Virginity, suicide

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regret2mygrave,

Please message me privately. I have a URL and other information that you must delve into. The info is on Catholic therapists (MD, PsyD, PhD, MSW, etc). After reading your post I must say that I feel you need much more in depth support and help than any of us can give you via the internet - including people like me who have a mental wellness background.

When I was younger I lived a very sinful life. Sex, and lots of it, was the order of the day. It led to an abortion, which led to depression and a long, long time of suffering… even after I repented and went to confession. I have a very good idea of where you are coming from. However, after lots of psychological and spiritual therapy I came to accept God’s Mercy and today I not only have a PsyD, but I am now discerning a priestly vocation. God is good!

There are a couple of things I’d like to say in general. One, do not care one iota what anyone thinks of you. I don’t care if it is family, friends, or the Man in the Moon. All you need to care about is what God thinks of you. I know, easier said than done, especially when dealing with the guilt you are dealing with.

Two, always remember God’s mercy. While He is Just, He is also Mercy. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, you could ever have done, are doing, or will do, that He will not forgive. You have repented and God is giving you his Mercy… accept it despite yourself.

Your unworthy brother in Christ and by the Grace of God a future Maronite priest,
Donnchadh
 
Wormwood,

I hope when you say unnerved, you do not mean in a negative way. Chastity is a virtue, and as such should always be celebrated
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I say unnerved because to my knowledge I don’t know ANY virgins ( over 15 or 16). The fact that she is beating herself up, while so many of us abuse our bodies to a much worse extent, seems tragic because she has done so much better than most people, and if I told her of MY life up to this point she would probably have a stroke and they would ban me from this forum 😉
 
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Wormwood:
I say unnerved because to my knowledge I don’t know ANY virgins ( over 15 or 16). The fact that she is beating herself up, while so many of us abuse our bodies to a much worse extent, seems tragic because she has done so much better than most people, and if I told her of MY life up to this point she would probably have a stroke and they would ban me from this forum 😉
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You sins are forgiven. Some of the biggest sinners became the greatest saints. So no banning for you. 🙂

That bad huh? I’m glad we pulled our kids from public schools. No television in our house, and no overnight visits to friends.
 
dcmac i guess i do need more counseling. i will write to you. what God thinks is what i need to concentrate on. how do i accept this despite myself? does this mean i could have a sin of pride?
wormwood it is much easier for me to see how God loves others and forgives them than it is for me to see it of myself. you couldn’t possibly tell me anything that would shock me. mkupka although i do know a good Catholic musician that teaches in a public school and loves those kids dearly, i do think you have been wise in taking your kids out of public school. i think they will learn a lot more morals and a lot more from you. i learned more from truly Catholic reading material than i did from my public school.
 
Regret2mygrave:
dcmac i guess i do need more counseling. i will write to you. what God thinks is what i need to concentrate on. how do i accept this despite myself? does this mean i could have a sin of pride?
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Counseling is a good thing. But, as I gave you in the PM search out orthodox Catholic therapists.

How do you accept what God thinks despite yourself? Start to focus in your spiritual life on the Passion. Read it daily. Read it slowly. Pray on it. Ask yourself how it is God is so willing to suffer this most evil act for our redemption? Ask Him to tell you. Begin to implement that sort of charity that God displayed to all of us towards others, but especially in your case, to yourself. There is great material from Mother Angelica, Fr. Groeschel, and others on this. Get these books and use them in your meditations on the Passion.

I am not a priest yet and I do not know your situation as a priest would in the sacrament of confession. However, at first glance it appears you have a sever case of scrupulosity and not pride. Pride would be your denying the sin. Scrupulosity is the dwelling on sin - especially after forgiveness - and the rejection of His forgiveness. I would not fear a sin of pride here per se, yet I would ask your priest-confessor what to do in your case to resolve scrupulosity.

Remember what I said in the PM. You must fight this on all fronts. Know it or not, believe it or not, you are in the midst of a major battle between God and the Devil over you. God chooses you… all you need to do is accept that Mercy and Love and chose Him. Do not loose hope and do not despair… those are the fruits of the Devil. Have faith and through humility submit to God’s forgiveness. Do so on the spiritual, psychological and physiological fronts.

Also know you are in good company. If you think your sexual sins are horrible I suggest you read of St. Augustine and compare them. While what you told us was a serious sin, it does not seem that you lived in that sin to the extent of such a holy person as St. Augustine. If there is redemption and salvation for St. Augustine, then there is certainly the same for you.

Your unworthy brother in Christ and by the Grace of God a future Maronite priest,
Donnchadh
 
You sins are forgiven. Some of the biggest sinners became the greatest saints. So no banning for you. 🙂
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That bad huh? I’m glad we pulled our kids from public schools. No television in our house, and no overnight visits to friends.
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Thank you for your kind words, and hehe YES it was THAT bad. I am finally settling down and getting my life straight after years of moral carnage. I guess I share Regret’s sentiment about not being able to forgive yourself eventhough God has. I am not talking about your run of the mill premarital sex and drug abuse…I was an affront to God. It is a mixture of shame and guilt. I don’t care to get into the specifics but this analogy sums it up: If I stabbed somone in the back and left them to die, but while I was running away from the scene I fell and broke my leg, and my victim picks me up and carries me to the hospital, I don’t think I could ever face that person again…forgiveness or not, we both know what I did. I just wanted Regret to know that there are true demons among men, and she has nothing to fear from them or God.
 
dcmac i have found a therapist in my area that is orthodox Catholic as i told you. i will get the book Confessions by St. Augustine.
Wormwood i have a spouse who is an ex drug dealer, ex felon because of that, and has a child from another from the past. my spouse was into drugs, sex, and alcohol. my spouse and the ex that the child was from use to beat eachother up. my spouse went to jail for it and a restraining order was put up for both their protections. yet my spouse is straight now and you would never be able to tell this unless you asked. that doesn’t shock me at all. i am greatful for your responses and i hope that someone learns from all our mistakes.
i would like to say that i was crying a lot when i first wrote this thread but now i am more calm. i feel like judment day won’t be so bad. i just hope i am in heave so that i won’t be ashamed anymore.
also i believe that Steve wood had a very good piece of advice which i wanted to have in my life before the mess but at least i can advize my kids on this. this advice is to save your first kiss for your spouse and this will definetly help you save your virginity for your spouse. he said this because a lot of couples he talked to were fine until they started kissing.
 
Jesus the Good Shepherd wants every one of His lambs to be close to Him. When one strays, He leaves the 99 others and risks His very life to bring that one back, cradled in His arms, close to His heart. Picture yourself in His arms, Little Lamb.
You are very precious to Him.
 
Oh how God loves us all:)
I felt the same towards a guy… giving and giving till I thought there was nothing left. I began to understand that holy jealosy of God… and the book of Hosea. He will always take us back 🙂 It also helped me to remember that He understands the value of a person who has been forgiven much… because are freed to love so much:) That is the hard part though, Satan tries to taint us so deeply that we don’t think our love is worth anything anymore. However, Christ is able to give more grace to us because of the our need for Him. He knows we are not able to forgive ourselves on our own, that is why he has given us His Church, His Holy Mother and Himself:)
Don’t let satan trick you into thinking you are not worth everything to God. Let the loving embrace of God hold you in a way that no other being on this earth could, and then watch with patients as He changes your life 👍

I am happily married now and am due with our first child in October:) God is capable of marvolous things, we just have to let Him in :gopray2:
 
I agree that you are being too hard on yourself. Sin is sin and we all sin in different ways. The important thing is that you hold yourself accountable and are not immune to your sins. Stay very close to penance, the Holy Eucharist and these forums. Be kind to yourself.

You are so very special. God loves you so much.

Here is a hug, just for you((((((()))))))

Bless you,
Shannin
 
Think of it this way: You are not imperfect. The way you are doesn’t disappoint God because you are exactly the way God intended to make you. You are, rather, incomplete. You need God, you depend on Him for everything. We all do, and none of us have anything to bring to the table. We’re nothing before God, and that is hard to accept. But until we do, we do nothing but bounce between pride and despair. If we reject those and give ourselves to God instead, He will take care of filling us with Himself, in His own way and in His own time. That is the true desire of our hearts, and it is what Jesus died to give us.
 
i am having a lot of trouble forgetting what i have done.
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First, go to confession. Do penance.
Second, ask God for the following grace: to allow you to FORGET your mistake.

You see, this is where the devil comes in. The devil is the ACCUSER, always seeking to get you to give up on your relationship with God.

He is a murderer from the beginning and NOT TO BE TRUSTED.

Please remember this very important scripture verse:
Mark 3:28-29: (REMEMBER THESE ARE THE WORDS OF CHRIST!)
Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme:
But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.

That’s right, your SIN will be forgiven.

What does it mean to blaspheme against the Holy Spirit? It is to think that your sin is BIGGER than the Mercy and Forgiveness of Almighty God. When you think such things, in effect, you become God (thus blaspheming against the Holy Spirit since you’re not your own savior, but rather Christ is)

No matter how badly you sinned, your sin is not bigger than God’s grace.

Romans 5:20
But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound

That’s right, God’s Grace can TOTALLY OBLITERATE YOUR SIN, and your sin cannot win.

So the next time you’ve done penance and you find yourself beating yourself over the head about this or any, think about this: God forgave me, why can’t I? I forgive myself, and accept God’s pardon. Who am I to overrule God’s Mercy?

What the devil wants you to do is to think your sin is so big that even though you’re forgiven, you are not acceptable to God. Or you’re not acceptable to yourself. (If you’re acceptable to God, why are you not acceptable to yourself? This confuses me!)
The devil will hammer you from time to time, but rejoice, for Christ has conquered the world!!

When the devil comes after someone, it is because the devil is in danger of losing them! THAT IS A GOOD THING! When the devil comes after you, it is because he’s scared of losing you to God. So he lies to you, and makes you feel like garbage.

TRUST IN GOD! TRUST IN GOD! TRUST IN GOD! I said that three times because God is a Trinity.

Remember: GOD LOVES YOU!!! DON’T GIVE UP! RUN THE RACE WITH JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR GOAL! HUG

blush Sorry, I had to yell there, but the message was too important to be said in a normal tone of voice 🙂
 
One other thought, one that came to me from a confessor when I was in your shoes: Use this fall of yours to develop compassion for others who fall into this sin. The more compassion you find for them, the more you will be able to accept the compassion offered to you. You might want to volunteer at a home for unwed mothers. You might want to pray for the conversion of all who fall into sexual sins, that they and you might all turn to God to have their hunger truly filled, rather than turning to answers that won’t satisfy. There is no better response to forgiveness than gratitude, and no better way to express it than to pass it on to others.
 
maresiedotes those words are very uplifting. i can’t believe how much Jesus could love me after my sinful life before i straightened out but i am beginning to learn to accept His love more.
elsbeth99 i realize you have some idea of what i was going through but at least you didn’t commit sacrilege by taking Jesus in mortal sin. i feel especially bad about that. the first was worse enough and then more awful deeds. i am glad you didn’t do this though and i that you for your empathy. i remember Hosea. wasn’t where the cheating wife kept on cheating until her husband put his foot down and told her that’s the last time he will take her back? i appreciate that you told me that my love is still worth something to Jesus. i need a constant reminder of this. congratulations on the first child.
shannin thanks a lot for the hug. everytime someone hugs me though and i am real emotional i end up crying and crying just because i don’t see how someone could just be kind to me after i was so unkind in my past, but i am learning to accept this love from God through others to me.
BLB_Oregon yes i am nothing before God. i have a temptation to despair and sometimes i find myself having to pray really hard to reject the temptation. you are so right that i need Him to fill me up and i want Him to so much. your suggestion about finding someone or someones to show compassion to is very good. i will do this. i know of a charity that i do want to volunteer for.
BobCatholic its fine with me that you loudly proclaimed the message that i should not give up and to keep Jesus as my goal. i will ask for the grace to forget my sins because eventually in confession i end up confessing the past again and again.
 
Regret2mygrave:
BobCatholic its fine with me that you loudly proclaimed the message that i should not give up and to keep Jesus as my goal. i will ask for the grace to forget my sins because eventually in confession i end up confessing the past again and again.
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Well, you don’t have to reconfess the same sin you already confessed. You’re forgiven. You need to accept that.

God has forgiven you. The priest has said so. Those sins that were absolved are forgiven, even if you haven’t forgotten yet.

Now if you’re saying you’re confessing the same sin over and over because you’re falling again and again in to the same sins, pray for the grace to overcome the sin. God will give it to you. I can personally testify to that.

Keep up the good fight! It is worth it.
 
BobCatholic actually i am not in the same sins. i just talk to the priest about how bad i feel about the things of my past. i worded it wrong. thanks for the correction.
 
Remember too, St Peter was Jesus’s friend for 3 years and then denied him , St Paul went around trying to kill christians and Jesus FORGAVE both of them.
It doesn’t matter you have done, if you are sorry and you confess you are clean. No matter what you have done, God can and will make it right if you ask him to.
A saint is a sinner who kept on trying. They would fall and get up and try again.
 
Regret2mygrave:
BobCatholic actually i am not in the same sins. i just talk to the priest about how bad i feel about the things of my past. i worded it wrong. thanks for the correction.
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Oh, in that case it is OK to ask for someone’s help.

It is a struggle to forget one’s sins, once God has already “forgot” them (through forgiving them in the Sacrament of Penance)

The devil’s gonna pound on you (and all of us - nobody’s exempt!) Don’t help him by pounding on yourself as well.
Work your hardest (with the help of God’s grace, of course, you can’t do it alone) to forget the past, and move forward to the future.
 
I find that when I start feeling really low down (which is alot recently), the best thing to do is to kneel and pray often. Last night I turned the TV to the Catholic Life Channel (Diocese of Baton Rouge) and watched a program on Focus TV by Char Vance. I was in stitches. See www.focustv.org to order a tape of this program. The program was very enlightening and rewarding for me.God Bless you in your journey for self-acceptance, Puppy;)
 
1st of all please read my post on the thread “Living together out of marriage”… I tell a true story about myself… What I neglected to mention was the same thoughts you have… I was suffering from terribly… I still suffer from “somewhat” of a depression today…(although there are medical reasons for this now…) but still, There were at least 2 times in my life that I was suicidal… During puberty…7 grade and in my early 20’s… The biggest thought I had to overcome was that I didn’t feel I deserved love or to be loved… I was used goods… I felt so low and discusted with my self… But, after years of being away from my faith and at my lowest point… (After meeting my now husband)… I went to confession… I wanted to be married in the Catholic church… I wanted a proper marriage… So I had to go to confession.

It was a step in the right direction… It didn’t make all better right away, but after going to confession more often and celebrating Mass again, I began to heal…

The memories will never go away, but with God loving grace through confession and communion…you will heal. He loves you so very much and is so merciful… (You should read Sr. Faustina’s diary… also read anything to do with St. Teresa of the child Jesus)…

Please don’t give up on yourself and be so hard. You really need to learn to forgive yourself…God already has…

Always in my prayers,

Tanya
 
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