considered leaving home to live with auntie at one point after my mom backhanded her.

None of the really bad stuff ever happened when my dad was home, so I don’t know if he knew or not.
 
Well…this applies to women too…

I would say that I’m a feminist, I believe that women deserve equal respect and should have the opportunity to succeed. But I believe that contraception and abortion are lazy ways to achieve this and it won’t bring about any good in the future and would stunt their cause (eg contraception=no fear of pregnancy=hookup culture=women being objectified)

Feminists in the US or feminists who are influenced by the US would call me a fake feminist

Feminists in like, India or in other parts of the world where women desperately need help would agree with me.

Sure, sure, Catholicism says we are all equal etc (I’m not that point in my faith where i believe that the Church is 100% on this but I’ll assume I am), but until catholics start fighting for rights under the name of Catholicism and successfully achieving it like feminism, you can’t expect people like BEL to think Catholicism>feminism. Especially since feminists were the reason why we have education, the right to vote, the right to have jobs that in the past, were only seen as 'men’s jobs" etc.

While it’s lovely for people to support it based on principles (for example, what the catechism says), the whole “action speaks louder than words” mentality exists and is relevant in the world we live in today
Actually the thing is feminism crosses religions. So it can be more effective where note in the US there were things (name removed by moderator)lemented to keep cathokics out of pubkic office and such.

So a catholic man in america could experince back then similar restrictions to women.

So you can’t blame Catholiscm as failing to care when they didn’t even have the same rights the women have now.

And you are basically speaking like a gange mentality, hitching to the biggest person who can make you think you are safe now.

A hood kid sees he got beat up once and a gang will protect him.

This gange will literally do all the positives he seeks, it will afford him physical protection, give him friends, and give money. Heck alot of gangs even do some great humanitarian work!!! Some donate to schools, feed homeless, donate to hospitals etc.

However when you join the gang there is a bunch of other stuff that comes with it.

So that when you leave your family for the gang the gang slowly wins over what your family taught you.

Subsequently as you serve the master of feminism you slowly stop serving God.

And you know one of the issues is we mince words. If people are being remotely reasonable than using any words to describe the status of men and women in a marriage it will look the same.

I say however that the difference is in a 1% margin. The outcome of that one tiny percent in the direction of feminist wording is in the end that we murder babies and vaccum them up in tubes.

That my friend was left to her own devices to (by the grace of God successfully) hold out to keep her baby, because to the liberal state’s system her baby was “abortable”.

It was born “abortable” and just had a 1st birthday being a year of awesome.

But this kid who was totally literally alive was totally okay to be killed and vaccumed…

Okay. Join the gang, get protection, get money, get friends, do sone humanitarian work. And just pretend that when you wear your gang colors you have no parts in taking that baby and destroying it and I mean like literally physically destroying it, more destroyed that anything we even do to criminals on death row.

That is right. Join that gang. I don’t deny they will “have your back”

Persobally however with all that protection offered I’d still rather die unprotected than go rob old ladies and jump and gang rape women. I may be wierd, but if standing at a decision of risking death in the hood or being part of raping and murdering, I’ll stand alone and go down swinging.
 
My mom also occasionally used a quirt on my sister and me. (It had been purchased for a horse, but somehow never made it to the barn.) Something like this:

dmtack.com/pcategory/training/quirts/

When I was a kid, CPS was a big bogeyman in my extended family. It’s only been the last few years that I’ve realized—heck yeah people who break kitchen implements on their kids ought to sweat it out talking to CPS, and they ought to feel bad.

This didn’t happen** all the time, but it happened often enough that I remember my mom breaking several items on us. My sis considered leaving home to live with auntie at one point after my mom backhanded her.
**
None of the really bad stuff ever happened when my dad was home, so I don’t know if he knew or not
.
Bc run to the state instead of the other parent?

That isna bigger problem iMO than just this issue, that is the solution for everything and we have a society of weak willed, dependent, do nothings begging that the anonymous stranger do all things. :confused:
 
I’m probably a quasi-feminist. I don’t accept abortion. And I think when it comes to sexual mores, feminism has rather aped the worse parts of societal masculinity when it ought to have been challenging it.

That said, I think a lot of feminist ideas still have a place. So for example, one thing I learned from feminists (after an abusive relationship) was a lot of the psychology of sexual assault, including the commonality of the freeze response. I know even in modern times I got a lot of “boys will be boys” or “well you must have tempted him somehow” response from a lot of people around me.

Incidentally I think that freeze response may be critical knowledge for male victims as well, who are much more socially expected to fight back. There’s a lot of psychology that we don’t respond in traumatic situations in the way we think we would respond in our calmer moments.
 
Actually the thing is feminism crosses religions. So it can be more effective where note in the US there were things (name removed by moderator)lemented to keep cathokics out of pubkic office and such.

So a catholic man in america could experince back then similar restrictions to women.

So you can’t blame Catholiscm as failing to care when they didn’t even have the same rights the women have now.

And you are basically speaking like a gange mentality, hitching to the biggest person who can make you think you are safe now…

That my friend was left to her own devices to (by the grace of God successfully) hold out to keep her baby, because to the liberal state’s system her baby was “abortable”.

It was born “abortable” and just had a 1st birthday being a year of awesome.

Persobally however with all that protection offered I’d still rather die unprotected than go rob old ladies and jump and gang rape women. I may be wierd, but if standing at a decision of risking death in the hood or being part of raping and murdering, I’ll stand alone and go down swinging.
You need to relax lol

I’m talking about NOW.

We had this conversation before. I’m not gonna support contraception because they got me a job. I’m my own person and feminism isn’t like catholicism in the sense that I have to accept everything or else I’m a fake. I can agree with them on one issue and support them in it as a decent human being, and I can yell “are you crazy?!” when they bring up the free the nipple campaign. It’s not a cult, or a religion. The analogy of the gang is flawed because in the gang, you need to accept the evils, and if you leave, you don’t get the good. We honestly don’t have to. Some women may feel as if they have to because of the pressure to fit in, but they honestly don’t have to

Kind of like that feminist group. Can’t remember the name but like Feminists for life? I think? They aren’t wearing the “gang’s colors”. They are just a different gang, a good one lol.

The problem is that you view it as a “you accept the evils, or at least you will eventually”. Like you said, the right belief lies in the middle. What constitutes as the “middle” depends. Middle would be for example, women and men are able to get equal respect and both have the opportunity to pursue their passion (for example). Does that contradict the Church? Nopee.

But do people think of the religion when this is brought up? Nopee. They think of feminism. Because like i said, there are feminists whose beliefs are compatible with the church. The louder ones are people on jezebel lol

The problem is that people only think of the angry man hating feminists in 1st world countries! Would you honestly lump the feminists in India fighting for women’s education with the feminists fighting for the right to walk around topless bc “men can!!1”. If you do, the problem lies with you TBH. I can differentiate different groups of feminists. There are muslim feminists. They fight for equal respect but are against everything that goes against their beliefs. They are soo not the same as american feminists. They aren’t trapped or expected to agree with what american feminists want.

And I wasn’t talking about the past, I’m talking about now. If you want people to follow the church instead of following feminism blindly, we gotta stop dragging feminism like bitter old people and give them something better to follow. Like it or not, that’s how the majority think.

So, for example, when talking about pro life, we don’t just insult pro choice people, we talk about how pro life actually respects women, we help them throughout the pregnancy. If they need financial help, we help them. Instead of telling them that they are baby murderers and then when they keep their baby, we whine about how people on food stamps are lazy, and they are burdens (a little extreme but I have seen this mentality). The former is obviously more pro woman right?

If you see injustice against women, speak out about it, make it clear that as Catholics, we don’t believe in it.

Catholics need to be vocal in the right way.

Some may whine and be like “why should I? I’m not obligated to” but feminism started out as a small group against society. They wouldn’t shut up and now it’s all over the place.

Same with people in the church. If you want abortion numbers to fall, Catholics need to start taking a new approach and actually show how we are the better alternative, instead of expecting people to know this already.

I am sure you would rather speak about social issues women/the disabled/etc are facing in a way that’s compatible with the religion and influence people which will eventually lower the number of abortions 🙂

Much better use of our time than to drag feminists and just state that our religion is the best and expect people to “take your word for it”. If that makes sense.
 
Wow really? I just read your “abusive childhood” momma wooden spoon and a backhand? How about not be horrible. Parents NOW have the fear of God instead of kids… and kids no longer behave whatsoever lol.

And to be frank I am reminded of a guy i knew. He dared to threaten to call cps on his parents. They handed him the phone.

CPS took him. And his parents said fine go bye.

Kid came crawling back.

You are in essence advocating the state over the family. Some of us prefer the family.

I wish my dad would have hit me. He threatend to send me off to go be a state kid. Far more torturous that a hit. Never thought of it that way before directly… huh… but yeah I even yelled at him once when he said about

I remeber my friends mom hitting me, had no affect but respect.

Lol nothing of the sorts sticks with me as abuse.

But also I said before you mentioned your bad time with hubby and you sounded very bad… so I imagine a bad kid gets the spoon a bit more often?? Hmmm
I wasn’t a “bad” kid, but I was a tough kid.

I was brought up to be very stoic (WASP farm family), so of course moderate spanking had absolutely no effect Hence the need to ramp it up to get any effects…

The last year or so, I’ve been realizing what a big difference in family culture there was and is between my husband and me. My husband is “ethnic,” a psychologist’s kid, and nobody was breaking spoons on him, and I have the childhood background I just described, so of course there’s a gaping chasm in our emotional makeup that I’ve only realized was there the last couple of years. My husband is much more emotionally expressive and empathetic than me, so he’s much more the boo-boo kisser in our family than I am. At some point, being asked to empathize just ticks me off when there’s nothing else concrete that I can do to help. He’s naturally more “mom,” while I’m naturally more “dad.” I’m working on it, though.

None of this was nearly as visible when we were courting or newlyweds.

Again–and not to sound like a broken record–but this is yet another example of a marital issue where virgin versus non-virgin is totally irrelevant.
 
Bc run to the state instead of the other parent?

That isna bigger problem iMO than just this issue, that is the solution for everything and we have a society of weak willed, dependent, do nothings begging that the anonymous stranger do all things. :confused:
I have no idea if my dad knew or didn’t know how hard my mom was hitting us.

But it was his business to know.

And yeah–children are “dependents.” That’s how that works.

St. Paul has a lot to say about respect for the law in Romans 13:

“1 Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore he who resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of him who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, 4 for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain; he is the servant of God to execute his wrath on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore one must be subject, not only to avoid God’s wrath but also for the sake of conscience.”

If the state says, don’t hit your kid–don’t hit your kid.
 
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