Vocations and Telling the Folks

[vidimusdominum]

Hi, I would like to ask those who have already joined the Religious Life, how you told your folks about your intentions and God’s calling to the priesthood.

I reckon that my dad will be pretty cool though he’d ask several questions prior and- being a military man- perform his own ‘investigations’. Anyway, my main opposition would come most likely from my mom who is not Catholic and VERY secular.

What is the best way to let my folks know about my intentions? Letter, etc…

Thanks for your help!!

In Christo,
Vidimusdominum

 

[Cruikshank_s]

While I’m not in a religious order yet… I’ll still let you know how I let my parents know. For me it was similar to your scenario. My mom wasn’t all for it, my dad was ok but wary, pretty similar. Anyway I simply sat my mom down (I decided to tackle the hardest first) and told her that I had decided what I wanted to do next year for school. I said that I’ve been thinking for a very long time about what I wanted to do and that I’m at a point where I just have to try something out. She was confused, so I clarified. I just said it straight. “I think I want to be a traditional priest (I’m applying for the FSSP) and would like your permission to check it out and discern my vocation in the seminary.”

For her I think it was important to know that I loved her very much and that my leaving was something that was going to make me very happy. I let her know that this wasn’t a permanent commitment, that I was taking this step by step and year by year, and that what I really wanted was confirmation and clarification on what I’m meant to do in this life. I just couldn’t go on wondering “what if” anymore.

Both my parents are very happy and excited for me now. Trust our Lord and everything will be all right.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I’m not in a religious order yet, either, but I remember telling my mom that I was planning to do this. I just could not think of a way to say it without worrying how she was going to react. I actually waited about 4 months, but I couldn’t think of how to word it. So, one day, she was talking about my future and if I was ever going to date anyone again. I told her I wasn’t interested in dating. She looked at me and I’ll never forget how confused she looked. She asked what I meant and I told her, flat out. I said, “I believe God is calling me to be a Sister or a nun.” She didn’t take me seriously at all. We have no one in our family that has ever discerned the religious vocation, so she had no idea what it meant. She said, “You want to give up marriage and children??” I told her that I did not feel that those things would complete me. I wanted to do something radical and I wanted to serve Jesus. I know why she didn’t take me seriously. I had just returned to the Church 4 months earlier, but it was at the retreat where I had my internal conversion that I also heard the call.

A few months went by, and I thought about my discernment. I was getting more serious and trying to find a spiritual director. Then, I will never forget what happened on my birthday. I decided to go for a walk with my mom, and she started discussing my “future children.” She had done this a few times before, since I had told her of my discernment. I told her, “Mom, I am not interested in marriage or children. It is not for me. God is calling me to something else. I would appreciate it if you would please stop bringing up children that I’m not going to have.” We got into an argument because she stated that she didn’t even think about what I had told her, and I told her that was the problem. I wish I could go back and change the way I said things. She wouldn’t speak to me that evening at all. But a good thing came out of it all. She began to accept my vocational discernment. She started supporting the fact that I wanted to visit convents and monasteries, and even helped pay for a visit to one last August! I started being more open with her. My dad was a different story. He doesn’t really understand the religious vocation since he grew up in a Southern Baptist home. He has always supported me though and just wants me to be happy.

So, my advice? Just be honest! It does not help to tiptoe around your vocation. Also, I would recommend doing it in person. It makes more of an impression when you can tell them and they may have questions and such. Just stand strong. Say a prayer and prepare yourself. I went to Adoration several times to draw strength from the Eucharist. And don’t worry if they don’t understand it or are against it. As Bl. Mother Teresa once said, that if you have a genuine vocation, ***“You will see that it was never between you and them anyway.” *** A vocation is between you and God. It is personal. If you feel this is what Jesus is calling you to, then you need to be open with yourself and them. I’ll say some prayers for you!

 

[Shin]

It is good to be straightforwards, but I will note, that often parents can oppose a vocation, which is a grave sin for them to do so – so one should be careful about speaking about it, or not speak about it until it is necessary to do so.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

It is good to be straightforwards, but I will note, that often parents can oppose a vocation, which is a grave sin for them to do so – so one should be careful about speaking about it, or not speak about it until it is necessary to do so.

I’m not disagreeing or agreeing with you, but can you show me where it says it is a grave sin for one to be opposed to a vocation?? Sorry, I’ve just never heard that before.

 

[Shin]

I’m not disagreeing or agreeing with you, but can you show me where it says it is a grave sin for one to be opposed to a vocation?? Sorry, I’ve just never heard that before.

I’ll be glad to look it up for you, but are you certain you need me to? You do know what a vocation -is- don’t you? The call of God Himself for a person’s life? And the consequences to a person who doesn’t succeed in it, no? I should think it would be self-evident, the gravity of opposing this.

Parents have authority over their children’s lives in many ways, but this is not one of them.

[edit]

I didn’t mean above, that I didn’t think you knew – just speaking to express my surprise for the most part – when you consider the importance of a vocation, what it truly means, and then that a person outside of this relationship would dare oppose it.

 

[CarmeliteGirl25]

I’ll be glad to look it up for you, but are you certain you need me to? You do know what a vocation -is- don’t you? The call of God Himself for a person’s life? And the consequences to a person who doesn’t succeed in it, no? I should think it would be self-evident, the gravity of opposing this.

Parents have authority over their children’s lives in many ways, but this is not one of them.

Of course I know what a vocation is, but I doubt it is a grave sin because so many don’t understand it. Now, if someone knew exactly what it was and STILL prevented someone from responding, then I will have to think about it. But that is rare. Vocations are one of the most misunderstood mysteries of the Church and the faith.

 

[Shin]

Of course I know what a vocation is, but I doubt it is a grave sin because so many don’t understand it. Now, if someone knew exactly what it was and STILL prevented someone from responding, then I will have to think about it. But that is rare. Vocations are one of the most misunderstood mysteries of the Church and the faith.

It’s true that misunderstanding can sometimes mitigate a sin, but it is a baseline grave sin before mitigation. We must not however fail to consider the basic gravity of the sin itself before considering ignorance.

This is speaking of a real vocation and real opposition. Here is a quote from the beloved St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori, Bishop and Doctor of the Church, in his work, ‘The Great Means of Salvation and Perfection’

(Which I recommend to everyone as one of the foremost books for the betterment of the soul and creation of saints.)

‘When one’s leaving the world in question, there are no worse enemies than parents, who, either through interest or passion prefer to become enemies of God, by turning their children away from their vocation, rather than to give their consent to it. Oh! How many parents shall we see in the valley of Josaphat damned for having made their children or nephews lose their vocation! And how many youths shall we see damned, who, in order to please their parents, and by not detaching themselves from them, have lost their vocation and afterwards, their souls! Whence Jesus declares to us, “I any man hate not his father, etc. he cannot be my disciple.” Let him, then, who wishes to enter a religious Order of perfect observance, and to become a true disciple of Jesus Christ, resolve to forget his parents altogether.’

Now, why is it mortally sinful for parents to oppose a vocation? Because of the importance of the vocation to the child’s soul and because it is a direct call from God. A parent is responsible for opposing God’s wishes for a soul. A parent is responsible to a degree whether that parents children enter Heaven or Hell – the parent is responsible for a great, great deal of how the child is formed and raised, especially in the youth. This responsibility can be the salvation or damnation of the parent.

So we must prayer for our parents, and not put any rocks in their paths – if we think they will misunderstand or oppose, we must pave the way for them not to, and show delicacy in determining whether or not to speak, for we can imperil their souls.