Vocation Struggle

[Job42]

I have been told by a priest that I respect and that is known and respected around where I live for being very orthodox that because of my schizophrenia that he strongly recommends me not to get married. He said that someone with such severe emotional problems is not suitable for marriage and that I wouldn’t want to get into a marriage with someone who “can’t stand me.” Granted, he sort of knows my character since I have confessed my sins to him many times over the years. I know that even at my not-so-young-anymore age that I still have some growing up to do. But I have strong feelings against this. I don’t know if it is because of my desires to not be alone or if it is because of a genuine vocation to marriage. I want to know if his statements are of the Church or if they are only his opinion.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I have been told by a priest that I respect and that is known and respected around where I live for being very orthodox that because of my schizophrenia that he strongly recommends me not to get married. He said that someone with such severe emotional problems is not suitable for marriage and that I wouldn’t want to get into a marriage with someone who “can’t stand me.” Granted, he sort of knows my character since I have confessed my sins to him many times over the years. I know that even at my not-so-young-anymore age that I still have some growing up to do. But I have strong feelings against this. I don’t know if it is because of my desires to not be alone or if it is because of a genuine vocation to marriage. I want to know if his statements are of the Church or if they are only his opinion.

Vocation because of your schizophrenia?
I do not think so.
The priest has his opinion and it is a good opinion for he knows you.
But…
Suppose that there is a girl who wants to marry you? What will you say? That is the question.
Do you know that it is not the priest marry the couple but the couple who marries each other?

 

[YoungCatholic86]

I recommend the book “To Save a Thousand Souls” by Father Brett A. Brannen. I am in a similar situation as you (without schizophrenia) in discerning my vocation. The book was lent to me by a priest I really respect and, though it mostly goes over the priesthood (because it is meant to be for potential seminarians), it has a chapter or two on married life and the other vocations God may be calling you to. But to offer a more immediate answer to your question, it is his opinion. He obviously knows you very well, since you confess your sins to him, but it is ultimately up to you and God wether you should get married. Remember, as Pfaffenhoffen stated earlier, it is the couple that perform that Sacrament and the priest just witnesses it. Also, whatever path you choose, you are called to live that secondary vocation along with the primary vocation of holiness to the best of your ability. I hope this makes sense to you and that it didn’t seem that I was just rambling on and on. Hope it helped and God bless!

 

[Castello]

I would find a good orthodox spiritual director. He can help you know if your disability would impact your ability to have a valid marriage.

Prayers. We disabled have huge crosses to bear.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

My position is that everyone has an inherit invitation to Christ to the religious vocation that they are free to accept or reject. I would wholly recommend that you find yourself a nice benedictine abbey and seek entrance. Christ saith that whosoever would seek perfection ought sell what they have and give it to the poor and follow him. St.Paul say’s that young men who are not married ought to stay single to better serve the lord and Canon X Session XXIV of the Council of Trent says that “If any one saith, that the marriage state is to be placed above the state of virginity, or of celibacy, and that it is not better and more blessed to remain in virginity, or in celibacy, than to be united in matrimony; let him be anathema.”

The teaching of Christ, his saints, and his church seems pretty universal in this regard.

 

[sparrowhawk28]

I’ve also struggled with my vocation. What’s proving most helpful for me is working to improve my faith life, mainly, reading Scripture more often and speaking with God more regularly. In doing this, I’m finding that I’m growing in closeness and understanding with God, and I’m discovering new interests in areas of faith and worship. A similar practice may be of use for you.

I suppose if your priest knows you well, he would be able to offer good, useful advice. Speaking with a spiritual director could also be worthwhile.
But in the end, your true calling rests with God.

God bless. I will be praying for you.

 

[Anthony_V]

We disabled have huge crosses to bear.

I second that.

 

[Job42]

Thank you for the replies. It is really bothering me though that he made the comment about my future wife not being able to “stand” me. I am trying to keep my pride from getting the best of me and also give him the benefit of the doubt. But when he said that it sounded like he was saying that anyone who would really get to know the real me would be disgusted by me. Also he seemed to be saying that he wasn’t too fond of me himself, since he knows me fairly well, having heard and absolved my sins for several years. I have been slandering him in my heart over this and battling with pride, anger, and self-pity over it. I have been toying with the idea of leaving his parish. I respect his ability to be straightforward but he really cut me deep this time. Maybe I am overreacting. At any rate, I have decided to find a spiritual director to sort out my vocation issues. My plan is to leave my current therapist and psychiatrist who are secular in favor of Catholic ones. I may also find a priest spiritual director in addition.

 

[joanofarc2008]

I would listen to your priest on this one keeping in mind that this is a very fluid situation. If later on this changes then his opinion may change. Granted your spiritual director may have a different opinion but unfortunately you may tell a potential wife you have schizophrenia but living with it may be a different situation. Your priest also knows your full ability to consent based on what he is seeing not what we are seeing on an internet forum. Now after some time if your spiritual director and priest disagree then you may look for a third opinion but I would recommend against shopping for an opinion.

CHAPTER IV: MATRIMONIAL CONSENT

Canon 1095.1 The following are incapable of contracting marriage:

Canon 1095.1.1 those who lack sufficient use of reason;

Canon 1095.1.2 those who suffer from a grave lack of discretionary judgement concerning the essential matrimonial rights and obligations to be mutually given and accepted;

Canon 1095.1.3 those who, because of causes of a psychological nature, are unable to assume the essential obligations of marriage.