Vows

  • Thread starter Thread starter Love_is
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Love_is

Guest
Hey all,
So I made this private vow awhile ago, promising God I would keep my virginity, but I also promised Him that I wouldn’t flirt with people, it was awhile ago and now I can’t remember exactly how I put it, that I would TRY not to flirt with anyone or I would NOT flirt with anyone. I think I added it kind of last minute even though I knew it’d be almost impossible because sometimes it just slips and so now I’m super worried because I was flirting with a guy (or maybe it was just joking around with a guy I am attracted to? What’s the difference?) and I’m worrid that I committed a mortal sin! Can anyone help me on this?
 
Well, I think you need to elaborate on what you mean by “flirting”. If you’re just giggling and smiling and batting your eyelashes a bit, that’s one thing. If you’re being suggestive in dress or manner or speech that’s another.
 
You’re fine.

Please also consider that it can be very helpful to signal a guy of good character that you would be open to dating him. This is usually done through some mild flirting.
 
Well, friendly flirting is a signal to a young man that you’re interested in getting to know him better. If you don’t show any interest in him, how would he ever know you liked him? We are made by God to be attracted to the opposite sex. If you’re not dressing in a revealing way or making “suggestive” comments or touching him inappropriately, then you have nothing to worry about!
 
But if I’m planning on remaining a virgin and so promised that I wouldn’t do that, then how can flirting be ok? I mean, I’m not planning on marrying so being open to dating him is out of the question because I’m not planning on marrying…
 
If you made a valid private vow (which is a particular thing…different than a resolution) your Pastor can dispense or commute it.
 
Do you mind my asking how old you are? If you are planning to become a nun, then perhaps you need to pray more to discern whether or not that is your true calling? If you find yourself flirting often with young men, perhaps marriage may be your calling. Just because you told God you would try not to flirt, doesn’t mean you are sinning. We should not SWEAR OATHS to God. If you have actually sworn an oath to Him, then you should go to Confession. Just ask God to help you discern your vocation–be it marriage, single life, or religious life. Sometimes that takes a long time…you don’t need to make rash decisions. God will let you know in His time. God bless you.🙂
 
Yes, I agree with BookCat–take it to Confession and tell the priest about the private vow if you are concerned. Then your mind will be at ease. Make an act of contrition now and rest easy tonight. It will be okay.
 
Veronica97 said:
Yes, I agree with BookCat–take it to Confession and tell the priest about the private vow if you are concerned. Then your mind will be at ease. Make an act of contrition now and rest easy tonight. It will be okay.
Click to expand...
Such needs to be the Pastor (or if your Bishop has given the facility to other Priests …one of them)…in terms of any dispensation or commuting by the Priest (also C. Law notes “The person who makes a private vow can commute the work promised by the vow into a better or equal good”)
 
oce.catholic.com/index.php?title=Vows

“One does not give unless one knows fully what one is doing. Every substantial error, or indeed every error which is really the cause of making a vow, renders the vow null and void. This condition must be properly understood; to judge of the effect of the error, it is necessary to know the will of the person making the vow at the moment of making it. One who can say sincerely, “if I had known this or that, I would not have made the vow”, is not bound by the vow. If, however, one who is aware of some ignorance on the matter of a vow, but, in spite of that, generously decides to make it, knowing its general import and that it is in itself proper and commendable, such as the vow of chastity, for instance, is bound by it, as it is entirely valid.”

Otherwise, that link has information on communicating vows, dispensation from them, ect.

Catholic.com has some good information other than the forums. Check it out.
 
Before you can make a vow that is binding, you have to go through a formation process with a spiritual director.

Making a vow on your own is done with ignorance, and therefore not binding.

Jim
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Before you can make a vow that is binding, you have to go through a formation process with a spiritual director.
Click to expand...
Such is not required for a private vow to be binding --but it is certainly one very good way to make a private vow for those who are considering such (at least preparation and advice from ones confessor).
 
Bookcat said:
Such is not required for a private vow to be binding --but it is certainly one very good way to make a private vow for those who are considering such (at least preparation and advice from ones confessor).
Click to expand...
I agree. Any Catholic can make a vow to God and this is a private vow. It is not absolutely necessary to seek spiritual advice first; however one would probably be ill advised and unwise even lacking prudence to make a private vow to God (a very serious matter) without first seeking spiritual direction on the matter. Having said that, if one does not seek spiritual direction prior to making a private vow, it does not therefore mean that one was unwise and lacking in prudence. All depends on the insight and disposition of the person at the time of making the vow.
Reading some posts on Catholic discussion sites, it is apparent that some do make private vows without realizing the seriousness of what they are doing and a matter that is covered by Canon Law. In this instance, there is no sin most often if the vow is broken, nor is the vow binding. Rather it is a decision made and carried out without sufficient understanding of the implications and inculpably so. However, because a private vow to God is a serious matter, if one has made a private vow and then broken it, it would be best subjected in Confession and with a brief and to the point explanation of the circumstances under which the vow was made and why it was broken.
See Canon Law “Vows”.
 
TiggerS said:
I agree. Any Catholic can make a vow to God and this is a private vow. It is not absolutely necessary to seek spiritual advice first; however one would probably be ill advised and unwise even lacking prudence to make a private vow to God (a very serious matter) without first seeking spiritual direction on the matter. Having said that, if one does not seek spiritual direction prior to making a private vow, it does not therefore mean that one was unwise and lacking in prudence. All depends on the insight and disposition of the person at the time of making the vow.
Reading some posts on Catholic discussion sites, it is apparent that some do make private vows without realizing the seriousness of what they are doing and a matter that is covered by Canon Law. In this instance, there is no sin most often if the vow is broken, nor is the vow binding. Rather it is a decision made and carried out without sufficient understanding of the implications and inculpably so. However, because a private vow to God is a serious matter, if one has made a private vow and then broken it, it would be best subjected in Confession and with a brief and to the point explanation of the circumstances under which the vow was made and why it was broken.
See Canon Law “Vows”.
Click to expand...
It can be the case of course that one does not have the needed aspects to make a vow (even though they attempted to. But in any case if they have made one they may seek a dispensation --from the Pastor (he has the facilities for sure…others Priests may or may not depending on the Bishop)…

Also it is important to note that while a private vow is an important thing if made…one need not bind oneself “seriously” (gravely).
 
Bookcat said:
Such is not required for a private vow to be binding --but it is certainly one very good way to make a private vow for those who are considering such (at least preparation and advice from ones confessor).
Click to expand...
The exception is when the person has a proper understanding of what a vow is.

Until then, it’s made in ignorance and not binding.

Jim
 
JimR-OCDS said:
The exception is when the person has a proper understanding of what a vow is.

Until then, it’s made in ignorance and not binding.

Jim
Click to expand...
A person ought to know what a vow is of course prior to making it. But it is not though so much about exceptions… It is not the norm that one goes through some formation program. Such is for private vows made as part of an association of some sort or secular order such as the OCDS (who I am sure do a very splendid job in preparing those who do decide to take private vows)

But certainly one ought not make vows lightly and can be certainly recommended that they seek counsel prior to doing so --such as from ones confessor.

One would need to examine if any “attempted” vow was a real vow or not. Ones Pastor can dispense or commute a private vow.

2102 "A vow is a deliberate and free promise made to God concerning a possible and better good which must be fulfilled by reason of the virtue of religion,"21 A vow is an act of devotion in which the Christian dedicates himself to God or promises him some good work. By fulfilling his vows he renders to God what has been promised and consecrated to Him. The Acts of the Apostles shows us St. Paul concerned to fulfill the vows he had made.22
 
Bookcat said:
A person ought to know what a vow is of course prior to making it. But it is not though so much about exceptions… It is not the norm that one goes through some formation program. Such is for private vows made as part of an association of some sort or secular order such as the OCDS (who I am sure do a very splendid job in preparing those who do decide to take private vows)

But certainly one ought not make vows lightly and can be certainly recommended that they seek counsel prior to doing so --such as from ones confessor.

One would need to examine if any “attempted” vow was a real vow or not. Ones Pastor can dispense or commute a private vow.

2102 "A vow is a deliberate and free promise made to God concerning a possible and better good which must be fulfilled by reason of the virtue of religion,"21 A vow is an act of devotion in which the Christian dedicates himself to God or promises him some good work. By fulfilling his vows he renders to God what has been promised and consecrated to Him. The Acts of the Apostles shows us St. Paul concerned to fulfill the vows he had made.22
Click to expand...
A vow, even in an unimportant matter, presupposes the full consent of the will; it is an act of generosity towards God. One does not give unless one knows fully what one is doing.
newadvent.org/cathen/15511a.htm
Click to expand...
As I posted earlier person, lacking the knowledge of what a vow constitutes, is not binding.

Also, a vow that a person makes which is binding, is generally done before a minister of the Church with a witness. I’m not a expert on canon law, so I can’t say this with certainty, so I’ll remain open for correction.

Also, I believe that before a person makes a vow, outside of a religious order, they have to receive permission from the Bishop.

When my wife and myself professed Vows in our OCDS group, we had permission from the Provincial of the Order for Secular Order Carmelites.

On the other hand, I read about a woman who wanted to make a profession of voes of perpetual virginity. She had to make her request to the Bishop, who turned her down.

The fact that the OP is in here asking about whether she is bound by it or not, suggest that full knowledge of what a vow is, was not with her.

Jim
 
40.png
JimR-OCDS:
As to the question of a persons private vow binding - yes it can be that a person may not have the needed knowledge of what they are doing in order to make a valid vow. Sure. My suggestion of approaching ones Pastor to dispense of any possible vow can settle lingering questions.
 
JimR-OCDS said:
Also, a vow that a person makes which is binding, is generally done before a minister of the Church with a witness. I’m not a expert on canon law, so I can’t say this with certainty, so I’ll remain open for correction.

Also, I believe that before a person makes a vow, outside of a religious order, they have to receive permission from the Bishop.

When my wife and myself professed Vows in our OCDS group, we had permission from the Provincial of the Order for Secular Order Carmelites.

On the other hand, I read about a woman who wanted to make a profession of voes of perpetual virginity. She had to make her request to the Bishop, who turned her down.
Click to expand...
Such can not be said to be generally done before a minister of the Church. Such is in terms of public vows (where they are indeed received in the name of the Church) or in private vows in various associations.

It is most certainly not the case that: “before a person makes a vow, outside of a religious order, they have to receive permission from the Bishop.”

Absolutely you and your wife needed the permission from your superior for they are private vows in a secular order with further effects in relation to the Order …closer bonds to the Order…involving the virtue of religion in relation to obedience within the Order etc. Such is an example of an association where the vows need to be made before a superior or representative etc (now if you or your wife decided to add another private vow in your life --one could do that without such superiors knowing or approving --for such is not regarding your vows in the Order)

As to the person who wished to make a vow perpetual virginity -that too would need the reception of the vows by the Bishop etc.

Now if a person was not seeking to become a “consecrated virgin” but simply to make a private vow of virginity --they could make such a vow without any permission etc. But It would be very much urged that such a person seek out counsel from their confessor or spiritual director…

But by its nature a private vow my be made quite “privately” and need not involve the Bishop or Pastor etc…though again I would very much recommend the counsel of a confessor or spiritual director. And of course one needs to know what one is doing 🙂
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top