Want to go travelling but GF can't

[Xantippe]

chief87 said:

“So my friend is moving to Boston for the summer and has free accommodation and has invited me to go over for a few weeks which I would love. I brought this up with my gf and she was not impressed and didn’t really hear me out.”

Go to Boston–have a good time.

“As well as this I have been thinking of travelling south east asia as it is cheap and I hear it’s amazing. Again my Gf could not really do this as she has her kid. She could probably do it for a few weeks but then have to go home.”

A “few weeks” is a very long time for a parent to be away from a child, particularly a single parent.

“So I am not really sure what to do? I love her but feel trapped and if I stay in this town working I think I am not going to be happy and wasting my 20’s sitting here instead of getting out and seeing the world.”

You and your girlfriend are the same age, but are at very different places in your lives. Also, it doesn’t really sound like she understands what makes you tick.

“I can’t see her saying “don’t go or were finished” or anyhting like that but just afriad that she will resent me for it and do something stupid.”

That doesn’t sound great.

Do you trust her? Does she trust you?

 

[otjm]

Thanks again for the replies.

I think you guys are right and obviously she would have her side to the story but ultimately I think I do need to get away for a while.

I think it may be a trust issue although I have never given her a reason not to trust me so that is unfair.

It seems to me what I am hearing is that you have a girlfriend with a child; and if I understand correctly, her parents/family/support group are in the small town? And she is not happy with you traveling to Boston, or to Asia or Europe or wherever.

That sounds like she has been hearing from you that you are not committed to staying in a small town, in fact feel a bit down about it, feel that life is passing you by, that your friends are doing exotic things in exotic places.

Your desire to travel, to explore, and even to consider the possibility that you might want to live somewhere else and work somewhere else is not wrong in any way.

However, she may have no desire whatsoever to do likewise.

And what I suspect, around the edges of this, is that if you married her and stayed put, there would be at the minimum a longing for what could have been, if not a resentment that you had to give all that up for her.

Time to travel, You need to determine where you need to be. And if that works out with her, fine, and if it doesn’t, better than marrying , staying there and being resentful, or marrying, moving somewhere else and she is resentful.

Get this out of your system. Travel. See what you really need to see. The rest will most likely sort itself out, and at this point, you have no idea how. But at this point, you have the ability to sort it out. Later, not so much.

 

[otjm]

Thanks for everyone’s (name removed by moderator)ut again.

I will try bring it up with her again. I wouldn’t want us to break up over it or anything .

I can’t see her saying “don’t go or were finished” or anything like that but just afraid that she will resent me for it and do something stupid.

Better to find out now than later.

 

[traillius]

sounds tough. My wife and I can’t travel mostly because of her health issues.

 

[Christy_Beth]

lol I’ve lived in several states myself. Each one unique on it’s own. I also “visited” Germany (when it was still divided) thanks to Uncle Sam. I’d love to go back to Germany, but doubt I’ll ever be able to do it on my own.

My older brother lost 80% of his sight. So, he traveled some just to see what’s out there so he could see some of the world while he could still see a bit. He mostly stuck to countries where the cost of living is very low. And I doubt he scrimped and saved while away. So, go where ever you feel called to go. You may never have a chance like this again.