Wakes

[Joe_Kelley]

The practice of funeral wakes has changed much over the years.

For my grandfather, 60 years ago, someone sat with the body day and night for 2 or 3 days between the time it was in the coffin and the funeral was held.

When a nephew was killed in a car accident, 30 years ago, his family sat with the body for 8 or 10 hours the day before the funeral. It concluded with a wake service in the evening.

For my mother, 15 years ago, we had a wake service the evening before the funeral.

For my wife, 2 years ago, we had the wake service the hour before the funeral mass. This seems to be the growing custom in our area. Frankly, with everything that needed doing, that was about all I was up to. *

Wondered what others thought and were experiencing.*

 

[CB_Catholic]

The practice of funeral wakes has changed much over the years.

For my grandfather, 60 years ago, someone sat with the body day and night for 2 or 3 days between the time it was in the coffin and the funeral was held.

When a nephew was killed in a car accident his family sat with the body for 8 or 10 hours the day before the funeral. It concluded with a wake service in the evening.

For my mother, 15 years ago, we had a wake service the evening before the funeral.

For my wife, 2 years ago, we had the wake service the hour before the funeral mass. This seems to be the growing custom in our area. Frankly, with everything that needed doing, that was about all I was up to. *

Wondered what others thought and were experiencing.*

When I was growing up there usually were 2 calling hours at the funeral home–one in the afternoon and one in the evening. After the evening calling hours a Rosary was usually said.

Now the trend is to have just one time to view the body, usually from around 5 to 8 PM (it varies) with a Rosary or other prayer service after.

Also, cremation is much more common now, so there aren’t the graveside services there used to be. A complete funeral with burial is enormously expensive, and unless there is money set aside, or prepayment and planning, or an insurance policy,
people are going more and more for cremation.

Personally, although I was not keen on the idea at first, I am liking the idea of cremation more and more for various reasons, but only if the cremains are interred or placed in a vault, not taken home and put on the mantle or the ashes scattered.

 

[ineeda]

Many are showing at the church right before funeral mass these days. My mother told me that she did not want any calling hours. I asked if we could have a brief showing before a funeral mass, and she agreed.

My brother died, last year. He had schizophrenia, and did not talk much to family. That was just his personality. He was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, and really never left the hospital. Even when he was dying, he told us that we did not have to be at the hospital. However, my sister and I took turns staying with him. It was really sad to see him suffer so much. We never talked to him about him dying.

However, my mother told us that he told her that he did not want to be cremated when he died. We had to make a quick decision with the undertaker, and did not have time to find out if there would be enough money to to do a regular burial. We were not even certain, if he said that, or when he said that. He may have said it at a time when the Catholic church was not too accepting of cremation. And, my mother has dementia, so we don’t know, if that was accurate.

We decided to have him cremated and have his remains in urn and buried in same plot as my dad. To this day, I feel such guilt over our decision. There was more money than we knew from his insurance. We would only have had to pay about $1200 more to have traditional burial.(without any services) These are things that we all talk about now. (funeral plans)

Even our deacon’s wife was cremated and buried in our parish cemetery.

 

[johnmann]

I’ve only been to wakes the night before the funeral and burial but a wake immediately preceding the funeral makes sense. It saddens me when I see the entire community show up for the wake then only the relatives for the funeral Mass.

How does that work exactly though? Does the wake take place at the church or at a funeral home and then moved to a church for Mass?

Also, how does it work with cremation? The Church prefers an intact body for the funeral Mass. So is the body immediately cremated in time for the burial or does everyone go home and the cremation and burial happens much later?

 

[Petaro]

I have found that in our society one has the requiem Mass and then you invite people home for a small celebration of the deceased life. There may or may not be alcoholic drinks served dependent on the family wishes. Some non-religious services I have been to, have photos on overheads and the deceased’s favourite music etc. But we don’t normally have a gathering before the service. Customs differ.

 

[Auntie_A]

For my mom and dad we had a problem coordinating the burial after the funeral so we had to bury them before the funeral. Some made comments. We had no wake for either.

Then I learned about home funerals so we had a wake for my aunt and my brother (different deaths) at home with their body " laid out" in bed with flowers, candles, prayers, rosary. It was very convenient and made a good deal more sense than sending them to a mortuary and paying for things we could not afford. The dry ice kept them intact and then their bodies were transported to the mortuary for cremation.

This all might sound strange but it actually felt more reverent, calm, and easy to keep them at home for 24 to 48 hours. The cat slept on the bed, and family and friends said that it seemed more peaceful, like she or he was just sleeping. I’ve never liked the mortuary scene.

 

[Phemie]

The Funeral Rite has 6 separate ‘services’.

• The prayers at the Time of Death
• The prayers when the family first gathers in the presence of the body
• The Funeral Vigil
• The prayers at the closing of the casket
• The Funeral proper
• The Final Committal.

Whether or not all these rites occur are up to the family and to the priest. As a lay leader of prayer I’ve had occasion to do the first 4 with a few families. They were grateful for all of them. But some families want nothing but the funeral & final commendation.

The Vigil is not really common here, a recitation of the rosary being more traditional. In fact, the Vigil was practically unknown in this parish until about 7 years ago when the then-Pastor started doing this for everyone. Personally I love the Funeral Vigil and, in the Canadian ritual, it is the time when family and friends can speak of the deceased.

Our local funeral home generally has viewings from 1-4 and from 7-9. Whether or not they avail of all that time is up to the family. Many do and they usually have a viewing over two days.

It is certainly different from my early childhood experience where the deceased were waked at home with, as the OP noted, people at the side of the body round the clock, usually for 3 days. Wakes in the home lasted into the mid 60s where I grew up. In some ways it was hard on the family, never being out of the public eye. But in another way they had more support.

By the time my step-grandmother died in the late 60s, it was a funeral home wake. Only close friends and family ended up at the house between visiting hours and it was easier to ‘get away’ if you needed to. I was at the funeral home for all the viewing hours and I don’t remember the priest showing up, but this was before the new Rite of Christian Funeral. I do remember the rosary being said at least once during each visiting period.

 

[johnmann]

Phemie’s comment got me researching. The six rites I found in the Order of Christian Funerals:

1. Prayers after Death
2. Gathering in the Presence of the Body
3. Vigil and Related Prayers
4. Transfer of the Body to the Church or to the Place of Committal
5. Funeral Liturgy
6. Rite of Committal

The vigil, funeral, and committal are the principle rites. The funeral obviously being the main rite.

The OCF recommends that the vigil take place some time before the funeral and not immediately preceding so that it’s not too long and repetitive.

There is an alternate rite of committal when it takes place long after the funeral as in the case when cremation takes place after the funeral. In the US, there’s an indult discouraging but allowing a funeral with cremated remains. Certain adaptations have to be made to accommodate this because parts of the funeral liturgy assume that there’s a body.

One interesting bit I found in the funeral rite is that unlike every other Mass, there is actually a recessional song as part of the liturgy.

 

[ineeda]

When my brother died, the priest told us that we were able to have remains in church, but to have a picture with the urn. We received family and friends before the funeral mass for 90 minutes. We had a regular funeral mass. Afterwards, we proceeded to cemetery and had prayers in the chapel there. We tried to make it as much as a regular funeral as we could.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

I’ve only been to wakes the night before the funeral and burial but a wake immediately preceding the funeral makes sense. It saddens me when I see the entire community show up for the wake then only the relatives for the funeral Mass.

How does that work exactly though? Does the wake take place at the church or at a funeral home and then moved to a church for Mass?

Also, how does it work with cremation? The Church prefers an intact body for the funeral Mass. So is the body immediately cremated in time for the burial or does everyone go home and the cremation and burial happens much later?

For my wife, I had the wake/vigil at the church with the casket open at the front of the church. The casket was then closed, taken to the back of the church and was brought in as usual for the funeral mass. *

The Church prefers burial, but has accepted cremation for some time now. If cremated, it is preferred that cremation occur after the funeral; however a funeral mass with the cremated remains is now permitted. I haven’t checked prices, but have heard that much of the savings in cremation is not realized if the body must be embalmed and prepared for a wake and mass. I hadn’t heard of preserving the body with dry ice; that may be a good solution.

My in-laws were cremated and buried at sea with no funeral mass, at their request. We later had a memorial mass. I don’t know how this would affect others, but wife and her sisters regretted that they never saw their parents after death. They felt a lack of closure.*

 

[TARSUS_PADDY]

In Ireland the old style of wake is still very common.The body is laid out in the person’s home or a family member’s home. This is to allow people to come and pay their last respects to the deceased.It is a time of tears,laughter,joy and remembering the deceased. The coffin is open and is never left unattended. People bring food, Mass cards and even a bottle or two of alcohol in it’s various guises. The wake is a celebration of the person’s life. It also reminds us of our own mortality and what lies in store for us on a predetermined future date with the Father. Even former adversaries or enemies are not refused entry to a wake for it has been known to have a mellowing effect on hard hearts!
So, essentially the wake is the beginning of the grieving process for the family concerned. The closing of the coffin,the removal to the church for requiem Mass and the burial accompanied by crowds of mourners is the Irish way of seeing the deceased soul off on it’s eternal journey to the Father.

We pray for all our souls in Purgatory. Amen

 

[maryjk]

The Church prefers burial, but has accepted cremation for some time now. If cremated, it is preferred that cremation occur after the funeral; however a funeral mass with the cremated remains is now permitted. I haven’t checked prices, but have heard that much of the savings in cremation is not realized if the body must be embalmed and prepared for a wake and mass. I hadn’t heard of preserving the body with dry ice; that may be a good solution.

Yes, cremation is much less expensive, but if you have to prepare the body, transport the body back and forth and rent a casket, you lose some of that savings.

My in-laws were cremated and buried at sea with no funeral mass, at their request. We later had a memorial mass. I don’t know how this would affect others, but wife and her sisters regretted that they never saw their parents after death. They felt a lack of closure.

I was with both of my parents, when they died. But once the body was taken away, I didn’t see them again. It didn’t bother me at all. My sister was with our mom when our mom died, but was out of state when our dad died. From what she has said, she wasn’t bothered by not seeing the body. I am sure it is a very individual situation.