Want my Granddaughter baptized

[Steveabrous]

Please help me understand something. My daughter and son-in-law are both confirmed, but unfortunately, fallen away Catholics. they were married outside the church because it was much easier to do then to go through the classes and wait. they have expressed to me that they intend to get their marriage blessed and return to the church eventually but right now they have no interest. They had a daughter 1 month ago. I talked to my daughter about getting her baptized. She agreed, but wants me to handle it. I talked to our priest about it last night and he seemed reluctant to do it. He said he would if I could guarentee she would be raised Catholic. I assured him I would make sure. He said that he wanted to talk to my daughter and son-in-law first. This tells me he might not agree to baptize my granddaughter. This priest is a dear friend and has been very good to me and my family for 20+ years so I am a little surprised. I am not making excuses for my daughter, nor do I agree with them on not having a Catholic wedding. But I don’t understand why the church would not baptize an infant if the parents are willing.

 

[Xantippe]

Please help me understand something. My daughter and son-in-law are both confirmed, but unfortunately, fallen away Catholics. they were married outside the church because it was much easier to do then to go through the classes and wait. they have expressed to me that they intend to get their marriage blessed and return to the church eventually but right now they have no interest. They had a daughter 1 month ago. I talked to my daughter about getting her baptized. She agreed, but wants me to handle it. I talked to our priest about it last night and he seemed reluctant to do it. He said he would if I could guarentee she would be raised Catholic. I assured him I would make sure. He said that he wanted to talk to my daughter and son-in-law first. This tells me he might not agree to baptize my granddaughter. This priest is a dear friend and has been very good to me and my family for 20+ years so I am a little surprised. I am not making excuses for my daughter, nor do I agree with them on not having a Catholic wedding. But I don’t understand why the church would not baptize an infant if the parents are willing.

I expect the worry is that she’ll be baptized and then disappear totally.

And even if parents allow a Catholic religious education, it’s a hard row to hoe overseeing the religious education of a grandchild whose parents are only kinda sorta on board.

I remember being at a CCD parent meeting and overhearing a conversation between a grandma and a priest. The grandma was apologizing for the fact that the grandchild wasn’t at CCD that night because there was some sort of conflicting event or activity, and of course, in the parents’ eyes, the other thing trumped CCD. There was absolutely nothing the grandma could do about it, of course.

Presumably your priest has had that exact same conversation a number of times.

I hope you’re able to work something out!

 

[LongingSoul]

I would think that it will be fine once the Priest has touched base with your daughter and her husband and can properly apprise them of their obligations and duties as parents of the child being bought for baptism. The fact that it is you coming to him about the arrangements and your daughter telling you that they aren’t interested in coming back to the Church as yet, makes it seem that they are just only consenting to it out of family tradition rather than as an act of faith.

 

[OurLadysServant]

Please help me understand something. My daughter and son-in-law are both confirmed, but unfortunately, fallen away Catholics. they were married outside the church because it was much easier to do then to go through the classes and wait. they have expressed to me that they intend to get their marriage blessed and return to the church eventually but right now they have no interest. They had a daughter 1 month ago. I talked to my daughter about getting her baptized. She agreed, but wants me to handle it. I talked to our priest about it last night and he seemed reluctant to do it. He said he would if I could guarentee she would be raised Catholic. I assured him I would make sure. He said that he wanted to talk to my daughter and son-in-law first. This tells me he might not agree to baptize my granddaughter. This priest is a dear friend and has been very good to me and my family for 20+ years so I am a little surprised. I am not making excuses for my daughter, nor do I agree with them on not having a Catholic wedding. But I don’t understand why the church would not baptize an infant if the parents are willing.

Ask another priest or a few other priest and see are there any willing to baptise the child secretly while you are babysitting?

What are the rules on laypeople Baptizing? Laypeople are allowed to baptise in the case of an emergency with any type of water, I’ve heard of nurses doing this for babies who die after birth; not sure about whether lay people can baptize if it’s not a near death situation …

 

[Lou2U]

Ask another priest or a few other priest and see are there any willing to baptise the child secretly while you are babysitting?

What are the rules on laypeople Baptizing? Laypeople are allowed to baptise in the case of an emergency with any type of water, I’ve heard of nurses doing this for babies who die after birth; not sure about whether lay people can baptize if it’s not a near death situation …

Don’t do this, OP. You should not baptise your grandchild secretly, because it implies that your daughter and son in law did not want the baptism to happen. Try and explain THAT to your Priest if he already has concerns about whether your daughter and SIL want the baby baptised.

Let him speak to your daughter and son-in-law before doing anything drastic.

Lou

 

[Xantippe]

Don’t do this, OP. You should not baptise your grandchild secretly, because it implies that your daughter and son in law did not want the baptism to happen. Try and explain THAT to your Priest if he already has concerns about whether your daughter and SIL want the baby baptised.

Let him speak to your daughter and son-in-law before doing anything drastic.

Lou

Yes. And don’t do anything drastic, period.

 

[Lorelei12]

Consider these words, part of the rite of baptism:

“You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?”

You want your daughter and son-in-law to lie? The priest has an interest in making sure that the parents are serious about their promise, and can delay baptism if he does not think the child will be raised accordingly.

Once a child is baptized, he or she is bound by the rules of the church. The priest wants you to talk to the parents first because they are the ones raising this baby, and so you cannot really “make sure” she is raised Catholic. That is their responsibility, should they choose to undertake it. It does sound like your daughter and son in law are doing this to appease you, and the priest is right to be reluctant.

 

[Dorothy]

Please help me understand something. My daughter and son-in-law are both confirmed, but unfortunately, fallen away Catholics. they were married outside the church because it was much easier to do then to go through the classes and wait. they have expressed to me that they intend to get their marriage blessed and return to the church eventually but right now they have no interest. They had a daughter 1 month ago. I talked to my daughter about getting her baptized. She agreed, but wants me to handle it. I talked to our priest about it last night and he seemed reluctant to do it. He said he would if I could guarentee she would be raised Catholic. I assured him I would make sure. He said that he wanted to talk to my daughter and son-in-law first. This tells me he might not agree to baptize my granddaughter. This priest is a dear friend and has been very good to me and my family for 20+ years so I am a little surprised. I am not making excuses for my daughter, nor do I agree with them on not having a Catholic wedding. But I don’t understand why the church would not baptize an infant if the parents are willing.

It is a good thing that the priest wants to talk to your daughter and son-in-law first. That contact may help start something new. You mentioned that someday they would like to convalidate their marriage; perhaps that can and will happen sooner.

Meanwhile, your prayers will help greatly!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Please help me understand something. My daughter and son-in-law are both confirmed, but unfortunately, fallen away Catholics. they were married outside the church because it was much easier to do then to go through the classes and wait. they have expressed to me that they intend to get their marriage blessed and return to the church eventually but right now they have no interest. They had a daughter 1 month ago. I talked to my daughter about getting her baptized. She agreed, but wants me to handle it. I talked to our priest about it last night and he seemed reluctant to do it. He said he would if I could guarentee she would be raised Catholic. I assured him I would make sure. He said that he wanted to talk to my daughter and son-in-law first. This tells me he might not agree to baptize my granddaughter. This priest is a dear friend and has been very good to me and my family for 20+ years so I am a little surprised. I am not making excuses for my daughter, nor do I agree with them on not having a Catholic wedding. But I don’t understand why the church would not baptize an infant if the parents are willing.

The Church has a responsibility. And surely you can understand why they would want to talk to the actual parents with something like this that could have legal and spiritual and familial implications. Why can’t the parents just talk with the priest? If they really would allow you to do this AND would allow you to be the authority in spiritual matters with thier children then they should have no problem telling that to the priest.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Ask another priest or a few other priest and see are there any willing to baptise the child secretly while you are babysitting?

What are the rules on laypeople Baptizing? Laypeople are allowed to baptise in the case of an emergency with any type of water, I’ve heard of nurses doing this for babies who die after birth; not sure about whether lay people can baptize if it’s not a near death situation …

NO WAY! This is forbidden by the Church.

 

[MaryT777]

Consider these words, part of the rite of baptism:

You want your daughter and son-in-law to lie? The priest has an interest in making sure that the parents are serious about their promise, and can delay baptism if he does not think the child will be raised accordingly.

Once a child is baptized, he or she is bound by the rules of the church. The priest wants you to talk to the parents first because they are the ones raising this baby, and so you cannot really “make sure” she is raised Catholic. That is their responsibility, should they choose to undertake it. It does sound like your daughter and son in law are doing this to appease you, and the priest is right to be reluctant.

I agree with this post; of course the priest is reluctant if the parents are not on board and
shift this responsibility to one of their own parents.
Mary.

 

[Todd977]

From the current Code of Canon Law:

Canon 868
§1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:

1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;

2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.
§2. An infant of Catholic parents or even of non-Catholic parents is baptized licitly in danger of death even against the will of the parents.​

If the infant’s parents are not practicing their Catholic religion, is there really a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion?

 

[ChurchSoldier]

If the infant’s parents are not practicing their Catholic religion, is there really a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion?

This is the true point. Realistically the parents have walked away from the church as shown by their life. Until they reconcile, there would be a pretty big doubt as to whether the child would be raised in a faithful home.

This post though points to a larger concern in liturgical churches. That of seeing the Sacraments as age or cultural mileposts rather than true spiritual mileposts. Too many people get their child baptized because “the grand parents want it done” or confirmed because “all the classmates are doing it”, or even go to Mass out of the Sunday obligation rather than a longing in the heart.

Until we get back to true spiritual growth in the church, and I think the coming persecution will help with that, the church will continue to be stagnant and in decline. Not to sound harsh (really), but the problem doesn’t sound like the parents issue. It looks like the problem is the parents were taught by the now Grandparents that Sacraments are cultural landmarks as one grows up rather than reflective of a spiritual maturity which one attains through prayer, study and practice.

Hope this doesn’t sound harsh. It is not meant to be, just reflective on a situation we see in Anglicanism, as well as Orthodoxy, Catholicism and Lutheranism.

Pax.

 

[Steveabrous]

Yes, of course you are all right. My fear is that when I tell my daughter he wants to talk to her she will be ashamed and not contact him. But that probably says something huh.

 

[underacloud]

The priest is acting exactly as he should, and indeed must, in this situation.

Steveabrous, perhaps you can find a way to facilitate a meeting between the priest and your daughter, since (as you point out) leaving it up to her to contact the priest may be a road block here. Would the priest be willing to give her a call? Would your daughter be willing to come and meet the priest with you?

 

[Steveabrous]

The priest is acting exactly as he should, and indeed must, in this situation.

Steveabrous, perhaps you can find a way to facilitate a meeting between the priest and your daughter, since (as you point out) leaving it up to her to contact the priest may be a road block here. Would the priest be willing to give her a call? Would your daughter be willing to come and meet the priest with you?

I know that I will have to set up the meeting and I’m willing. I was just taken back that he would hesitate to baptize her, but thanks to the forum I know why. And I thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut

 

[Dorothy]

I know that I will have to set up the meeting and I’m willing. I was just taken back that he would hesitate to baptize her, but thanks to the forum I know why. And I thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut

God bless you! I will put you and your family on my prayer list.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I know that I will have to set up the meeting and I’m willing. I was just taken back that he would hesitate to baptize her, but thanks to the forum I know why. And I thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut

That is a good thing about this forum.

As an aside:

Please never give into the temptation to do this unilaterally by yourself. I made that mistake once and I had to confess it. I really felt like “How could baptizing someone be wrong?” But the Church is clear on this issue. Baptism is a sacrament and the sacrament has form and rules. And they are there for good reason!

 

[MaryT777]

I know that I will have to set up the meeting and I’m willing. I was just taken back that he would hesitate to baptize her, but thanks to the forum I know why. And I thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut

I hope all goes well, and God bless!~
Mary.

 

[on_the_hill]

Wow.

I think this was the same situation that brought me here to CAF for the first time.

My wife’s sister and her husband are not Catholic. Sister-in-law was Baptized but I’m not sure she was Confirmed. She is essentially an atheist but converted to Judaism because her husband is Jewish.

They have one child, a girl. My mother-in-law was beside herself with worry that the girl would never be Baptized.

My wife and I suspected that her mom might secretly perform an ‘emergency’ baptism the first time she had a chance, i.e. when she was alone with the baby.

**
Answers I got from CAF were that the baptism would be valid but not licit. **

We later hinted at a secret baptism during a conversation with my mother-in-law. She kind of gave us a little wink and denied knowing anything about anything. Which, of course, was a total confession that she had done the baptism.