Wanting to join the Church but

[EasterJoy]

Here is her description of a sociopath: http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/spath.htm
This might be far more helpful, though:
psychologytoday.com/articles/201305/how-spot-sociopath

I am NOT suggesting you diagnose your child’s father. I am telling you, though, that if he acts like this on the outside, it really does not matter if he is psychologically incapable of acting otherwise or if he is just like this out of a habit that could be changed. If he acts like this for you, he is probably not going to change for you. If you leave and he can change, he may change for the next relationship around. Do not stick around and naively expect that he will change for you or for your son. That is a very, very bad gamble.

As I noted above, however, my friend in your situation was not living with a sociopath. She was married to someone who thought civil marriage offered nothing to him or to his girlfriend, who had bought the silly “it’s just a piece of paper” mythology. When he realized he was wrong, he was quite willing to marry, and it has worked out very well for both of them. I am only cautioning you that just because your boyfriend is willing to marry you should not automatically conclude that it is the best for you or for your son. An ex-husband is forever. Don’t jump in until you feel that your guy is going to be a husband for the long haul, and not an ex or someone who will use the rights of marriage against you. If he wasn’t a good choice for a husband before you had a child, he doesn’t become a good choice just because you have one.

 

[Sugabee43]

I am in agreement with Easter Joy, although be careful of trying to diagnose your boyfriend as a sociopath, unless you are well-educated in the field of psychology. Some people have some or many of those attributes but are not necessarily an actual sociopath. Chances are your bf is just a selfish cad.

My two cents is that it sounds like said boyfriend is just too immature/selfish to want marriage, and that you’re better off striking out on your own with your son and living the authentic, holy, Catholic life that you know and realize you need to- for your sake and your son’s sake- both in this world and the next. You can approach your boyfriend with your desire to live a holy life, either as a chaste couple or a married Catholic couple, and see what he says; but my guess is he’ll balk and say no to both options.

As St. John Paul II said, “Be not afraid!!” If God is with you (and He will be, if you are trying to the BEST of YOUR ability to follow Him), nothing can be against you!! Even if you are in earthly poverty, your heavenly riches will be abundant because you are seeking Him in ALL things!!

Blessings to you!! Do the RIGHT thing for you and your son!

 

[EasterJoy]

I am in agreement with Easter Joy, although be careful of trying to diagnose your boyfriend as a sociopath, unless you are well-educated in the field of psychology. Some people have some or many of those attributes but are not necessarily an actual sociopath. Chances are your bf is just a selfish cad.

My two cents is that it sounds like said boyfriend is just too immature/selfish to want marriage, and that you’re better off striking out on your own with your son and living the authentic, holy, Catholic life that you know and realize you need to- for your sake and your son’s sake- both in this world and the next. You can approach your boyfriend with your desire to live a holy life, either as a chaste couple or a married Catholic couple, and see what he says; but my guess is he’ll balk and say no to both options.

As St. John Paul II said, “Be not afraid!!” If God is with you (and He will be, if you are trying to the BEST of YOUR ability to follow Him), nothing can be against you!! Even if you are in earthly poverty, your heavenly riches will be abundant because you are seeking Him in ALL things!!

Blessings to you!! Do the RIGHT thing for you and your son!

This is a very good point. We should absolutely NOT try to diagnose some else. Trying to play amateur psychiatrist is even more dangerous than trying to play physician.

No, the only question is whether the father of the OP’s child is exhibiting objectively manipulative behaviors in a habitual way. Does he form normal emotional attachments with other people? Does he do just enough with others to get by and keep enjoying the benefits of having social connections, or does he put himself out for others more than he looks for others to do things for him? Is he quiet about it when he helps others, doing it as a matter of course, or does he usually choose his service for others with an eye to whether it will net him applause or reciprocal appreciation? More to the point, does he have the desire to put himself out to take care of the OP, or is he primarily concerned with doing what is necessary to maintain the OP as his caretaker?

There are men in our time who are willing to fulfill the duties of marriage, including fidelity and a lifelong commitment, but who chafe at the expectation that they make their intentions public. It goes with a general attitude that “what I do is none of the government’s business, and not really our parent’s business, either.” These guys very often come around when they realize that marriage offers more substantial benefits to them and more support to their desire to take care of their children and the love of their life than anything else.