Visiting son

[Viki63]

So I know what to do if my adult children want to visit & bring their boy/girlfriends along – I say no. They understand,
Slightly different scenario: I’ve been getting ready to go visit my grown son in another city for a weekend, but he says his girlfriend is moving in with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

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[pensmama87]

So I know what to do if my adult children want to visit & bring their boy/girlfriends along – I say no. They understand,
Slightly different scenario: I’ve been getting ready to go visit my grown son in another city for a weekend, but he says his girlfriend is moving in with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

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Do you not have another place for the SO to sleep? My husband and I would visit each other’s families and never expected to sleep in the same room/bed - there was always a guest room, a couch, or floor. My parents would never have gotten to know him otherwise - they live on the other side of the country!

If girlfriend will be living with him when you visit, then I’d suggest finding alternative accommodations for your visit - while avoiding making a big thing of it.

 

[angell1]

So I know what to do if my adult children want to visit & bring their boy/girlfriends along – I say no. They understand,
Slightly different scenario: I’ve been getting ready to go visit my grown son in another city for a weekend, but he says his girlfriend is moving in with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

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it’s fine for their bf/gf to visit if there are sepearte sleeping quarters.

it’s also not forbidden for you to stay with them even if they are cohabitating, you can’t really control what they do in their own house. if you really don’t feel comfortable, then get a hotel room or something. but they already know you disapprove, you visiting is not going to change that

 

[Prodigal_Son]

If you would find it uncomfortable, find another place to stay.

But there’s nothing in the slightest wrong with you staying with them. One doesn’t endorse the actions of a host by merely visiting.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

So I know what to do if my adult children want to visit & bring their boy/girlfriends along – I say no. They understand,
Slightly different scenario: I’ve been getting ready to go visit my grown son in another city for a weekend, but he says his girlfriend is moving in with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

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You politely stay at a hotel.

 

[1ke]

So I know what to do if my adult children want to visit & bring their boy/girlfriends along – I say no. They understand,
Slightly different scenario: I’ve been getting ready to go visit my grown son in another city for a weekend, but he says his girlfriend is moving in with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

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Viki,

I don’t understand why you don’t know what to do. Can you explain what the problem is?

Do you suffer scruples?

 

[jcrichton]

So I know what to do if my adult children want to visit & bring their boy/girlfriends along – I say no. They understand,
Slightly different scenario: I’ve been getting ready to go visit my grown son in another city for a weekend, but he says his girlfriend is moving in with him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

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Hi, Viki!

…it is often said one hand washes the other… usually this happens when two parties are complicit in each other’s involvements… I think that the same would apply here; you could go with the “it’s his home” (when in Vegas) or you could not stay overnight or, if finances allow, rent a room/place near his and enjoy your visit while not being supportive of the immoral relations.

You certainly cannot demand that his girlfriend not move in; that’s the life choice they have made. But you should not fall for “my house, my rules” bit. Look for an alternative way to enjoy a visit with your son (perhaps a short visit–even if you have to spent more time traveling there and back then visiting).

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

Viki,

I don’t understand why you don’t know what to do. Can you explain what the problem is?

Do you suffer scruples?

Hi!

…maybe it’s the hypocrisy of “not in my home” but burn down the roof if it’s your home."

Does God changes when houses or cities or states or nations are changed?

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[Anglewannabe]

If yoru son waited for you to come visit to ammounce his GF is moving in, sounds to me like he is playing the ‘I am finally old enough to defy you’ routine. He already knows how you feel. Just politely remind him that even though you are adults, regardless of his morals he owes it to other people to respect them. Tell him to just make sure he is not using this woman to spite you

 

[Prodigal_Son]

If yoru son waited for you to come visit to ammounce his GF is moving in, sounds to me like he is playing the ‘I am finally old enough to defy you’ routine. He already knows how you feel. Just politely remind him that even though you are adults, regardless of his morals he owes it to other people to respect them. Tell him to just make sure he is not using this woman to spite you

I have no idea how it is disrespectful to her. That’s like saying that a person who becomes a vegetarian is disrespecting his parents by not eating meat that is served to him.

There is no reason to assume that the son is being disrespectful. As other posters have said, it is his prerogative to choose his way of life, sinful or not.

 

[Viki63]

Thanks for all the comments; I appreciate the varying points of view.
The girlfriend moving in is unrelated to my visiting. I’m pretty sure he’s not disrespecting me; he’s definitely an adult.
I’m thinking that since I don’t police all of the sins that any people I’ve stayed with in the past may have committed, I probably won’t concern myself with this particular one. But I will make sure he knows that I think cohabitation is unwise, mainly because it can lead to suffering in the end. Which is why it’s a sin.

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[Anglewannabe]

I have no idea how it is disrespectful to her. That’s like saying that a person who becomes a vegetarian is disrespecting his parents by not eating meat that is served to him.

There is no reason to assume that the son is being disrespectful. As other posters have said, it is his prerogative to choose his way of life, sinful or not.

If the only reason the son is moving in with his GF is to spite his mom, that is using the GF

 

[Prodigal_Son]

If the only reason the son is moving in with his GF is to spite his mom, that is using the GF

OK, but that hypothetical just seems really unlikely to me.

 

[Viki63]

OK, but that hypothetical just seems really unlikely to me.

True, he’s not trying to spite me. He’s a really nice guy, he’s just doing what many in his generation do – move in because he sees no reason not to. Unfortunately I didn’t convert until he and his brother had grown up and moved out.

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[ConfusedLucy]

I think you need to let this go. Your son is an adult and is probably not going to decide against living with his girlfriend because of you staying in a hotel. Pick your battles and influence him where you can.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I think you need to let this go. Your son is an adult and is probably not going to decide against living with his girlfriend because of you staying in a hotel. Pick your battles and influence him where you can.

As much as I agree with this, there are other reasons for staying in hotels. My dad and I can easily but heads. When they would visit me, they always prefered a hotel room to my one bedroom appartment. The fact that we each had neutral territory to get our sleep in made the visit more pleasant

 

[jcrichton]

I have no idea how it is disrespectful to her. That’s like saying that a person who becomes a vegetarian is disrespecting his parents by not eating meat that is served to him.

There is no reason to assume that the son is being disrespectful. As other posters have said, it is his prerogative to choose his way of life, sinful or not.

Hi!

…well there’s coincidence (things that just happen to drop on our lap) and then there’s orchestration… how long ago did the son know that the mom was planing the visit?

Is it a coincidence that the “girlfriend” is moving in when the “mom” is going to visit?

…how much sex are they going to miss out on if they wait for a few days after the mom’s visit before the “girlfriend” moves in?

…or is this not a twisting of the arm: ‘you forced me to live by *your *rules… now I’m going to force *you *to live by mine?’

…and don’t forget the workings of Satan… notice how many “laxed” scruples in today’s culture?–not even “Catholics” believe that there’s a need to Consummate the Sacraments–it’s as if God just set up a “community” of “me thinkers” (‘if my conscience dictates it’s ok, it is!’); the Pope having a “friendly” minimalist stance does nothing to curb such “spirituality.”

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Jcrichton,

Your notion that living together is all about sex is naive. Your idea that this young man is trying to spite his mother is unsupported by facts, and expressly denied by his mother. I don’t understand why you are trying to nourish animosity in this woman against her son.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. People are not converted by a cold shoulder.

 

[jcrichton]

Jcrichton,

Your notion that living together is all about sex is naive. Your idea that this young man is trying to spite his mother is unsupported by facts, and expressly denied by his mother. I don’t understand why you are trying to nourish animosity in this woman against her son.

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. People are not converted by a cold shoulder.

Hi!

I don’t know if you can tell that posting follow a chronology; I do not read through the answers before I reply to a particular post; and I try to engage every post individually.

Had the OP opened with ‘my adult son does not share my newly converted Christian views but we get along famously;’ there would not have been a need to speculate.

However, the fact remains; the more we give into “social” pressure the more we will have to remain silent upon “pressure” to accept social conduct.

I do not own a car. I do not smoke. I cannot demand that a person who smokes not smoke around me; yet, I can refrain from being around them. So I cannot accept a ride from a person who smokes… why? because it would be hypocritical of me to be bothered by their habit only when I do not need a ride from them.

You have made my argument; cohabitation is not done for the exclusivity of having sex. So what harm would waiting a couple of days do?

It is the same with our Faith; if it only applies when we are in Church then what good is it? How can I set an example for others not to drink in excess when I’m always drunk or make the pub/bar my second home?

Do you believe that not sharing unequal yoke refers only to marital status?:

14 Do not harness yourselves in an uneven team with unbelievers. Virtue is no companion for crime. Light and darkness have nothing in common. 15 Christ is not the ally of Beliar, nor has a believer anything to share with an unbeliever.

(2 Corinthians 6:14-15)
It was Jesus Himself that stated that He did not come to bring “peace” but War (Holy War).

When we stand for nothing, we fall for anything.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[Prodigal_Son]

It was Jesus Himself that stated that He did not come to bring “peace” but War (Holy War).

The Church guides us in the interpretation of Scripture. The Church has not interpreted that Scripture to mean that we should take every opportunity to alienate ourselves from family members who are making sinful decisions. Rather, the Church has said that we should not cooperate with evil or encourage sin. Staying with her son does neither of those things.