Wanting to marry a Baptist

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My girlfriend and I will be getting married this summer. She is a Baptist and I am taking RCIA classes and will be Catholic then. What would we have to do to have our marriage acceptable in the eyes of the church???
 
The simple answer is to be married in the Catholic Church and vow (and follow through) in raising your children in the Catholic Faith.

I suggest you talk to your priest about this, and he will offer you more detailed info about your situation.

May God Bless you and your soon-to-be-wife!

(this answer is assuming you both have never been married before)
 
Yes, we have never been married. My girlfriend is a very devout christian and is a great help to me with my spiritual life. We have talked about it and she doesnt want to convert. She loves her church and I respect that. As far as kids, we wanted them to experience both churches and decide for themselves.
 
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JohnTx:
As far as kids, we wanted them to experience both churches and decide for themselves.
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ahhhh - cringe.
 
I know. 🙂 Just kind of want to cross that bridge when we get there.
 
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JohnTx:
I know. 🙂 Just kind of want to cross that bridge when we get there.
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Oh. The Catholic Church is just another denomination. It doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you are a good person.

WHAT are you THINKING? Get the matter of the children decided right now. If your wife is a staunch Baptist, don’t believe for a minute that this will not tear your relationship to shreds when the time comes. Ah, the good old days when the non-Catholic spouse had to sign on the dotted line that the children would be raised Catholic.

Marriage counselors and divorce lawyers make millions on people like you.
 
ahhhh - cringe.
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Ditto.
Ever heard, “A house divided against itself shall not stand?”
Or “No man can serve two masters?”

Faith isn’t just an experience that we proffer to one another.
The Catholic faith isn’t “as good as” the Baptist faith, or vice versa.

ou’re heading right for the “indifferentism” or relativistic approach that really all religions have some truth in them, so it doesn’t much matter if you are Catholic and your wife Baptist, or which church your kids “pick”.

It matters.
If your children are baptized Catholic, and later “pick” something else, they’d be rejecting their Catholic faith, not “picking” another one. Big difference. And by that rejection, they’re risking, at the least, not having the fullest possible relationship with God. He will give them all graces they need, but without the Catholic faith it’s just going to be that much harder for them. That’s why, although I love my Protestant brothers and sisters (in my case, literally as my sister DID become Protestant in her 20s when she married an Episcopalian), I know from experience how much harder it is for them to have the full relationship with God that we can have as practicing faithful Catholics. After all, they mostly lack the Real Presence, confession and absolution, and unchanging truth. Individually speaking, they can be as devout (even more devout) than an individual Catholic, but collectively speaking, we who are practicing faithful Catholics enjoy a much deeper and fruitful relationship with our Loving Father.

You can respect her faith, as a fellow Christian she is as much a child of God as you are. But you can’t confuse “respect” or “tolerance” with unconditional acceptance as so many do today; otherwise, you might just as well become a Baptist yourself, because why bother being something different if you think Baptists are just as right in their faith?

I know it’s hard in these PC times to even think, let alone say, that one’s religion is “preferable” to another’s. Supposedly expressing a preference denigrates whatever isn’t picked. You know, “That’s discrimination!” Unjust discrimination is one thing; informed discrimination is another. I discriminate every day–informed, that is–by deciding what I choose to wear, eat, and do.

I recommend you read this from the Catechism, and pray a lot.

christusrex.org/www1/CDHN/matri.html#MARRIAGE
 
Tantum ergo:
Ditto.
Ever heard, “A house divided against itself shall not stand?”
Or “No man can serve two masters?”

Faith isn’t just an experience that we proffer to one another.
The Catholic faith isn’t “as good as” the Baptist faith, or vice versa.
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Well said by both you and Mercygate. I guess there is much cringing going on here.

May God guide you in this decision which is not to be taken lightly or with the “fly-by-the -seat-of -your- pants” approach, JohnTx.
 
I was where you were over 20 years ago. I am Catholic and my husband is baptist and we just celebrated our 20th in December. But my husband is extremely supportive of the faith …

It was easier for us because he wasn’t really into his faith. He found it later on … so there was no real strong foundation built.

I worry for you - because your fiance is ‘’’ from what i can tell ‘’’ staunch in her faith. All Baptists people I know are anti-catholic in some way or another … granted that doesn’t mean all baptists are … just the group we run into.

You need to speak with your priest and pray day and night. I would even have your fiance speak with the priest.

You are doing a brave thing coming into the church … and thank God you have been called.

But I fear for your situation … two strong people who have different beliefs are one thing … but you can’t bring children up in both religions.

Keep praying … and best wishes … pray pray pray … we should anyway, whom ever we are marrying … but mixed marriages start out on sandier ground!
 
Please read the following thread on this topic. It deals with the delusion of raising your children “both” specifically:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=6128

I am a product of this type of parenting style. What a terrible thing to do to your children.
My father is Catholic, and my mother is Reformed protestant. This has created a number of problems in our upbringing (me and my 2 brothers).
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This is NOT a fun experience as a child. Shuffling from one church to another- learning things in one church that isn’t spoken about in another… And though we kids all recieved the sacraments according to the Catholic faith- I had no idea what I was doing. My mother couldn’t participate- and was defensive about that. It created a larger wedge between her and the Catholic Church.
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When I had questions of faith, she would speak to me in a fundamentalist way, and my father as a Catholic. (If he spoke to us about religion at all- I suppose he eventually thought speaking about it was not worth the strife it would create.)
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There are a number of people I meet, when they hear my mixed religious upbringing who say “How wonderfull, you had a well rounded experience” That is hooey. To this day, I don’t know my own faith as well as I could have if I would have had focused learning as a child.
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I can remember one time in particular when I was at Mass, and the priest spoke of the gift of Mary as our heavenly mother. Scared me… I thought my ‘mom’ wasn’t really my mother. I had to talk to my Catholic gramma after Mass to clear it up. It was then that my dear gramma showed me the beauty of Mary and the rosary.
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It really bothered my mom after that, that I had all the ‘iconography’ in my room. She didn’t like it, and I’m a little ashamed to say, I didn’t know what a lot of the stuff was, but by that time, I could use it to be a typical hurtfull teenager to my mom. Bigger wedge.
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To this day, as I learn in the Faith, she and I do not have the ‘connection’ that many have with their mothers. I think a part of that has to do with our respective defense of our Faiths. It is sad, it is preventable.
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Your children deserve a solid foundation. You wouldn’t make other decisions about your marriage that could undermine their trust and faith in you. Why deliberately set this up for your family?
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JMHO, I will pray for your clarity in this matter.
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While the two of you could POTENTIALLY live together in a healthy marriage, it should be noted that the two faiths have a very different notion of what marriage is. Heck, the two faiths have a very different notion of what LIFE is all about. And what faith in Christ is all about…

The differences may seem subtle and inconsequential to a couple madly in love. But those differences mean the world. Some people may be thinking “But Baptists are united with us! Just imperfectly. It’s ok…” No, it really isn’t ok. Their baptism may be valid. They may have made a profession of faith. But there’s more to being a Christian than those things. You cannot enter fully into the Mystery of Matrimony when one party does not fully recognize or appreciate the profound depth of the union or the divine authority of the Church to bless such a union.

If you do not intend to raise your children in the Catholic faith, then you have already presented an impediment to marriage. You could lie about it to your priest, but that doesn’t take the impediment away. Tread with caution. The immortal souls of your wife, your children, and yourself are at stake.
 
Big mistake…not marrying the Baptist part, but “crossing that bridge” with the children later on…that could tear your marriage apart, especially if you truly believe in the Catholic faith.
 
:eek: Well, I sure didnt expect this response! I know several married couples who have been together 20+ years and they have a mixed marriage. I guess thats why the mix marriage wasnt a big deal for me. Thanks for your responses and I guess I have a lot of praying to do.
 
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JohnTx:
My girlfriend and I will be getting married this summer. She is a Baptist and I am taking RCIA classes and will be Catholic then. What would we have to do to have our marriage acceptable in the eyes of the church???
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Think about WHY you want to become a Catholic. Is it because you’ve seen that the Catholic Church has the fullness of Truth as revealed in Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition? If so, then you have a duty as a father to pass on that Truth to your Children. That is a duty that is mandated by God and by the Church you intend to join.

Also, consider the fundamental differences in theology between the Catholic Church and the Baptists. They believe that salvation is attained by faith alone, that all you need to do to get to Heaven is take Jesus into your heart as your personal Savior. Catholics reject that notion and believe the faith must be joined with good works for salvation. Baptists believe in the Bible alone and their own personal interpretation of it. Catholics believe in both Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition and that any interpretation of the Bible must be done by the Magesterium.

You are really opeining a can of worms here. If your kids are Catholic then they are prohibited from receiving communion outside the Church. That means that they will not experience the full religion of the mother. They also cannot fufill their Sunday obligation by going to a Baptist worship service instead of Mass. Are you going to put your child in a state of mortal sin because your wife wants your children to go to church with her?

And then there are the questions that will come up. What are you going to say to your son or daughter when they say, “Daddy I want to be saved! Can I go up to the altar and accept Jesus as my personal Savior?” What are you going to say when he or she says, “Mommy doesn’t believe in the Immaculate Conception of Mary. Why do I?”

Think about why you are becoming Catholic. It is a decision that will affect the rest of this life and the next. Being Catholic is not easy, and nor should it be. But, as I hoped you’ve discovered, it is the only way to go. Hopefully, your fiance will see that.
 
JohnTx said:
:eek: Well, I sure didnt expect this response! I know several married couples who have been together 20+ years and they have a mixed marriage. I guess thats why the mix marriage wasnt a big deal for me. Thanks for your responses and I guess I have a lot of praying to do.
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Praying is exactly what you should do. It is so hard to ask people their opinion … its hard to hear what they are saying.

I, in charity, want you to pray and maybe even go in front of our blessed Lord and just listen.

I am one of those couples who has been married for 20+ years … but my husband wasn’t strong in his faith … and even then it was difficult at times … dealing with the different faiths.

I shall pray for you … and please let us know how you are doing …

Peace,

Mgeising (20+ married to a Baptist – a wonderful loving man)
 
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MGEISING:
It is so hard to ask people their opinion … its hard to hear what they are saying.

It is hard to ask people of their opinion, but it is also a good time to self reflect. Whatever decision I make will be stronger because I will have had to pray and think about what you all have said.

I really feel that me and my fiance would be fine, but ya’ll bring up some great points about the children. That is gonna take some serious praying and just talking to others in the same situation.
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If you marry in a Catholic church, you MUST agree to raise your children Catholic. If you promise, and then do not do so, it is a defect of form and grounds for annulment.

This is serious stuff here.

Edited to add:

There are several people in my parish who are in “mixed marrriages.” At the very best, it’s lonely for them not to worship with their spouses, and at worst, they may end up going to neither church.
 
Hey John…click here:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=2181

Someone had a thread, similar to yours, and it will give you some more to ponder. I don’t think you realize the gravity of what’s involved. This couple seem’s to have more thought put into the future, and you can see for yourself the problems that may arise. Some very good suggestions made on that thread.
 
i married a staunch southern baptist in May of 1978… 🙂

i am still alive and married to a staunch southern baptist… :eek:

would i do it again… :bigyikes:



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