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CRATUS
Guest
Is this a sin? I always try to do that replacement thing. When one relationship ends, I look for another. I do not think it is a literal sin, but I am beginning to think it is not the best option.
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W
wgw
Guest
I can’t see anything wrong with it if you are called to marriage and not monasticism. However perhaps you might talk to your priest about this and also help figure out why your relationships end. It might not be your fault at all; we live in a wicked world and many young men might dump you just to move on to, for reasons of promiscuity. Especially if you are following the teachings of our churches and saving yourself for marriage. I was in a situation years ago where I could have been unable to resist temptation to have sex with a girl, but God delivered me from it; at the time I was annoyed but now I am grateful, for had I acted on my instincts it would have disqualified me from the Orthodox priesthood.
This was before I became Orthodox and was a Methodist. The UMC theoretically teaches Biblical morality and still does in Africa and some parts of the U.S., but in a typical parish in California you wont hear it, just the usual crypto Gnostic silliness.
Now one other point should be made: I know the feeling of a broken heart, having been prevented from marrying my fiancée by a situation beyond our control involving her Islamic ex husband threatening to deny her joint custody of their son if we tied the knot. So I have experienced maximum loneliness. But the company of my parents (I have no siblings) was a great comfort. So in my experience, you can defeat loneliness through intense prayer (the Rosary or Jesus Prayer), fasting, and loving your family and seeking their companionship. Also, talk to your priest. Your bishop who rules the Church in your diocese or eparchy has entrusted him with the care of your soul, and a good priest can help you with this better than anyone on an Internet forum (except a priest of course or a bishop or monastic, but I don’t know if this site verifies clergy or not, so it’s always best to talk to your parish priest or one of his assistant priests).
Everything I said applies especially if you are under 18 with the additional counsel of doubling the time spent with your parents and seeking their advise. But I don’t mean to patronize if not. But my number one advise is do the Catholic thing and talk to your priest, and I say this as an Orthodox who has experienced a miracle through a sacrament administered by a Catholic priest (Orthodox can partake of the sacraments in emergencies from Catholic priests but sadly the reverse is not true). I have also experienced one from our own clergy, which is why I agree with the Pope and the Ecumenical Patriarch that our two churches should be reunited. But I digress. Talk to your priest, and pray. And don’t give up the search for a husband if you want to be married and have children, but pray and discuss with your priest about how to do it more effectively. You want to find one boyfriend that’s the right one and stay there, which is had in our evil secular Western culture.
This was before I became Orthodox and was a Methodist. The UMC theoretically teaches Biblical morality and still does in Africa and some parts of the U.S., but in a typical parish in California you wont hear it, just the usual crypto Gnostic silliness.
Now one other point should be made: I know the feeling of a broken heart, having been prevented from marrying my fiancée by a situation beyond our control involving her Islamic ex husband threatening to deny her joint custody of their son if we tied the knot. So I have experienced maximum loneliness. But the company of my parents (I have no siblings) was a great comfort. So in my experience, you can defeat loneliness through intense prayer (the Rosary or Jesus Prayer), fasting, and loving your family and seeking their companionship. Also, talk to your priest. Your bishop who rules the Church in your diocese or eparchy has entrusted him with the care of your soul, and a good priest can help you with this better than anyone on an Internet forum (except a priest of course or a bishop or monastic, but I don’t know if this site verifies clergy or not, so it’s always best to talk to your parish priest or one of his assistant priests).
Everything I said applies especially if you are under 18 with the additional counsel of doubling the time spent with your parents and seeking their advise. But I don’t mean to patronize if not. But my number one advise is do the Catholic thing and talk to your priest, and I say this as an Orthodox who has experienced a miracle through a sacrament administered by a Catholic priest (Orthodox can partake of the sacraments in emergencies from Catholic priests but sadly the reverse is not true). I have also experienced one from our own clergy, which is why I agree with the Pope and the Ecumenical Patriarch that our two churches should be reunited. But I digress. Talk to your priest, and pray. And don’t give up the search for a husband if you want to be married and have children, but pray and discuss with your priest about how to do it more effectively. You want to find one boyfriend that’s the right one and stay there, which is had in our evil secular Western culture.
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Windmill
Guest
I wouldn’t say it’s a sin, per se, but it is a symptom of an emptiness that you are clearly recognizing.
Everyone has a “God-shaped hole” in their soul that is aching to be filled. If we rely on human relationships to give our lives meaning and give us ultimate happiness, then we are trying to fill that hole with a mere human.
God ardently desires that you let Him fill that “God-shaped hole” first so that His love can transform you and then overflow into the relationships you have with people here on earth. Once you are full with God, you will know that a human relationship will never leave you feeling empty. You will always have God to make you complete. Human relationships are good and fulfill a certain need in our lives. We are social creatures. It’s great! But don’t let it become your source of security and identity. Otherwise you miss out on the primary relationship your meant to have: a relationship with Christ.
I’d take this opportunity to evaluate your spiritual life and see where you can surrender yourself more to Christ. You might be surprised with the results.
Everyone has a “God-shaped hole” in their soul that is aching to be filled. If we rely on human relationships to give our lives meaning and give us ultimate happiness, then we are trying to fill that hole with a mere human.
God ardently desires that you let Him fill that “God-shaped hole” first so that His love can transform you and then overflow into the relationships you have with people here on earth. Once you are full with God, you will know that a human relationship will never leave you feeling empty. You will always have God to make you complete. Human relationships are good and fulfill a certain need in our lives. We are social creatures. It’s great! But don’t let it become your source of security and identity. Otherwise you miss out on the primary relationship your meant to have: a relationship with Christ.
I’d take this opportunity to evaluate your spiritual life and see where you can surrender yourself more to Christ. You might be surprised with the results.
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Curundu
Guest
Sounds like you need a savior. 
Keep in mind that the loneliness we are allowed to feel is meant to first draw us close to God. With prayer and perseverance it is possible to experience God being with you so as to satisfy that loneliness.
Keep in mind that the loneliness we are allowed to feel is meant to first draw us close to God. With prayer and perseverance it is possible to experience God being with you so as to satisfy that loneliness.
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ClearWater
Guest
It is natural to want to share your life with someone, but it’s good to try to learn to be happy with, or without, a boyfriend. I was married twice, divorced twice. I used to think I needed a man in my life in order to be happy, but I will tell you that it’s actually possible to be happy without a man the same way it’s possible to be lonely while married.
In the meantime, try to be happy without a guy. Develop friendships with men AND women, do your hobbies. Don´t wait for a friend, or a guy, in order to do things. I have traveled, eaten out, gone to the movies, alone, and it’s taken me much longer to learn to be happy while doing things alone.
Learn how to be happy alone. Learn to love it. Seek out friends, and if something happens. If it doesn´t it doesn´t. Don´t wait for a man to complete you, or else you might wait a lifetime for something that may, or may not, come. Live your life. Volunteer. Have hobbies and interests…friends. Visit with family. Have a full, rich, life, either way.
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ClearWater
Guest
Join groups, take classes, with the objective of learning, having a purpose, making friends. Put friendship as your goal.
Otherwise, if you believe in your heart of hearts you need a man in order to be happy, you will probably be in for a HUGE disappointment when you’re married, find men want to go out do their own thing. Due to scheduling with work, interests, they may not be as available as you might like.
I knew a woman who married a doctor, said she basically never even saw him!
In my second marriage, I married, and within a couple of months, he retired his job at the university, went to work as a projectionist, for minimum wage, no benefits, worked nights. I worked, days, a Spanish interpreter. He would be at work when I was sleeping, and often, likewise.
Don´t pin all your hopes on a man, or it could, probably will, backfire.
I had my sister-in-law whose husband would go off, work in China for like 6 months at a time!
I had my students whose husbands would sometimes work in another state for months, because they couldn´t find work, locally.
Again…you don´t know what will happen.
My sister had it where her husband would take off, travel all over the world with his work, without her, most of the time.
If you learn how to be happy in your own company, you will be WAY ahead of the game, single or married. God bless you!
Otherwise, if you believe in your heart of hearts you need a man in order to be happy, you will probably be in for a HUGE disappointment when you’re married, find men want to go out do their own thing. Due to scheduling with work, interests, they may not be as available as you might like.
I knew a woman who married a doctor, said she basically never even saw him!
In my second marriage, I married, and within a couple of months, he retired his job at the university, went to work as a projectionist, for minimum wage, no benefits, worked nights. I worked, days, a Spanish interpreter. He would be at work when I was sleeping, and often, likewise.
Don´t pin all your hopes on a man, or it could, probably will, backfire.
I had my sister-in-law whose husband would go off, work in China for like 6 months at a time!
I had my students whose husbands would sometimes work in another state for months, because they couldn´t find work, locally.
Again…you don´t know what will happen.
My sister had it where her husband would take off, travel all over the world with his work, without her, most of the time.
If you learn how to be happy in your own company, you will be WAY ahead of the game, single or married. God bless you!
K
Kount_C
Guest
Nothing wrong with wanting a BF, and to not be alone. Especially if it leads to courtship and a nice family. But take some time to be with yourself and know yourself more instead of dating on the rebound.
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GEddie
Guest
It would not be a sin, IMNAAHO.
However, loneliness is a normal part of human life and it does not go away just because one is in a male/female relationship. If avoiding it is what drives you into a relationship, that in itself is a stress that could cause it to end.
Loneliness can at least in part be a “spiritual thing.” Seek counsel.
ICXC NIKA.
However, loneliness is a normal part of human life and it does not go away just because one is in a male/female relationship. If avoiding it is what drives you into a relationship, that in itself is a stress that could cause it to end.
Loneliness can at least in part be a “spiritual thing.” Seek counsel.
ICXC NIKA.
T
TK421
Guest
Whenever you want something, there is suppose to be a pain that accompanies it. If you’re drawn to marriage, there is going to be a pain from being single. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be a consuming pain, but it’s still going to be present in your life, and, if it is used properly, it is going to be a motivator that makes you take the necessary steps to enjoying married life. In this sense, not only is the pain not a sin, but it is a sanctifier. “Sanctify” means “to make holy”. Anything that makes you a better person is a sanctifier.
But, this motivator can also rush people to make immoral or at least imprudent decisions. It makes perfect sense to find a boyfriend if you want to eventually enjoy the life of a married woman, but, you must also not sell yourself short by dating somebody that you really shouldn’t be dating. You should instead continue to bear that sense of lose, so that it makes you stronger and wiser.
But, this motivator can also rush people to make immoral or at least imprudent decisions. It makes perfect sense to find a boyfriend if you want to eventually enjoy the life of a married woman, but, you must also not sell yourself short by dating somebody that you really shouldn’t be dating. You should instead continue to bear that sense of lose, so that it makes you stronger and wiser.
G
Giggly_Giraffe
Guest
Ahhh loneliness … A very deep topic indeed.
Have you noticed that God introduced loneliness BEFORE original sin was committed? Every thing God creates is good. God used Adams loneliness to enhance his love for Eve.
Jesus went into the desert alone and lonely for forty days to face the devil. He could have brought Apostles, Angels, But He went alone.
The Blessed Virgin Mother Mary had to witness the Passion of her child (whom she knew to be God) alone. Her spouse, St Joseph, we presume deceased leaving her alone during the Passion. The trend I see from the Bible is men experience the greatest power of loneliness before and women experience extreme loneliness after.
Then we can explore the great Saints. The Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta experienced the greatest loneliness DURING her marriage to Christ in what she described as the “dark Night”. I see so many Priests who walk the path of loneliness. We can see how the Mother Church put Padre Pio in a stay at home prison where he experience extreme lonliness and had to face the fallen angels like Jesus did alone.
Now, look into your soul and explore how lonliness can help you fight off the fallen angels who attack you and lead you away from God.
Have you noticed that God introduced loneliness BEFORE original sin was committed? Every thing God creates is good. God used Adams loneliness to enhance his love for Eve.
Jesus went into the desert alone and lonely for forty days to face the devil. He could have brought Apostles, Angels, But He went alone.
The Blessed Virgin Mother Mary had to witness the Passion of her child (whom she knew to be God) alone. Her spouse, St Joseph, we presume deceased leaving her alone during the Passion. The trend I see from the Bible is men experience the greatest power of loneliness before and women experience extreme loneliness after.
Then we can explore the great Saints. The Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta experienced the greatest loneliness DURING her marriage to Christ in what she described as the “dark Night”. I see so many Priests who walk the path of loneliness. We can see how the Mother Church put Padre Pio in a stay at home prison where he experience extreme lonliness and had to face the fallen angels like Jesus did alone.
Now, look into your soul and explore how lonliness can help you fight off the fallen angels who attack you and lead you away from God.
T
TarkanAttila
Guest
When you say “boyfriend”, I assume you mean something more than a friend who is a boy.
Fr. John Riccardo spoke of two sorts of friendship: one where two people look at each other. This he said was not an healthy friendship. Then there is a friendship where two, or many, are all looking in the same direction, at something else. And this, this is a healthy friendship, especially when the thing focused on is God, and Jesus, and the Holy Ghost.
Perhaps, instead of looking for a “boyfriend”, maybe finding a friend, or many friends, who all love God and want to enter a deeper relationship with Him, who love the Church and the Sacraments - maybe this is what you ought to seek out. And they don’t have to be the same age as you, the same class as you, or the same education as you. They can be much smarter.
I myself have the support of a local parish. We talk about things. I learn things from them. and we do talk about the faith, even getting into debates, and enjoy praying together, and even serving the Mass together. On top of that, I have a friend who is a girl, and we’ve talked about the sexual matters of Church teaching, and we enjoy each others’ company. These relationships don’t fix all my problems, and I’m still often lonely. But they are a consolation to me, and make life enjoyable and sufferable.
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pianistclare
Guest
Great advice. Hope she listens.
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7_Sorrows
Guest
Sometimes it helps to get to know yourself and learn to take care of yourself and find the direction you want in life.
Personally, I don’t think it is healthy to be going from one relationship to another. It is always nice to have male and female friends and when the time is right someone will be attracted to you.
Personally, I don’t think it is healthy to be going from one relationship to another. It is always nice to have male and female friends and when the time is right someone will be attracted to you.
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ChurchSoldier
Guest
Not a sin, but probably not going to work either. You are looking for an external solution to an internal problem.
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