Waiting For Marriage ♥

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Constantin said:
I didn’t tell anyone not to wait. I would recommend anyone to do as the church teaches. Just don’t think it guarantees anything.
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I can agree with this. Keep your expectations realistic and understand that there is a lot more to marriage than sex. Many couples end up physically unable to have sex when they get older or one gets sick, but they love each other still, deal with it and stay married.
 
If you are in a committed relationship, and have explained why you don’t want to kiss, there is no reason to be so insecure. That worry of their failure to perform the duties of marriage sounds like manipulation to me. If somebody is with you, they were attracted to you enough to get to know you.
 
I don’t know on what experiences you base this, but I have seen people who married a reserved (nice way of putting it) person only to find that the person disliked any sort of physical intimacy for a variety of reasons, such as mental illness, or the partner being a closet gay. It is a sad situation. That is why I think there is good reason to be concerned if someone will not engage in physical contact with you that is generally deemed to be non-sinful.
 
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The only reason to be concerned is if they would not talk about why. If you aren’t open with each other than I don’t even view the relationship as committed.

Edit: I just don’t think the OP should let irrational insecurities keep her from standing by her morals.
 
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A quick kiss or two is not considered “immoral” by the church. It is not a sin and a number of the people who posted on here have indicated that they waited for marriage but did exchange kisses and hugs up to a reasonable “limit” beforehand.

The OP not wanting to have any sort of kiss before marriage is going way beyond a moral limit and in doing so may send a wrong message. Even if she explains to her potential suitor, it may still send a wrong message. The people I mentioned who got married without much kissing etc had some type of reasonable explanations too that they got their partners to accept…the reality turned out differently.
 
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Things it guarantees:
No STD’s
No emotional baggage of that nature.
No working through the issue with a spouse
No heartbreak from leaving a relationship of that nature.

It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be mature regarding sex or that you’ll enter marriage with realistic expectations. But abstinence by itself doesn’t feed into unrealistic expectations.
It’s partly on the marriage prep ppl, parents, and mentors of engaged couples to actually tell them that it might not be all fireworks straight away. And that with realistic expectations they’ll be better equipped to put the work in to make it what it can be.
 
Not kissing before marriage is not going way beyond the moral limit.
 
What ever happened for the man courting the lady kissing the hand of that lady? That’s a way to kiss without kissing.
I believe saving a first kiss would be great, very meaningful for the wedding.

Also if you like Catholicism I reccomend looking more into it and believing it.
 
It’s hard and it takes a lot of discipline and prayer to resist premarital action. People are starting to kiss in middle school, make out as a freshman and doing “it” as sophomores. :roll_eyes:

Anyway, I would one-up @AdamPeter 's advice
AdamPeter said:
My advice is don’t get into occasions of sin and don’t waste time on guys who’ll try to make you compromise.

Make sure you have cear boundaries for dating and stick to them.

Realise that it’s not as rare as you think to be waiting for marriage.

Also find people who are like minded. It always helps to be able to know you’re not the only one!
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and @(name removed by moderator) 's words

God bless you!
 
Kei said:
I believe saving a first kiss would be great, very meaningful for the wedding.
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As others have mentioned, this is not necessary, although some may think it is a nice thing to do. I will only say: Do you really want your first kiss to be in front of a whole churchful of people? I attended a wedding once of a couple who had not kissed until their wedding day, when the minister said, “You may kiss the bride.” It was a super awkward kiss; they kind of missed on the first attempt, and everybody chuckled.

Just saying, saving the first kiss for the altar may not be the romantically thrilling moment you imagine. 🙂
 
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I said it would be great, not that it was needed.

Not so much romantic moment of kissing, but the fact that everyone shares in the memory, and that you can always look at your significant other and say, “you were my first,” in so much more than what that phrase usually means. I imagine it would be a sweet moment to recall.

Perhaps that couple will be laughing at their first kiss for years to come!

Of course it might not be a huge deal, but still.
 
EnglishTeacher said:
Just saying, saving the first kiss for the altar may not be the romantically thrilling moment you imagine. 🙂
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I don’t hardly remember mine.

I was so over-stressed with the performance of the wedding and making sure all the parts fell into place at the right time that I’t just blurred out.

Now the kiss in the limo going to the airport when we’d both changed into shorts and Ts? I remember that one vividly. 😀

Then again, we didn’t wait to smooch. We got married with our virginities barely intact. Moreover, we probably wouldn’t have made it another year; which is why I’m not so judgy on people that don’t make it.
 
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I think there is a lot of good in waiting til marriage for sex. And even for kissing for those who want to do that. That said, it shouldn’t be the “be all and end all”.

Your spouse marries you for you, not just because you waited. In addition to being wary of men who want you to compromise, I’d be equally wary of men who are overly interested in your “virgin status”.

I think people on both sides of this issue put too much emphasis on this one issue. It won’t actually make that much difference to your everyday married lives. It’s not like people wake up every morning, say their prayers, and praise God that they bagged them a virgin!

It’s good to be a virgin on your wedding day but really the marriage will not be made any better or worse by that fact.

I’m not saying, “don’t bother, it doesn’t matter”. But there are other, much more valuable indicators of someone’s potential to be a good spouse.
 
For me, one of the benefits to waiting, besides the ones mentioned, is to test the mettle of your man. If he can’t wait for you, he will have trouble containing himself if a tempting woman comes along after you’re married, or if there is reason to be apart, such as job-related travel. Also avoid guys who watch pornography. They’re also trouble with a T.
 
Lara said:
If he can’t wait for you, he will have trouble containing himself if a tempting woman comes along after you’re married, or if there is reason to be apart, such as job-related travel.
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Very good point. I think that a person who is fully matured should be able to wait for things. Not just sex, but a lot of stuff in life requires patience as opposed to instant gratification.
 
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