Waiting or Settling?

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CountrySinger said:
Grab somsething and don’t let go! I’m the same age as you, but a woman. And I’m offically in “full freak out, I will take anything” mode. 28 isn’t that old, but if you want kids, you can’t wait. 😦 So what if she isn’t hot? Does “hot” make a good wife? I’m thinking of getting back with my non-Catholic ex, it’s something at least. No one will fit all your standards.
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Ok, horrible advice… Dont just grab whatever you can. I am 26, already had the midlife “I NEED KIDS” freakout and that worked out HORRIBLY. Its true, noone will seem perfect. There will always be those couple of things that irritate the heck out of you. I dont know a single married couple that dont have one thing that irritates them about their spouse. That being said, those little things, to me, are what make a relationship interesting. I wouldnt want someone who was perfect. I want someone that I can fight with if I marry. I want someone who aggravates the jeepers out of me at times and who I aggravate. Without something to work on, if everything was perfect, how boring would that be? All great artists at some point think that even their master pieces are flawed and worthless. So dont wait. jump in. ask her out. but dont expect everything to be perfect, and especially after a bad break-up. You are going to carry some of that baggage with you, but you need to pray about it. Ask God to give you the grace to put those things in the past where they belong. And dive in!!!

And CountrySinger, you would fit right in out here in Montana… Heck you would fit in GREAT with me and my friends. And the right man will be put into your life at the right time. Not that that is any consolation lol, but its true none-the-less. As much as love is an act of will, not an emotion, you will never be truly happy until you find the vocation (here you should read man) God has called you to.
CountrySinger said:
Byt remember for women it different. A woman’s physical peak is 25, and it declines from there. While men’s peak is the 30s. It’s unfair, but men have the upper hand. And makeup, cute clothes, and a gym membership can only do so much. I’m competing with the 22-23 year olds, and I will lose everytime.
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Just a bit on how GOOD men look at women:

When a man sees a woman, he will judge her initially on her physical appearance. But I have never found a woman attractive who did not have a personality that matched with me, or lacked the values that I hold, no matter how “hot” she might be. Seriously, dont fret about the “competition” with younger women. A good man will love you for your mind, your body, and your soul. You should look for those things in a man as well. I have, in the past, had some VERY physically attractive women who were interested in me, but I could not bring myself to date any of them, since their values were so drastically different than my “hard-core trad-cath” values. The older and wiser a man becomes the more he realizes that women who make you feel lust are not always the best woman for him. It may take a while (a lifetime for some) but it happens. Have faith.

And move to Montana, you might find more men to match your hobbies, and I know nothing about where you are from, but here we do all those things. Plus we have lots and lots of big trucks, always a bonus.

Anyway, thats my $.02… maybe $.04

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Can you (I mean in terms of are you able) to stop measuring and just think that you love that girl or are attracted to her, interested in her? Then I’d pursue her. (Plus, chances are the ratio isn’t so much in your ex’s favour with more information about both the ladies.)

I’m no believer in settling, but I wouldn’t miss on a potential “the one” just because something weren’t to my liking, especially if there were room for mistake on my part.
 
Thanks for the advice. I just want to point out:
  1. The reason I haven’t asked this girl out is not because she isn’t physically attractive, it isn’t because she’s not ‘hot’, it’s just because, well, meh.
  2. It’s not that my ex was perfect. She had many imperfections, looking back, I don’t even like her anymore, especially after the way she hurt me. All the same, there was a passion there, there was a sense that we understood eachother, even when we fought and drove eachother crazy, we still understood where eachother were coming from. There are very few people who understand me. I don’t think this girl will understand me in the same way, we both come from different cultures (I’m a convert from secular Scotland, she is Polish, but that’s just a start). It’s not that she is a shallow or unintelligent person, it’s just there is a ‘depth’ to getting to know eachother that I don’t think I would find.
All the same, we share similar goals and values, and I do find her attractive (as she seems to find me), we have many friends in common, and at the end of the day, well, why not?

I’m not desperate, however, I am probably spoiled for choice if anything, considering the circumstances that is not a situation I imagined I would be in. I guess I am just shy, and that’s why these other opportunities don’t arise as often as they should, this girl seems to make the effort to get to know me, despite my shyness and somewhat hermit-like tendencies of late. I guess that’s the only reason I’m considering ‘settling’, she might be good for me, lead me out of myself.
 
For startes, both of you come from warrior cultures. 😛

Besides, don’t give in to the pattern of subconscious thinking that whoever is interested in you and making effort apparently has a reason for making effort (as in has to try!). Contrary, that’s a person who actually makes effort, which translates as high, high league, not low! See where it goes and don’t allow gloomy attitudes to take you over. You don’t need to be the life of the party right off the bat. You can save the sword dancing for later. 😛
 
If you go out with her and it remains “meh”, then maybe you’ll be a nice experience of a decent man who will help enforce her natural God-given dignity…and she yours of course. 🙂 Or maybe you’ll make a new friend, those are good too.

And P.S. Countrysinger: " A woman’s physical peak is 25, and it declines from there."
NOOOOOOOO!!! I’m 32 and of MUCH higher personal quality than when I was 25.
…or 28! 😉 When I was lamenting turning 30 a slightly older woman told me that females really come into their own in their 30’s, I thought she was crazy…but she was so right, so very right.
(…and I’m much hotter than when I was 28…couldn’t resist :p)
 
I thought man’s was at 19? My own was at 17, when I thought I was the king of the world. 😛
 
I’ve heard that a woman’s looks peak at 25, and sexual ability peaks in the 30s, while men’s sexual peak is 18, and looks peak in the 30s. Don’t quote me, those might not be exact (but in the ballpark). God has a sense of humor. 😃
 
chevalier said:
I thought man’s was at 19? My own was at 17, when I thought I was the king of the world. 😛
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I still think I’m king of the world, but it has nothing to do with-ahem-sexual-ability. It has to do with everything else about me. I rock!

And I’m still trying to deal with my own humility…
 
Hey, why let an good opportunity pass…getting to know her better is not saying you are going to marry her next week. 😛
Mayhaps she will become more attractive as you get to know her better…this happens most of the time. As you come to know someone and care for them, they become more attractive. So go for it…and Whatever girl said…the worst she could say was no thank you ( and since she is a Catholic girl I would hope she would say it nicely) Good Luck and let us know how it goes…🙂
 
CountrySinger said:
I’ve heard that a woman’s looks peak at 25, and sexual ability peaks in the 30s, while men’s sexual peak is 18, and looks peak in the 30s. Don’t quote me, those might not be exact (but in the ballpark). God has a sense of humor. 😃
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Well, lucky me! My husband turns 30 next year! 🙂 (Just kidding, of course.)

I say, go for it. When my husband and I were in the stage you’re now describing (we knew each other, I sort of knew he might be interested in me, we had lots of mutual friends, the same values, etc.), I was thinking ‘meh.’ It took one 3-hour, late-night conversation after he offered to walk me home from a church event. I felt like I never wanted to stop getting to known him, and I fell head over heels. Quite frankly (at this stage), you just never know. And you don’t have to commit right away.
 
Personally, wouldn’t want someone to ask me out if he felt “meh” about me.
 
I think that one date would be great. Maybe you could just do a coffee (well, tea for you Brits, I guess) date after Mass. Go and see if there are any sparks. If not, keep looking! And don’t put yourself down-- a Ph.D. sounds pretty good to the ladies!!
 
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