Visiting people in a nursing home

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This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I only went once–about 5 years ago. And it was with a Eucharistic Minister bringing Holy Communion to someone. We were the minister’s ride, and he did most of the talking (it was someone he normally brought Holy Communion to and knew pretty well).

I’d really like to just go there and visit with someone. But how do you do it? What do you say? All I can think is that it would be awkward. “Hi! Who are you? Nice to meet you! Uh. We just decided to come visit for no reason!” 😊 And I don’t want them to feel like I’m pitying them (even though I am).

Do any of you visit nursing homes out of the blue? How do you do it?? Please help! :o
 
our rosary cenacle goes once a week and says the rosary during their social time for those who want to participate, which is most down here, and many of the ladies stay, or come other times during the week to visit those who have no family around. The meet with the director to set up a schedule, especially during the holidays when a lot of people want to do this. in CCD we have the children make simple favors, cards etc. that the visitors can take when they go.

the youth group visits one home monthly for 2 hours, has a little activity such a sing-along or craft, and the kids just visit one on one with those who come to the community room, as they would with their own grandparents. Someone from the nursing home met with them for an orientation on what to do and say when they started this project.

some of these kids are now volunteering on their own to visit residents without friends and family.
 
I used to bring my dog (a fox terrier) to the nursing home on saturdays that they didn’t have much going on. I’d walk in and say, “Hi, my name is Purple and this is my dog Sunshine.” We’re here visiting."

It was phenonomly rewarding. They patients LOVED my dog. One man had a stroke. He was extremely angry and what actions he did he tried to offend his family. After 3 years living that way I started to visit with my dog. He LOVED her. He worked so, so, so hard to call her name and have her come running. Around the same time his nephew visited. Encouraged by his uncle’s new mannarisms the nephew kept coming back. Long story short, after a year of vigorous rehabilitation the man was able to go home with his family. All because he wanted to be able to call my dog to him and started trying and caring about life again. Now, this is uncommon in nursing homes, but it to me is a shining hope.

I see you have kids. Even a toddler can brighten up a place. Have a “visiting day” and go room to room and say hi. Perhaps have the toddler/child make cards and distribute them. Call first expect to spend at least 2-3 hours for a 10-20patient wing. Some won’t want to see you some will talk your ear off.
 
CatholicSam said:
This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I only went once–about 5 years ago. And it was with a Eucharistic Minister bringing Holy Communion to someone. We were the minister’s ride, and he did most of the talking (it was someone he normally brought Holy Communion to and knew pretty well).

I’d really like to just go there and visit with someone. But how do you do it? What do you say? All I can think is that it would be awkward. “Hi! Who are you? Nice to meet you! Uh. We just decided to come visit for no reason!” 😊 And I don’t want them to feel like I’m pitying them (even though I am).

Do any of you visit nursing homes out of the blue? How do you do it?? Please help! :o
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Let me say what you are wanting to do is a wonderful thing.I can say the individuals who live in longterm care facilities quite often have lived very interesting lives and at times crave for an opportunity to share these memories with others. Some of these residents have no one. The staff and fellow residents have heard the stories sometimes many times.
I can tell you both you and your children would come away with an enriched appreciation for those of this other generation.Some children have no grandparents for many reasons.These visits can introduce them to the elderly.
I would suggest you can’t just walk in and go to it.There are confidentiality considerations and safety issues to consider as well Call or visit the Volunteer Coordinator or Director of Nursing Services for the facility in question.Explain what you are looking to do.Perhaps a weekly visit to sit and read to an elderly who once enjoyed reading but can no longer do so would be good. ( the Bible might be of interest to the resident ).Perhaps your children can help with this. There are many ways to be involved.In summer taking a resident out in the garden area for an hour could be very well received.
I know of a situation where an elderly lady spent the last 13 years of her life in a longterm care facility and NEVER had a visitor. How sad. I am convinced there are many others in the same situation.
God Bless you as you look into this very kind gesture. Remember ,Jesus tells us in the Bible that when we visit the sick…it is Him we are visiting.Please let us know how things go.NLM
 
I used to type some reports for a lady that worked as coordinator for something (it’s been a while, give me a break :P) at a nursing home. Those reports included the resident’s physical health status, mental health status, visitors, and any activities the resident participated in regularly. So many of the residents had no visitors, it was very sad. The lady I was working for always kept her door open so random residents would just come in and start chatting, and once they discovered me there, a new young face - I was probably 16 at the time - I became quite the attraction. I swear you could just see it on their faces… “Ohhhh, a pretty young girl as a captive audience. SCORE!!” Ok, maybe it wasn’t phrased quite like that, but that thought process was definitely there.
 
Thank you all for your encouragement, inspiring stories and suggestions. I will definitely be looking into things and getting in touch with a volunteer coordinator at one of the local centers. When I used to work as an RN, I loved working with the elderly. Whenever I had some down time, I’d go visit with the elderly patients on my floor who came from the nursing homes and/or had no visitors, brushing their hair and cleaning their glasses, etc. My dream job was to work in an ethical hospice (not one that practices illegal euthanasia like many do now days :eek: )… maybe one day when my children are grown I will be a hospice nurse after all.
 
its really quite easy. you can walk into any facility and in the ones we go to there is no check in or anything. you could ask an orderly questions like when is a good time to visit, when are meals. they are usually sleeping afterwards. its good to go before meals because many of the time you will need to wake them up and you wont feel bad because the nurses would have woke them up soon anyway.

you can call your parish office and ask for names of parishiners in homes around town. also you can call the homebound committee and those who take communion to the nursing homes and get names of people that way. thats how we started. we signed up through church to visit a lady. while we are there we visit everyone we see in the halls and any rooms that are open. i know it can be kind of intimidating. i am lucky i have 5 little ice breakers!! the kids are always welcome and make visiting easier. but bottom line just go in with a good book or poetry, be willing to hold their hand, hug them and talk. so many we have met have absolutely NO ONE that visits and very little family. its a wonderful thing to do and you’ll find you benifit more then the elderly person!

They deserve our respect, love and care!
 
CatholicSam said:
Doesn’t *anyone *do this? I really need some advice! :o
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They won’t care at all why you’re there, as long as you ARE there. 😃 I’ve done this tons through my g-pa actually being in one, to working there and volunteering.

But, in my experience, picking where you go is key. I try to go where they are well taken care of. I know that the other nursing home patients need visitors too, probably more so. But when I see them being poorly taken care of it just makes me so mad and sad and there’s nothing you can do to help them. So I have learned I have to avoid those places, so I can be the best me for the people I visit. 🙂

EDIT: Oh and talking about their spouses, children, family or grandchildren is a no-no. Sometimes they don’t have any of the above, sometimes they did but they have died, sometimes none of them get visits, or rarely do. If THEY bring them up, then that’s totally different. Test their mood towards them if it’s favorable then talk, if it’s negative just listen. Also dementia is very prevalent in nursing homes. They may think someone is still alive who isn’t, just go with it. If they think you are their daughter, just go with it. It’s hard, but it’s all part of it.

Also take special care to visit those stuck in beds who can’t get out to the normal home’s activities and things. They need love the most. 🙂

Bonus if you bring your children. They will eat them up! They will be the life of the nursing home and you’ll have more elderly friends than you ever thought possible.
 
I make visits like this with my children, but it’s a somewhat organized thing through the parish. I prefer doing it this way simply because it provides a tiny bit of “structure” to the visit, as opposed to walking in completely cold.

Our assigned month is February, so I actually need to get my act together in a few weeks. 🙂 Basically, I call ahead of time and get the head count of how many residents have a birthday during the month. I buy that many helium balloons at the grocery, and my kids make cards or pictures in that amount too. At the nursing home, they give us a list of the residents with their room numbers. We stop at the door and ask if it’s okay to come in and visit for a few minutes. Responses range from enthusiasm (just a few sadly) to non-responsive stares (many of them.) We tie the balloon to the edge of the patient’s bed, where they can see it (assuming no oxygen tanks are in use! important!) give the card or picture, and then sing “Happy Birthday” and “You Are My Sunshine.” For many of them, that’s all we do, because there’s really been no change at all since we’ve come in the door. We wish them a cheery “Have a nice day” and move along. For those that are responsive, however, we stay and talk for a few minutes about whatever is of interest to the patient. Since we kind of stand out (eight kids, several red heads thrown in the mix) that is often the starting point-- those who are up to talking often want to share about the big family they grew up in, or how their deceased wife had red hair “just that color,” etc…

Frankly, it’s always slightly depressing to visit, because it’s apparent that while some residents have loads of visitors and plenty of company from family, others have none at all. Just none. It breaks my heart. I’m glad that we can bring a little light into the room for a couple of minutes, but in the grand scheme of things, it seems like so little… 🤷

So there you go. I guess it depends on personality, but I’m not the kind of person that could just walk in solo and with no “plan” in mind. If you can, that’s great, but if not, having something to lean on, like birthdays, or a book to read aloud, or a nail file and polish to give the ladies a cute little manicure, or something might be a good idea…

Margaret
 
one other thought…if you bring kids just make sure they are healthy! we had to wait 3 weeks to start going because the kids had runny noses and coughs. but now when everyone is healthy we fit in as many visits. they dont have to be long and they can be as you run around and do other errands. the kids LOVE it and ask to go. they are like little celebrities. the residents love it
 
I grew up doing this monthly with my family. We played string instruments, so we put on monthly programs or concerts for the residents. Unfortunately, we were not exactly what the crowd wanted. Classical isn’t something they could sing the lyrics they remembered from their dancing days.

Our local homeschool chapters do these things regularly. There is usually a theme, such a s a holiday, and they go bearing gifts (like boxes of tissues and lotiions) and sing songs. The coordinators at the nursing homes help to organize them.

On the con side, going as a child to these places made me feel weird. I had numerous episodes where Alzheimers patients thought I was an angel (since I am very blond and fair-skinned), and going monthly and doing the same thing seemed to make the people lose interest. The first few months we went, the activity room was packed, but after that, it tapered off. The people would sleep though the program, and I felt completely objectified sometimes (by men). We may start this as a family, but I would want help with 3 small children, and I have trouble with the ick factor (the homes around here smell like urine when you walk into them). I think it would be easier for me to go to the homes for retired clergy, since they sacrificed their ability to have families to visit and take care of them, but so many in these homes do have so little contact with the outside worldthat it is tragic.

I guess I’m saying I see where you come from. but I share the awkward part. Maybe we should get together and have our kids do something cute? Do they have online visits? A webinar to retirement homes? LOL
 
captaincatholic said:
I guess I’m saying I see where you come from. but I share the awkward part. Maybe we should get together and have our kids do something cute? Do they have online visits? A webinar to retirement homes? LOL
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😃 Now there’s an idea! I agree, I wouldn’t be comfortable going by myself with my 3 little ones either. Maybe it could be just me and one or two kids (while DH stays with the other(s)), or take DH with me with all 3.

RedMeg, I love the birthday balloon & card idea! Gives you something specific to do, you can spend time chatting a bit if they want to, and move on. 👍

I heard a cute idea on the radio the other day, which actually prompted me to start this thread. That family would bake a birthday cake, go to the nearest nursing home and ask whose birthday was the closest, go sing “Happy Birthday” to them and give them the cake. But I would feel bad giving them a cake if they were diabetic. 😊 Balloons and a card would work much better!

A thought about residents getting bored after a while with the homeschool groups: go to a different one each month (so you’d only go to the same one 2-3 times a year). At least around here there are many nursing homes–at least 4-5 I can think of right now.
 
purplesunshine said:
I used to bring my dog (a fox terrier) to the nursing home on saturdays that they didn’t have much going on. I’d walk in and say, “Hi, my name is Purple and this is my dog Sunshine.” We’re here visiting."
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When my grandmother was in a nursing home, back when I was in high school/college, my mom and I took our best-behaved dog with us all the time. And because of him, we visited a lot more people than just my grandma! You don’t even have to be going to see anyone specific… In fact, you’ll bump into so many people just going down the hall.

My grandma became a little celebrity there, too – “So, when are your daughter and granddaughter coming back with that puppy?” 😃
purplesunshine said:
Perhaps have the toddler/child make cards and distribute them.
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👍 That is an awesome idea. Coloring book pages, free-hand drawings, cards, etc.

That’s really cool, Sam, that you want to do this.
 
Truly_Beloved said:
When my grandmother was in a nursing home, back when I was in high school/college, my mom and I took our best-behaved dog with us all the time. And because of him, we visited a lot more people than just my grandma! You don’t even have to be going to see anyone specific… In fact, you’ll bump into so many people just going down the hall.

My grandma became a little celebrity there, too – “So, when are your daughter and granddaughter coming back with that puppy?” 😃
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Yes. Do be careful though with unknown residents and pets/kids. I had one (mentally disturbed) old lady grab my dog’s ear and pull hard. Her nails cut into the dog’s thin little ears. The dog yipped but didn’t bite her. Make sure you ask the nurse’s or aids which residents have violent tendencies.
Purple, you’re a beautiful person.
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Thanks. I’d love to go with my current dog but she has to pass the “Canine Good Citizen” test. She still needs another year of work. (I adopted her as a severely neglected 2.5yo who spent her entire life in a kennel)
 
I can understand thinking it might be awkward. It can be, sometimes. I spend a lot of time at a nursing home because of my dad. What I’ve learned mostly is just to be very open, very friendly and don’t try to be fake-cheery, you know? Talk to people like they are just your neighbors on your street. The weather, the family, whatever. Attention, affection, time, listening, respect-- that’s all any person in that situation really wants from you. Same as anyone really. 🙂

(It’s a great idea you have, btw. 👍)

ETA:
prolifewife said:
EDIT: Oh and talking about their spouses, children, family or grandchildren is a no-no. Sometimes they don’t have any of the above, sometimes they did but they have died, sometimes none of them get visits, or rarely do. If THEY bring them up, then that’s totally different. Test their mood towards them if it’s favorable then talk, if it’s negative just listen. Also dementia is very prevalent in nursing homes. They may think someone is still alive who isn’t, just go with it. If they think you are their daughter, just go with it. It’s hard, but it’s all part of it.
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This is excellent advice, bears repeating!
 
My family became friends with an elderly lady, who had never been married and had no family nearby. We met her before she entered a nursing home. Met at a fish fry at church almost 11 years ago. She and I became close friends, she loved my family, and she went to heaven last May. I miss her so much.
Go to a nursing home and ask the staff who the residents are that don’t get many visitors. Just sit and chat with them, bring them a large print book or magazine if they can still read, listen to their stories. Bring the kids, the elderly love kids!!
God bless you for remembering these people that are easily forgotten.
 
I work in a skilled nursing facility on a dementia unit. The residents there are (most of them) the sweetest most loveable people you will ever meet. They love to just sit and reminisce about their past, families, friends, experiences, etc. Visits are much needed and any little bit helps. I would just walk in and start talking to someone who looks lonely. It probably won’t be hard to find someone. Start with a Hi how are you today. Then I would tell them who you are and ask them about themselves. It will most likely pick up from there… 🙂
 
🙂
They would love to see your smile, and give you more love and kindness and call you ‘my lovely’ and tell you about their life, and give you some wisdom. that you may think you get more love from them.
 
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