Vocation for those struggling with SSA

[kch86]

I’m interested to know if you can recommend a good source for people in our situation (and other singles in general) to meet and have some fellowship with each other (in a chaste and pure way of course!).

Haha, see that’s a problem.

Most faithful Catholics with homosexual inclinations, including me, aren’t very public about it. Why would we be? We don’t want to be associated with the “gay” movement and we don’t want to suffer prejudice or misunderstanding or to be thought of or treated differently, because but for that one thing, we’re not different at all.

And that really sucks in a way because we end up feeling like we’re in it on our own. We probably bump into each other every now and then, but we never know it. And so we never really get to talk to a faithful Catholic who really knows what we’re going through. We might have close friends to whom we never reveal this particular aspect of our struggles, and even if we did, they couldn’t really understand anyway and might end up seeing us differently.

In some ways we’re stuck and the lack of support and understanding and also the animosity from the secular world are additional crosses to bear. If you find a solution, let me know.

Trying my best; it’s definitely not easy. The single lifestyle can be a temptation to be selfish and be self-absorbed.

That’s true. But striving to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect is always the right way to go

This sounds like a nightmare scenario, does this really happen that often?

I don’t know how often, but I’ve seen it happen a few times.

LoL, hakuna matata? Really? I wish it was that simple.

Haha, well, I’m trying to look at the bright side, and in comparison to what some married people go through, it really is

 

[mrivers]

You are viewing marriage in a self serving manner, not in a manner of service to others. You’re looking at it as putting yourself in a position where others will serve you, solve problems of loneliness and be there for you in old age. It is impossible to say generally that all people with SSA are called to identical vocations. They are not. What can be said is that no one is called to be in a romantic relationship with someone of the same sex. And if they feel no attraction to people of the opposite sex and would be living a lie to marry someone of the opposite sex, this would be an indication that they are not called to the vocation of marriage.

Other people who may not be called to marriage are people with developmental problems that are so severe that they cannot handle the responsibilities of marriage. Certainly such developmental issues could bar people from strict religious orders and missionary work as well.

I will say that the greatest error people fall into is thinking that the vocation of marriage is about fulfilling their wants and needs. This leads to the conclusion that they’re being denied a source of happiness and care.

Thank you for this charitable and firm reminder. I have read that there are people in this situation who have gotten married successfully, so it is not entirely a closed option.

However, what do you think would be good reasons to have in deciding to get married or to stay single?

We must recognize though that most of us are born into families. When we seperate from our parents as adults, our families are still our families. We are not called to be so individualistic that we live socially isolated lives unless we involve ourselves in sexual relationships.

I agree, although these days I find it hard to find fellowship since most people with families are either isolated in their own families or only congregating with other families with children. When your friends get married one after the other, it becomes hard to remain socially active in a shrinking social landscape.

I can say though that having been a single adult for most of my adulthood (I got married at 29). I lived under the philosphy that those who are not married should not seek a spouse. St. Paul said something about this. I spent a lot of time wondering if it were right to go on a single’s website at all. I choose avemariasingles because the unlimited membership helped it to be more of putting myself out there without actively seeking. What’s the difference? The difference is striving to not be discontent when you’re single. Striving to not see marriage as the beginning of your life, as if life won’t get started until you’re married.

We all need to love and serve God. Everyone has to discern how that call becomes individual to who they are.

Please pray for me that I will find my true vocation in life. I’ve been asking the Lord for a long while now…

 

[mrivers]

It always is easier said than done when we try it ourselves! But! We have God to help; and Our Lady to help too! How lucky we are to have all this. St. Alphonsus tells us always to remember one thing (it always makes me chuckle when I think about this truth) and that is: imagine how much you want yourself to do good. Well, God wants it about 1000 times more than you want it. You want to go to Heaven? asks St. Alphonsus - well God wants you to go to Heaven even more than you want it.

As for books - I would recommend 3 for the moment (though if you like them, try get all of his classic works!)

The Glories of Mary (not particularly relevant to this thread, but it’s his most famous work and it’s a masterpiece and it’ll make you love Our Lady even more!)
Uniformity with Gods Will (very short treatise, can read it in 40 minutes if you choose to, but try read it slowly and preferably during Adoration if you can!)
The Practice and Love of Jesus Christ (quite longer, it’s St. Alphonsus’ version on the Imitation of Christ in some sense [also another must have book by the way])

I hope those will help - they are all available online too if you do quick searches.

They’re going to my ever-expanding bucket reading list (only the Lord knows when I’ll actually get to them ). Much thanks!

Ejaculatory prayer 24/7. We are told to always have the name of Jesus on our lips, and ejaculatory prayer is actually prescribed in the Rule of St. Alphonsus for his religious! Imagine that! But it’s because it’s so helpful in so many ways - and so easy.
These are some prayers to make, repeated, at will (suggestions, but you of course may also use whatever comes to heart) and frequently:

• “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! Mary, Mary, Mary!”
• “My sweet Saviour and Holy Redeemer, help me to do your will!”
• “My Jesus, My love, my all!”
• “Oh God, come to my assistance. Oh Lord, make haste to help me!” [particularly powerful as it comes from the Psalms and was used by the Desert Fathers]
• “Mary Most Holy, please pray to Jesus for me!”

These are just some ways of constantly being mindful of God. I suggest these things because God will always (as He has promised us in scripture since the Old Testament) come to assist those who call upon Him and remember His name. In other words, if you constantly have God and things holy in your heart, mind and on your lips then you will always have the graces necessary to do what God wills.

This is just my 0.2 cents and I pray that it may help you. God bless!

I hope to constantly have God and things holy in my heart, mind and on your lips, but it’s definitely a struggle especially if one lives in the world.

I have zero idea about you and I must first advise that you speak to a good, holy Priest about this. However, those with deep-seated homosexual inclinations cannot be ordained or make religious profession. This is usually the first thing (amongst other Canonical and Moral requirements) that you are told by Religious communities and seminaries. Again, this is just the facts and in your particular case I make no judgment and claim no authority to know anything.

You’re right, this is written in the Vatican document regarding the ordination of people with deep-seated homosexual inclinations. However, the wording of “deep-seated” is quite vague and can be interpreted in many ways, e.g. how to measure this? what does it really mean?

 

[kch86]

Please pray for me that I will find my true vocation in life. I’ve been asking the Lord for a long while now…

I will pray for you as well.
I still need a “true” vocation too.

In the meantime, let’s be the most faithful Catholics we can be in our daily lives

 

[mrivers]

Haha, see that’s a problem.

Most faithful Catholics with homosexual inclinations, including me, aren’t very public about it. Why would we be? We don’t want to be associated with the “gay” movement and we don’t want to suffer prejudice or misunderstanding or to be thought of or treated differently, because but for that one thing, we’re not different at all.

And that really sucks in a way because we end up feeling like we’re in it on our own. We probably bump into each other every now and then, but we never know it. And so we never really get to talk to a faithful Catholic who really knows what we’re going through. We might have close friends to whom we never reveal this particular aspect of our struggles, and even if we did, they couldn’t really understand anyway and might end up seeing us differently.

In some ways we’re stuck and the lack of support and understanding and also the animosity from the secular world are additional crosses to bear. If you find a solution, let me know.

You echo my thoughts exactly!

Haha, well, I’m trying to look at the bright side, and in comparison to what some married people go through, it really is

That’s one way to look at it.

 

[kch86]

You’re right, this is written in the Vatican document regarding the ordination of people with deep-seated homosexual inclinations. However, the wording of “deep-seated” is quite vague and can be interpreted in many ways, e.g. how to measure this? what does it really mean?

Now, to be quite blunt, I’d think it means that if you’ve struggled with homosexual inclinations for some time, you shouldn’t be a priest.

 

[anodos]

Thanks for the book recommendation, I did not know there is actually a book about the single vocation!!! It is the most abandoned of all vocations, sometimes I think it’s not even real.

I have that book (probably recommended by the same poster!). Its pretty good.

 

[kch86]

You echo my thoughts exactly!

See, there’s a certain understanding that comes from being in the same situation that unfortunately the people we’re close to do not posses.

It’s the same understanding that we need but that we don’t really have a good way of getting.

 

[manualman]

…We don’t want to be associated with the “gay” movement and we don’t want to suffer prejudice or misunderstanding or to be thought of or treated differently, because but for that one thing, we’re not different at all.

And that really sucks in a way because we end up feeling like we’re in it on our own. We probably bump into each other every now and then, but we never know it. And so we never really get to talk to a faithful Catholic who really knows what we’re going through. We might have close friends to whom we never reveal this particular aspect of our struggles, and even if we did, they couldn’t really understand anyway and might end up seeing us differently.

…

There is a catholic organization called Courage that, from what I’ve heard may appeal to you. Unlike most similar protestant groups, the focus is not primarily on ‘fixing’ those with an SSA, but in mutually supporting one another to live a life of christian chastity in difficult circumstances. Look 'em up.

 

[kch86]

There is a catholic organization called Courage that, from what I’ve heard may appeal to you. Unlike most similar protestant groups, the focus is not primarily on ‘fixing’ those with an SSA, but in mutually supporting one another to live a life of christian chastity in difficult circumstances. Look 'em up.

Thanks. I just did. Courage UK is a pro-gay Evangelical organisation that does not support chastity, although I think it initially began as an ex-gay ministry. The Catholic version of Courage was known as EnCourage in the UK but the site is gone now, so I’m assuming they’re not active here anymore.

So, as far as I am aware, nothing of the sort currently exists in the UK.

There are two “Catholic” gay groups that support disobedience to Christ’s teachings, however. :dts:

 

[manualman]

Yikes, I DID miss the London bit in your header there. Wish I could be of more help.

 

[kch86]

Yikes, I DID miss the London bit in your header there. Wish I could be of more help.

Thanks anyway. I’m sure other people reading your post found it useful and at least I’ll be keeping an eye out.

 

[Abba]

Thank you for your humble prayers, I am in most need of it!

Regarding your reference to Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 7
Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+7&version=NIV

I think St. Paul said this because at the time he believed the end of the world was imminent, so this verse may not be applicable on its face value.

Unfortunately, being single does not free us of passions and temptations of the flesh as you well know. But I can see your point of being free of spousal concerns.

I hope, if I truly live a single vocation, to be as happy and fulfilled as the people you know. My prayer’s for you and your family as well.

Hello mrivers,

I’m glad you are finding this thread helpful.

Regarding Saint Paul, I am not so sure that he believed the end of the world was imminent. Actually, this is something just last week I decided to research. I have not really started as of yet. But, I don’t know that when the apostles spoke about the Kingdom of God being at hand that it necessarily meant the end of the world. I think the Kingdom of God is at hand now. Jesus is my King. Again, I want to research this topic.

Regarding passions and temptation, being single does not totally free us but passions and temptations are immensely diminished because your body is not requesting as it is not use to is. Interacting with people as a celibate also facilitates seeing them first as brothers and sisters.

Thanks for the prayers.

 

[Holly3278]

I am single and celibate. I do suffer from same sex attraction but I also have opposite sex attraction which is the dominant attraction. That said, I intend to be single and celibate for the rest of my life. I find that having a strong prayer life helps a lot. I also have some close Catholic friends that help me out a lot. Most of my close Catholic friends are priests but I do have a friend who used to be a member of a Benedictine convent but she had to resign because her parents were in poor health and she needed to take care of them. I also have a few friends from my parish whom I talk to after Mass. But above all, I find that having a strong prayer life helps the most.

 

[mrivers]

I am single and celibate. I do suffer from same sex attraction but I also have opposite sex attraction which is the dominant attraction. That said, I intend to be single and celibate for the rest of my life. I find that having a strong prayer life helps a lot. I also have some close Catholic friends that help me out a lot. Most of my close Catholic friends are priests but I do have a friend who used to be a member of a Benedictine convent but she had to resign because her parents were in poor health and she needed to take care of them. I also have a few friends from my parish whom I talk to after Mass. But above all, I find that having a strong prayer life helps the most.

Thanks for your reply. If I may ask, did you have a point in time where you decided that you will indeed be single and celibate for life? Since you said you have opposite sex attraction as the dominant attraction, isn’t marriage still an option?

 

[mrivers]

Regarding Saint Paul, I am not so sure that he believed the end of the world was imminent. Actually, this is something just last week I decided to research. I have not really started as of yet. But, I don’t know that when the apostles spoke about the Kingdom of God being at hand that it necessarily meant the end of the world. I think the Kingdom of God is at hand now. Jesus is my King. Again, I want to research this topic.

Regarding passions and temptation, being single does not totally free us but passions and temptations are immensely diminished because your body is not requesting as it is not use to is. Interacting with people as a celibate also facilitates seeing them first as brothers and sisters.

Hi Abba (what an interesting moniker you have there),

Regarding 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, you may be right that St Paul was not referring to the imminent end of the world.

Reference to the commentary on 1 Cor 7:7 in the The Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament and Cornelius Lapide commentary (catholicapologetics.info/scripture/newtestament/1stcor7.htm).

 

[ssa_trad_cath]

Thanks. I just did. Courage UK is a pro-gay Evangelical organisation that does not support chastity, although I think it initially began as an ex-gay ministry. The Catholic version of Courage was known as EnCourage in the UK but the site is gone now, so I’m assuming they’re not active here anymore.

So, as far as I am aware, nothing of the sort currently exists in the UK.

There are two “Catholic” gay groups that support disobedience to Christ’s teachings, however. :dts:

I have some information about an online Courage forum-type thing, if you want to PM or e-mail me I can pass on some information. It’s not specific to the UK and as it’s online all communication is done by e-mail (unless you happen to find out that you live close enough to other members to be able to meet up!).

 

[michelleds]

I am single and celibate. I do suffer from same sex attraction but I also have opposite sex attraction which is the dominant attraction. That said, I intend to be single and celibate for the rest of my life. I find that having a strong prayer life helps a lot. I also have some close Catholic friends that help me out a lot. Most of my close Catholic friends are priests but I do have a friend who used to be a member of a Benedictine convent but she had to resign because her parents were in poor health and she needed to take care of them. I also have a few friends from my parish whom I talk to after Mass. But above all, I find that having a strong prayer life helps the most.

I agree with Holly. I’m also single, celibate, and have SSA. Although I would like to believe that I could/would be open to marriage, I do not believe that’s the path God has for me. At this point, I also intend to be single and celibate for the rest of my life.

I’ve already said that I agree with Holly, but I want to stress one point, the strong prayer life. I have a full unofficial rule of life that includes morning and night LoTH, daily Mass as often as possible, Adoration, spontaneous prayer, Catholic radio, and spiritual reading. I find (as recently as the past few days ) that if I start getting lax with those items and/or start watching more secular television, I will start remembering old feelings, struggling with loneliness or despair, and generally being miserable.

 

[mrivers]

I agree with Holly. I’m also single, celibate, and have SSA. Although I would like to believe that I could/would be open to marriage, I do not believe that’s the path God has for me. At this point, I also intend to be single and celibate for the rest of my life.

I’ve already said that I agree with Holly, but I want to stress one point, the strong prayer life. I have a full unofficial rule of life that includes morning and night LoTH, daily Mass as often as possible, Adoration, spontaneous prayer, Catholic radio, and spiritual reading. I find (as recently as the past few days ) that if I start getting lax with those items and/or start watching more secular television, I will start remembering old feelings, struggling with loneliness or despair, and generally being miserable.

Good for you, I agree that having a strong prayer life is important. Otherwise it becomes far easier to fall into temptations and despair.

 

[AaronsStaff]

are all men with SSA barred from priesthood? What about those who possess opposite sex attraction as well as same sex attraction?