Volunteer Work: How much is too much?

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yellow8yellowM

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How much volunteer work is too much, and how much is just right, considering the needs of the wife and children?

I was recently advised by my pastor that one hour per week is about right. This seems reasonable to me, but not to my wife. We have two young children, and both sets of grandparents live near and are willing to babysit pretty much anytime.

Does it seem reasonable that one hour per week or four hours per month is reasonable in my situation?
 
The community of your family should come to an agreement about what is best for your family.

Pax vobiscum+
 
I volunteered more than 1 hour a week when our kids were young. However, I asked my husband to tell me if or when it got to be too much.

Does your wife know why you want to volunteer? Does she feel that after being gone at work all day, she would rather you be home? Can you volunteer together since you have grandparents near by?
 
yellow8yellowM said:
How much volunteer work is too much, and how much is just right, considering the needs of the wife and children?

I was recently advised by my pastor that one hour per week is about right. This seems reasonable to me, but not to my wife. We have two young children, and both sets of grandparents live near and are willing to babysit pretty much anytime.

Does it seem reasonable that one hour per week or four hours per month is reasonable in my situation?
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Spend an hour or so really reflecting on what you want your family life to be like (what do you value, what’s most important) and how you see that being lived out (the actual actions) … then ask your wife to spend some time thinking about the same thing.

Share with each other. Then compare that to what is actually happening.

If some of what you value (literacy for example) is being compromised by the volunteering (you can’t seem to find time to read with each child each day) then you’re doing too much.

If, however, you and your wife both feel that you’re achieving what you want for your family with your current level of volunteering - then go for it.

It really depends on so many variables - how old the children are, what your other time commitments are for work and home management, and the personalities and values of each of you. I can’t see there ever being a “right” number - especially since what might be “right” now, will probably not be “right” at a different point in your lives.
 
It all comes down to duty of state. Is your duty to provide for your family being accomplished? Are you providing for your familys spiritual and financial needs? Are you seeing to it that the proper Catholic formation of your children is being provided? If so then any time that is available after that is available for any activity you like that is not sinful. I agree you should talk to your wife about it, however, after you have spoken to her and really listened, be the head of the family and decide what is to be done. It shouldn’t need to be said that you must also pray for the help of the Holy Ghost, but I will say it, just in case. So pray, gather information, pray again, decide, do.
Hope this helps.
Ps remember working for the good of the Church is permitted on Sunday. Maybe you could add some specific information about why you are having trouble deciding how much volunteer work is right for you.
 
yellow8yellowM said:
How much volunteer work is too much, and how much is just right, considering the needs of the wife and children?

I was recently advised by my pastor that one hour per week is about right. This seems reasonable to me, but not to my wife. We have two young children, and both sets of grandparents live near and are willing to babysit pretty much anytime.

Does it seem reasonable that one hour per week or four hours per month is reasonable in my situation?
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Does your wife want to do MORE volunteering, or have you do LESS? I wasn’t clear.

Our pastor once said that having a family IS a ministry and so outside volunteering especially when the children are young is not required and usually not recommended. Most of your time when not working should be dedicated to your own family. It is that important to raise children who are good Catholics.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Does your wife want to do MORE volunteering, or have you do LESS? I wasn’t clear.
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I am doing zero volunteer work now, and she wants to keep it that way.
Our pastor once said that having a family IS a ministry and so outside volunteering especially when the children are young is not required and usually not recommended. Most of your time when not working should be dedicated to your own family. It is that important to raise children who are good Catholics.
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I agree with your post and the others that the family is the most important ministry. I do feel that we waste a lot of time during weekends though. I know everybody needs to rest, but I guess it is up to us to decide when we can convert some of our recreational time to time serving others.
 
yellow8yellowM said:
I am doing zero volunteer work now, and she wants to keep it that way.

I agree with your post and the others that the family is the most important ministry. I do feel that we waste a lot of time during weekends though. I know everybody needs to rest, but I guess it is up to us to decide when we can convert some of our recreational time to time serving others.
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Do not do volunteer work that your wife does not 100% agree with. If she wants you home with her and the kids, she wins.

“Wasting time” may be your definition. Your wife just needs you to be with the family. Down time on the weekends can refresh everyone. Can you do something specific like take the kids out of the house for an hour? You can consider that your volunteer work and give her time for a nap or a bubble bath or something.
 
Have you asked her why she doesn’t want you to volunteer? Is she feeling overwhelmed taking care of the kids by herself? Is work at a crazy point and “just one more thing” is more than she can handle? How about trying to volunteer sporadically instead of jumping in with a weekly commitment? Maybe easing in the volunteering into your family routine would help.
 
yellow8yellowM said:
How much volunteer work is too much, and how much is just right, considering the needs of the wife and children?

I was recently advised by my pastor that one hour per week is about right. This seems reasonable to me, but not to my wife. We have two young children, and both sets of grandparents live near and are willing to babysit pretty much anytime.

Does it seem reasonable that one hour per week or four hours per month is reasonable in my situation?
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Rather than ask strangers, you need to sit down with your wife and discuss the needs of the family. Are their basic needs being met? Are they seeing you enough at home? Are you involved in their lives?

There is no greater gift a father can give his children than to “waste time” with them, joking around, playing, and telling stories. Pitching in right next to them to help Mom with the Saturday chores is also a good thing, and then everyone can go for a picnic when the work is all done. 🙂

With regard to the volunteer work, is there something the whole family can do together?

For example, maybe you and your wife can be readers at Mass, and your kids could be the Altar Servers. That would be a good way to get involved that wouldn’t cost too much time, and wouldn’t separate you from your family. 🙂
 
Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

The reason I feel compelled to do volunteer work is because if everybody thought, “I have kids, therefore I do not have to help the sick or feed the hungry,” then you’d have a large segment of the population not helping out at all. The same thing goes with politics. I think it is also a man’s duty to be engaged in at least local politics. If all the married men with kids actually went out and did volunteer work AND helped with campaigns and local city board meetings, the world would be a much better place.

I’m not saying this is possible with every family. We do have a huge extended family near us, and we could easily get all the kids together in one place, let a couple of the guys go do some volunteer work for a few hours a month, and none of the wives would even notice.

Does anybody agree with this, at least in theory?

(By the way, I don’t mean to be sexist–if the wife wants to be the one going to city board meetings and leaving the husband at home, go for it.)
 
yellow8yellowM said:
Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

The reason I feel compelled to do volunteer work is because if everybody thought, “I have kids, therefore I do not have to help the sick or feed the hungry,” then you’d have a large segment of the population not helping out at all. The same thing goes with politics. I think it is also a man’s duty to be engaged in at least local politics. If all the married men with kids actually went out and did volunteer work AND helped with campaigns and local city board meetings, the world would be a much better place.

I’m not saying this is possible with every family. We do have a huge extended family near us, and we could easily get all the kids together in one place, let a couple of the guys go do some volunteer work for a few hours a month, and none of the wives would even notice.

Does anybody agree with this, at least in theory?

(By the way, I don’t mean to be sexist–if the wife wants to be the one going to city board meetings and leaving the husband at home, go for it.)
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In theory, perhaps. But in reality, there is a time and a season for everything. Before marriage and especially before children, more of your time is your own. After the children start arriving, your time is reallocated to your family, for a season. When the children are old enough to start going along, then you can consider short volunteer opportunities. But all of this has to be worked out in partnership with your wife. You can’t just arbitrarily say, “Well, dear wife and children, I have decided that I am going to do X, Y, or Z volunteer work and that’s that.” It’s all got to be worked out so that everyone is on board, especially your wife. You still have some work to do to bring her along on this issue, evidently, and maybe it’s just not the season yet.

Also, these volunteer experiences tend to become a LOT more involved than just one hour a week, especially in politics.

I do agree that we need more than just older people involved in politics, though. But it’s not easy to do this and have a large family. Or even a small family.
 
yellow8yellowM said:
Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

The reason I feel compelled to do volunteer work is because if everybody thought, “I have kids, therefore I do not have to help the sick or feed the hungry,” then you’d have a large segment of the population not helping out at all. The same thing goes with politics. I think it is also a man’s duty to be engaged in at least local politics. If all the married men with kids actually went out and did volunteer work AND helped with campaigns and local city board meetings, the world would be a much better place.

I’m not saying this is possible with every family. We do have a huge extended family near us, and we could easily get all the kids together in one place, let a couple of the guys go do some volunteer work for a few hours a month, and none of the wives would even notice.

Does anybody agree with this, at least in theory?

(By the way, I don’t mean to be sexist–if the wife wants to be the one going to city board meetings and leaving the husband at home, go for it.)
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I understand your viewpoint. I’ve felt the same way about volunteering at my children’s school (if everyone said “If I have a job or young children, then I can’t help at the school”, then most parents wouldn’t help out at all). And trust me, we struggle constantly to get volunteers but the ones who do help make a huge difference in the lives of not only their own kids, but all the students there.

That said, I still agree with what I said before, and what other posters have said - first you have to work it out with your wife - is she getting what she needs from you first. Also, what are you/do you need to do with the kids to get them ready to be your helpers in your volunteering when they are old enough? Reading bible stories, learning to count money, putting food out for the birds, learning how to give someone your complete attention, expressing love and concern - lots you can teach kids at almost any age, even when “doing nothing/relaxing at home”.

Just my opinion - but the best potential gift I can give to help the world are my children. So to me, raising them right is a constant, daily vocation.
 
I would say 1hr on average is a beautiful gift to the community.

Our parish school requires that each family volunteers (within the school or parish community) a minimum of 35hrs per school year in order to maintain the “active Catholic” tuition rate. At first it seemed like an overwhelming burden. We’re a busy family with 4 children, plus I’m a full-time working mother! :eek: But eventually I embraced the idea and it has brought me so much fulfillment and joy. Parishes are meant to be an active FAMILY - working and praying together. We don’t live in isolation - we need each other and should be generous with our abilities and our time.
 
yellow8yellowM said:
Thank you all for your wonderful advice.

The reason I feel compelled to do volunteer work is because if everybody thought, “I have kids, therefore I do not have to help the sick or feed the hungry,” then you’d have a large segment of the population not helping out at all. The same thing goes with politics. I think it is also a man’s duty to be engaged in at least local politics. If all the married men with kids actually went out and did volunteer work AND helped with campaigns and local city board meetings, the world would be a much better place.

I’m not saying this is possible with every family. We do have a huge extended family near us, and we could easily get all the kids together in one place, let a couple of the guys go do some volunteer work for a few hours a month, and none of the wives would even notice.

Does anybody agree with this, at least in theory?

(By the way, I don’t mean to be sexist–if the wife wants to be the one going to city board meetings and leaving the husband at home, go for it.)
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ABSOLUTELY!!! 👍
And we totally get our kids involved too! We like to volunteer on local political campaigns… getting the kids out putting up signs, strap the baby into the carrier on my back, etc, etc…
If there’s a will, there’s a way!

But I agree about working WITH your wife. If she’s overwhelmed being at home with the kids all day alone during the week then this may feel like an additional hour of burden on the weekends as well. So work together to come to a compromise. It IS possible for both your needs to be met… it may be good for her to get out of the house as well - so maybe rotating volunteering between the two of you would be good! 👍
 
There are lots of ways you can volunteer that don’t take you away from family time. Coach one of your kids’ sports teams or assist with their Boy Scout troop, volunteer in the classroom, walk a 5k with the kids for a charity, financially support the Life Center or the St. Vincent dePaul, buy a few extra items at the grocery every week for the parish food pantry, donate unwanted items to a charity thrift shop, raise money for a special cause, take dog or cat food down to the local shelter, mow your neighbor’s lawn while you’re doing your own, organize a canned food drive or a blood drive at work, stay after Mass for ten minutes to straighten our hymnals and pick up left-behind worship aids…

You don’t have to make a commitment that regularly takes you out of the home on your own. That kind of thing seems to be more appropriate for when the kids are all older.
 
Also, may I suggest that you take the wife and both kids down to PP for a prayer session? You can sign up for 40 Days for Life or any other time when others will be there praying. If you are inspired to do so, you can learn to sidewalk counsel the women going into PP. We LOVE to have families with children because sometimes, seeing babies and young children can prick the mothers’ hearts in a way that we cannot. You can teach your children to pray for the lives of babies who are in danger even in their mothers’ wombs.
 
Maybe you wife is feeling overwhelmed. Why not ask her if she wants to volunteer while you watch the kids.
 
JackieMom said:
There are lots of ways you can volunteer that don’t take you away from family time. Coach one of your kids’ sports teams or assist with their Boy Scout troop, volunteer in the classroom, walk a 5k with the kids for a charity, financially support the Life Center or the St. Vincent dePaul, buy a few extra items at the grocery every week for the parish food pantry, donate unwanted items to a charity thrift shop, raise money for a special cause, take dog or cat food down to the local shelter, mow your neighbor’s lawn while you’re doing your own, organize a canned food drive or a blood drive at work, stay after Mass for ten minutes to straighten our hymnals and pick up left-behind worship aids…

You don’t have to make a commitment that regularly takes you out of the home on your own. That kind of thing seems to be more appropriate for when the kids are all older.
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I absolutely love this.
 
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