Want my 12 year old to want to change attitude

[Island_Oak]

The best thing is to give her social clues. There can be one word for you to give to her when she’s being rude…and then she gets one for when she can’t handle what you’re saying.

My friend’s parents did that, and i always thought it was good, because she was socially more capabable than any one of us during those early teen years.

Great advice. I think it is so common and probably has a lot to do with the onset of puberty, raging hormones, utter confusion and frustration on the part of the child regarding these changes along with lots of unseen/underappreciated tension I think they feel throughout their daily routines dealing with peer pressure, body image, trying to fit in socially, keeping up with academic and extra-curricular demands, etc. It’s rough in middle school–I wouldn’t trade places with my kids for anything!! :juggle:

I think the prompt or cue is a great idea. It’s a reminder, a chance to re-balance without escalating the conflict or berating the child for what likely is just him/her blowing off steam onto a “safe” target. Most of all…never take it personally and remember the stage will pass if you have modeled and taught them the proper way to interact with parents/family.

 

[DL82]

It sounds like you’ve been lucky, in that you’ve always had a good relationship with your children, so maybe they’ve started to take this for granted.

There’s a lot of good advice been offered already, so I’d say first of all, listen to that and follow what you think is right for you.

If all else fails though, you have to remember that authority is given to you as a parent for your family. In Proverbs it says that the parent who spares the rod spoils the child. Maybe at some point you need to make it clear to your daughter that she is not too old for you to discipline her if she doesn’t change, and that you say this for her own good, because you really believe it to be that significant. That might just bring home how seriously you take your role as a parent, and encourage her to take seriously her role as a member of your family.