Want to go travelling but GF can't

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Chief87

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Hi All,

I know this is not necessarily a family matter or specific to the catholic faith but the advice on this forum is always helpful so hopefully this is ok to be asked here :).

Anyway…long story short my GF has a kid (not mine) and lives at home with her folks and works part time. We are both 27 and I am self employed and working in my home town. I find working in my hometown depressing as 90% of my friends live abroad either for work or experience and I kind of feel like I am just sitting here wasting my life (even though I am working). This is really starting to eat away at me as I growing up I always thought there is no way I will end up working here…not that it’s a bad place but like it’s a small town and there’s so much more out there.

So my friend is moving to Boston for the summer and has free accommodation and has invited me to go over for a few weeks which I would love. I brought this up with my gf and she was not impressed and didn’t really hear me out.

As well as this I have been thinking of travelling south east asia as it is cheap and I hear it’s amazing. Again my Gf could not really do this as she has her kid. She could probably do it for a few weeks but then have to go home.

So I am not really sure what to do? I love her but feel trapped and if I stay in this town working I think I am not going to be happy and wasting my 20’s sitting here instead of getting out and seeing the world.

Anyway, that’s the long story short lol. Thanks for reading and hopefully you guys can tell me what you think!

Cheers.
 
Since you are self employed, you may look to see what you can do in a larger town/city. Would you be able to find adequate work? If so, and if you can afford to do so, move. Or maybe just take a vacation to that place and see what else it has to offer. If your GF resists the idea of moving, and you decide to make the move, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. God may be calling you onto the next part of your life. See, each life comes in parts. At least, it appears to. When one part is finished, it’s time to move on. It may be your time to move on. I’ve gone through several changes in my life, and I’ll admit that I’m still swirling with the last one. It won’t necessarily be an easy decision, but I doubt you’ll regret it if you make the best choice. 👍
 
Thanks Christy! I guess I just don’t know what the best choice is! I could move up the road to the capital but I think I just want to try a different country for a while to be honest. I have prayed for guidance but don’t have loads of faith as I have prayed for guidance many times before but not ended up in the best of situations!
 
As long as “GF” is not “wife”, it would be a mistake to wrap your life around her. What if you pass up these journeys you want to make, and she finds someone new anyhow?

If a relationship is solid, it should survive you leaving town temporarily. If staying in town because of her is going to be an issue of regret, maybe the relationship is not the right one for you.

ICXC NIKA
 
I don’t understand why you think you have to travel with your girlfriend. Go see your friends and do your traveling by yourself.

Sounds like you are not ready to settle down, and perhaps you and she have some bigger life goal and compatibility issues.
 
I also don’t understand why you can’t go on two trips without your girlfriend.
 
Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut and taking the time to reply :).

This is why I love this forum!

Ya I am not sure either…I don’t think she understands that some people have an urge to travel and see parts of the world because she doesn’t. In any case it is difficult and I don’t want to leave her but for my own sake think I might at least go see my friends in boston for a few weeks and that might give me a taste of what it would be like? We have had our ups and downs as a couple but are getting on really well the last while and I guess I am afraid to screw it up.
 
If I were you, I would just go on the trips on my own and see how it goes. If you really enjoy yourself and want to keep traveling, you and your girlfriend will have to talk about how that will impact your relationship going forward, but I can’t understand what the big deal is about going on a couple of trips without her. If she cannot be without you for a period of time, and you are not even engaged, I think that’s a big problem.
 
Lorelei12 said:
If I were you, I would just go on the trips on my own and see how it goes. If you really enjoy yourself and want to keep traveling, you and your girlfriend will have to talk about how that will impact your relationship going forward, but I can’t understand what the big deal is about going on a couple of trips without her. If she cannot be without you for a period of time, and you are not even engaged, I think that’s a big problem.
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👍

Go and travel now. You are not tied down to a wife and children. Go. I know a few people who have gone to different continents, used their talents to help out and work, and one fellow stayed in Japan and got married and is raising his family there. I think the life experience of travel and experiencing different places and peoples will make you a better life partner and father some time down the road. Good luck.
 
Thanks again for the replies.

I think you guys are right and obviously she would have her side to the story but ultimately I think I do need to get away for a while.

I think it may be a trust issue although I have never given her a reason not to trust me so that is unfair.
 
Going alone could be a morally superior choice to begin with. If she was your wife that would be a totally different thing… but going on trips alone with your girlfriend could possibly lend itself to many occasions of sin, or, if nothing else, setting a bad example for other young couples. There is a certain intimacy to traveling alone with a person of the opposite sex, as well. If you could, I would save that for when you have a wife.
Also, what happens if you don’t marry this girl… if your relationship ends? You will have missed out on these opportunities? I would go. Now, if you really see a future with this girl and would really like to marry her, then I don’t know if you would really want to spend many months away from her, but that is just me. No need to rush anything, if you are not in that spot, then yeah, I would go.
 
Granted, she is in a place where she has settled down and raising a child. You aren’t there yet and it’s not your responsibility. I would hope she would be more encouraging of your wish to travel when you have the chance. It would be generous of her to do so.

There will be a day when you have kids and a dog, a mortgage and car payments, and you’ll be glad you travelled when you had the chance.
 
You reminded me of years back I travelled with some girl friends to a warm climate and we had a lovely time. The following year my boyfriend wanted to do the same trip and he asked me to go with him. I thought hard about it, and had people praying the rosary for me, and I told him that it was a wonderful idea, but I would like to take that trip with my husband, not my boyfriend. He went without me and had a great time. Well didn’t that relationship fall apart later, and I was happy I didn’t go ‘on a honeymoon’ trip with him. Saved myself a lot of grief and a great trip would have become painful memories instead.

Today it’s expected that boyfriend and girlfriend travel together, go on the pill, be intimate. This is not God’s plan for an honorable courtship and marriage. As your girlfriend knows, having a baby and being abandoned is a heart breaking life lesson. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and God’s plan is full of love and wisdom for us to follow. Please honor God in your dating life and don’t be tempted to live like the world does. Walk in God’s blessing!
 
I guess I will raise the issue again and see how it goes.

I do see a future with her but not sure if I can give up all my dreams at this stage in my life. If I had already done the travelling thing and got it out of my system then happy days but I haven’t and feel like it will be niggling me forever if I don’t do it.

Thanks for all the replies. I will keep this thread updated in case anyone cares lol.
 
Chief87:
I’m going to back up a little bit:
I think there is a lot of pressure on “young kids” these days to treat their GF / BF relationships as if they were trial marriages or common-law marriages, even though these relationships may last only a year or two. Nowadays, with everybody always texting, always facebooking, casually sleeping together, I think young people feel tied to each other too much - - which I think might be the case here. Maybe this is the time to just examine the relationship, and see if you are in deeper than you maybe want to be. If she has these expectations (that you won’t visit a friend in the summer without her, you can only take trips with her permission), then you might want to mull it over this summer.
After all, “it you love something, set it free…” and all that.
By the way - - Boston is a super awesome city. My favorite city in this great nation. I would totally go!!!
 
27lw said:
Chief87:
I’m going to back up a little bit:
I think there is a lot of pressure on “young kids” these days to treat their GF / BF relationships as if they were trial marriages or common-law marriages, even though these relationships may last only a year or two. Nowadays, with everybody always texting, always facebooking, casually sleeping together, I think young people feel tied to each other too much - - which I think might be the case here. Maybe this is the time to just examine the relationship, and see if you are in deeper than you maybe want to be. If she has these expectations (that you won’t visit a friend in the summer without her, you can only take trips with her permission), then you might want to mull it over this summer.
After all, “it you love something, set it free…” and all that.
By the way - - Boston is a super awesome city. My favorite city in this great nation. I would totally go!!!
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Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut and I agree with you on everything you said.

I stayed for a few months in Boston in 09 and loved it and I think having free acc. is a great opportunity to even go over for a few weeks and relive some good memories there! Also was in Hyannis for a while down the Cape and had a great time. I just love the US to be honest…and any chance I can I love to get over :).
 
Chief87 said:
I guess I will raise the issue again and see how it goes.

I do see a future with her but not sure if I can give up all my dreams at this stage in my life. If I had already done the travelling thing and got it out of my system then happy days but I haven’t and feel like it will be niggling me forever if I don’t do it.

Thanks for all the replies. I will keep this thread updated in case anyone cares lol.
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All the more reason to go now.

ICXC NIKA
 
To ahead and do your wandering. The urge will not go away and you might regret it later in life.
But make sure you both have the technology for her to “go with” you. (I’m thinking something like each of you having an iPhone or iPad for face time, for the emailing of photos and videos etc.)
Make your travels about taking her with you through pictures and videos as you go. It’s a lot of fun choosing where and how to travel if you are taking a virtual companion. It makes you more aware of your own travels and you remember them better. Choosing to travel to places she might enjoy as well as you, writing to her about the experience and what you learned, thought about it every evening, sending her photos on the spot…

I did that with my son when I spent a month in France. He really liked it and I was able to share the experience with him.
 
Maybe you love her but your desires to travel and go places doesn’t seem to match her desires and even needs with a child to take care of. If you have opportunity to go, I would do it and not worry about if she wants to or can with a child. Maybe you need to rethink the future with her here. Likewise traveling together seems like an occasion to sin which is another concern here. You are going to have to realize that the importance of dating before marriage is to find out about major issues like this where one partner want to do something and the other is against it. When major conflicts do arise, you need to be willing to let go and move on for the both of you.
 
Thanks for everyones (name removed by moderator)ut again.

I will try bring it up with her again. I wouldn’t want us to break up over it or anything :(.

I can’t see her saying “don’t go or were finished” or anyhting like that but just afriad that she will resent me for it and do something stupid.
 
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