Vocation question about dating after a retreat

[buddyjack]

i was recently on a retreat with the student ministry at my high school. i will be a senior next year and we discussed several topics that we will teach to the other students when we lead retreats this coming year. one of these topics was vocations.

the speech involved three simple words (you gotta love alliterations): master, mission, mate

the key was to first recognize Jesus as the master. that in order to ever properly answer the call to your own vocation, Jesus must be the source, you must hear his voice clearly and his voice alone.
then you can begin to discern what exactly that calling is, and then finally choose the mate. pretty easy.

my question is this: i have been dating (perhaps i see it more as courting) my girlfriend for nine months, it has become increasingly apparent to me that she is the sort of person i could spend the rest of my life with. the person who i could give my entire self to each and everyday. i simply cannot deny the fact that i am falling in love with her (i have never yet told her that i love her, and i dont use love to describe things like - i love a bag of chips or i love that movie. so it would be a big occasion if i did.) but i don’t think i could be at peace with my self if i did not ask God if i have a calling to the priesthood.

the priesthood has always interested me, i’ve grown up in a very Jesuit oriented community and i;m not talking about the typical liberal Jesuits of most of America, but the solid Jesuits, the real ones down here in the south. the lives of the Jesuits that i know, for the most part seem to me exciting.

when i thought about all this on the retreat i came to this sort of conclusion by putting myself in both the situations: i could see myself being a husband, and a father, and still being able to serve God. i can also see myself as a priest, and being a missionary and enjoying that as well. the thing that seems to stop me from envisioning the priesthood further is my girlfriend.
each time i think more about the priesthood, i seem to be called back for the love of that person.

i have never thought of it as perhaps: i dont want to be in the priesthood because i want to have sex with my wife, or i dont want to be a priest bc i’d have to be celibate. i just feel that there is so much back-story to my relationship with my girlfriend, so many things that have drawn us together countless times, that it feels so right to be with her. yet still my heart is restless with this question.

sorry for being lengthy and rambling
thanks

 

[jmjconder]

I have had the great honor of knowing many young priests and being part of their discernment process. Many of these holy priests also had stories that started much like yours…with a young women that they believed they wanted to marry. I am not saying this is your story as well…I am saying to follow their steps.

Go to your diocesan vocation director and begin to talk about all this. Visiting your diocesan vocation director does not mean you are saying YES to anything. The YES to the ordained life is at least many many years away. In fact is it more years away than if you decide today to be married.

That is the wonderful and profound point about the discernment process to the ordained life…it is a longer process to be an ordained priest than the Church asks for to be married (6 months).

So I always recommend that men in your position who feel a call to both vocations need to begin with the call to the priesthood because it requires the longer discernmnet (which is great!) and if it is not God’s vocation for you then you will know.

If you assume your vocation is marriage you will always wonder if you missed you real call.

I promise prayers for you.

 

[buc_fan33]

Be sure to tell your girlfriend about this. I was in the seminary for four years, left for a year and in that time I was in a relationship with a young woman. She was the first woman I have ever “dated” other than going to prom or homecoming or something like that. After taking a year away from seminary, I discerned that God is calling me back to the seminary, presumably to be a priest. I knew that this was always a possibility and I talked about this frequently with my girlfriend and we both prayed together for our vocations. As a result, even though we broke up seven months ago, we remain the best of friends in a holy, chaste, and completely appropriate way. You can never go wrong by being honest with someone.

 

[SenorSalsa]

I’m gonna steal a story from a priest, and if he sees this, well, he should be glad that it affected me enough to want to share it

by the way, this is from memory, so it isnt perfect and not as good as hearing him say it.

“I always grew up thinking I wanted to have kids. I pictured myself with 11 little kids running around:Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry…(you get the point, and can you guess the priest’s name?). skip some stuff about hearing his call. The night before my ordination, I found myself once again thinking about my want of children, and how tomorrow it would officially be impossible. And I found myself desperately praying to the Lord for help, and for an answer. The next morning, I went through with my ordination, still having thoughts about those 11 children of mine that would never be. When all of a sudden a young man, approached me and gave me a gift, “from the youth”. I opened it up, and it was a small medal. I examined the picture on the front, and then turned it over, I was stunned. On the back was an inscription “Larry’s kids.” God had given me an answer.”

he then talks a lot about the benefits of being able to send your kids home at the end of the day , but also about how you get to baptize babies, give them first reconciliation and communion, confirmation, and sometimes even marry them. You get to see the kids grow up through their whole lives.

I will say my story is a little different than yours, and more like Fr. Larry’s, I have a strong desire to have children, that I could teach to be even better Catholics than I. That I could help with life’s problems and offer them advice from my own life. But I always end up with the thought that, I can do that as a priest too. They just won’t have my last name

 

[Poor_Clare_tobe]

lots of good thoughts here.

For sure go to your priest and talk to him.

Visit with your Diocesan Vocations Director
keep praying!

Keep dating… while you make up your mind… you are after all in High School
[and there are lots of fine programs for students to explore opportunities to deepen your spiritual life …and age appropriate ones…[look at the many young people at world youth day and the eucharisic congress]…
seek help … For sure go to your priest and talk to him…let him know your concerns, thoughts etc.

Visit with your Diocesan Vocations Director… they know how to help people in their journey whatever stage it is…
Keep praying.

Follow the leads and suggestions of your vocations director and priest or confessor or spiritiual director.

Once you start seeing where you are led the follow the leads …
ie marriage… then catholic family life…
Ie priesthood…then seminary and all it entails

if you are in a catholic high school you might also go to your catholic chaplain to begin .

blessings and good luck !!!..[and no you are not rambling]