Vocations, vocations

[TiggerS]

That is awesome. :
From my experience, I’ve mostly seen women going after good-looking guys regardless of personality. The worst part is, some of them are actively rejecting heterosexual men!

Sadly, it is very rare for women to understand me and my odd complexities. My female friends do understand me, but here’s a catch:

1. Some of them are already in a romantic relationship.
2. Some of them are not interested in a romantic relationship.
3. My female friend to whom I’m in love with is shaking off the trauma. From what I’ve seen of her recently, she still is not interested in romantic relationships.

I do trust God and all.

Our journeys are continually unfolding in the minutes, hours and days. The above may well be a statement of your experience to this point. Don’t sabotage yourself and responding to The Lord’s movement in your life by hanging on to the past and bringing it continually into your now as present tense. It is past tense - all is past tense the moment the experience is concluded. Sometimes we can carry baggage from our past and need to work through it and “through” is operative. I think you need to work through your negative experiences in the past in order to arrive at a more hope filled concept re relationships with women to carry forward into your now. Trust The Lord actively - and since you already do, strive to trust Him more and this will enable you to find a more hope filled concept re relationships.

Re your female friend. She is at a difficult time in life, she needs someone to stand beside her as her friend and let her be precisely where she is at. Your need and desire may be romance - switch off that in love of a friend and be with her, loving and accepting precisely where SHE is at. Your thread opened with a statement that you do not know what your vocation should be. All of us who are baptized are called to holiness and The Gospel and The Gospel is a path to holiness, the means to achieve holiness. What is The Gospel saying to you in your current situations? Not one single one of the situations you have outlined have come about willy nilly or an accident of fate only. They are circumstances permitted by God and permitted in your very best interests - and through them (not despite them) you are called to follow The Gospel and thus the road to holiness.

 

[Crescentinus]

Our journeys are continually unfolding in the minutes, hours and days. The above may well be a statement of your experience to this point. Don’t sabotage yourself and responding to The Lord’s movement in your life by hanging on to the past and bringing it continually into your now as present tense. It is past tense - all is past tense the moment the experience is concluded. Sometimes we can carry baggage from our past and need to work through it and “through” is operative. I think you need to work through your negative experiences in the past in order to arrive at a more hope filled concept re relationships with women to carry forward into your now. Trust The Lord actively - and since you already do, strive to trust Him more and this will enable you to find a more hope filled concept re relationships.

Re your female friend. She is at a difficult time in life, she needs someone to stand beside her as her friend and let her be precisely where she is at. Your need and desire may be romance - switch off that in love of a friend and be with her, loving and accepting precisely where SHE is at. Your thread opened with a statement that you do not know what your vocation should be. All of us who are baptized are called to holiness and The Gospel and The Gospel is a path to holiness, the means to achieve holiness. What is The Gospel saying to you in your current situations? Not one single one of the situations you have outlined have come about willy nilly or an accident of fate only. They are circumstances permitted by God and permitted in your very best interests - and through them (not despite them) you are called to follow The Gospel and thus the road to holiness.

Thanks. :

Does this mean that I must not want to date her anymore? O:
/confused

 

[TiggerS]

Thanks. :

Does this mean that I must not want to date her anymore? O:
/confused

We very often cannot help what we feel though we may try. Feelings can be totally independant of choice. We very often do not choose our feelings, they simply are. Feelings are amoral. It is what we do with our feelings that introduces morality, right or wrong, good and bad etc.

Prayerfully reflect and often that in the situation of this woman and you, your mutual friendship, what is prime is her pain and difficulty as she strives to work through this trauma and your place is to be supportive of her and where SHE is at. Prayerfully ask yourself ways in which you can be supportive and accepting and let her be able to feel that you are supportive and accepting.

As far as your feelings and desires are concerned, again prayerfully reflect that they are not feelings and desires that you can act out just now. Her needs are prime. When we are suffering and probably especially when it is due to some trauma in life, a romantic approach is the very least often that we need. One of the results of a maturing process is learning to accept our feelings without needing to invest in them and be guided by them.

It may be (might!) that as your friendship continues and you support her and she gradually sorts herself out into a more positive position in life, that your own feelings have waned - or they might still be there. This is for the future to reveal as The Lord may - and we cannot live in an imagined future, rather we need to live in our now. Whatever unfolds in the future it will be for that future point, not at this point.

I had a look at your Profile and you are relatively new to CAF, welcome! I suspect you may be quite young and you are posting quite often daily and I had a look at a few posts. I tend to think that the very best thing that you can do is to seek out counselling face to face where you can sort out your current relationship confusions. Your parish priest may be willing to assist in this direction.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

That is awesome. :
From my experience, I’ve mostly seen women going after good-looking guys regardless of personality. The worst part is, some of them are actively rejecting heterosexual men!

Sadly, it is very rare for women to understand me and my odd complexities. My female friends do understand me, but here’s a catch:

1. Some of them are already in a romantic relationship.
2. Some of them are not interested in a romantic relationship.
3. My female friend to whom I’m in love with is shaking off the trauma. From what I’ve seen of her recently, she still is not interested in romantic relationships.

I do trust God and all.

Do not complain.
Love is like that: those I want do not want me and those who want me I do not want.
If you are going to get married, the chosen one will fall into your arms. If not, you may try as you want.
No girl has got to understand you. They have their own problems. It is you who must understand girls.
Now, to undertand a woman is a full time job !!!

 

[Crescentinus]

We very often cannot help what we feel though we may try. Feelings can be totally independant of choice. We very often do not choose our feelings, they simply are. Feelings are amoral. It is what we do with our feelings that introduces morality, right or wrong, good and bad etc.

Prayerfully reflect and often that in the situation of this woman and you, your mutual friendship, what is prime is her pain and difficulty as she strives to work through this trauma and your place is to be supportive of her and where SHE is at. Prayerfully ask yourself ways in which you can be supportive and accepting and let her be able to feel that you are supportive and accepting.

As far as your feelings and desires are concerned, again prayerfully reflect that they are not feelings and desires that you can act out just now. Her needs are prime. When we are suffering and probably especially when it is due to some trauma in life, a romantic approach is the very least often that we need. One of the results of a maturing process is learning to accept our feelings without needing to invest in them and be guided by them.

It may be (might!) that as your friendship continues and you support her and she gradually sorts herself out into a more positive position in life, that your own feelings have waned - or they might still be there. This is for the future to reveal as The Lord may - and we cannot live in an imagined future, rather we need to live in our now. Whatever unfolds in the future it will be for that future point, not at this point.

I had a look at your Profile and you are relatively new to CAF, welcome! I suspect you may be quite young and you are posting quite often daily and I had a look at a few posts. I tend to think that the very best thing that you can do is to seek out counselling face to face where you can sort out your current relationship confusions. Your parish priest may be willing to assist in this direction.

Thanks. :
I AM young. I’m 22 and I feel old.

Also, thanks for clarifying. :

 

[Crescentinus]

Do not complain.
Love is like that: those I want do not want me and those who want me I do not want.
If you are going to get married, the chosen one will fall into your arms. If not, you may try as you want.
No girl has got to understand you. They have their own problems. It is you who must understand girls.
Now, to understand a woman is a full time job !!!

I’ve tried many times and yet I got more rejections than what most can take in their lifetimes.
Getting rejected many times will cause most to get very depressed.

 

[Crescentinus]

Now, I’m also going to question the notion that “there’s someone for everyone”.
If someone is in love with me or is my supposed match, then why on earth did she not just reveal herself to me so that all the years of tension and rejection that I’ve witnessed would both die in one fell swoop?

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I’ve tried many times and yet I got more rejections than what most can take in their lifetimes.
Getting rejected many times will cause most to get very depressed.

Edison told: “If I fail 1000 times, I have progressed a lot. I know 1000 wrong ways of doing something. So, I am closer to the solution”.

Look, suppose that investigators and scientists became depressed after fighting for 30 years against the virus of HIV and not finding a cure? Or cancer? Or malaria? Or hundreds of other diseases?

It takes 2 to tango. If they do not want, better for you…

Unless you do not know how to lead with women, which can be the case, for this a full time job understanding them.

But your Queen is waiting for you. Simply you do not know where. And you must look for her like for a diamond.

Look, diamonds are hard to find for you find them in the middle of the dirt.

 

[Crescentinus]

Edison told: “If I fail 1000 times, I have progressed a lot. I know 1000 wrong ways of doing something. So, I am closer to the solution”.

Look, suppose that investigators and scientists became depressed after fighting for 30 years against the virus of HIV and not finding a cure? Or cancer? Or malaria? Or hundreds of other diseases?

It takes 2 to tango. If they do not want, better for you…

Unless you do not know how to lead with women, which can be the case, for this a full time job understanding them.

But your Queen is waiting for you. Simply you do not know where. And you must look for her like for a diamond.

Look, diamonds are hard to find for you find them in the middle of the dirt.

I tried just about everything for the last 9 years and yet I don’t see any fruits.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I tried just about everything for the last 9 years and yet I don’t see any fruits.

Then, I would say you have a problem with women.
What is your problem with women?
Why do they reject you?
Why is it so that things never go forward?
How do they end?
Is there a pattern that you can discover of the ending of your relationships?
Which are the defects (is it the right word?) that women find in you?

 

[Crescentinus]

Then, I would say you have a problem with women.
What is your problem with women?
Why do they reject you?
Why is it so that things never go forward?
How do they end?
Is there a pattern that you can discover of the ending of your relationships?
Which are the defects (is it the right word?) that women find in you?

1. I have no idea.
2. I get rejected for just being myself. I did so many remakes of myself, I stayed being myself. Neither worked.
3. Refer to #1.
4. There’s a pattern. Those failed relationships that I’ve had were all rushed.
5. I’m the defect and no matter how much change or how thorough it is, it never works.