Oh DEFINITELY marriage issues are private…
Is it wrong then to ask advice from married couples we trust? or to ask our spiritual director? I mean, I open up to God too…but can God’s wisdom come out of other people’s mouths as well?
Oh absolutely!!! I meant more of discussing disagreements with your spouse with other people in a way that leaves negative impressions of him with others… we don’t need to gossip or chit-chat and bad-mouth our spouse… that sort of thing.
I would never say anything critical about my wife or “vent” about her to a member of my family. There’s too much risk of them forming negative opinions of my wife based on hearing more negative than positive. That sort of stuff has a way of making things worse rather than better.
o), so it’s a lot easier for me to just not say anything.I am safe then! LOL I opened up to a close friend in the ministry…it helps for me when people close to us say that they will pray for us…
My mom did not pester me up front…just hits that “you should lose wieght if you want to have kids” things like that…then my brother comes up with “our parents are getting old, you should have kids” and ‘you should have more quality time together’.I dont want our marriage to fall apart thats why we agreed on putting our foundation in God not on our professions, not on money, not even on each other. We want to both stand on firm ground and build upwards.It is sad that people who have had kids, therefore knowing how long it takes, pester others about when and why they are not yet having any. Six months is still good. My MIL asked me after 3 and a half months
I have a thing with picking out people with good shoulders, but the problem is we have a lot of trust worthy and neutral people to talk to now…especially in the ministry we are involved in. So how do you pick it out without making it grow into gossip? by number of people you talk to? or who you talk to?I would never say anything critical about my wife or “vent” about her to a member of my family. There’s too much risk of them forming negative opinions of my wife based on hearing more negative than positive. That sort of stuff has a way of making things worse rather than better.
If you have a spiritual director or a trusted friend, that would be a better route to go to. But you still have to be careful not to establish a routine of regularly “bad-mouthing” your spouse. Your confidante should have a good head on their shoulders and be cognizant of the fact that you really do love your husband.
I’m a professional bottler, though
I think that is very wise. May God bless you both!
So they snuck across a boundary instead of pushing the fence over. They still crossed a boundary, as you can tell by the feeling of violation their remarks caused. “Mom, Bro, you should recognize that I am a grown woman and married and hold back on the unsolicited advice when I didn’t ask for it.”
Yes, but that good advice comes when you ask for it, and bites its tongue when you don’t ask. When you judge a source is not a great source for you, you quit asking…kind of like finding a doctor.
Certainly, you have to figure out what works best for you and your husband. I would keep the “circle of trust” as small as possible, though.
AMEN…thank you! We are still working on it…just really thankful that his parents know those boundaries having the oldest son married with children. I am praying to God for courage about this with my parents and family.
Exactly! And the hard part is, they don’t get it…i just hope eventually they will see that.
It is not easy to maintain a fence when your family doesn’t want you to have it, but we want you to know that the fence is not only something you deserve but something that it is in everyone’s interest for you to have. If you do not have it, your family will hurt you in ways they never intended to hurt you. If you do not have it, your ability to put each other first as spouses and to lead and protect your family as parents will be compromised. So even though some people may fight you on it, feel good about sticking firmly and lovingly to your guns about maintaining your boundaries. It is not easy, but you’re doing the right thing. If they don’t see it or agree with it, oh well. Let them have that on *their *plate to eat, not yours. That is the take-home message.
Well my mom kinda gets it…because there are time where in she will tell me that she had to butt in what my dad’s opinions by saying"you dont have the right to now, she’s an adult and married, let her decide". but there are times where she gives the guilt trip and ends the sentence with “well its up to you”. Not very helpful. at those times, i feel manipulated.
I don’t see that anyone answered your question. And, the person that originally posted my have had others in mind, but I know St. Therese of Lisieux’s parents, Sts. Louis and Marie Martin, lived as brother and sister for nearly a year after marriage.