Dear OP,
It’s often interesting to wait until several pages of a thread have been completed, before readng it, so this is what I did myself. When one comes into it and reads the whole thing, it comes off as kind of amusing. I know you’re not trying to be comical, and the experience I take it was unsettling for you, but I see a lot less ‘calculation’ on the part of this visiting priest than you do.
I actually think that he might have been nervous. People show their nervousness in surpriisng ways. (You say he was “super-confident.”) I have no reason to doubt your word that his surface manifestation might have appeared quite confident. But that can be deceiving. Just this weekend one of our priests, to my surprise, admitted during his homily that he gets internally very worked up (anxious) just before he does any public speaking (including homilies), and has to do various exercises to calm himself down. One would never know it: When speaking, he appears confident and expansive, and even loud – not irritatingly so, but loud in the way that many confident extroverts are loud (speaking with a flourish). So appearances can be deceiving. (And sometimes people compensate for their anxiety by working especially hard to cultivate a confident exterior – not to deceive, but to help themselves transfer the confidence interiorly.)
The giveaway to me was when you finally described this as a teen Mass. Putting that together with some of the language he used, with the deferential messages he seemed to be giving, which he might have been using to appeal to these Mass goers, it seems to me he might have been “trying too hard,” that’s all. Some adults, including priests, feel that they have to “work” at relating to teenagers, with the result that it sometimes comes across as a forced familiarity. They’re so anxious to “connect” that they sometimes say inappropriate things.
I wouldn’t take it as any real harm done. If he’s a visitor, it sounds as if you won’t see him often. Perhaps just speaking privately to the pastor, while the experience is fresh for him as well, will alert the pastor to take him aside if there’s a ‘next time,’ to calm this visitor down a bit. (And maybe after the first time he would be relaxed anyway.)
