S
Student09
Guest
Congratulations!
If they accepted you, then maybe they will accept me too, if I really have a vocation.
I need to stop making excuses for why I cannot be a nun, and just listen.
- Status
If they accepted you, then maybe they will accept me too, if I really have a vocation.
I need to stop making excuses for why I cannot be a nun, and just listen.
M
mariagoretti24
Guest
That’s exactly right! Over the last couple of months I’ve learned that God doesn’t call the qualified- He qualifies the called. The moment when I stopped asking myself “do I have what it takes?” and started asking myself “where is God calling me?” I started to get clarity.Congratulations!
If they accepted you, then maybe they will accept me too, if I really have a vocation.
As other people on this thread advised, seek an answer outside yourself. I talked to many of my friends and the vocation director at the Carmelite monastery (and of course spent a lot of time in prayer) and all of those conversations pointed me toward Carmel.
I remember reading somewhere in CAF (it may have been on a post on this thread) “don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith- God always catches you.” I realized that sometimes in our lives we have to make that leap and have faith that God will catch us.
This is definitely a leap of faith. While I truly believe this is where God is calling me, I understand that I could “fail” in the monastery. I feel like I’m a baby bird about to jump out of the nest to try flying for the first time- I could either soar and never look back, or fall straight to the ground. While that scares me, I am now content to do the Will of God- and should He will for me to spend some time there only to realize that this life isn’t for me, then so be it.
Now of course, at this point I truly believe that with God’s grace what He is calling me to do is possible. I’m just content to know that He wants me to go to the Carmelite monastery and will let Him work out the details.
I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.
Z
zaramarie81
Guest
I haven’t had a chance to read all replies yet, so forgive me if I repeat anything.
I too am a melancholic. Actually, I am a melancholic-sanguine so I “get” both temperaments. Here are my thoughts:
Traditionally, melancholics have made great religious for the very reasons you stated… they love the things of eternity, are able to detach from the world, and tend to have a giving heart.
I assume you live in the US. Our culture does not value the introvert as much as the extrovert. It’s a shame that attitude has gotten even into the Church. It can be painful - trust me, I know. Honestly, I would wilt in a community where everyone was outgoing and sanguine because I would never get a word in and would constantly feel misunderstood. So it may be a blessing in disguise if some communities are saying no up front.
The reality is though, any temperament can be called to any vocation (and side note: I just can’t imagine it’s good for any community to have only one temperament). Even with all my love of eternity and lack of interest in “worldly things”, I am getting married this autumn and believe this is the life God designed me, as an individual, for. So keep searching for the right place for you. My fiance loves me for who I am, and I suspect the same should occur with an Order.
Also, here’s a thought. Sometimes we do need to find ways to round out our temperaments. For example, if you know you may be giving the wrong impression by not smiling when you pass a person by, start training yourself to smile. It’s not about being fake, it’s about showing love to that person in a way that makes sense to them.
My fiance is very logical and practical… he doesn’t want a lot of theatrics when we communicate. So I’ve trained myself to speak in a very logical, non-theatrical (non-sanguine, haha) way. I am not faking, just meeting his needs (and he meets mine by being more verbal about his feelings than perhaps his phlegmatic temperament normally would be).
Sorry to ramble on.
I pray all works out for you! You do not have a “bad” or undesirable temperament - quite the contrary!
I too am a melancholic. Actually, I am a melancholic-sanguine so I “get” both temperaments. Here are my thoughts:
Traditionally, melancholics have made great religious for the very reasons you stated… they love the things of eternity, are able to detach from the world, and tend to have a giving heart.
I assume you live in the US. Our culture does not value the introvert as much as the extrovert. It’s a shame that attitude has gotten even into the Church. It can be painful - trust me, I know. Honestly, I would wilt in a community where everyone was outgoing and sanguine because I would never get a word in and would constantly feel misunderstood. So it may be a blessing in disguise if some communities are saying no up front.
The reality is though, any temperament can be called to any vocation (and side note: I just can’t imagine it’s good for any community to have only one temperament). Even with all my love of eternity and lack of interest in “worldly things”, I am getting married this autumn and believe this is the life God designed me, as an individual, for. So keep searching for the right place for you. My fiance loves me for who I am, and I suspect the same should occur with an Order.
Also, here’s a thought. Sometimes we do need to find ways to round out our temperaments. For example, if you know you may be giving the wrong impression by not smiling when you pass a person by, start training yourself to smile. It’s not about being fake, it’s about showing love to that person in a way that makes sense to them.
My fiance is very logical and practical… he doesn’t want a lot of theatrics when we communicate. So I’ve trained myself to speak in a very logical, non-theatrical (non-sanguine, haha) way. I am not faking, just meeting his needs (and he meets mine by being more verbal about his feelings than perhaps his phlegmatic temperament normally would be).
Sorry to ramble on.
I pray all works out for you! You do not have a “bad” or undesirable temperament - quite the contrary!
Z
zaramarie81
Guest
Ah! I see you’re taking a leap of faith with a Carmelite monastery. I pray all goes well! I love the concept that God “qualifies the called.”
E
Eupraxia
Guest
Mariagoretti24, Thank You for Your thoughts! It could have been written by me, it was such a relief to read I am not the only “strange” one. I wanted to join Discalced Carmelites, but they didn´t accept me. I wasn´t as joyful, talkative and open as the sisters in that monastery and I understood they felt I wouldn´t fit in. They said they believe I have a genuine vocation, but just not there. Of course I was sad, but I am continuing my search. I am still not sure should I follow follow what is “natural” to me (to become a more or less a hermit) or force myself for more active life. I am not sure what God is asking. I hope I will find out.
Thank You for sharing Your story! I was so happy to read it. Maybe there isn´t so much wrong in me what I have thought after the Carmelites. Thanks!
Thank You for sharing Your story! I was so happy to read it. Maybe there isn´t so much wrong in me what I have thought after the Carmelites. Thanks!
M
Michael2929
Guest
Hi God Bless! I believe you are handling this quite well with patience and perseverance that is to be admired. I ask that you might pray for me, that could be a vocation in of itself 
I say that jokingly but it’s a cover for truth. I really can use your prayers as I am a sinner being called to Holiness.
As you might imagine the wakeup call is quite terrifying. I am now aware more than ever that this battle for souls ‘is on’ as it always was with one major difference… We’re losing and being beaten very badly. Modernism is suffocating souls to the point where hardly anything is being accounted for without first invoking invinsible ignorance possibility. I’m sorry but being a sinner I know full well that just because I didn’t agree or found it hard to believe Church teaching I was any better off. Jesus said that when the blind follow the blind both fall into the pit. Surely that was me. The other time he said had they been blind there would be no sin but now that they said ‘we see’ their sin remained.
That reminds me of all those who left, leave or are going to leave or investigate Church teaching to use against Her or are outright against Her. Attacks on Our Lady is so fierce many Catholics are afraid of Her. Shameful!
Not only that, try finding a Mass where the laity are dressed appropriately 100%. Even more shameful!!
I say that jokingly but it’s a cover for truth. I really can use your prayers as I am a sinner being called to Holiness.As you might imagine the wakeup call is quite terrifying. I am now aware more than ever that this battle for souls ‘is on’ as it always was with one major difference… We’re losing and being beaten very badly. Modernism is suffocating souls to the point where hardly anything is being accounted for without first invoking invinsible ignorance possibility. I’m sorry but being a sinner I know full well that just because I didn’t agree or found it hard to believe Church teaching I was any better off. Jesus said that when the blind follow the blind both fall into the pit. Surely that was me. The other time he said had they been blind there would be no sin but now that they said ‘we see’ their sin remained.
That reminds me of all those who left, leave or are going to leave or investigate Church teaching to use against Her or are outright against Her. Attacks on Our Lady is so fierce many Catholics are afraid of Her. Shameful!
Not only that, try finding a Mass where the laity are dressed appropriately 100%. Even more shameful!!
M
MargaretLFY
Guest
Oh! How I love you all! I’m so happy to hear of God’s vast love and ability to get us all where we individually need to go!
Although, I’m married and have an out going personality I was drawn to this thread. I have been so reassured once again by God’s love I just want you to know I’m so happy for you!
As I dance around my kitchen alone today doing my work I’ll keep you in my heart as being so grateful that God made you.
Thank you for your story.
Although, I’m married and have an out going personality I was drawn to this thread. I have been so reassured once again by God’s love I just want you to know I’m so happy for you!
As I dance around my kitchen alone today doing my work I’ll keep you in my heart as being so grateful that God made you.
Thank you for your story.
M
mariagoretti24
Guest
After much prayer, I left the monastery yesterday. Before I entered Carmel, I felt like a baby bird about to jump out of its nest for the first time. I could either soar or plummet to the ground. It may appear that I’ve taken a nose dive to the ground, that’s not really true- I’ve fallen right into the hands of God.
During my stay at the monastery, I quickly discovered that I’m not suited to be a contemplative in Carmel. Despite my willingness to adjust to a radically different lifestyle, it took every ounce of my strength to stay there past the first day. I ended up staying six days. It was a lot of little things (meatless diet, three layers of clothing combined with the heat, little social interaction, not enough activity) that added up to make me realize that I wasn’t suited for this lifestyle. I thank God for making this evident to me so quickly.
The primary reason I came to Carmel was to do prayer and penance for others. Though Carmel may be one of the most perfect ways to do that, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the best way for me to live my life. I didn’t give that quite enough thought before entering. In the monastery I came across a passage in The Imitation of Mary that spoke right to me, “The greatest of all perfections is to love one’s own state and to carry out its obligations, however ordinary they may be, when this state is in conformity to the order established by Divine Providence… The best state for you is not the one you think perfect but the one in which God has placed you.” My desire to give my life and everything dear to me to God and live a life of prayer and penance does not necessarily mean that I’m meant to be a Carmelite. Those desires just mean that I love God. I come to a better understanding that we are all called to give our lives over to God and live a life of prayer and penance.
I decided that I could serve God much better by living a less penitential and more active life. I think that my penance is to be in the world or as one of my friends put it, “amongst the great beating heart of humanity.” With all my introverted qualities and deep love for others, I thought I would thrive in a cloistered contemplative monastery. I’ve been inspired by St. Therese who said her “vocation is to love.” I wanted that vocation. However, I think God wants to use the pain I feel when I don’t have the words to help someone, or when I feel rejected, or humiliated to purify others and me. This quote by Hans Urs von Balthasar sums it up, "When we abandon our neighbor to God he continues to be supported by our love and the pain of being unable to help him accomplishes more than any self-confident action.” He seemed to be telling me that I shouldn’t feel troubled when I feel ineffective- it’s a reminder that I’m only human and can’t do it all on my own.
I hope I don’t give the impression that I thought I was a failure in the world and joined a cloistered community to escape from feeling that way. I didn’t feel like a failure. I loved my job, loved where I was living, love my family and friends. It was very difficult to leave all that. I would have been content to stay right where I was and continue living exactly the way I was for a very long time. However, I felt that I could be doing more, and that desire led me to Carmel.
There were so many graces that came from being in a monastery, even for such a short time. A person has to have to have a healthy self-knowledge before they can give to others. I see my time in the monastery as a huge blessing to me because I’ve been able to grow so much through that experience. I now have a much better understanding of my purpose in life, my strengths, and how to work through with my weaknesses. Going into the monastery with the knowledge beforehand that this may be the last chance I had to see my friends and family has deepened my bonds with them, and given me a new appreciation of them all.I received many prayer requests from people that I wouldn’t have received except under that sort of circumstance. I wanted to be doing more for others, and one way is through praying for all these new intentions.
I’m not quite sure what my next step will be. I’d like to get a job for a while, hopefully as a teacher. Since I’m currently unemployed, I’ll be using this free time to travel a bit and visit a few convents that house teaching orders. Because I just left a monastery, I’m going to take at least a year to make a decision before entering another convent. I still think I may be called to be a nun. Please keep me in your prayers during this time of discernment, and know that you are all in mine. God bless.
During my stay at the monastery, I quickly discovered that I’m not suited to be a contemplative in Carmel. Despite my willingness to adjust to a radically different lifestyle, it took every ounce of my strength to stay there past the first day. I ended up staying six days. It was a lot of little things (meatless diet, three layers of clothing combined with the heat, little social interaction, not enough activity) that added up to make me realize that I wasn’t suited for this lifestyle. I thank God for making this evident to me so quickly.
The primary reason I came to Carmel was to do prayer and penance for others. Though Carmel may be one of the most perfect ways to do that, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the best way for me to live my life. I didn’t give that quite enough thought before entering. In the monastery I came across a passage in The Imitation of Mary that spoke right to me, “The greatest of all perfections is to love one’s own state and to carry out its obligations, however ordinary they may be, when this state is in conformity to the order established by Divine Providence… The best state for you is not the one you think perfect but the one in which God has placed you.” My desire to give my life and everything dear to me to God and live a life of prayer and penance does not necessarily mean that I’m meant to be a Carmelite. Those desires just mean that I love God. I come to a better understanding that we are all called to give our lives over to God and live a life of prayer and penance.
I decided that I could serve God much better by living a less penitential and more active life. I think that my penance is to be in the world or as one of my friends put it, “amongst the great beating heart of humanity.” With all my introverted qualities and deep love for others, I thought I would thrive in a cloistered contemplative monastery. I’ve been inspired by St. Therese who said her “vocation is to love.” I wanted that vocation. However, I think God wants to use the pain I feel when I don’t have the words to help someone, or when I feel rejected, or humiliated to purify others and me. This quote by Hans Urs von Balthasar sums it up, "When we abandon our neighbor to God he continues to be supported by our love and the pain of being unable to help him accomplishes more than any self-confident action.” He seemed to be telling me that I shouldn’t feel troubled when I feel ineffective- it’s a reminder that I’m only human and can’t do it all on my own.
I hope I don’t give the impression that I thought I was a failure in the world and joined a cloistered community to escape from feeling that way. I didn’t feel like a failure. I loved my job, loved where I was living, love my family and friends. It was very difficult to leave all that. I would have been content to stay right where I was and continue living exactly the way I was for a very long time. However, I felt that I could be doing more, and that desire led me to Carmel.
There were so many graces that came from being in a monastery, even for such a short time. A person has to have to have a healthy self-knowledge before they can give to others. I see my time in the monastery as a huge blessing to me because I’ve been able to grow so much through that experience. I now have a much better understanding of my purpose in life, my strengths, and how to work through with my weaknesses. Going into the monastery with the knowledge beforehand that this may be the last chance I had to see my friends and family has deepened my bonds with them, and given me a new appreciation of them all.I received many prayer requests from people that I wouldn’t have received except under that sort of circumstance. I wanted to be doing more for others, and one way is through praying for all these new intentions.
I’m not quite sure what my next step will be. I’d like to get a job for a while, hopefully as a teacher. Since I’m currently unemployed, I’ll be using this free time to travel a bit and visit a few convents that house teaching orders. Because I just left a monastery, I’m going to take at least a year to make a decision before entering another convent. I still think I may be called to be a nun. Please keep me in your prayers during this time of discernment, and know that you are all in mine. God bless.
S
sabriner
Guest
Mariagoretti24, thanks for the update. I feel like we have a lot in common, and I think your story will help me at least a little in my discernment. Strangely enough, I too have been visiting a Carmelite monastary (to teach them music, but also to learn a little each time about life “on Mt. Carmel”). I too felt strongly attracted to cloistered life for reasons similar to yours. Your anecdote has helped me to keep my mind open to whatever God wants for me, however unexpected, and has reminded me that I need guidance and should not make decisions on my own.
Thank you for your prayers, and I will keep yours in mine too
Thank you for your prayers, and I will keep yours in mine too
M
MargaretLFY
Guest
The tone of your email is possitive and seems as if your faith has been strengthened. Very encouraging … even for me who has a very different vocation as a homemaker. I wanted a packed house full of children but God said “No” but allowed me two.
He’s like that…He doesn’t allow us everything we want but leads us down or up our Grace path if we keep in prayer. Now that I’ve been married 22 years it all makes since I was ill so many times in which I wouldn’t have been able to take care of more children. And through my illnesses I learned about handing over the pain to God and doing the best I could every day was all I could do. With my loving husband it turned out it was a learning lesson on how to take care of him. My husband had a brain tumor last year after I can been well for two straight years and then it was my turn to take care of him.
My husband is alive, back to work but still needs my support and I now see how every lesson I learned about being sick is now helping me to teach my husband how to accept his limitations and get well to serve Our Lord through the life He has given us.
I tell you all this so you can see learned lessons now help you accept and pass on those lessons later…for if you are supposed to be a Nun you will be and you’ll find the right fit and then be able to help others through what you have learned. It’s been my experience you see that if you stay in prayer and take baby steps the puzzle of not knowing comes clear in the end.
God Blessings to you I’m saying a prayer for you right now.
He’s like that…He doesn’t allow us everything we want but leads us down or up our Grace path if we keep in prayer. Now that I’ve been married 22 years it all makes since I was ill so many times in which I wouldn’t have been able to take care of more children. And through my illnesses I learned about handing over the pain to God and doing the best I could every day was all I could do. With my loving husband it turned out it was a learning lesson on how to take care of him. My husband had a brain tumor last year after I can been well for two straight years and then it was my turn to take care of him.
My husband is alive, back to work but still needs my support and I now see how every lesson I learned about being sick is now helping me to teach my husband how to accept his limitations and get well to serve Our Lord through the life He has given us.
I tell you all this so you can see learned lessons now help you accept and pass on those lessons later…for if you are supposed to be a Nun you will be and you’ll find the right fit and then be able to help others through what you have learned. It’s been my experience you see that if you stay in prayer and take baby steps the puzzle of not knowing comes clear in the end.
God Blessings to you I’m saying a prayer for you right now.
B
barb_finnegan
Guest
mariagoretti24-I’m so sorry to read that you left the monastery! I came upon your thread when it first came out.
I’m 55, and when I was in my mid-teens [15 or so] I wanted to be a Carmelite nun. I visited a monastery to the east of my hometown, and wrote to them a lot. It wasn’t till I was 23 that they determined, from my letters and visits, that I ‘had a love and a loyalty to the Order, but not a vocation’. I accepted their decision when they gave it to me-but as time has gone on, I have no idea what my ‘vocation’ is to be!
I’m rather quiet myself-of course it’s ‘natural’ if one lives alone, as I do. I tend to keep ‘under the radar’ and try to be as inobtrusive as possible. I do everything alone-eat, sleep, go to Mass, pray, drive-that’s how it is for me. I’m not involved in social activities because I have problems hearing in large gatherings when there’s a lot of noise. I’m a bit of a ‘social klutz’, too. I feel I don’t have any 'organizational/leadership abilities, anyway-and I’m tired of the prattling about ‘using gifts and talents’…well, what if you don’t HAVE ANY?
So, to paraphrase the ‘Soup Nazi’ on ‘Seinfeld’…it’s NO VOCATION FOR YOU! **
I’m 55, and when I was in my mid-teens [15 or so] I wanted to be a Carmelite nun. I visited a monastery to the east of my hometown, and wrote to them a lot. It wasn’t till I was 23 that they determined, from my letters and visits, that I ‘had a love and a loyalty to the Order, but not a vocation’. I accepted their decision when they gave it to me-but as time has gone on, I have no idea what my ‘vocation’ is to be!
I’m rather quiet myself-of course it’s ‘natural’ if one lives alone, as I do. I tend to keep ‘under the radar’ and try to be as inobtrusive as possible. I do everything alone-eat, sleep, go to Mass, pray, drive-that’s how it is for me. I’m not involved in social activities because I have problems hearing in large gatherings when there’s a lot of noise. I’m a bit of a ‘social klutz’, too. I feel I don’t have any 'organizational/leadership abilities, anyway-and I’m tired of the prattling about ‘using gifts and talents’…well, what if you don’t HAVE ANY?
So, to paraphrase the ‘Soup Nazi’ on ‘Seinfeld’…it’s NO VOCATION FOR YOU! **
M
MargaretLFY
Guest
Dear Barb Finnegan,
How’s your prayer life? Do you find yourself drawn to prayer? If so I would think it’s time to check out another order or three. If not, then your local community college can help you with testing and finding out what your yet undetermined talents are. I’m a writer and the few sentences I saw might mean you are supposed to tell stories of the world you see?
Just a couple of ideas.
God Bless!
How’s your prayer life? Do you find yourself drawn to prayer? If so I would think it’s time to check out another order or three. If not, then your local community college can help you with testing and finding out what your yet undetermined talents are. I’m a writer and the few sentences I saw might mean you are supposed to tell stories of the world you see?
Just a couple of ideas.
God Bless!
B
barb_finnegan
Guest
Margaret-my prayer life is very simple. I manage just doing vocal prayer right now [Rosary, Little Office of BVM-occasionally-Litany of Loreto and Memorare, other short vocal prayers]. Meditation/mental prayer is very difficult for me. I can’t ‘keep still’ for long periods without dropping off to sleep, and I have too many anxieties on my mind [health, money, family troubles].
My health hasn’t been so good [had a hysterectomy for cancer in 2006], and I’m saddled with a lot of debt, which I can’t pay back.
And I’m just plain TOO OLD to be considered for religious life, anyway! And if I DID enter, and like mariagoretti24, leave, where would I go to restart my life? Everything I had in the world would be gone-who wants to start from scratch at my age?
I took the ‘talent test’ a long time ago, early 1980s I think…it didn’t do me any good back then, and it won’t now, either. I loaned it to a priest whom I saw briefly right after I took it, and he never gave it back!
- Status