Want to be a priest, but have a girlfriend!

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Hey…things have been a bit wierd for me off and on. I know the only real way to discern the priesthood is through prayer, but I thought I might be able to get some feedback here. You see, I have always felt a little tug toward the priesthood. Last summer, I became totally on fire for my faith and was really excited about the idea of becoming a priest. Well…at the end of that summer, I met a girl and decided to start dating her. I had never had a girlfriend before and got caught up in things, putting my priesthood idea on the back burner. Well…I kind of put my faith on the backburner as well. You can imagine I wouldn’t be quite as dedicated to spreading the gospel when I’ve got a gf to tend to (a reason I don’t think priests should be married). Recently, my gf and I have been getting increasingly religious. We pray ALL THE TIME together. (at least we try to). Since we started praying more, the priesthood issue has been coming up more and more. There are times when I feel incredibly on fire to join the priesthood…times when I ache to do so. Yet there are other times when I feel that I am called to the family life. I don’t think I can just leave this 1 and 1/2 year relationship behind. We’ve been discussing and hoping for our marriage for a while now. We have grown so close together. I think that as a married couple we could do absolutelty AMAZING things for Christ. But then, the priesthood seems to pull at me. I don’t think it would be right for me to continue the relationship without a garauntee that I will marry her. I don’t think it would be fair to her. At any rate, I’m still in college and can’t make any decisions untill I graduate. We’ve allready decided we want to get married, but this preisthood thing keeps popping up in the back of my mind. Oh well, I’m really not worried about it, I was just curious to see what you all think. After all, if I keep myself open to God’s will and in constant prayer I know that God will put me where he wants to be.
 
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jackpuffin:
Hey…things have been a bit wierd for me off and on. I know the only real way to discern the priesthood is through prayer, but I thought I might be able to get some feedback here. You see, I have always felt a little tug toward the priesthood. Last summer, I became totally on fire for my faith and was really excited about the idea of becoming a priest. Well…at the end of that summer, I met a girl and decided to start dating her. I had never had a girlfriend before and got caught up in things, putting my priesthood idea on the back burner. Well…I kind of put my faith on the backburner as well. You can imagine I wouldn’t be quite as dedicated to spreading the gospel when I’ve got a gf to tend to (a reason I don’t think priests should be married). Recently, my gf and I have been getting increasingly religious. We pray ALL THE TIME together. (at least we try to). Since we started praying more, the priesthood issue has been coming up more and more. There are times when I feel incredibly on fire to join the priesthood…times when I ache to do so. Yet there are other times when I feel that I am called to the family life. I don’t think I can just leave this 1 and 1/2 year relationship behind. We’ve been discussing and hoping for our marriage for a while now. We have grown so close together. I think that as a married couple we could do absolutelty AMAZING things for Christ. But then, the priesthood seems to pull at me. I don’t think it would be right for me to continue the relationship without a garauntee that I will marry her. I don’t think it would be fair to her. At any rate, I’m still in college and can’t make any decisions untill I graduate. We’ve allready decided we want to get married, but this preisthood thing keeps popping up in the back of my mind. Oh well, I’m really not worried about it, I was just curious to see what you all think. After all, if I keep myself open to God’s will and in constant prayer I know that God will put me where he wants to be.
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Welcome to the club. I don’t have a girlfriend, but at times wish I did, and at times feel called to the priesthod. I notice that the closer I get to God, the stronger the priesthood call, the times I get worldly, and well sin, I get feelings of wanting marriage. get a good spiritual director, visit various order: I know a few Great ones: the fathers of Mercy, the Fraternity of Saint Peter, the Legionaries of Christ, and the Institute of the Incarnate word fathers: www.iveamerica.org
PRAY MUCH.
 
you need to learn more about the vocations of marriage and priesthood, and about yourself, your gifts, your personal calling, and about people (including women). you need to do it while praying, growing in the knowledge of the faith (and academically), and living chastely, which you will be required to do not matter what vocation you follow. Spend the next years doing this growing and learning, without which you will not be a good priest or a good husband.
 
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puzzleannie:
you need to learn more about the vocations of marriage and priesthood, and about yourself, your gifts, your personal calling, and about people (including women). you need to do it while praying, growing in the knowledge of the faith (and academically), and living chastely, which you will be required to do not matter what vocation you follow. Spend the next years doing this growing and learning, without which you will not be a good priest or a good husband.
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This is super advice. Take the time now to invest in you and to discern God’s will for your life. Both of these are huge decisions and you are young. If this woman is God’s choice for you , then she will wait and grow with you.
I wish that I had listened to God’s choice for me at your age. You sound like you have a solid, sensible head on your shoulders. So wait and listen to God
 
hey jackpuffin! i think its great that you have found such a love for God and for this girlfriend as well. I assume that both are lucky to have you. I am not Catholic, so I probably have no business replying to your message, but I will do so anyway…cant a person be a priest AND be married? I thought it worked something like this…a man who is married first can become a priest, but a man who is a priest first can not get married. Being on the outside looking in, it seems that the Catholic church is having trouble finding new young priests, as with lots of other religions. I would think that even if the rules do not permit you to be married, they would have some sort of career that would fit your desires of wanting to share your faith AND have a family. After all, arent those two major notes of the Catholic faith? Spreading the faith and raising good Catholic families. oh, I almost forgot. you didnt mention if you have been open with your girlfriend about all of this. if not, you definately need to be. Please keep her up to date with all of these feelings your having. She’ll respect you for it, no matter how things end up. I agree with the previous posts, keep praying about it and seek help from others within your religion. I will pray about it as well.
 
I have said it before but it bears saying again, the want of being a priest, while part of vocational discernment, is not the end all and be all of that discernment.

If you were discerning a call to the priesthood then you should never have started dateing, I know that is a tough thing to hear as it is to say but someone who is discerning a call to religious life (of any kind) is not really free to start dating. It is unfair to the person you are dating as well as to yourself.

First off, find your self a spiritual director. This is one of the most important things in discernment.

Second, maybe this dating is proof that you are not really called to be a priest.

Sorry if this sounds cruel, that was not intended, but sometimes we must be blunt.
 
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ByzCath:
I have said it before but it bears saying again, the want of being a priest, while part of vocational discernment, is not the end all and be all of that discernment.

If you were discerning a call to the priesthood then you should never have started dateing, I know that is a tough thing to hear as it is to say but someone who is discerning a call to religious life (of any kind) is not really free to start dating. It is unfair to the person you are dating as well as to yourself.

First off, find your self a spiritual director. This is one of the most important things in discernment.

Second, maybe this dating is proof that you are not really called to be a priest.

Sorry if this sounds cruel, that was not intended, but sometimes we must be blunt.
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Actually I disagree: PURE dating in a chaste way is actually good for discernment. Of course, once one gets accepted in a novitaite program etc, then one MUST stop all dating, and end all relationships… However, lets be clear: nothing sinful in dating a nice, decent God loving woman, and still feel God may be calling you to be a priest.
 
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ByzCath:
I have said it before but it bears saying again, the want of being a priest, while part of vocational discernment, is not the end all and be all of that discernment.

If you were discerning a call to the priesthood then you should never have started dateing, I know that is a tough thing to hear as it is to say but someone who is discerning a call to religious life (of any kind) is not really free to start dating. It is unfair to the person you are dating as well as to yourself.

First off, find your self a spiritual director. This is one of the most important things in discernment.

Second, maybe this dating is proof that you are not really called to be a priest.

Sorry if this sounds cruel, that was not intended, but sometimes we must be blunt.
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My brothers friend applied to a seminary to become a priest and was turned down because he doesn’t have any dating experience in his life… They wanted him to do that first, and then come back and see them…

Also, I have a friend who was quite the flirt in high school who is now on his way to becoming a priest…

Last, there is this lady, I can’t remember her name… But, she was a beautiful actress in Hollywood back in the 40s… She was dating the love of her life at the time and felt a strong calling to become a nun… She did, and with the heartfilled blessing of her fiance. They are still friends and he actually never got married himself.
 
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misericordie:
Actually I disagree: PURE dating in a chaste way is actually good for discernment. Of course, once one gets accepted in a novitaite program etc, then one MUST stop all dating, and end all relationships…
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Dating, even in a chaste way, is to lead to marriage. If you enter into a relationship while discerning a vocation to religious life then you are lieing to the other person in the relationship.

That is not a good thing.

You are also throwing up unnecessary road blocks to the discernment process.

If you are discerning a vocation to the religious life you have no business dateing.
However, lets be clear: nothing sinful in dating a nice, decent God loving woman, and still feel God may be calling you to be a priest.
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Except for the fact that you have no intention of a long term relationship or marriage with this woman.

Women are not there for us to use and experiment and test our vocation on.

Sorry but I have to disagree with you on this whole heartly.

I have had this discussion with my spiritual director and with a couple of different vocation directors and priests. Dateing should not be done while discerning a vocation to the religious life.
 
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AmyS:
My brothers friend applied to a seminary to become a priest and was turned down because he doesn’t have any dating experience in his life… They wanted him to do that first, and then come back and see them…
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Well now, I think this seminary has got it wrong and anyways, one does not apply to a seminary. They apply to a bishop or religious order.

Dateing while discerning a vocation is 1) dishonest to the other party in the relationship and 2) dangerous to the discernment process.
Also, I have a friend who was quite the flirt in high school who is now on his way to becoming a priest…
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Nothing wrong with that, I bet he was this way before he decided to go this way.

While actively discerning a vocation one should not be dating.
Last, there is this lady, I can’t remember her name… But, she was a beautiful actress in Hollywood back in the 40s… She was dating the love of her life at the time and felt a strong calling to become a nun… She did, and with the heartfilled blessing of her fiance. They are still friends and he actually never got married himself.
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Anecdotal. Just becuase of this one case does not mean that every one should follow it.

jackpuffin needs to be honest with his girlfriend and tell her about this. He needs to share with her that he will need to stop dating her, sooner rather than later, to discern this.

He needs to be honest with her so she can move on with her life and her prospects for marriage if that is her calling.
 
Could you maybe, just maybe being called to be a Deacon? Our parish has a FANTASTIC Deacon with a loving and terrific wife.

Maybe God IS calling you to the religious life, but as a Deacon instead of a Priest.

Just my 2 cents worth.
 
Easy, just tell her that you think she is really neat, but have decided to live the rest of your life in celebacy.
 
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AmyS:
My brothers friend applied to a seminary to become a priest and was turned down because he doesn’t have any dating experience in his life… They wanted him to do that first, and then come back and see them…

Also, I have a friend who was quite the flirt in high school who is now on his way to becoming a priest…

Last, there is this lady, I can’t remember her name… But, she was a beautiful actress in Hollywood back in the 40s… She was dating the love of her life at the time and felt a strong calling to become a nun… She did, and with the heartfilled blessing of her fiance. They are still friends and he actually never got married himself.
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I believe you are referring to Dolores Hart. She was the first woman to kiss Elvis Presley on screen. She is now the Prioress of the Abbey of Regina Laudes in Bethlehem, CT. (I’m discerning a vocation to be a nun and that abbey is under consideration)

abbeyofreginalaudis.com/sitelive/index.htm
 
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ByzCath:
Well now, I think this seminary has got it wrong and anyways, one does not apply to a seminary. They apply to a bishop or religious order.
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I am sure I got it wrong… It was probably a religious order, please excuse my ignorance.

I am just pointing out that the priesthood might be the way to go, if a calling is that strong there is a reason for it. I see your point of view definitely.
 
Here is a great resource for those discerning a vocation to the religious life.

It is run by the Legion of Christ but it is set up for general vocational type stuff, not just for their orders.

vocation.com/

and here is the section specifically for dating and discerning.

vocation.com/content-n97.htm
 
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mkw:
Could you maybe, just maybe being called to be a Deacon? Our parish has a FANTASTIC Deacon with a loving and terrific wife.

Maybe God IS calling you to the religious life, but as a Deacon instead of a Priest.

Just my 2 cents worth.
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It could be that this may be what God is calling you to in the future. My husband attended a high school seminary for a time but left because he felt attracted to the idea of being married and having a family at some point. Many of the deacons who were in his class had similar experiences, some even went to major seminary for a while. At the time that they were growing up there was no permanent diaconate and so they felt that their calling was to the priesthood. Thankfully, the permanent diaconate has been restored and men who feel a call to serve God but yet feel a call to marriage have a way that they can be faithful to both of these calls. Just a thought.
🙂
 
After rereading the opening post I see that this is more than just a dating issue.
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jackpuffin:
At any rate, I’m still in college and can’t make any decisions untill I graduate. We’ve allready decided we want to get married,
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One misconception here, you do not have to wait until you finish college.

The seminary entrance requriements are changing next year from 18 credit hours of philosophy to 30. There are also many college seminary programs you could get involved in.

As for the second part. If you have already decided to get married then you are not called to the priesthood.

You could consider the diaconate, but most programs require you to have a Masters degree, be over 32 years old, and to have been married a minimum of 5 years before they will let you start.
 
Just decide whom you love most, God or your girlfriend.

Someone advised looking into being a Deacon - well don’t do that before you marry - married men can become deacons but single Deacons or widowed deacons may not marry.
 
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