Want to return to Catholicism but have Lutheran family

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jcollinsdenton

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I want to return to the Catholic church although I have been married into a Lutheran family for 20 years. My soul has a longing to return to Catholicism but I’m afraid I will never be able to fully experience the sacraments again. I was married at 18 and lived through an abusive and adulterous marriage for five years. I married a Catholic man, but we eloped because my parents did not like him (which is now evident why). A year later, we remarried in the Catholic church upon my parent’s persistence. (the priest fervently told me and my parents at the time that we should not be married in the church–it was evident to him that we had serious issues, yet because of my parent’s “position in the church and small community” the priest relented and married us in a full town celebration). I divorced after learning of my husband’s affairs of two years and that he had a child on the way with his mistress. I lived in sin for 8 years afterward and finally met a truly honest, “family-man.” Lucky me, he was from a long pedigree of Lutheran preachers, so I took the easy route and decided against annulment (not needed to be Lutheran!) and have been married to him for 20 years. We have a 12 year old son together. Being Lutheran all these years has made me yearn to be Catholic all these years. I question the why’s of Lutheranism probably more than Lutherans question Catholicism. I have never felt completely at home. When I bring up the idea of getting an annulment now, my Lutheran family respectfully laughs. What should I do?
 
jcollinsdenton said:
I want to return to the Catholic church although I have been married into a Lutheran family for 20 years. My soul has a longing to return to Catholicism but I’m afraid I will never be able to fully experience the sacraments again. I was married at 18 and lived through an abusive and adulterous marriage for five years. I married a Catholic man, but we eloped because my parents did not like him (which is now evident why). A year later, we remarried in the Catholic church upon my parent’s persistence. (the priest fervently told me and my parents at the time that we should not be married in the church–it was evident to him that we had serious issues, yet because of my parent’s “position in the church and small community” the priest relented and married us in a full town celebration). I divorced after learning of my husband’s affairs of two years and that he had a child on the way with his mistress. I lived in sin for 8 years afterward and finally met a truly honest, “family-man.” Lucky me, he was from a long pedigree of Lutheran preachers, so I took the easy route and decided against annulment (not needed to be Lutheran!) and have been married to him for 20 years. We have a 12 year old son together. Being Lutheran all these years has made me yearn to be Catholic all these years. I question the why’s of Lutheranism probably more than Lutherans question Catholicism. I have never felt completely at home. When I bring up the idea of getting an annulment now, my Lutheran family respectfully laughs. What should I do?
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The first thing you should do is have a visit with your local priest. He can counsel you some and then give you information for contacting your local marriage tribunal for information needed about annulment(s) etc. Though your family is not supportive of your choice to possibly return to the RCC, you can still do it. Be sure to ask the marriage tribunal about something that is called “Radical Sanation”. You CAN return to the RCC in full communion even if your family is not supportive.
Good Luck -
Annie
 
It sounds to me that a decree of nullity would be very likely in your situation. I’m not a canon lawyer, just have lived long enough to get the drift of things.:rolleyes: Then you can easily regularize your current marital situation w/out any fuss. I think the radical sanation is correct. Go check it out with your diocese or a good priest. The Lutheran family probably knows that Catholics very often get homesick.
 
jcollinsdenton
Sounds to me as though you have received good advice I have nothing to add except my prayers for you. You may suffer persecution for your choice but know that you are not alone
many others who have decided to come home have and most times it fades with time.
My heart is in my throat as I write this to you longing to help you I will put you on our family prayer list.

Keep the faith
jim
 
Annie_B said:
The first thing you should do is have a visit with your local priest. He can counsel you some and then give you information for contacting your local marriage tribunal for information needed about annulment(s) etc. Though your family is not supportive of your choice to possibly return to the RCC, you can still do it. Be sure to ask the marriage tribunal about something that is called “Radical Sanation”. You CAN return to the RCC in full communion even if your family is not supportive.
Good Luck -
Annie
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I second the above post. I would also add praying the Rosary and doing some Eucharist Adoration, if you can. Mary is a wonderful intercessor. If you don’t feel you can pray the Rosary, try the Adoration. Spending time in the presence of our Lord in the Eucharist can help provide you with the graces and patience you will need as you travel this road.

I will add you to my prayer list!
 
To bring all this up 20 years in? It’ll be interesting Is he ELCA or Missouri Synod?
 
Welcome Home! Your Lutheran family would not really have much involvement with your annulment process; I would go ahead and persue it. Hopefully, you will have the support of your husband.
 
Thank you for your replies and your words of encouragement to seek the annulment. Jim, when I read your post tears filled my eyes…compassion is the heart of Christ. Thank you for prayers. For my Lutheran friend that posted, yes, we are ELCA members. Thank you Annie B. for your suggestions. Yes, I do pray the rosary and have been to the Adoration Chapel. I often go to my local Catholic Church Mass although I have not made an attempt to talk to anyone about this. (We are in a new city).
 
My husband doesn’t see the need to get the annulment…sees it as legalistic. He will be supportive but would like for me to continue going to the Lutheran Church because of our 12 year old son. That has been the main reason, at least the last 12 years I haven’t done anything about the annulment. He knows I visit the Catholic Church, sometimes going to church twice on Sundays. He doesn’t think there is any harm in that. He knows I cannot take part of the Eucharist in the CC. Thinks that is dumb because he doesn’t believe in transubstantiation (spelling?) only that Jesus meant it to be a symbol of remembrance. Let me clarify that I have not sought out attending the Catholic Church until these last few years. I have great regrets for not bringing our son up in the Catholic tradition.
 
Go see the priest in your local catholic parish. He will guide you throught the nullity process-- which your current husband will not have any part of.

Once that is taken care of, work towards convalidating your marriage or radical sanation.

One step at a time. Just put one foot in front of the other and soon you will be where your heart desires: home in the Catholic Church.

Honestly, I cannot imagine a husband ridiculing or trying to hinder his wife from pursuing reconciliation with her church when he knows how much pain the separation is causing her. I’m sorry that you are going through this. I hope he will be more supportive when he sees you are serious.

You can still attend Lutheran services with your family, you would simply refrain from receiving communion in that church and would need to also attend Mass on Sundays (or anticipated Mass on Saturday evening) and Holy Days.
 
jcollinsdenton said:
My husband doesn’t see the need to get the annulment…sees it as legalistic. He will be supportive but would like for me to continue going to the Lutheran Church because of our 12 year old son. That has been the main reason, at least the last 12 years I haven’t done anything about the annulment. He knows I visit the Catholic Church, sometimes going to church twice on Sundays. He doesn’t think there is any harm in that. He knows I cannot take part of the Eucharist in the CC. Thinks that is dumb because he doesn’t believe in transubstantiation (spelling?) only that Jesus meant it to be a symbol of remembrance. Let me clarify that I have not sought out attending the Catholic Church until these last few years. I have great regrets for not bringing our son up in the Catholic tradition.
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jc thank you for your kind words.
I also have 2 grown children I never raised in the faith.😦 So I share in your troubles with this issue. Many have been brought up well in the faith and the world has overtaken them. But never lose faith God can pull them back he did me and I was once the most horrible person (it shames me to even think about it).I was away from the Church for 33 yrs (A lifetime) Thankfully we have a loving, forgiving Father. Thank God that your son has the foundation he does have, even if it is only a start. We are all at different levels on our journey.
I pray my Faith might be a light to my children as well as others I meet along the way. I can only plant seeds God makes them grow.
You also can be the light to your family when they see the change Jesus can make in you when you are in full communion with Him.
I would also like to ask those reading this to Pray for Jc her family and my children. May they find the strength to follow the Lords call wherever it may lead them.
More prayers for you Jc.
Humbly yours,
jim
 
Welcome back to the ONE AND ONLY TRUE FOLD. The Catholic Church is founded by Jesus Christ.

Four things need to be done.
  1. Seek advice from your local Catholic parish priest and he can help you out with the annulment process. You must do that, because as far as the One and Holy Catholic Church is concerned, your previous marriage is still valid. You current marriage is not considered as valid.
  2. I presume that you were baptized as a Catholic. If that is so, then, really there aren’t any major obstacles which can prevent you from coming home to the Catholic Church. Again, seek advice from your local Catholic Church.
  3. You clear youself first. That is, firstly make sure your coming back to the Catholic Church is real. Kindly tell your husband the real reasons as to why you want to return to the Catholic Church. I hope he will understand and will let you re-join the fold.
  4. Bring your husband and son to the Catholic Church.
I’ll pray for you
 
Bless you in your struggles…Your story is much like mine. I too experienced a Catholic marriage disaster, divorce, remarriage a Lutheran, and after 30 years married to my Lutheran husband I yearned to return to my Catholic faith. I explained to my husband that I wanted to return to the Catholic Church, receive the sacraments once again, and have our marriage blessed in the Church. It did cause and still causes some difficult conversations between us and other family members, but I perservered and applied for an anullment and after a year and a half received it and got my current marriage blessed in the Church. It’s not easy but it is well worth it and wonderful to be home again. It has made me much stronger and more knowledgeable in my faith.

Susan

“Be vigilant, stay firm in the faith, be brave and strong”
 
It is so comforting to know that I am not alone in my life experience. Thank you Susan for your confirmation that this is not an impossible goal. I’m also so pleased to know you are even more faithful to the CC. Thank you for your prayers and to all those who have commented on this thread. I have gained much strength from your words.
Jeanette
 
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