Virginity and religious life

[snowbyrd302]

One of my friends made the choice to give up her virginity earlier this year, deeply regrets it, and has gone to confession and been forgiven. She has made sincere efforts to reform her life, including avoiding occasions of sin and getting away from the guy. She’s been particularly tearful and sad because she was at one point considering religious life (becoming a nun) and now believes that this door is closed forever.

Can y’all tell me anything about if there are orders that accept women who have lost their virginity, but are committed to living a chaste life and to serve God through religious life? She tends to be more traditional (her choice was completely out of character) and would probably prefer orders that wear habbits.

 

[BillP]

I believe that all any order requires is Chastity from that point forward.

 

[ben_dy]

snowbyrd302:

One of my friends made the choice to give up her virginity earlier this year, deeply regrets it, and has gone to confession and been forgiven. She has made sincere efforts to reform her life, including avoiding occasions of sin and getting away from the guy. She’s been particularly tearful and sad because she was at one point considering religious life (becoming a nun) and now believes that this door is closed forever.

Can y’all tell me anything about if there are orders that accept women who have lost their virginity, but are committed to living a chaste life and to serve God through religious life? She tends to be more traditional (her choice was completely out of character) and would probably prefer orders that wear habbits.

The door is not closed and your friend should speak to someone at the diocesan or archdiocesan Vocations office. Her sins have been forgiven and should she know that a life of chastity - a lifelong vow - is very much an option that she did not give up in committing this sin. I hope others will consider putting your friend in our prayers for a bit - she will be in mine.

 

[Della]

There was a time when some orders wouldn’t accept “experienced” women because they thought them incapable of being happy in the single state. But, I know of no order that still feels that way.

As to your friend’s desire to enter an order, she should talk to her priest about it. If she has a vocation, he will be able to help her find the right order for her. If she doesn’t have a vocation, he can help her discern that, too, and suggest other ways in which she can serve God and her fellow human beings.

 

[mumto5]

There are even widows who have become nuns after their children are grown and totally independent. Virginity isn’t a condition - chastity after joining the order is.

 

[Madia]

She’s been particularly tearful and sad because she was at one point considering religious life (becoming a nun) and now believes that this door is closed forever.

I don’t think loss of virginity is a stumbling block to the religious life. I think orders probably require the applicant to be celibate for a certain amount of time (for example 6 months) but I doubt any require you to be a virgin.

If your friend is uncomfortable about talking to a Priest then look on the web for some Religious orders (google something like “Catholic Monastery”) for her to email. If she feels she is called to a religious life then tell her that by no means should a loss of virginity be an impediment. I think the concern of the religious order is not whether or not the person is a virgin but whether or not the person can live up to the vow of celibacy.

 

[puzzleannie]

snowbyrd302:

. She’s been particularly tearful and sad because she was at one point considering religious life (becoming a nun) and now believes that this door is closed forever.

.

no the door is not closed, but the religious life is a positive calling, not an escape from temptation or from marriage. She would discern a vocation as would any other woman, by contacting orders of nuns she knows and admires, or whose charisms and spirituality seem most compelling. She has already confessed and been absolved, so her past life is not a barrier in any sense. the next logical step is to meet with the director of vocations for her diocese.

 

[mercygate]

The Carthusians (a rarified vocation, to be sure) require virginity of the choir nuns because they are also consecrated virgins. Most communities will not even ask the question, having determined that the answer will further limit their alread- thin numbers.

 

[cheddarsox]

puzzleannie:

no the door is not closed, but the religious life is a positive calling, not an escape from temptation or from marriage. She would discern a vocation as would any other woman, by contacting orders of nuns she knows and admires, or whose charisms and spirituality seem most compelling. She has already confessed and been absolved, so her past life is not a barrier in any sense. the next logical step is to meet with the director of vocations for her diocese.

Thank you for this lovely post! So many people focus on what a person gives up when following a religious vocation. It is so important to remember all that one gains! I think many more would persue religious calling if the focus was on how fulfilling and glorious a life one leads following the call to serve God. Instead people talk about how terribly austere and hard it is, as if the outside life is so easy.

The sisters at my high school were Franciscans. Full habit, full lives, full of the Joy of the Lord!

Celebrate the riches of the religious calling!

cheddar

 

[snowbyrd302]

Thank you all for your lovely answers and prayers. I shared them and she said she might talk with the diocesan vocation director.

 

[ben_dy]

snowbyrd302:

Thank you all for your lovely answers and prayers. I shared them and she said she might talk with the diocesan vocation director.

I genuinely do believe that would be an excellent course of action - talking to one’s parish priest about a vocation is usually a good first step but some pastors, while equipped to speak with some knowledge of their own vocations, may not be equipped to discuss the many questions your friend might have, nor have all the resources at hand, that a vocations director is likely to have knowledge of.

While your friend is going through the discernment process I hope that you’ll let her know that your thoughts and prayers are with her and that you’ll be there for her every step of the way, regardless of what her decision might be and also make her aware that you do not judge her sin - that it has been forgiven and that you will do everything you can to help her in avoiding sin in the future.

 

[johnq]

St. Augustine had a child without being married. He became a priest, bishop and doctor of the Church.