Vocation looking after Mother?

[Paul_theApostle]

Hi I do not have a job ,but live with my mom and everyday i drive her to wherever she has to go ,such as to visit my Father in aged Care ,to the shops and to her regular medical appointments,as well as helping with house chores.

If i wasnt available to help my mom or drive her around it would make things difficult for her.

Could looking after my mom like this be a Vocation?

She seems to rely on my help at home and to drive her around.

My days are taken up and it seems i have not time to work a job or study during the week.

 

[starsmurf]

Being a carer is a difficult and stressful situation. I’m sure that there may be some posters who will tell you to get out there and get a job (not exactly easy since the banks put the world into recession). I know that you may be stuck in this situation with no easy way out.

I do not think that this is a true vocation because our vocation is the way that we can best be happy. Is there a charity you could contact who might be able to offer some support for a few hours, allowing you to study or do voluntary work? Is there a friend or neighbour who could help out? You really need to have some time for you, to devote to your life. Your mother probably feels quite lost without your dad and has latched onto you for support. She may be quite nervous and upset by the idea of you spending time away from caring for her, but she needs this as much as you do. Are there any groups at your church or a community centre that she could attend? If you could drop her off there and have an afternoon to yourself, I think that would be very helpful to you.

I hope that you are able to get support with this and I will be praying for you. God would not ask you to be miserable, He wants your happiness. If this situation stands in the way of your true vocation, you may have to trust that God will care for them, and follow Him.

God bless

 

[TiggerS]

Hi I do not have a job ,but live with my mom and everyday i drive her to wherever she has to go ,such as to visit my Father in aged Care ,to the shops and to her regular medical appointments,as well as helping with house chores.

If i wasnt available to help my mom or drive her around it would make things difficult for her.

Could looking after my mom like this be a Vocation?

She seems to rely on my help at home and to drive her around.

My days are taken up and it seems i have not time to work a job or study during the week.

I think that caring for your mother could be your vocation and call from God at this point in your life. Obviously it is a call to the single celibate state and to a certain way of life i.e. caring for your mother. I am taking it that you are a single person. There is no need to add anything else to that if there is insufficient time - if caring for your mother involves all your time. Caring is very demanding and dont forget that time for yourself, if you can, to relax is important.

Would you be happy if you abandoned the care of your mother?
Our call and vocation from God is a call to happiness. In every call and vocation there will be suffering - much or little suffering. We can indeed find spiritual happiness in the cross/suffering though we may suffer - much or little - on the human level. There is no Christ without His Cross. “Take up your cross daily and come follow me”.

At some point, all this could change and you will know when that point arrives.
If you have any doubts, seek spiritual direction or make an appointment to have a talk with a priest.

TS

 

[eegardner]

Whether is is a vocation or not, you are doing a wonderful thing. Right now your mother needs you and how better to “honour you mother” than provide for her in her time of need. At some point she may need to be put in an aged care facility, then you pursue a job or studies. And you will be able to do this without the guilt that you should have done more for her.

I agree with a previous poster, it would is advisable to find some help, you need a break even it is just an hour or two. Is there a senior center near that she could interact with people her own age? Or a Church group consisting of women her age?

God bless you for this, I know it can not be easy.

 

[Paul_theApostle]

Yes i am single.

Im sure i could find much more happiness in life,but im content being single and celibate ,at least when im not constantly tempted with fleshly things

Ive never had a proper long term job and dont really know much about vocations

But with Gods help i am getting myself on track and away from a sinful wasteful lifestyle

But im happy to help my mom and be there for her,i havent officially applied for carer payment and i dont think i will either at this stage

I have found a Church called St Joseph the worker and i visit and pray there and pray to St Joseph for guidance and his prayers.

While mom is with dad i have a few hours to myself,and at night also.

I dont know where i may be headed in life but i know God gives us purpose and i feel positive about my future anyway and i like to keep walking with God.

Thank you

God Bless

 

[Paul_theApostle]

I agree with a previous poster, it would is advisable to find some help, you need a break even it is just an hour or two. Is there a senior center near that she could interact with people her own age? Or a Church group consisting of women her age?

.

She doesnt see any friends ,our Priest visits her at home because shes unwell to visit Church and i dont know much about senior centres ,she spends alot of time watching television and soap shows,she talks to and sees relatives though.

Its ok ,i was mainly asking if caring is a vocation ,because it seems i am not available for work or study during my days because i am busy with mom.

By the time she may enter aged care im just thinking i will be getting even older and less younger ,in regards to working or finding work.

 

[edithsteinrocks]

Hi there!

It’s possible you might have a vocation to the single life and care for your mother, buuuut I would argue (and this is just my own personal opinion) that what will truly resolve this dilemma for you is an honest answer to the question of whether or not you see yourself happy being married and raising children - or as a consecrated religious. If, in your heart of hearts, you want to get married and simply can’t see yourself otherwise, or long more than anything to be a religious but feel an obligation to take care of your mother, then I would venture to say that vocation to the single life may not be your true calling.

I’m a 42-year-old woman, single, never married, never desired to be married or have children. I’m not depressed, or lonely, or have no social life or friends. I just never had any attraction whatsover to marriage and having children. It is not my vocation. I am quite content being single and remaining single. I am discerning towards becoming a Third Order Carmelite and intend to begin Carmelite formation next month.

It might not be a bad idea to discuss your concerns with a priest or spiritual director, see what he/she might have to offer for additional insight.

Hang in there. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[TiggerS]

Quoting: Paul theApostle

Im sure i could find much more happiness in life,but im content being single and celibate ,at least when im not constantly tempted with fleshly things

Remember than temptation is not a sin. We are all subject to temptation of some kind or another and struggle against it. If we fail, there is the Sacrament of Reconciliation providing we meet the conditions for a good confession. A good Confession will also strengthen us for the road ahead as well as fully unite us with God and His Church.

Ive never had a proper long term job and dont really know much about vocations

This is the forum to keep on asking any questions you may have re vocation

But with Gods help i am getting myself on track and away from a sinful wasteful lifestyle

God bless and keep you. Hopefully we are all on the same road - moving away from our failings towards a life that is Grace filled.

But im happy to help my mom and be there for her,i havent officially applied for carer payment and i dont think i will either at this stage

It sounds as if you are sure of where you are.

I have found a Church called St Joseph the worker and i visit and pray there and pray to St Joseph for guidance and his prayers.

And St. Joseph hears and will answer you - and a powerful advocate he is.

While mom is with dad i have a few hours to myself,and at night also.

Try to use these available times as productively as you can. In ways that you find productive and that have appeal to you.

I dont know where i may be headed in life but i know God gives us purpose and i feel positive about my future anyway and i like to keep walking with God.

Sounds to me as if you are on a sure path. If our parents need us in any way, we can be sure we are on a sure path by meeting that need, even if it should mean that our own desires are frustrated. It does not of necessity mean that all are called in that direction, but since you are happy meeting your mother’s needs and are striving to live a life “walking with God” you have nothing to fear, no doubts to trouble you about God’s call to you at this time at this particular time in your life.

Since you are single, God’s call and vocation to you just now is to the single celibate state and a certain way of life, which is caring for your mother striving to walk with God in all things. However, I am sure you would profit spiritually from a spiritual director or a good talk with a priest by making an appointment.

At some point, your mother may no longer need you and this would be the time to start considering a potential call to another vocation (vocations is from the Latin “vocare” - “to call”). At every point in our life, no matter the circumstances, we can be sure that God is calling us to holiness - some on this path or lifestyle, some on another. We can also be very sure that at every single point in our life no matter the details, God provides all the Graces necessary for us to achieve holiness.

The single celibate state does mean that we remain open to potentially another and different call from God. It may occur, it may not. Certainly, once your mother no longer needs you, then would be the time for sure to consider how God is calling you to live the rest of your life.

Could looking after my mom like this be a Vocation?

At this point in your life, the answer to your question is “Yes, you could consider it your particular call from God, your vocation, at this time”.

TS

 

[Paul_theApostle]

God bless you all

Your posts are very kind and encouraging

Yes ,i know the time will come when i may be free of caring for my mom,but not that i feel its too burdening at this time anyhow,im happy doing it.and i know as Tigger said God will be still there calling me to Holiness and to another path.

I feel or have thoughts or desires(?) that when i am free one day i can run off into Monastic or religous life and live dedicating myself to God and eternal life.

but im kind of a layed back person and not sure if i may have the drive to accomplish that desire.

I dont fancy pushing prams with babies or changing dapiers/nappys and growing up children,but women can be enticing and so who knows what may evolve.

Sorry to carry on ,thanks 4 ur thoughts

 

[TiggerS]

God bless you all

Your posts are very kind and encouraging

Yes ,i know the time will come when i may be free of caring for my mom,but not that i feel its too burdening at this time anyhow,im happy doing it.and i know as Tigger said God will be still there calling me to Holiness and to another path.

I feel or have thoughts or desires(?) that when i am free one day i can run off into Monastic or religous life and live dedicating myself to God and eternal life.

but im kind of a layed back person and not sure if i may have the drive to accomplish that desire.

I dont fancy pushing prams with babies or changing dapiers/nappys and growing up children,but women can be enticing and so who knows what may evolve.

Sorry to carry on ,thanks 4 ur thoughts

Hi again PaultheApostle (great ‘tag’ or user name! I am an avid fan of St. Paul.)

Rest assured that you are giving your life to God by following that path that He has for you just now and are following God’s particular path for you to holiness as you strive to grow closer to God in your caring role. If God calls you later (and if so He will provide all the Graces necessary to persevere), you may find you have a vocation to religious or monastic life, or even perhaps marriage. God’s Will unfolds in all our days daily. Perhaps there is no real attraction to religious life or monastic life nor marraige in that just now you do not feel that you have the qualities necessary for one of these vocations. Who knows, they might develop over time. “All things are possible with God”.

There are three basic signs of any vocation

Attraction to the life
Ability and qualities to live the life
Acceptance into the life.

At this point your attraction lies in helping your mother which is admirable. I dont think I have the necessary qualities to be a carer. These necessary qualities are God’s Gift to you. Finally your mother is happy to accept your care and has accepted you into the lifestyle of her carer.

And very finally, please do not feel that you are “carrying on”. Simply asking questions and often this is how we do clarify things for ourselves - and you are in the right forum to have your questions answered. But the best place of all is with a spiritual director or a priest as sometimes discussion forums can encourage, sometimes the opposite. And we can only give you our opinion, most all of us are not experts in the various fields which may be under discussion in a thread. I certainly am no expert.

TS

 

[Paul_theApostle]

Hi again PaultheApostle (great ‘tag’ or user name! I am an avid fan of St. Paul.)

Rest assured that you are giving your life to God by following that path that He has for you just now and are following God’s particular path for you to holiness as you strive to grow closer to God in your caring role. If God calls you later (and if so He will provide all the Graces necessary to persevere), you may find you have a vocation to religious or monastic life, or even perhaps marriage. God’s Will unfolds in all our days daily. Perhaps there is no real attraction to religious life or monastic life nor marraige in that just now you do not feel that you have the qualities necessary for one of these vocations. Who knows, they might develop over time. “All things are possible with God”.

There are three basic signs of any vocation

Attraction to the life
Ability and qualities to live the life
Acceptance into the life.

At this point your attraction lies in helping your mother which is admirable. I dont think I have the necessary qualities to be a carer. These necessary qualities are God’s Gift to you. Finally your mother is happy to accept your care and has accepted you into the lifestyle of her carer.

And very finally, please do not feel that you are “carrying on”. Simply asking questions and often this is how we do clarify things for ourselves - and you are in the right forum to have your questions answered. But the best place of all is with a spiritual director or a priest as sometimes discussion forums can encourage, sometimes the opposite. And we can only give you our opinion, most all of us are not experts in the various fields which may be under discussion in a thread. I certainly am no expert.

TS

Thank u ,may St Paul bless you

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[TiggerS]

Thank u ,may St Paul bless you

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- and you also! Great man and missionary, apostle, our St. Paul and a “thinker out of the square” for his times in some ways. A lover of God and of His people. And he started out as anything but all of that.