T
TimothyH
Guest
Old thread… 
January 1, 2011, I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament and promised Jesus that I would do my best, if he and his Mother would help me, to remain chaste. Not just celibate, but would try my best to maintain purity of mind, and to guard my heart. I know it wasn’t a solemn promise or any kind of vow, and has no binding, but I did it anyway. I did it again this January 1.
Maybe I should have let my yes be yes and my no be no, but I prayed about it and thought about it at length, and gave my promise anyway. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
It is tough. More than once I have just left a store - let go of the shopping cart and walked out, or just left the line at the fast food restaurant because of some temptation, a woman in a short skirt or something. I don’t watch much TV and sometimes wonder why I even pay for it since I blocked half the channels anyway. A gym membership is out of the question. I only go to the Mall in the morning right when it opens. That sort of thing.
There are times when the devil attacks. Maybe it is just the yearly cycle, when young (and not so young) men’s hearts turn to thoughts of love in the spring.
As time goes on, it is less about the temptation to lust, and more about guarding the heart against attraction - that conversation with someone and you know that it could lead to coffee, and then a movie, and then a relationship - and as a single and celibate man, it is difficult to walk away from that. When a pleasant conversation turns to laughter, and you have to say, “It has been so nice speaking with you. Bye.” and know that you will modify your schedule so that you don’t see that person as much - it’s difficult. It’s difficult not to want that. And lonely sometimes.
With all vigilance guard your heart,
for in it are the sources of life.
Let your eyes look straight ahead
and your gaze be focused forward.
(Proverbs 4:23,25)
If anything, it has taught me to pray more. People must think I’m crazy when I just close my eyes and start whispering a prayer to myself in the middle of a store or in a training class or something.
O, God, you are my God.
For you I long.
For you my soul is thirsting
like a dry weary land without water
-Tim-
January 1, 2011, I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament and promised Jesus that I would do my best, if he and his Mother would help me, to remain chaste. Not just celibate, but would try my best to maintain purity of mind, and to guard my heart. I know it wasn’t a solemn promise or any kind of vow, and has no binding, but I did it anyway. I did it again this January 1.
Maybe I should have let my yes be yes and my no be no, but I prayed about it and thought about it at length, and gave my promise anyway. Maybe I shouldn’t have.
It is tough. More than once I have just left a store - let go of the shopping cart and walked out, or just left the line at the fast food restaurant because of some temptation, a woman in a short skirt or something. I don’t watch much TV and sometimes wonder why I even pay for it since I blocked half the channels anyway. A gym membership is out of the question. I only go to the Mall in the morning right when it opens. That sort of thing.
There are times when the devil attacks. Maybe it is just the yearly cycle, when young (and not so young) men’s hearts turn to thoughts of love in the spring.
As time goes on, it is less about the temptation to lust, and more about guarding the heart against attraction - that conversation with someone and you know that it could lead to coffee, and then a movie, and then a relationship - and as a single and celibate man, it is difficult to walk away from that. When a pleasant conversation turns to laughter, and you have to say, “It has been so nice speaking with you. Bye.” and know that you will modify your schedule so that you don’t see that person as much - it’s difficult. It’s difficult not to want that. And lonely sometimes.
With all vigilance guard your heart,
for in it are the sources of life.
Let your eyes look straight ahead
and your gaze be focused forward.
(Proverbs 4:23,25)
If anything, it has taught me to pray more. People must think I’m crazy when I just close my eyes and start whispering a prayer to myself in the middle of a store or in a training class or something.
I think I understand about vows and promises and Church law, but at the end of the day, that’s all I want. I want to live that Beatitude. I want to see God.
O, God, you are my God.
For you I long.
For you my soul is thirsting
like a dry weary land without water
-Tim-