Waiting and Patience

[DaughterOfMary6]

I was wondering if there are other Catholics out there who believe they have a calling to religious life, but for whatever the circumstances, they have been told to wait before continuing discernment? I am currently discerning religious life and I met with a community this past weekend. I really wanted to continue discernment with them, but because I was on medication off and on for about 10 years and only recently got off it (a year ago), I am being asked to wait for a few more years before getting serious and applying. This is really difficult in some ways because I love the religious order (I don’t want to reveal which one it is) and I have been thinking about them ever since I got home. I know the vocation director is right because I am not ready yet, but it does hurt. She didn’t bar me from discerning all together. She just said that I need to be off my medication a while longer. I am still able to keep in touch with them and go on retreats, but I can’t apply.

I am trying to get in contact with my diocesan vocation office to ask for a spiritual director because I really need one at this point. I want to make sure that I’m not being impatient or somehow forgetting the VD’s advice. I hope to hear from them tomorrow or next week.

Right now, I’m planning to go back to school in a month or so to finish my Associate’s degree and I’m trying to figure out if I should go to nursing school or get my Bachelor’s in Social Work/Psychology. Thankfully, I have time to figure it out. One nice thing about being told to wait is I have time for other stuff that I want to do before I enter religious life (if I ever do, God-willing). I would love to travel and live in my own apartment, so I hope I can do that.

 

[Highwayhound]

I was wondering if there are other Catholics out there who believe they have a calling to religious life, but for whatever the circumstances, they have been told to wait before continuing discernment? I am currently discerning religious life and I met with a community this past weekend. I really wanted to continue discernment with them, but because I was on medication off and on for about 10 years and only recently got off it (a year ago), I am being asked to wait for a few more years before getting serious and applying. This is really difficult in some ways because I love the religious order (I don’t want to reveal which one it is) and I have been thinking about them ever since I got home. I know the vocation director is right because I am not ready yet, but it does hurt. She didn’t bar me from discerning all together. She just said that I need to be off my medication a while longer. I am still able to keep in touch with them and go on retreats, but I can’t apply.

I am trying to get in contact with my diocesan vocation office to ask for a spiritual director because I really need one at this point. I want to make sure that I’m not being impatient or somehow forgetting the VD’s advice. I hope to hear from them tomorrow or next week.

Right now, I’m planning to go back to school in a month or so to finish my Associate’s degree and I’m trying to figure out if I should go to nursing school or get my Bachelor’s in Social Work/Psychology. Thankfully, I have time to figure it out. One nice thing about being told to wait is I have time for other stuff that I want to do before I enter religious life (if I ever do, God-willing). I would love to travel and live in my own apartment, so I hope I can do that.

I think it is possible that some are asked to wait. So do not stress to much. Instead take the time to live the gospel in your everyday life. Have faith that if God is calling you that he will let you know. I believe it was St. Faustina that had to go to every convent around a Polish city before the final one took her into their fold. Also, she waited because of her parents.

God bless

 

[Bebekoualy]

I was wondering if there are other Catholics out there who believe they have a calling to religious life, but for whatever the circumstances, they have been told to wait before continuing discernment? I am currently discerning religious life and I met with a community this past weekend. I really wanted to continue discernment with them, but because I was on medication off and on for about 10 years and only recently got off it (a year ago), I am being asked to wait for a few more years before getting serious and applying. This is really difficult in some ways because I love the religious order (I don’t want to reveal which one it is) and I have been thinking about them ever since I got home. I know the vocation director is right because I am not ready yet, but it does hurt. She didn’t bar me from discerning all together. She just said that I need to be off my medication a while longer. I am still able to keep in touch with them and go on retreats, but I can’t apply.

I am trying to get in contact with my diocesan vocation office to ask for a spiritual director because I really need one at this point. I want to make sure that I’m not being impatient or somehow forgetting the VD’s advice. I hope to hear from them tomorrow or next week.

Right now, I’m planning to go back to school in a month or so to finish my Associate’s degree and I’m trying to figure out if I should go to nursing school or get my Bachelor’s in Social Work/Psychology. Thankfully, I have time to figure it out. One nice thing about being told to wait is I have time for other stuff that I want to do before I enter religious life (if I ever do, God-willing).** I would love to travel and live in my own apartment, so I hope I can do that.**

I also have to wait because I’m too young and a recent convert. I think it does help to wait, even though it is painful.
I think you should really stand on your own two feet (become independent) before entering Religious Life.
I will do exactly the same, and try to develop my gifts (in order to better help my Community)
and I know 'tis hard to be in love with a convent and to be told to wait… I experienced the same thing, and I don’t mention “vocation” any more now there.

 

[anode]

Daughter, I think that it might be wise to find out how many years they’re talking about. One? Two ? Five? Ten? If the order cannot give you any sort of time frame, then it might be that they really want to put you off indefinitely. They don’t want to say, no, you’re not a candidate because of your medical history, so they say, wait…and see.

It *would *be a good idea to get your associate’s degree, perhaps even more. However, depending on an order’s apostolates, it’s also possible for an order to send you to finish, or to get your LPN, or more–while you’re in the order.

I think that while you’re ‘waiting’, and maybe finishing your schooling, you might want to consider other orders. You might find another you love, and that are willing to take you–by the time you find such an order, visit, fill out an application and enter–it could be another year and many orders might feel confident that your troubles are behind you.

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

Daughter, I think that it might be wise to find out how many years they’re talking about. One? Two ? Five? Ten? If the order cannot give you any sort of time frame, then it might be that they really want to put you off indefinitely. They don’t want to say, no, you’re not a candidate because of your medical history, so they say, wait…and see.

It *would *be a good idea to get your associate’s degree, perhaps even more. However, depending on an order’s apostolates, it’s also possible for an order to send you to finish, or to get your LPN, or more–while you’re in the order.

I think that while you’re ‘waiting’, and maybe finishing your schooling, you might want to consider other orders. You might find another you love, and that are willing to take you–by the time you find such an order, visit, fill out an application and enter–it could be another year and many orders might feel confident that your troubles are behind you.

Yes, I had the same fear that they were putting my candidacy off indefinitely, but I am not sure that I want to look at other orders as seriously. I am considering visiting some other communities as a way to further my discernment, but I don’t feel as pulled to any others as I do the one that is making me wait. I think the best thing for me is to hold off making any applications to ANY order. I don’t need to jump the gun here (I had that problem once before). The specific order I am discerning with has an age limit of 35 so I have about 8.5 years before that point which is plenty of time to discern whether or not I will need my medication again in the future.

 

[JReducation]

I was wondering if there are other Catholics out there who believe they have a calling to religious life, but for whatever the circumstances, they have been told to wait before continuing discernment? I am currently discerning religious life and I met with a community this past weekend. I really wanted to continue discernment with them, but because I was on medication off and on for about 10 years and only recently got off it (a year ago), I am being asked to wait for a few more years before getting serious and applying. This is really difficult in some ways because I love the religious order (I don’t want to reveal which one it is) and I have been thinking about them ever since I got home. I know the vocation director is right because I am not ready yet, but it does hurt. She didn’t bar me from discerning all together. She just said that I need to be off my medication a while longer. I am still able to keep in touch with them and go on retreats, but I can’t apply.

I am trying to get in contact with my diocesan vocation office to ask for a spiritual director because I really need one at this point. I want to make sure that I’m not being impatient or somehow forgetting the VD’s advice. I hope to hear from them tomorrow or next week.

Right now, I’m planning to go back to school in a month or so to finish my Associate’s degree and I’m trying to figure out if I should go to nursing school or get my Bachelor’s in Social Work/Psychology. Thankfully, I have time to figure it out. One nice thing about being told to wait is I have time for other stuff that I want to do before I enter religious life (if I ever do, God-willing). I would love to travel and live in my own apartment, so I hope I can do that.

I’m not a vocation director, but I am a Formation Director. I have been a Vocation Director in the past. Usually, when a community asks a candidate to wait it gives the candidate and them time to discern. It’s for the good of both sides.

Vocation Directors are honest. If they believe that you do not have a calling to their community they tell you. If they’re not sure themselves, they will ask you to wait and maintain an on-going contact. It’s like a courtship.

You’re not wasting time going back to school. Many religious communities of women ask for a college degree or an equivalent work history. If you’re going back to school, study something that attracts you, where you feel comfortable. Getting a good spiritual director is a good plan. Go for it. If you have Jesuits, Franciscans, Salesians or Carmelites in your area, they are very well trained in the spiritual life. There are some diocesan priests and deacons who are also trained in the spiritual life, but not as many. Spirituality is not a required area of study in the seminary. You’ll find that most of those who study spirituality are mendicants and monastic religious, or a teaching community such as the Jesuits and Salesians.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

I’m not a vocation director, but I am a Formation Director. I have been a Vocation Director in the past. Usually, when a community asks a candidate to wait it gives the candidate and them time to discern. It’s for the good of both sides.

Vocation Directors are honest. If they believe that you do not have a calling to their community they tell you. If they’re not sure themselves, they will ask you to wait and maintain an on-going contact. It’s like a courtship.

You’re not wasting time going back to school. Many religious communities of women ask for a college degree or an equivalent work history. If you’re going back to school, study something that attracts you, where you feel comfortable. Getting a good spiritual director is a good plan. Go for it. If you have Jesuits, Franciscans, Salesians or Carmelites in your area, they are very well trained in the spiritual life. There are some diocesan priests and deacons who are also trained in the spiritual life, but not as many. Spirituality is not a required area of study in the seminary. You’ll find that most of those who study spirituality are mendicants and monastic religious, or a teaching community such as the Jesuits and Salesians.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

That’s good to know, thanks. She, fortunately, did not come right out and say that I did not have a vocation to their community, just that I don’t have the suitable requirements right now to apply. It hit me hard to hear that right then, but I got home and realized she is absolutely right.

Although their order does not require a college degree, I feel it would be in my best interest to get one anyway. I’m seriously considering a Bachelor’s in Psychology (at least; I may decide to get my Master’s).

Unfortunately, I’m having very little luck in finding a spiritual director. I do have an order of Sisters in my diocese who are trained in spiritual direction as an apostolate, but I haven’t been able to get in touch with them (no answering machine and they don’t answer their emails). Also, there are very few religious orders here and barely any priests are willing to do spiritual direction. I got advice from one of the priests in Confession that if I can’t find one in my immediate area, I should consider looking outside this area because he knew a priest friend who’s SD is 2 hours away. It’s a possibility.

Thanks all for your advice.

 

[JReducation]

That’s good to know, thanks. She, fortunately, did not come right out and say that I did not have a vocation to their community, just that I don’t have the suitable requirements right now to apply. It hit me hard to hear that right then, but I got home and realized she is absolutely right.

Although their order does not require a college degree, I feel it would be in my best interest to get one anyway. I’m seriously considering a Bachelor’s in Psychology (at least; I may decide to get my Master’s).

Unfortunately, I’m having very little luck in finding a spiritual director. I do have an order of Sisters in my diocese who are trained in spiritual direction as an apostolate, but I haven’t been able to get in touch with them (no answering machine and they don’t answer their emails). Also, there are very few religious orders here and barely any priests are willing to do spiritual direction. I got advice from one of the priests in Confession that if I can’t find one in my immediate area, I should consider looking outside this area because he knew a priest friend who’s SD is 2 hours away. It’s a possibility.

Thanks all for your advice.

Just to be charitable to priests, let’s clarify something. It’s not that most priests are unwilling to do spiritual direction. It’s that most priests are not trained in the spiritual life. Spiritual theology is not a requirement unless you’re going to be a religious. Those of us who belong to religious orders study many years of spiritual theology, usually up to six. Those who are secular or diocesan priests study none or may have an elective of one semester in the seminary. Diocesan priests who study spirituality are very few. Those that do, do so to teach it. They are usually doctors of theology. Most doctors of theology, who are diocesan priests, are teachers not parish priests.

If the sisters that you’re talking about do not answer their email or have an answering service, you may want to consider dropping them a line by snail mail. You may also look around and ask if there is a campus ministry in your area. Campus chaplains are often well trained in vocation guidance. They may not be trained in spiritual direction, but they are good Christian guidance counselors. They often have a lot of experience doing spiritual direction. Experience is just as good as having a degree, sometimes better. You may even ask Sister, if she can recommend someone.

In the meantime, I would suggest that you begin to read the biography of their founder, if you have not done so, read other writings from their order, if they have any. You may also want to read their rule. That’s always a good thing to understand.

I will pray for you. Please pray for me too.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

Just to be charitable to priests, let’s clarify something. It’s not that most priests are unwilling to do spiritual direction. It’s that most priests are not trained in the spiritual life. Spiritual theology is not a requirement unless you’re going to be a religious. Those of us who belong to religious orders study many years of spiritual theology, usually up to six. Those who are secular or diocesan priests study none or may have an elective of one semester in the seminary. Diocesan priests who study spirituality are very few. Those that do, do so to teach it. They are usually doctors of theology. Most doctors of theology, who are diocesan priests, are teachers not parish priests.

If the sisters that you’re talking about do not answer their email or have an answering service, you may want to consider dropping them a line by snail mail. You may also look around and ask if there is a campus ministry in your area. Campus chaplains are often well trained in vocation guidance. They may not be trained in spiritual direction, but they are good Christian guidance counselors. They often have a lot of experience doing spiritual direction. Experience is just as good as having a degree, sometimes better. You may even ask Sister, if she can recommend someone.

In the meantime, I would suggest that you begin to read the biography of their founder, if you have not done so, read other writings from their order, if they have any. You may also want to read their rule. That’s always a good thing to understand.

I will pray for you. Please pray for me too.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

Just to clear something up about the bold part, when I posted before, I should have said that barely any priests are willing to do spiritual direction because of time constraints. Where I live, we are experiencing a shortage of sorts so there aren’t many priests who have time available for spiritual direction. I used to have a priest as a spiritual director and confessor, but I felt, like you said, that he was not trained in the area of direction and although I greatly admired and respected him (as I do all priests), I felt like I would be better off not having one until I could find someone who was trained.

I have been reading about the founder–St. Francis. I have been recommended by a member of the order to read St. Bonaventure’s biography of Francis and so I’m going to be looking at the used bookstore this week for it.

If I can’t get in touch with the Sisters by phone this morning, I will either send them a letter or drop by the parish that their convent is a part of. They participate in Eucharistic Adoration every Tuesday night so I might be able to ask them that way.

Thanks again for your advice. God bless.

 

[JReducation]

Just to clear something up about the bold part, when I posted before, I should have said that barely any priests are willing to do spiritual direction because of time constraints. Where I live, we are experiencing a shortage of sorts so there aren’t many priests who have time available for spiritual direction. I used to have a priest as a spiritual director and confessor, but I felt, like you said, that he was not trained in the area of direction and although I greatly admired and respected him (as I do all priests), I felt like I would be better off not having one until I could find someone who was trained.

I have been reading about the founder–St. Francis. I have been recommended by a member of the order to read St. Bonaventure’s biography of Francis and so I’m going to be looking at the used bookstore this week for it.

If I can’t get in touch with the Sisters by phone this morning, I will either send them a letter or drop by the parish that their convent is a part of. They participate in Eucharistic Adoration every Tuesday night so I might be able to ask them that way.

Thanks again for your advice. God bless.

There are two editions of the biography of our Holy Father written by our Seraphic Doctor. There is an older one that has been translated into Elizabethan English and a newer one in American English. I just thought I’d let you know. Some people find the older edition more difficult to read.

There was also a wonderul biography written by Thomas of Celano. It predates that of Bonaventure. St. Bonaventure had ordered it burned, when he was the General. Thank God, someone in Italy did not get the message, because Bonaventure was governing from France. This copy was found years later. It is not as theological as that of Bonaventure.

If you want to read about Francis’ soul, you may want to read The Soul’s Journey Into God by Bonaventure. What he does is use the soul of St. Francis as the model for all Christian souls to folllow. He walks you through Francis’ journey into God, explaining each detail using doctrine and scripture. What Bonaventure wanted to do was to show the world that Francis’ journey was not just for him, but for everyone. It’s a wonderful work of Franciscan mysticism.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

There are two editions of the biography of our Holy Father written by our Seraphic Doctor. There is an older one that has been translated into Elizabethan English and a newer one in American English. I just thought I’d let you know. Some people find the older edition more difficult to read.

There was also a wonderul biography written by Thomas of Celano. It predates that of Bonaventure. St. Bonaventure had ordered it burned, when he was the General. Thank God, someone in Italy did not get the message, because Bonaventure was governing from France. This copy was found years later. It is not as theological as that of Bonaventure.

If you want to read about Francis’ soul, you may want to read The Soul’s Journey Into God by Bonaventure. What he does is use the soul of St. Francis as the model for all Christian souls to folllow. He walks you through Francis’ journey into God, explaining each detail using doctrine and scripture. What Bonaventure wanted to do was to show the world that Francis’ journey was not just for him, but for everyone. It’s a wonderful work of Franciscan mysticism.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

Wow! You are a boatload of information! Thank you!!!

Do you know anything about the biography by Donald Spoto? It’s called “A Reluctant Saint.” I asked a member of the order and they didn’t know anything about it. I wanted to make sure that it was factually accurate.

Thanks again! God bless.

 

[JReducation]

Wow! You are a boatload of information! Thank you!!!

Well, it’s my job to know. I’m the superior of the house of formation and the formation director.

Do you know anything about the biography by Donald Spoto? It’s called “A Reluctant Saint.” I asked a member of the order and they didn’t know anything about it. I wanted to make sure that it was factually accurate.

Thanks again! God bless.

It’s a biographical novel. It uses many historical facts and fills in the blanks with the writers literary strokes. I found it interesting. He has a strong command of the times.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

I know this is a very old topic, but I was just reading my old post and was feeling a little strange because of the fact that I am no longer discerning religious life. It’s a reminder to me that God can change our desires and attitudes very quickly and those desires, while fleeting, give us the strength and support to mature in our relationship with God. If I had not been on any of those retreats nor discerned with any order, I would have missed some very valuable lessons on humility and love of God. Sometimes, I am a little sad that I am not called to religious life, but I’m mostly at peace because I know in my heart that I wouldn’t have been truly happy as a Sister/nun. It’s nice to have little reminders of where we have been so we know where we are headed. I’m hoping my future is in marriage, but I know my future will be whatever God has planned for me.

 

[Ocarm]

If I had not been on any of those retreats nor discerned with any order, I would have missed some very valuable lessons on humility and love of God. Sometimes, I am a little sad that I am not called to religious life, but I’m mostly at peace because I know in my heart that I wouldn’t have been truly happy as a Sister/nun.)

I think that your personal journey, and the honesty and courage that you’ve demonstrated by sharing it with us over the last year, are a great gift to this forum, and will no doubt be of help to many other people who - like me - didn’t find their vocation quickly or easily.

Prayers for you in making your career plans and your ongoing discernment, which of course never really ends.

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

I think that your personal journey, and the honesty and courage that you’ve demonstrated by sharing it with us over the last year, are a great gift to this forum, and will no doubt be of help to many other people who - like me - didn’t find their vocation quickly or easily.

Prayers for you in making your career plans and your ongoing discernment, which of course never really ends.

I appreciate your comment. I had a really rough time owning up to my past discernment because it was painful at first to realize that I was not called. But once I moved past the pain, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who this has happened to. I’ve read stories of people, like Bl. Louis and Zelie Martin, who thought they were called to religious life, but whatever the circumstance, were not able to enter. St. Therese has been one of my favorite saints, so to have models such as her parents, it’s a real inspiration.

It’s true that discernment never completely ends. I believe I am called to marriage and to have a family of my own, but I am not completely sure. It’s important to remain completely open to the will of God and to the Holy Spirit.