Virtue most vital for a happy marriage?

[mommamaree]

In one word, what virtue do you think is most vital for a happy marriage? As in, what virtue is most important for your spouse to be in possession of?
Then, in one sentence, explain why.
Last, tell if you are married, single, divorced, widowed, or engaged.

My turn first…

Honesty.
Because anything can be confronted as a couple if each spouse is totally transparent and forthright.
Married almost 15 years!

Now your turn! Thanks in advance for your sharing!

 

[FullOfThought]

In my brief martial experience I would say the virtue of being able to admit when we are wrong and apologizing!! The healing of saying “I was wrong and I am sorry” is amazing. Also, we got the best advice during our marriage prep… asking “Do you forgive me?” and saying “I forgive you”, we can literally feel our relationship strengthening when said!!

 

[mommamaree]

In my brief martial experience I would say the virtue of being able to admit when we are wrong and apologizing!! The healing of saying “I was wrong and I am sorry” is amazing. Also, we got the best advice during our marriage prep… asking “Do you forgive me?” and saying “I forgive you”, we can literally feel our relationship strengthening when said!!

I like your point. Very important to apologize and seek forgiveness.

What would this virtue be called, then? Humility? Contriteness?

 

[FullOfThought]

I like your point. Very important to apologize and seek forgiveness.

What would this virtue be called, then? Humility? Contriteness?

I don’t know… before replying to you I actually googled what it would be called All I came up with is the opposite of pride, and I don’t know what that is… as you suggested maybe humility. Whatever it is, it’s the biggest lesson I’ve learnt so far in my vocation!

 

[BlueEyedLady]

In my limited experience and admittedly naive opinion it’s loyalty. You have to stand by your partner, be faithful to them, and see them through the hard times. Without loyalty there can be no security or trust.

 

[Luigi_Daniele]

Been happily married for over 20 years.

Honesty, hands down.

Never, ever lie. Especially if you really want to.

 

[mommamaree]

In my limited experience and admittedly naive opinion it’s loyalty. You have to stand by your partner, be faithful to them, and see them through the hard times. Without loyalty there can be no security or trust.

Loyalty is a good one too!

And, if I remember correctly, you are engaged to be married, right?

Closely related to loyalty would be faithfulness and steadfastness, which are also good virtues for a happy marriage.

 

[mommamaree]

Been happily married for over 20 years.

Honesty, hands down.

Never, ever lie. Especially if you really want to.

Good point Luigi. Honesty is most important when lying appears expedient or preferable. It is in those moments when we show ourselves (and sometimes others) our true characters.

 

[findingmyself08]

I wouldn’t necessarily call this a virtue, but I would say it’s vital for a happy marriage (based on readings for a class I took this past semester called the Psychology of Marriage and Family): communication. If a couple cannot truly communicate, there will be problems down the road.

I guess in that sense, the virtue would be honesty, but it also goes beyond that. It’s honesty, trust, humility, forgiveness, and overall love.

Btw, I’m single. But after a past relationship that failed because of a lack of communication (and through the discussion in my class), I’d say communication is a huge part.

 

[MidnightSun12]

Not married, but in my opinion chastity should probably rank pretty high up there. At the end of the day, marriage is a sacrament designed to sanctify the act of intercourse… how can one then have a healthy marriage if their personal outlook on sexuality is perverted??

 

[mommamaree]

Not married, but in my opinion chastity should probably rank pretty high up there. At the end of the day, marriage is a sacrament designed to sanctify the act of intercourse… how can one then have a healthy marriage if their personal outlook on sexuality is perverted??

I agree chastity is important, especially regarding daily growing in chastity. We can’t help but be bombarded with sinful and perverted messages every day. We must always keep up our guard against those negative influences and root out the sin that has already worked its way into our behaviors and thoughts. A chaste relationship with one’s spouse is a loving one and a happy one.

To the poster who mentioned good communication…absolutely! And that is hard to label, for the reasons you demonstrate. Too many virtues to count work together to make one a good communicator.

As an aside, though…marriage is a sacrament designed to sanctify the spouses, not the act of intercourse, right? Marriage merely gives intercourse a proper context and setting, but it sanctifies the human beings united in the sacrament. I think I have said that right…

 

[maryjk]

Sacrifice. Absolute love to the point of sacrifice. (Think: the love of Christ)

Married, 20+ years.

 

[mrs_katekista]

I think for me and my husband, it is fortitude. Together, we have been and will always be ready to endure all the trials that come our way.

Peace and all good!

 

[Edmundus1581]

In my brief **martial **experience

I would say the virtue of being able to admit when we are wrong and apologizing!! The healing of saying “I was wrong and I am sorry” is amazing. Also, we got the best advice during our marriage prep… asking “Do you forgive me?” and saying “I forgive you”, we can literally feel our relationship strengthening when said!!

Married for 10 years. Divorced for 17.

This one intrigued me, because I always found my wife difficult to get on with, and yet she would apologise reasonably often for being too demanding or too temperamental, etc. After puzzling about it for a while, I realized that she only ever apologized for a particular act (such as a temper tantrum). She never recognised or apologised for the repeated behaviour and for the pattern, or acknowledged a need to change. And, she didn’t change either. The temper tantrums continued throughout our marriage. (and, btw, there was plenty of addressing of the areas where I needed to change).

So, I would suggest, that being willing to recognise ones weaknesses, and to change (gradually) goes with asking forgiveness.

It’s a bit like the confessional. We can’t go in repeating the same sins every month without acknowledging some need to change.

 

[mariyka]

For us, it’s trust. For 38 years, we’ve known we can depend on each other.

 

[mommamaree]

This one intrigued me, because I always found my wife difficult to get on with, and yet she would apologise reasonably often for being too demanding or too temperamental, etc. After puzzling about it for a while, I realized that she only ever apologized for a particular act (such as a temper tantrum). She never recognised or apologised for the repeated behaviour and for the pattern, or acknowledged a need to change. And, she didn’t change either. The temper tantrums continued throughout our marriage. (and, btw, there was plenty of addressing of the areas where I needed to change).

So, I would suggest, that being willing to recognise ones weaknesses, and to change (gradually) goes with asking forgiveness.

It’s a bit like the confessional. We can’t go in repeating the same sins every month without acknowledging some need to change.

So true contrition and genuine repentance is an important aspect as well as the humbly acknowledging our failures and sins. Not just being able to fire off a quick apology and make nice super fast. I would add to your astute observation docility and the ability to gracefully handle corrections.

 

[mommamaree]

Sacrificial love.
Fortitude.
Trust (both trustworthiness and a willingness to trust).

Absolutely all vital.
What is amazing to me about each of these virtues in the thread is that spouses do not come “pre-loaded” with any of these. Yes the virtues are important, and no matter what our state in life is, cultivating virtue is an absolute requirement of the Christian life. However, the sacrament of matrimony, the marriage vocation itself, is probably the greatest aspect contributing to cultivating these virtues in married people. These virtues are vital for a happy marriage, and yet marriage itself causes these virtues to be developed in the spouses. How apropos!

 

[Schieffelin]

Patience! Almost anything can be conquered or resolved favorably with a good dose of loving patience. Married for two and a half years and still getting to know each other

 

[Edward_H]

Sacrifice. Absolute love to the point of sacrifice. (Think: the love of Christ)

Married, 20+ years.

Willing joyful quiet, often hidden, sacrifice for the love of God, for your spouse.

All manner of hardy humility too,in its many forms. This is a counter to pride.

A priest once told me that my job was to make my wife the “happiest person on the face of the earth”. He was smiling but he was dead serious. I internally protested initially…“sure,but it has to be balanced, it should be reciprocal…”. Then the Cross of Christ occurred to me…no reciprocity, no “fairness”. Love her with abandonment for the love of God.

Do it all for Him alone, to bring your wife to Him!!!

My wife can only be truly happy when she is close to God, when she is living Beatitude. And the more I help her the less I can focus on my own issues. It’s a beautifully simple and powerful way. Married 27 years.

 

[NeedsMercy]

Patience! Almost anything can be conquered or resolved favorably with a good dose of loving patience. Married for two and a half years and still getting to know each other

I was waiting for someone to say that! Been married for 12 years. Patience is essential. As is forgiveness.