Visit the sick... to visit or not to visit

[Kathrin]

My grandmother’s brother has been very ill and they say he may die soon.
I don’t know him all that well, have seen him maybe once a year at family gatherings… still I feel like I want to? should? have to? visit him… The hospital is not close to where I live, but tomorrow my uncle will drive my grandparents there and I thought I could go with them.

Now two reasons speak against it:

• Tomorrow is the parish feast at my church and I want to at least go to the mass and not have to leave early… and then it might be tight with getting to my grandparents’ house in time and I may have to call my uncle to pick me up somewhere else and make it all complicated for them.

-My uncle’s girlfriend is going with them too and my grandma said it might be too many people for the sick person if I come too. And he may not even recognize me because we weren’t that close.

But what if it is the last opportunity to visit him?
And we are to visit the sick… I really am not sure what is best, for me, for him… and I don’t want to stress my grandparents either… Any suggestions???

Especially from a Christian point of view.

Kathrin

 

[apromisemade]

Sounds like one of those between a rock and a hard place situations. I would say do what sits best with you conscience. Sounds simpler than it probably is I know.

Or rather, ask yourself this. You’ll regret missing Mass if you go, but if you miss seeing your great uncle, would you regret it even more?

 

[Kathrin]

Well I could go to an earlier mass somewhere else.
But it feels kind of wrong to not attend the feast mass of the parish.
And it may be possible to hurry from one to the next. I don’t have to go to the fair after the mass. I’d like to but that again in my opinion does not justify not visit somebody.

The more important dilemma is the other one: Is it too stresful for my great uncle to have so many visitors.
I asked my grandma could I go alone someday, and she said she’s not even sure if they’d let me since I am not a close relative.

Guess for now I’ll have to sleep over it…

Kathrin

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Call the hospital and find out their visiting policies. If there is another convenient time you could go, then do so. If they will not allow yur visit, or you simply can’t get there, then you are excused from any obligation. Please do pray for your great-uncle and arrange a Mass to be said for his health, or his soul after he dies. We can only do what is physically possible. But we can always pray.

 

[Kathrin]

Hello Sally,

we did go there and he was ok with it, I am glad I went.

About the mass being said… I haven’t thought of that. I have never done that. Do you do that for everybody who is sick that you know?

Now being so scrupulous I have the feeling because you told me I have to… but I think lighting a candle is just fine too? That’s what I usually do when somebody dies or is sick.
Is that not enough? I lit a candle for him a while ago and I told him yesterday that I did, and he was thankful.

Can’t we pray like this? I really don’t know how I would arrange a mass. I don’t even live in the same community that he did. My grandmother (his sister) might know about that.

See you have to be careful what you say to me because I tend to take on too much responsibility. Now I am afraid I am being bad because I say arranging a mass would be too much (too complicated? too expensive? does it cost anything at all? and if yes and I say I can’t afford it, would that make me bad, because I’d have to forgo all my own plans if necessary and save up all my money in order to be able to have a mass said?)

But wouldn’t my grandmother take care of that? Or somebody else who is much closer to him than me?

Ok, I think the main thing is, it really would feel weird if I did that because I am not so close and other people take care of things like that… is this ok? Am I being bad? Or am I just reacting this way because I am scrupulous and already feel again that I have to do things that are beyond my responsibility?

Because I do a lot already. Really. And if somebody says please do this, then I feel I have to do that too. But maybe I am doing enough? Please let me know what you think.

Kathrin

Kathrin

 

[baltobetsy]

Or am I just reacting this way because I am scrupulous and already feel again that I have to do things that are beyond my responsibility?

You know, Kathrin, I can remember a time when you would not even have asked that - you just would have made yourself crazy thinking about all your self-imposed “obligations.” Good progress!

Here in the USA, it’s very easy to have a Mass said for someone, living or dead. You simply go to the parish office and request a “Mass card.” The offering is usually five or ten dollars. The secretary will ask you for the name of the person, whether he or she is living or deceased, and if there’s a special date you have in mind. Then a date will be set, and you will receive a lovely card that you can send to the person or the family. It does not have to be near where the person is at all. I don’t know how it is in Switzerland, but I suspect there’s a similar process.

You can also do it online with groups such as the Catholic Near East Welfare Association (I’m sorry I don’t have time to give a link - you can Google them).

None of this is to say that you HAVE TO do this, but if you WANT TO, it’s easy and inexpensive. Always do things because you want to!

Betsy

 

[LilyM]

Sounds like one of those between a rock and a hard place situations. I would say do what sits best with you conscience. Sounds simpler than it probably is I know.

Or rather, ask yourself this. You’ll regret missing Mass if you go, but if you miss seeing your great uncle, would you regret it even more?

I’m glad you went, Kathrin. I’m sure God will bless you for it.

Yes, it’s a wonderful idea to have a Mass said for your Uncle if you can, it’s by no means obligatory.

You can even privately offer any Mass you attend for him as well - simply say a prayer before Mass starts, something along the lines of ‘Jesus, I offer this Mass for my Uncle’s spiritual and physical healing’. If you want - no obligations at all.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Kathrin,

I’m so glad that you were able to go visit and that your uncle was happy you were there. I bet your grandmother appreciated it too. Lighting a candle is wonderful. I do it often for my dead relatives. And you uncle did appreciate that. I’d say just keep praying for him.

I was thinking that if you couldn’t visit you could have a Mass said. It’s not hard to do, but you certainly aren’t obligated. At my parish you simply ask the secretary in the office and she’ll tell you when the next “open” Mass is. I usually give a small stipend–maybe $5, but even that is not necessary.

I’m sure that when your uncle dies your grandmother or his other, closer relatives will arrange the funeral and any extra Masses.

Hello Sally,

we did go there and he was ok with it, I am glad I went.

About the mass being said… I haven’t thought of that. I have never done that. Do you do that for everybody who is sick that you know?

Now being so scrupulous I have the feeling because you told me I have to… but I think lighting a candle is just fine too? That’s what I usually do when somebody dies or is sick.
Is that not enough? I lit a candle for him a while ago and I told him yesterday that I did, and he was thankful.

Can’t we pray like this? I really don’t know how I would arrange a mass. I don’t even live in the same community that he did. My grandmother (his sister) might know about that.

See you have to be careful what you say to me because I tend to take on too much responsibility. Now I am afraid I am being bad because I say arranging a mass would be too much (too complicated? too expensive? does it cost anything at all? and if yes and I say I can’t afford it, would that make me bad, because I’d have to forgo all my own plans if necessary and save up all my money in order to be able to have a mass said?)

But wouldn’t my grandmother take care of that? Or somebody else who is much closer to him than me?

Ok, I think the main thing is, it really would feel weird if I did that because I am not so close and other people take care of things like that… is this ok? Am I being bad? Or am I just reacting this way because I am scrupulous and already feel again that I have to do things that are beyond my responsibility?

Because I do a lot already. Really. And if somebody says please do this, then I feel I have to do that too. But maybe I am doing enough? Please let me know what you think.

Kathrin

Kathrin

 

[Kathrin]

I think when I see my grandmother again I’ll talk to her about this idea. Ok, maybe not if it makes it feel like I am implying that he will die soon. Maybe I can ask her if she has thought about having a mass said for his health…

I thought it might be a very complicated and also expensive thing to have a whole mass said for somebody, I thought maybe several hundred dollars… and then I started feeling guilty about even thinking about expenses here…

Ok but then in the course of the day I forgot about the whole worry again and now I feel what I am doing is good That I went to visit was good. Praying for him is good. And thinking I’ll talk to my grandma about it is good.

And thinking everything is just LOVE and easy and shouldn’t be stress and we can leave it all in God’s hands… is very good.

Kathrin